Heartbreak Saturday nights, you are in your bedroom twirling a quill in your hand. You tap it against your notebook. Instead of working on another paragraph of the dream diary Professor Trelawney has assigned, you fantasise about sweet things. Lately both nighttime and daytime dreaming were filled with scenarios of one Theodore Nott…

You were getting ready for the winter ball. Floor length gown sparkling and the colour picked to match Theodore’s tie and pocket square.

You put on every perfume. You make sure you smell like his bedroom when you were in it. It drove him crazy. You danced all evening and he never let goes of your hand. Oh how you wish it could on forever.

You stay in this scene all night…

His touch sends goosebumps all over you as he sways you to the music. Laughing and talking until the moon goes to bed. Not caring about the classes that will be missed that morning.

You sigh. This is all in your head so you continue to write last night’s dreams in your diary. Of course you don’t mention his name in the assignment. After all you were to share this with your class group in which Theodore was in so that you can discuss some interpretations. Your cheeks are red just thinking about what he would say if you mentioned they were about him.

“Darling I was dreaming of you all this time too.” He smiles and you gaze into each others eyes longingly. “Will you be mine?”

“Theodore, I’m yours.”

But this is all in your head.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

The next day was a Hogsmeade visit and you had plans at the three broomsticks with your friends for the evening. The sun was shining so you are wearing a cute frock. You imagine a moment in your pretend relationship timeline before you were his…

You are wearing the dress you wore when you met him and sent him spinning in the great hall during breakfast. He was on a date with another girl but caught up with the group afterwards. He doesn’t compliment you or pay any attention to you at all.

You see him send glances your way and you flirt with his friends. But it's a beggars revenge cause she's with him again. Theodore shakes his head towards the exit to and you try to look away.

He isn’t very patient and pulls you away outside. He leads you to

“Shouldn’t you be with your date?”

“I told her I couldn’t see her again. I want you.” He confesses.

“Theodore, I’m yours.”

But alas this is all in your head.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

The three broomsticks is stirring and brimming with students. A cover band fills the pub with their rendition of Weird Sister’s ‘Blood Sucker’. You find yourself bobbing your head to the music.

Glasses on your table are in need of refills and you offer to buy more. The bartender asks what you want as they reach for some stuff in the cupboard under the counter.

“I’ll have a…” A voice overlaps with yours. “Please can I…”

He apologises. “I didn’t see you there.”

You have the urge to pinch yourself because you can’t believe whose voice you are hearing.

He helps you bring the drinks over to your table and your friends fawn over the fact that your boyfriend is such a gentleman. Theodore has his hand in your thigh throughout the night.

And when it’s time to go home, the snow starts to fall like a fairy take. Your dress’ too nice for a jacket, so you’re freezing. Theodore notices you shiver. He takes off his coat and places it on your shoulders.

He’s walking past to the carriage and leads you inside. You sit next to him and on habit, you lean in on his shoulders as you journey back to the castle.

“Say that you’re mine again.” Theodore kisses your head.

“Theodore, I’m yours.”

But once again this is all in your head.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

The time for lunch is nearly over and you had divination next. It was your favourite subject - well only because you were sat next to your crush. The circumstance was a blessing and a curse. You tend to stumble over your words and not pick yourself back up, and sit in silence the rest of the lesson.

You take your seat and Professor Trelawney instructs you all to share your dreams and talk over possible meanings. Whilst Padma and Parvati gossip about the Yule Ball instead of the assignment across you, you notice that Theodore is squirming in his seat more than usual.

“Is everything okay?” You ask, and you desperately want to reach for his hand as he is so close to touch. He is like a magnet and your fingers draw closer until they are on his. He shifts in his seat slightly cause you to move your hand to your lap. “I’m sorry. You just look a little upset.”

“No it’s okay. I just can’t stop thinking about my dreams.” He grasps his dream journal tightly.

“Why don’t you share and we can unpick it together?” His ears turn a shade of red at your suggestion, but he doesn’t say no.

“There’s this girl. She keeps popping in my dreams. We’re always together in each one.” He fiddles with the corner of the diary cover and when you catch his eye, he quickly looks away. “Sometimes we’re not dating and I get tongue tied about asking her out but mostly we seem happy.”

In the corner of your eye, you see the Patil twins turning their heads towards Theodore.

“This girl must be very important to you. Are you together in real life?” Padma asks as she rests her chin on her arms. Parvati leans in.

