#avigiro

The thing with Giroda becoming a Wish Master is that to me, the act of getting in a position of authority is not in itself a "happy ending". In fact, with all the abuse that he's suffered, I believe that suddenly having to flip a switch from a social reject to someone who's basically an elected dictator with immense responsibility for those who previously ostracized him is not very healthy. And that is not to say that he's not skilled enough to be a Wish Master or that he doesn't have good intentions.

It's also that to heal, you often need time to breathe, to feel safe. Is being a Wish Master safe? Whenever we interact with him, he seems to be always occupied with something, managing difficult international relationships, the Wishing Woods' PR, his citizens' careers and wellbeing, overhaul of several complex systems like the education or law enforcement.

But those who treated him harshly before, now were socially below him and didn't pose a danger to him anymore. So in a way, he definitely reached a safer place to be compared to what was before.

The effects of complex trauma often arise as a way to adapt oneself to negative situations and environments. It's quite common for abuse survivors' health to plummet when finally being in a safe space, as that "glue" holding the body together to survive a dangerous situation can finally fade away. It is said that the first months or even years of leaving an abusive situation are often the most difficult for the survivor.

And I don't think Giroda was spared this fate.

This boy was abused. What he needed was validation and a space that could help him heal his deepest wounds, express his negative emotions in a safe way and learn to cope and accept those that really care for him. He needed to internalize that he was no longer an outcast hiding in a tree trunk, that he didn't need to defend others or have a fancy title to have any worth.

When he became a Wish Master, was this space the one that would let him achieve all that?

During his ostracized times, that one thing that was the light guiding him forward - was his wish to become a knight.

Becoming a knight is a one-off action, a switch from one state of being to another. It feels measurable and easy to imagine, a dream of comfort and getting recognized conceived by an abused orphaned boy finding peace in the visions of the past. But protecting wishes and fairly guiding the Wishing Woods are an active and continuous struggle with no clear "end" - the dangers can appear anytime anywhere.

I believe that maybe not now, not even in the near future, but there will come a time when being a Wish Master would suffocate Giroda.

With all those smiling faces and apologies, are they nice to him because they value Giroda as a person? Are they really sorry for what they've done and really did not know better? Or are they nice because it's beneficial for them to be friendly to a Wish Master?

As someone who dreamed of adventures and grandiosity, would being confined for a long time in the Temple doing administrative tasks anything close to his dream? Did he REALLY want to be there?

I find it hard to believe he never had these thoughts. I find it hard to believe that he never felt guilty about these thoughts, after all, he was the Wish Master, the whole Wishing Woods relied on him, he had the responsibility to protect them.

And day after day, the protective layers that he built over the years start to shed. Even after many years he still flinches at sudden appearances of the Paladins. Sometimes in the middle of the night he age regresses on the Temple's floor, crying out for his parents, crying out for help, for someone to be there for him and take away all of this.

The Temple becomes nothing more than a new prison he's confined in, however in all aspects worse than the cave - it's a prison he feels morally obligated to never leave.

And in the middle of that, his body desperately starts searching for a lifebelt. He asks himself, why did it all happen? What is the cause for all of this?

He doesn't need to think long about the answer:

Chigda.

He was the one who branded his grandfather as a traitor. He was the one who projected this lie onto his descendants, as if they were guilty of their ancestor's sins. He was the reason that Liroda and Yalobo were dead and Giroda never knew parental love. And he was the one who cowardly tried to escape death and merged with the Desperate Vines, abandoning any care for the society's wellbeing. He was the reason Giroda had to work so hard to fix his mistakes.

Without a chance to properly heal, his mind goes for the easiest perceived solution to his emotional turmoil. And so, a new goal becomes clear in Giroda's mind: to find peace he must completely destroy Chigda's legacy.

For years onwards, as Chigda was remembered as nothing more than a tyrant of the past and a cautionary tale of turning their backs against their god, any influence that Chigda once held gradually faded. The relationship with the Pieceys improved, the Wishcraft Lab and the Wish Inspection Center had enough energy, the Sprites were well-read and eager to engage with the outside world.

But there was one thing, that one tiny little dirty spot on Giroda's flawless project, one... person. Someone the closest to Chigda, who helped him carry out his schemes and hold up his authority.

It was Avicinda.

Giroda has always expressed a dislike towards Avicinda, he could sense that the Paladin Captain disdained him. But deep inside, he couldn't help but admire him a little. He developed a secret crush on him, not really understanding his feelings - shouldn't he have despised him for what he's done?

And it all comes back later, when Chigda is out of the picture. Giroda regards Chigda as the source of evil that needs to be eliminated. And so, after some time, he starts seeing Avicinda in a different light. The Paladin Captain was tainted the most by Chigda's dark influence, planting his devious roots deep in his heart and draining all the goodness out of him. He starts to see him as Chigda's victim.

Giroda starts to grow a quiet obsession with Avicinda. He desperately wants to "save" him from Chigda, show him the "light", a new, happy and healthy life. A new life with him. And that way, he can get rid of the last piece of Chigda still remaining in this world - in Avicinda's heart.

And when that happens, he can finally be free.

But he soon realizes that Avicinda's heart does not want to let go of his past love so easily. Whenever Giroda holds his hand, it's as if he is the only one who clenches his fingers. When standing next to each other, Avicinda's gaze keeps wandering. When having sex, he cannot shake off the feeling that Avicinda would rather do it with someone else.

The fear and unease come back full force to Giroda. He asks himself, "how can this be? What did Chigda have that I don't?" Everybody around him is telling him that he's better than Chigda in every way, and he cannot understand why Avicinda won't love him without ~his~ shadow still lingering. "What did Chigda do that I don't do better?"

His obsession and possesiveness only grows, desperately clinging to this one thing that protects his ego from the brutal effects of trauma and vulnerability. His despair grows every day feeling that he is just one step away from the awaited peace. But in his mind, he's doing a good thing, he wants to save Avicinda, protect him from the influence of that disgraced Wish Master - isn't that what knights do?