SHAMELESS.
wc: 1.8k(1,796)
inspo: shameless by avenoir
tags: oral(f.receiving), finger penetration, kissing, tongue action(👅), heartbreak, denial n acceptance??idk guys im higkey new to this
Synopsis: ni-ki's been shutting you out for weeks, all until one night. He comes over, you thought your worries may ease but all you're left with is a night of longing.
a/n: gen havent wrote since like😬😬😬2018??might be bad yall idk tho bare with me:) n it's my first time posting on tumblr😂✌️
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a night so eery..
So cold, so alone. So empty and so full of nothing. Where was he? The question lingered.
It lingered in an empty air of nothing. Questions you asked, he left unanswered. Invites you sent, ignored. Begging and pleading all to be left with nothing but your own thoughts.
It was never meant to be like this, yet it was. Until it wasn't..
••••• •••••
As you lay in your empty bed, the bed you'd shared with him countless nights. Countless nights of longing, love and yearning. Yearning for his touch, not his presence.
Your door unlocked, your heart skipped. You knew who it was, of course you did. Tonight, it felt different. It didn't feel as if he was there. As if it were him.
Before you could even step out of your big bed of nothing, soft knocks sounded. You knew he was coming over, it'd been ages and you'd been counting down the minutes. So why were you nervous?
••••• •••••
He opened the door slow and soft. His eyes scanned over you, in white. So calm, soft and quiet. He knew better.. he knew what you were thinking through it all. He always had, until he wasn't so sure anymore.
He stepped in slowly, the door shutting behind him with a soft thud. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Eyes trailing over you..
Before he could utter out a word, a greeting, some type of confirmation that he was actually there. You beat him to it.
"Hi.."
Fuck. Such a simple word, yet it hurt. His heart ached, for you.
"Hey.." He uttered, never as soft as you could. He watched your eyes trail him. He approached closer.. slowly. It's as if he was being weighed down on. As if his body was telling him this would never be good for you.
He couldn't stand the way your eyes trailed him. With so much concern, ache and confusion. Eyes that searched for answers, that he wouldn't give. Until tonight..
••••• •••••
Your eyes trailed, the tears wanting to build as you laid against your headboard. It felt like forever since you'd seen him, that face. That body, more so..his presence. The one thing you'd been craving as if it'd been years.
Now he was here, infront of you. Breath hitched, eyes trailing over you as if he was just as concerned. He sat on the edge of the bed. His head turned.
Until it found your eyes once more, as if it were the only thing they'd ever long for. Your breath hitched as he began to speak..
"How do I even..." He took a breath, eyes finding the ceiling. "You've asked questions.. and I've what?..given you nothing." He looked at you, and you nodded. It was the confirmation he seemed to look for.
Before he could continue, you spoke. "For weeks at that.." His eyes averted. "I pleaded for answers, I asked and I asked." You paused.
"And you somehow..always shut me out. As if what? I'm nothing?.. we're nothing?.."
Tears threatened you, and you noticed they threatened him. Yet he remained silent, averting your gaze. The eyes you'd missed so much wouldn't even look at you with remorse.
••••• •••••
"Fuck.." He trailed.. "I never meant for it to be like this. Ever." He spoke, a breath following.
And his gaze?..stayed away from her. He knew that one look, and he'd break too. It was true, he never meant for it to be like this.
For them to break, for him to ever turn his back on the person he yearned for most. It wasn't just her he shut out, he'd shut many out. Yet the relationship that hurt was yours.
"I..I don't know what's been going on." His gaze fell to his lap. "It started small, just remarks and thoughts. Something I thought I'd get over."
"Until they grew." He looked at the wall across from him.
"They weren't just thoughts anymore, they were feelings. I..I couldn't.. I can't ignore them." His breath hitched as his eyes shut momentarily.
"Frankly..I don't know when it started."
••••• •••••
But you did. You knew the exact date where the first day of nothing came around. You tried to ignore it until it grew, until he grew apart.
Your eyes trailed him as he continued,"soon enough, I felt as if for you..I wasn't enough."
His adam's apple bobbed as he gulped. You noticed, of course you did. Because you were becoming just as worried.
"Then it continued..my thoughts grew, and my next concern wasn't who I was, but what I was."
••••• •••••
His arms went behind him, propping him up as he leant back. There, it was out..was it all your questions answered? Nope.
But it was enough to paint the rest. He still couldn't fathom a look at you. Eyes trailing the paintings on your wall. Landing on one he'd made for you.
Then he heard it..a soft sniffle. He gulped. He knew this would happen, because it was always leading up to this moment..he knew you knew.