‘Please say no’ You plead with your eyes. You feel like half of you is missing but there's no hope. Even if he says no, this girl is literally the girl of his dreams.

“No. I-“

“But you clearly want to be if you’re dreaming about her this much.” States Parvati. Her sister nods in agreement.

He picks at the strands of his quill. “I do but-.”

“You should ask her to the ball!” The girls giggle. “Yes that would be so adorable!”

“But I don’t know if she feels the same way.” A crushing weight is in your chest as you hear him say these words. That is one lucky girl.

“I think she’ll be lucky to be asked out by you.” You hear yourself say aloud.

Theodore’s head sharply looks up to stare at you. His cheeks matches his pink ears.

“You think so?” He smiles. You melt under his gaze.

“What about you? Tell us about what you’ve been dreaming about.” Padma taps your notebook.

“I’ve been having similar dreams I guess.” You mumble.

“Say that again?”

“There’s this one guy who’s been appearing every night.” You glance and take in a view of a frowning Theodore.

“Sounds like you need to fess up to your dream person too.”

And when you don’t elaborate, the sisters go back to their whispers about their gowns and dates. The remaining minutes of the lesson compromised of scribbles and a huffing Theodore.

You want to pour out your emotions. Scream at him, ‘I’m hurting and I’m here. You’re still not looking at me. I’m real and I’m yours for the taking.’

He, however, is occupied with writing and frowning. You conclude that he must be deeply in love with his dream girl so as you look out the window…

At the end of the class, you were the last one out. You had a question for Professor Trewlaney and now you are walking out of the divination classroom.

Theodore stops you at the door frame.

“Walk you to the next class?” He asks and takes your bag off of you.

“Oh thank you.”

There was an uncomfortable silence shared between you. Both of you itching to find out who was in the other’s dream. Theodore calls you to stop and you do.

“Don’t go for him.” The tips of your shoes touch as he steps toward you.

“What do you mean?” You look up. His face merely inches away from yours.

“Forget the guy in your dreams and be with me.”

By his collar, you pull him for a kiss and call him an adorable idiot.

“Theodore, I’m yours.”

“Hey!” A voice snaps you out of your daydreaming.

“Hey Theo.” He smiles at the nickname.

“Walk you to the next class?”

All you could do was nod as your lips seems to be sealed shut.

Unlike your dreaming, the silence was comfortable. It was the air that jolted you ensuring you that this isn’t a dream. Is it?

“Would you meet me at the clock courtyard after dinner?”

Nothing looks or sounds strange. However, this can’t be real. Your lips are still stuck and can’t reply.

Theo stops in his tracks. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I under-“

“I’ll meet you there.” You turn your head so he doesn’t see your pink cheeks.

Is this all in your head?

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

What did Theodore want from you? You frown in front of the mirror. Have your delusions gotten the best of you that you’re meeting him tonight?

You pat the creases of your dress. If you were going to meet him and he was really there then you might as well put on an outfit that you see yourself in every fantasy. You tell yourself that you should know better but you can’t forget how things were in your head and if this was a vivid dream you’ll take what you can get.

And he’s there. The moonlight shining on his form. Theodore stands when he sees you. There isn’t many students around. He stands by the fountains and you sit on the ledge.

Water splashes you slightly making you jump. He immediately takes off his coat and puts it around you. A gentlemen in real life too. You thank him and the pair of you stare upwards to the sky.

“You wore that dress when I first got the chance to talk to properly. It was first year and you were sitting on this spot with your friends.”

You can’t bear to look at him fearing he’ll disappear within seconds.

“The wind was blowing in your hair. I wished I could talk to you the previous night.” He chuckles at the memory. “I actually threw a sickle in this fountain. I read about it in a muggle book once. That day you dropped something out of your bag on the way in and I thanked Merlin for granting my wish.”

Your eyes widen and you start playing with a loose thread on this coat.

“Too bad that was the only time I got the courage to talk to you outside class. I wasn’t sure if you liked me enough to be my friend. You never spoke to me except for classes.”

His gaze burns your face. Hot red.

“But I watched you everyday. You were always away with the fairies, grinning at yourself and laughing when your friends caught you.”

You gather enough courage to look his way. Eyes piercing through you and the arrow hits your heart.

“Listen. I don’t know who this guy is in your dreams but I want you to know you are the one in mine. It’s torture and a pleasure to have you in my head but I want you to know that I want you to be mine in real life.”

