😂😍 <- fic asks :]
let's fucking gooooooooooo
fic ask prompts
😂 a funny or crack WIP snippet
(oh we have been WAITING to post cook scene)
under the cut for length! a bonus scene from wire guy awaits
The oven thing works itself out. When Avier hears about it, he and the other cooks descend upon the Majority Rule eagerly. Phrygian finds him ordering two sous-chefs around, directing them to prepare sufficient pizzas for the lot of them.
“Why are you the cook if you can't eat?” Phrygian asks, and then belatedly realizes that this might be rude. “I mean, no offense. Sorry.”
“Oh, the same reason I'm a doctor,” Avier says sagely. “I like to watch.”
“...Excuse me?”
“It's all so wet,” he says. “Biology, I mean. Digestion especially. Don't you think?”
Phrygian no longer likes this conversation very much.
“The Captain really is a genius,” Avier says, with a distant look in his eyes and a tone of clear admiration. Or something. “He understands the beauty of digestion. And him, him? He just does it. Leap, he doesn't mess around like most people. He's a man of action.”
“Does he know you think that?”
“He told me not to talk to him about it anymore,” Avier says, and sighs. “Just make the pancakes, he said. Just cook the eggs.”
“Okay.”
“People will just eat things that you give them if you learn how to cook,” Avier says, sounding very gratified by this. “And let you be a doctor.”
“Because you learned to cook?” Phrygian asks, to clarify. They really hope that this is not what they mean.
“No, no, because I went into organic medicine,” Avier says. “I did two years of school.”
“Oh.”
“And I'm good as gold at stitches!”
“That's... great?”
Avier rattles, which they decide to take as agreement.
“Should I... be concerned?” Phrygian asks, to clarify. “Are you going to like... poison somebody just to see what happens?”
“No, no, of course not!” Avier waves his hand. “No no no no, no. Shortsighted. I live here. There's a trust factor. If I wanted to poison someone, I'd poison someone else.”
“...Okay.”
“Besides, poisoning isn't...” He sighs, shaking his head. “It's passé, don't you think? I'm a little bored of all that by now. Big moves like that are a young man's game. Me? I already shoot people for a living. I’m just here to cook.”
“That answer really is not very comforting,” Phrygian admits.
Avier clicks in displeasure. “People always say that! I never understand why!”
“Do they?”
“Yes! Is it supposed to be more comfortable to hear someone just say No, no, I would never? Anyone can tell lies! I, at least, would want to hear a reasonable case for why our interests align. You’d want to hear that even if I did want to poison somebody, I wouldn't.”
“I... could see that,” Phrygian concedes. “I can see the logic there.”
This ship is completely full of freaks.
😍 published lines or a section of a fic that you loved writing?
Six Sunday number three. It's funny as fuck. Shoutouts to Kalrin being a five star weirdo and having a normal relationship to the things they keep in their cupboards.
Highlights include:
There! There he is, a few doors down. His candy red fur, his glossy dead eyes. His gaping, mocking smile. The light does not touch him directly. Even just the sight of his face in the dark sends a chill up your spine. For a moment you waver. Some things not even you should trifle with. But – no, Ohnyxx needs you. Your house and life are on the line. You grab that fucker by the throat and you drag him out from behind the oversize plates. They came with the house. You never use them. You squeeze his throat and you put a finger to his open mouth to preempt his evil whispers. “DO NOT FUCK THIS UP FOR US,” you tell him. “I WILL PUT YOU BACK IN THERE. I AM NOT JOKING. YES, IT’S ME, I’M SURE YOU CAN TELL.” He stares past you and does not make a sound. “DO NOT FUCK THIS UP,” you repeat. “SERIOUSLY. I MAY KID ABOUT A GREAT MANY THINGS BUT I KID YOU NOT RIGHT NOW. I HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOUR TRICKS AND THE AMOUNT OF BULLFUCKERY I WILL TOLERATE COMES TO A GRAND TOTAL OF ZERO. THIS IS NOT A TRANSACTION AND YOU SHALL KEEP YOUR WRETCHED LITTLE MAW AS QUIET AS THE SHALLOW GRAVE I WOULD OTHERWISE PUT YOU IN, BECAUSE FAILING ALL ELSE, I WILL SEND YOU BACK INTO THE DEPTHS OF KITCHEN SOLITARY AND LEAVE YOU THERE, FOREVER UNABLE TO ROT. KAPICE?” He does not say anything. You choose to take this as compliance rather than him biding his time, on account of how yours is running out.
and our favorite line in the fic
“I WILL FORGIVE YOU IF YOU PULL THIS OFF,” you lie.