That tonight, could be the last.
He had never intended on hurting you for these past few weeks. Except that's all it was, weeks filled with hurt and feelings of unworthiness.
All because of insecurity.
His eyes trailed to yours, finally. Tears were rolling down you face. So he scooted closer. Until his hands cupped your face.
And before he could, you did. Your lips moved with a rythym so smooth.. it was memory for the both of you.
A memory that would remain a final.
••••• •••••
Your lips crashed onto his, you bit his lip with hurt. Your tongue slipped in, dancing with his as if it'd be the last. You knew it would, but hope was a dangerous thing.
His lips found their way to your your jaw. Trailing further to your neck..leaving soft open kisses. Then, the bite came on the one spot he knew was your most sensitive.
He sucked to mark, licked to sooth. A movement so familiar to him. To you.
Your hands entangled into his locks. His soft locks you'd always adorned. Any chance you had, you took. No matter where, what or when.
His lips stayed busy, his hand coming to a rest on your hips the other finding its way into your shirt. Thumb softly tapping your nipple.
Slowly, his mouth trailed to your collarbone. His hand started to pinch and roll the bud beneath his fingers. A sensation you'd miss.
••••• •••••
His lips left you, his hand remained teasing. He took in your face..wanting to have a memory to forever remember.
Who knew if your paths would ever cross again?
He kissed you again. This time it was full of love and hope. A hope that one day, you'd be back. He, would be back.
Soon enough, you were under him. Both of your clothes discarded on your rooms floor. His mouth worked wonders on you.
He delivered soft kisses to your clit, two fingers pumping you inside. Your thighs wrapped around his head, hands tugging at his locks.
"Fuck baby.." He groaned. He would miss worshipping you. He'd miss the taste, the sensation.. fuck even the way you whimpered and moaned under him.
It was a melody, one he never wanted to end.
••••• •••••
You moaned and gasped under his touch. He always worked wonders on you. It was second nature to him.
"Ki..oh my gosh.." You moaned as he added a third finger. His free hand coming up to play with your breast.
It was so much going on at once, you could forget about why he was really here..and that's exactly what he wanted.
••••• •••••
His ears perked as your noises grew. Fuck..a sound he'd miss. Your thighs started to clench, heck you were clenching around him.
"I got you baby.." He spoke soft. He continued pumping and curling in you, he could feel you coming closer.
His other hand continued to work at your breast, before slowly trailing down to your waist. He gave it a squeeze, before trailing down further to your hip.
"C-..close..oh my gosh.." You moaned, head thrown back against your pillow.
He continued to work you through your orgasm. Listening to your wet sounds, listening to the way his name fell from your lips.
Why.. why did this have to be the outcome of it all?
••••• •••••
Your hands gripped his locks harder. Hips bucking into his face as you came. His name fell from your lips.
He didn't stop. There was no break in his movement. He'd always been like this, over-stimulating you with his touch. You'd never complained..and after tonight, you'd wish you hated it.
Hated him.
But no, that'd never been a possibility. It'd never been a thought. No thoughts would ever come into mind especially when his tongue worked like that.
His slipped out, dripping with you. As your body ached for them, his tongue quickly came in. Lapping up all your juices.
As if he was desperately wanting to keep the taste forever. His tongue dipped inside you, swirling and teasing.
You moaned, not expecting it. But at this point, what could you expect from him?
He had licked you up clean..his lips started leaving soft, butterfly-like kisses. Trailing up your belly, between the valley of your breasts, up your neck and to those soft lips.
His tongue entangled with yours, one of yours hands leaving his hair to find his neck. Your tongues held there final dance as he separated.
His eyes trailed you, like a camera. Wanting to capture a memory. That's when it all came crashing back, he was no longer forever.
••••• •••••
He got out of the bed, wiping you down slowly. Even in a moment like this, he'd still do his best to give you some care. Even if now, it wasn't like his usual..but oh well, not like his behavior had been either.
He cleaned you up before he started putting his clothes back on. Then, he turned to you, putting the blanket on you.
He left a soft kiss on your forehead and left slowly. Walking backwards. Memorizing you for the last time. A tear slipping down his face as he closed your bedroom door. A soft thud, then came your front door.
••••• •••••
And there it was, you'd now lost a piece of yourself. It finally set in. Memories upon memories were now left in the air between you both. Questions stayed unanswered. The thing that hurt the most?..there came no "I love you" for the last time. Hence, they both knew. Their love would never stop. And maybe..
In another life, he would've been shameless with you.
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