You fish out a sickle out of your pocket. One you were going to use incase he didn’t come to your meeting.

“I guess I won’t be needing this.”

Theodore takes it out of your palm and tosses it into the fountain. He cups your cheeks and leans his forehead against yours. You couldn’t wait any longer and you press your lips to his. You feel complete. When you both pull away to check the other still exists, you breathlessly whisper,

“Theodore, I’m yours.”

You hold his hand in yours and for once it’s not in your head.

You are in the astronomy tower for your evening lesson, and you hear giggling next to you.

“Mattheo says I’m his type.”

Your ears prickle at the mention of his name. 

Oh, so you do have a type? And it's not me.

You brush off the memory of the argument you had with Mattheo the previous year when he would rather drink a shot than tell everyone at the party what his type was. That action stung even to the present day. You remember him defending himself saying that everyone knew you were his girlfriend and that he didn’t need to describe you. It still would have been nice to hear.

“He’s been writing to me all summer.” The same voice spills more tea to her friends.

Oh, so you can reply? Just to not me. 

All summer you had hoped that Mattheo would write to you taking back the harsh words exchanged in your heated break-up a few weeks before the holidays. You sent him a postcard from Paris saying you wished he was with you, but you never got a response. You didn’t think anything of it since it was just a postcard, and he never usually replies to them.

Ever since then, the closest you have ever had to talking was during potions where you asked him to pass the jar of bat wings.

That was a week ago.

You now hear the same group of voices ask about you, to which the girl responds, “He says he’s over her and wants something new. He’s so obsessed with my eyes.”

You can’t tell if she’s speaking loudly for your benefit, but you certainly know that she is aware of your vicinity now as Pansy swears at them and throws them the finger. You quickly grab your friend’s arm and gently move her away.

Despite your better judgement, you turn to look at the person speaking about your ex-boyfriend as you stride to the other side of the room.

‘If you wanted those colour eyes. I could have got contacts.’

“Ignore them. You deserve better anyways.” Pansy tries to reassure you. You nod in agreement, but you can’t shake the uneasiness you feel when you look at Mattheo and he’s looking at her.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

“Pass me the butter?” Daphne requests. 

Your head feels faint and wobble the butter dish nearly dropping the lid, and the whole butter itself, into Pansy’s hot chocolate.

“That’s not the dairy I want in my cup.” Pansy jokes. She takes the dish off your hands and passes it over to Daphne.

“You look like a panda. Are you feeling alright?” Tracey asks, taking a bite out of her breakfast. She calls your name when you don’t reply. 

Your eyes give the great hall a once over and notice that the person haunting your nights is not at his usual seat with his friends. 

“He’s on a date in Hogsmeade.” Informed Susan. “I heard Annlynn brag about it last night in the common room.”

You saw Pansy glare at Susan.

“What? Ow! Why did you kick me?” Susan reaches down to rub her hurt shin.

So y'all are in Hogsmeade now? Guess it's public. 

You recall what Annlynn looks like and note that she has a face like that other girl you're in love with. The one in that movie you both watched again and again since it was his favourite. You scoff. ‘You knew I would see that. You knew I would notice.’ You think to yourself.

“Guys it’s fine. His loss and besides she looks nothing like me.” You can't really tell, should you be tryna take it as a compliment? It's kinda feeling like the opposite. You see your friends look at each other and then at you.

“Yes girly! Let’s go shopping and show him what he’s missing!” Pansy hypes you up as she raises her teacup and you all clink.

“Hear hear!”

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Browsing the racks in Galdrags Wizardwear, you have two outfits on hangers in your hands. You head over to the mirror stand by the shop’s main window frame and alternate putting the outfits in front of you. Your eyes look outside, and you catch them holding hands.

With the mirror in front of you, you couldn’t help comparing yourself and the girl he has in his arms.

‘She looks nothing like me. So why do you look so happy?’

Now you think you get the cause of it. He was holding out to find the opposite. From your hair to your eyes to your style. Even when you changed your hair because he said you looked better if you had it styled that way. It’s all the opposite of her.

And you know now, even if you tried to change that somehow, he’d end up with her anyway.

You snap out of your head when Megan scares you from behind. “You’d look cute in either.”

“Get both!” You hear Millicent from the other side of the room.

You smile and it fades when you lock eyes with Mattheo.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

He was with her longer than you thought they would be. It’s been weeks now. Gazing at the ceiling of your four-post bed, many questions swirl around your mind.

