#avoidant!jason todd

he saw you.

he knew it was you.

he could never forget you.

even if you didn't dare look him in the eye that day, he'd never been more sure about anything else in his life other than that it was you.

it was you he saw that day, it was you he'd be on his mind, it was you who'd visit his dreams at night, a change of pace from his usual nightmares.

you'd never know that though,

he'd never let you know him like that.

you couldn't even look him in the eye.

you think maybe you should've, but you only think that way at night when the cool air and star-sparkling sky reminds you of when he'd come to you bruised, battered, and in need of your love.

you wonder if you ever even saw him during the day before you two crossed paths.

in the morning however, you hate him.

you hate how you don't know anything about him.

you hate how he actually is kind.

you hate how he actually is tender.

you hate how it's so hard for him.

you hate how he won't let you love him.

at night he gets confused and lost for a moment when he gets ready to go home.

because you were home.

he doesn't know where to go now that he can't come to you.

his body is accustomed to it, his mind prefers it; you.

what will he do without you?

he's no stranger to one night stands. you just happened to be a few nights longer, he tells himself. and that there are more nights to come, more people to spend them with.

he'll lay next to someone new every night but when he reaches out he expects you.

he can't help but be frustrated.

he never needed you, but he definitely never minded you.

you're glad though, that your sheets don't carry a faint scent of blood.

just a bit of salt from your tears, but that's fine because tonight you'll be drying them.

it's 12:51 and you're not thinking of him.

but some other night, when the stars are a bit brighter, and the breeze is as cold as his skin,

it'll be 12:51 again, and it'll be all him.

it's always gonna be all him.