When you argue, does she say nothing so you feel good? When you’re at parties, does she step out of the spotlight so you bathe in it?  When you’re alone, does she get up on top of you more than I would? When you capture her in your sketchbook, does she just love the picture 'cause you're painting it?

“Are you coming?” Your dorm mate calls to you.

It’s the first official match of the year. Slytherin vs Gryffindor. Although you protested not attending and insisted you’d rather stay inside your friends won even though it’s a rainy November. 

You grab your umbrella and raincoat and tread your way to the quidditch pitch. The crowd in the stands were wild in anticipation. Susan beckons you to sit with them, and they’re all dressed devoid of house colours. 

The students cheered for every goal scored and every goal saved. You scream and laugh to your heart's content. The feeling is freeing, and the autumn showers subside. Whizzing brooms and bludgers make you forget about the one boy on the team playing that still held your heart.

At least not until the whistle blows and Mattheo flies toward your stand. The beat of your heart pounds fast in your chest. Is he going to whisk you away like that the first time you broke up? Then your heart falls heavy and your lungs dispel all the hope in your body as you watch him take off with her.

Only it wasn’t Annlynn. But they do have the same features. 

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

It was a bad idea from the start. Studying with your shared friendship circle. But you had missed him. The only time you ever get to interact with him was in group settings.

He was seated beside you for two hours. You’d ask him what he wrote for certain questions, and he’d reply politely. Like he was talking to a stranger, not an old friend. But you take it. You take whatever communication you could get.

You ask once more for his answer to a defence against the dark arts question however, before he could reply, his chair is pulled back, and a girl sits on his lap.

You look away at the public display of affection they share. The nib of your quill ruined by the pressure you place on it.

“Get a room!” You hear Blaise chuckle. 

You whip your head to see Mattheo standing, his arm wraps around her. “Let’s go Harper.”

“Get it boy!” Blaise winks at him. Mattheo shakes his head laughing.

They’ve all looked nothing like you. So why does he look so happy? He really must have been holding out to find the opposite.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

At the after-party for Slytherin’s win against Ravenclaw, all were present in the great hall. You fill up your cup with whatever fruit blend was in the punch bowl.

“Hey there! Care to Dance?” A quick glance at Mattheo and his date and you take the hand of one Anthony Goldstein.

You danced the night away and had nearly seven cups of the now alcoholic punch bowl, thank you Weasley twins. You tried everything to forget that Mattheo once again was with another girl who doesn’t resemble you. 

Throughout the night your eyes darted to Mattheo and his new girl. The only time their lips were apart was when he would take a swig out of his cup. Every time you saw them, you took a gulp out of yours.

Now, you weren’t drunk per se, but you were feeling a little dizzy after twirling and swaying to the music. You see them walk out of the hall and you couldn’t take it anymore. 

You decide to head outside for some air. You wipe a tear off your face with the back of your hand. 

Whilst opening the courtyard door, you bump into someone. You catch yourself on to the biceps of the person.

“Oh my! You must work out!” The words come out as easily as you sipped the alcohol that caused the bravery.

“Careful darling wouldn’t want your date to think you’re hitting on me.” At the sound of Mattheo’s voice, you curse quietly. You take your heels off and walk away. Footsteps seem to be following you.

“How is Goldstein?” Mattheo asks, pronouncing the name slowly, a hard expression on his face.

You sit on one of the stone arch windows. The cold surface cools you down slightly.

“Oh, he is fine as hell!” You glare at him and with bitterness in your voice you ask, “How is clone number 4?” 

You roll around a gobstone you find on the floor with your foot and kick it a bit too hard toward Mattheo.

“Her name is Maya. Why do you care anyway?” He kicks the stone back to you.

“I care but I don't!” Your volume is lower, your shoulders slouch, and your neck tilts downwards. “Just wondering when… all those times you… you said I'm beautiful. Was I being lied to?”

Looking up at him, you can’t tell if his expression is soft, or it is because your eyes are starting to water. When he says nothing, you carry on.

“She looks nothing like me. Can't really tell should I be tryna take it as a compliment? It's kinda feeling like the opposite.”

He takes a step forward and you hear him whisper your name. “You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known.”

You laugh scornfully. “Then why are you with her and not back with me?”

Mattheo runs his hands through his hair and holds them in his fists. “Because you were right!”

Your brows furrow. He continues, “Darling, I’m not good enough for you!”

“I have never said that!” 

Flashbacks to your argument run through your mind. It might have slipped out. You can’t remember. It was all a blur. You don’t even recall the reason why you broke up this time. Whatever was said you were sure you never meant it. You never meant to hurt him like this.

“But it’s true! You deserve more than what I can give you. You deserve the world darling.” He takes another step towards you.

You look up and his eyes meet with yours.

“I don’t want the world. I want you.”

That’s all it took for his walls to crash down as his lips crashes yours.

It was nearly the weekend. You had left Draco a note earlier this week in your usual secret spot to send each other messages but alas you had received no reply. Here you are on a Friday night, on the floor of an empty corridor, staring at a blank stone wall.

“Maybe he just hasn’t checked it yet.”

“Or he’s ignored it.” Your best friend, Theodore, replies.

“Maybe he hasn’t had time to read it alone.”

Theodore sighs, “This isn’t the first time he hasn’t responded to one of your little love notes.”

You toss a pebble your finger found across the hallway, and say, “It’s not his fault that his parents wouldn’t approve of me. He has to keep us a secret even to his circle.”

“Listen.” Theodore puts the book he was reading down to look at you and say, “Your cards are on the table, his are in his hands. Maybe you need to distance yourself. You’re just going to get hurt.”

You ignore Theo and continue to think aloud, “Chances are, tonight, he’s already got plans.”

You shuffle and lie down on his lap while he carries on trying to read his book. You turn your head to look along the corridor. No sign of Draco coming to find you.

“He’s probably at a party. Wasn’t there a friendly game of quidditch with Ravenclaw earlier Teddy?”

“I don’t know.”

“He must be at an after-party or some sort. Do you know if the Slytherins are throwing a party this evening?” You ask, gently moving Theo’s book away from his face.

“I don’t know.”

“You must do. You’re friends, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know.” His tone now has a hint of annoyance, lifting his book up once more.

“Okay then.” You huff. You decide to pick up your book. It wasn’t a rare activity, you and Theo reading together. Not always in the corridor. Often times in your dorm rooms. Often times in the common room. You were fond of each other’s company. It was something you’ve always done since you were children. Mr. Nott used to leave Theo at yours ever since Theo’s mother passed away. Your mother was a governess, and your family had a history of serving the Nott family.

It continued during your acceptance to Hogwarts. You both liked being one of the earliest students for breakfast to have a chance to read and eat and finding a spot in the library devoid of the sound of scribbling quills. The two of you sometimes even stay during the winter holidays as it was a lot more peaceful and merry than being at home.

You read in silence for a chapter and began talking again where you left off.

“Chances are he is at a party, and you know he hates it when I show up. Says it distracts him.”

Theodore groans.

And chances are you will talk yourself to sleep again.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

It was the next morning and there you were in the great hall. Preparing tea for Theo and yourself. Theo instinctively passes you the sugar bowl. 

“What are your plans for today then?” He asks as he pours a splash of milk into your cup.

“I’m not sure yet. We do have that essay due for History of Magic on Tuesday.” You say as you hear a group of people joining your table.

“Morning Nott.” Draco says as he sits down opposite you. He greets you a good morning by nodding your way.

“Good morning, Draco.” Your eyes quickly flicker up and down from him to your breakfast trying not to look Draco in the eyes. You could never look at the silver pair for too long and not blush, so you best kept your glancing to a minimum when you’re in a group setting. You find it difficult as you are sat directly opposite him.

Draco gestures to the sugar bowl next to your teacup and asks you, “Pass me the sugar.”

You feel your cheeks getting hot as his hands brushes against yours as you hand him his requested item. It’s little moments like this that make you forget when he fails to seek you out that week. You are reminded of his little nickname of ‘sweet thing’ for you during secret rendezvous in vacant classrooms.

Throughout breakfast, Draco chats normally to his crowd. Occasionally you see him with his eyes on you and you lock gazes for no longer than two seconds before looking away. His leg touches yours now and then.

He gives you just enough attention like this in public to keep your hopes too high. What’s more, is that you get these wishful thoughts that these moments could be longer and known by everyone. But wishful thoughts forget to mention when something's really not right and you will block out these voices of reason in your head.

And the voices say, ‘You are not the exception. You will never learn your lesson.’

You shake your head, physically shaking these voices out of your head.

“You okay?” Theodore asks.

You assure him and yourself that you are, with a weak smile.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Later that day you briskly walk towards the loose stone that is your ‘Draco mailbox’ and pry it off, but like the day before: still nothing.

You hear a voice in your head telling you, ‘Foolish one. Stop checkin' your mailbox for confessions of love that ain't never gonna come. This will not end well. You will take the long way down.’

He knows how to keep you waiting. He did mention something about a group hang earlier during breakfast. Nevertheless, you know better than to show up when you weren’t directly invited. That happened one time during Summer last year when his group decided to celebrate finishing their O.W.L.s, and later that day Draco raised his voice at you in a broom closet for showing up uninvited claiming that the group might see it as suspicious. He, of course, apologised for shouting when he saw tears in your eyes, but you never got a single letter from him during the two-month break.

Yes, it’s best if you just waited for him to answer with a time and date. You sigh and walk to the library. You politely ask Madam Pince for a quill, ink, and parchment. She clicked her tongue at your lack of equipment but let you off this time since you are a prefect, and this was the first time you came to the library unprepared. With your head down you walk over to find the textbook you needed and sit at the nearest empty table.

You hear the stool next to you move and see a smiling Theodore.

“This seat taken?”

You shake your head, and he sits down. You continue to flip the book to a relevant page but don’t see that Theo was scanning your demeanour. His eyebrows furrowed. ‘This could only mean one thing’, he thought to himself. 

As if you could sense Theodore’s next question, you turn to him with a smile pasted on your face, “I am fine Teddy! Stop looking at me like that!”

You feign a giggle. You know how to act like you’re fine. You change the conversation and the afternoon felt lighter. Whispered jokes and snickers were exchanged for hours between you and the boy with the chestnut hair. It was always like that with Theo. He always knew how to brighten up your day. 

“Well thank you, Teddy. Now it’s nearly curfew and I’ve only written less than half a parchment.”

“Hey! You’re the one distracting yourself. I’ve written at least one piece.” You roll your eyes, grinning at Theodore tickling your nose with his quill. That’s when you see the scene. Draco walked past hand in hand with a red-faced Pansy Parkinson. Your eyes meet with Draco, and he quickens his pace out of your vision.

“That worthless pile of erumpent dung!” Theo curses. He knew this whole thing between you and Draco was wrong in the first place, but he never voiced his opinion so as to not come across as jealous. Merlin knows how Theo was, and is, very green and is slowly rotting on the inside.

But he loves seeing you beam when you talk about your dates, that he tunes out the details of your escapades and absorbs the beautiful shade of pink flush on your cheeks and glimmer in your eyes. At this moment in time, however, his heart aches at the sight of the scarlet pout of your lips and your eyes welling up. “I thought you two were on the same page of exclusively dating!”

“We… never actually agreed on anything like that. I… I don’t know what to call this situation.” You quickly roll your homework and inhale deeply to keep the tears at bay. There must be an explanation for the sight you had just witnessed.

‘But I know I can’t call you mine. So, I will grit my teeth and I will do my best to seem bulletproof.’ At the thought, another inhale, you suggest, “How about a butterbeer break?”

And Theodore can’t say no to that.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

That evening you couldn’t help but walk along the hallway you know like the back of your hand.  By instinct, you stop at the stone and spot that it was a little ajar.

‘Meet me at the boathouse at Midnight. - D’

There it was. You feel an emotion somewhere between merry and misery. You settle for nauseous and blame it on the six butterbeers you consumed earlier at the Three Broomsticks with Theo. You decide to start walking there now. A few hours of fresh air could be good. Yes. A breath of crisp autumn air is what you need to expel this uneasiness in your chest.

“You’re early.” You hear when you reached the doorway of the boathouse. Draco sat at the edge of the ledge, his bare feet in the water.

“I could say the same thing to you.” A little bitterness in your pitch.

He pats the space adjacent to him and you sit cross-legged. The air is cold and the rippling waters in front of you hypnotise your heartbeat to calm down.

You both start to say something, then cut each other off to ask the other to continue.

“It’s not what you think.” Draco pauses. “What you saw earlier in the library. Pansy threatened to tell my father about the secret girl I was seeing and that I was to take her to Hogsmeade and buy her all the sweets she wants from Zonko’s.”

He reaches for his robes.

“Here. I got this for you.” He passes you a bag wrapped with a ribbon. “Sweet things for my sweet thing.”

You thank him as you accept his gift. You start munching on the sweets and offer him some.

“Does she know it’s me?” Your voice is a little too wishful than you hoped it would come out.

“No! Thank Merlin! My father will have my head if he hears I’m not seeing a pureblood.”

It hurts a little when you hear him explain time and again why you have to be a secret. But it doesn't bother you as much 'cause when your head is on his shoulder, it starts thinkin' he'll come around. And maybe, someday, when you’re older, this is something you'll laugh about, over coffee every mornin' while he’s reading the news.

You and Draco stay in the boathouse, telling each other what you were up to during the holidays, aiming candy at each other’s mouths, holding hands, and giving the other soft kisses in the light of the moon until it’s a little too cold and too late to continue.

“When can I see you next?” You ask.

He lets go of your hand as you reach the entryway.

“I’ll let you know.”

You nod and walk to your dorm. You were sure that you were going to see Draco again in hushed hours like this one.

But then the voices say, ‘You are not the exception. You will never learn your lesson'

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Throughout the week, you were too preoccupied with checking for a note from Draco and stealing glances here and there that you fail to notice that your duo had become a trio. Daphne Greengrass had been hanging around you and Theo recently and you only are aware of her presence at this moment when your usual quiet bookworm is talking during breakfast, but not to you.

“It’s the first match of the season later. Would you like to watch the Quidditch in the afternoon with me?” Daphne suggests, her hand reaching for Theo’s arm.

“Sure.” The boy replies.

“Who are you and what have you done to my Teddy?” You laugh, “We have never watched a single game!”

It was true. Even if Draco was on the Slytherin team and invited you to watch once, since most of the school attends it anyways, you refused given that you and Theo had a tradition of having a picnic and playing Scrabble by the Black Lake. You two were never interested in sports.

“You’re more than welcome to join us.” Daphne proposed. You realise her hand was still on Theo’s arm and this somewhat makes you frown.

“Theo and I already have plans.” You stated, now reaching for his other arm, “Don’t we Teddy?”

“We can do that tomorrow instead. I am quite curious as to what all the fuss is about, aren’t you?”

“But we have never cancelled our… plans before. Even that one time you had a cold, you insisted we hang out. It’s our tradition.”

“I don’t mean to impose. If you’re busy Theo, we can hang out at Hogsmeade in the evening instead.” She says, her hand still lingering on Theo’s arm, so you have an urge not to move yours either.

“We can do both.” He accepts and his head turns to you, “Are you coming with us?”

You don’t know what to say. A swirl of emotions runs through your veins.

“No.” And with that, you stomp off to your dorm.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

You saw Theo less and less that week and you start to spend more time with your dorm mates. You start to miss him. He wasn’t as early to breakfast every day and when he was, Daphne and other Slytherins came in with him. Your study meetings turned into group hangs but you didn’t mind it as much you said to yourself since Draco was part of that group.

However, your eyes were not gazing upon the blond boy but at the chestnut hair boy with his newfound friend.

Why didn’t you like Daphne with Theodore?

You made an effort to look away when you see him smiling at her. You felt your teeth clench whenever Daphne playfully slapped Theo’s arm when she was laughing at something he said. Your hands were in fists when she linked her arm with his when you all walked from class to class.

You don’t understand what you are feeling. You can’t be jealous about your best friend being interested in other girls. You decide you were just feeling a little replaced. That was it, and nothing more. Right?

But what really blew your top was what you were hearing now.

“Yeah, we can go watch the quidditch game tomorrow.”

“Again?” You exclaim but then remembered you were in the library and carry on with a whisper, “You’ve cancelled on me the last game!”

“Oh yeah” Theo replies as if he didn’t remember. When in all honesty, he never did forget. He was trying to distance himself away from you to lessen the aching of his heart.

“Teddy you can’t do this to me.”

“How about I make it up to you by taking you to the last Hogsmeade trip and buying you all the sweets you want so you can stock up for the winter break.” He smiles and when you smile back, he forgets about his vow to himself to spend less time with you.

You hesitate to say yes. You really want to be with him by the lake.

“And I’ll even let you drag me around to window shop to all the places you want me to.”

And you can’t say no to that.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Amidst all the happenings, you had forgotten to check your mailbox. You see a scrap of paper telling you to meet at the boathouse once again at midnight and this time you choose to be punctual. You dress up a little to make up for the fact that you might have already missed the actual date the note was meant for.

You are already on the steps going down to your meeting place when the clock chimes 12 o’clock. A chill runs through your body as you were not wearing your winter jacket but a cute, albeit thin, jumper. You were walking with a skip in your step when you hear her.

“Draco, what about your secret girl?”

“She means nothing to me. It’s not like we were going to get serious.”

You halt just before the entryway.

“But weren’t you dating her since last year?”

“Dating is a strong word. Now shut up so I can kiss those lips.”

So you run. As fast as your feet can take you and go into the nearest empty room.

Now you’re slidin' down the wall with your head in your hands sayin', "How could I not see the signs?"

He hadn't written you or called all summer and the voices in your head are tellin' you why,

‘He’s got her on his arm and you in the wings. You’ll get his longing glances, but she'll get his ring. And he will say he had the best of intentions.’

And maybe now you will finally learn your lesson.

The air feels thick that you can’t breathe and your vision blurs with the waterworks flowing out of your tear ducts.

Draco was right. You were never going to get serious. You knew this deep down and felt it in your heart every time you were with him, but the truth hurts when the reality of it all is said aloud.

When you finally get to your room at 3am. You don’t bother to change and sleep your troubles away.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

You skipped lessons that day. You hadn’t meant to, but you woke up past noon and there were only two lessons left that you resolved to miss those too and went back to sleep. You weren’t ready to face people yet.

A pounding in your head awakens you and makes you sit up and reach for your water bottle by your bedside table but see a plate of pastries covered in cling film and a note stuck on top.

‘I didn’t see you at breakfast. I asked your dorm mate to send this to you. – Teddy’

That was sweet of him. Theo never fails to be there when it counted. You notice more items on your bedside table. You see a thermos flask, a book, a wrapped-up sandwich, a couple of more notes, and a red concoction in a small vial that was labelled ‘pepperup potion’.

‘I didn’t see you in class, so I asked Alison to drop this off to you. She said you didn’t look too well. I’ll see you at lunch? – Teddy’

‘I didn’t see you at lunch. Alison said your eyes looked puffy. Do you have a cold? If so I asked her to bring you some supplies. Make sure to take it. I’ll see you after class? – Teddy’

‘I don’t know why I thought I’d see you in any of the afternoon lessons today. How silly of me. I need to sort out a few things and I’ll see you before dinner. – Teddy’

You giggle at how much effort your best friend had gone towards to ensure you are okay. The clock above the doorway says 5 o’clock. Only an hour after classes and Teddy will probably expect you around 5:45pm so you can lounge about the courtyard before dinner time.

However, you felt famished, so you open the selection of breakfast pastries. Theo had picked out all your favourites. He’s always thoughtful like that. One time, you had mentioned your favourite book series with him and within the week he read all of them and bought you both the newly released novel by the same author so you can read it together.

Another time when you used to have recurring nightmares when you were little, you’d go to Theo and he’d read you passages from fairytales until you fell asleep. When you broke your foot during the second year, he insisted that he carried all your books to and from classes even though a simple levitation charm would do, and walk in front of you so no one barges you causing you to trip.

You really don’t know what you’d do without Theodore in your life.

You hear a knock on the door.

“Alison you can come in. You don’t need to knock.”

The door creaks open.

“I’m not Alison.” Theodore peeps in, his eyes on the ceiling. “Can I come in?”

“Of course. Thank you for your care package.” You move to make room for him on your bed.

“Of course. Couldn’t have you starve yourself.” He looks to your bedside table and states, “You didn’t drink the potion I made for you. It’s supposed to clear up your cold.”

He stood there by the end of your bed, his hands behind his frame. He looks cautiously at you.

“I’m not ill.” You assure him.

“Good, because…”  He raises a basket and a tote bag. “I’ve brought us Scrabble and a picnic.”

“But aren’t you going to see the match with Daphne?”

“Not when my favourite girl isn’t feeling well.”

You smile up at him. “But I told you I’m not unwell.”

“Physically maybe but I think you need some fresh air. Now go get ready. I’ll wait outside the door.”

“I really am okay.”

You assure him and yourself that you are, and you truly do feel it.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Your normal routine before Draco came into your life fell back into place, although Theodore was hanging out with Daphne more and more, which still annoyed you. Theo did make some time for you but not as much as you’re used to. You sigh. Breakfasts no longer consisted of silently reading, occasionally speaking to discuss plot points and characters, but with Daphne and the rest of the Slytherin crowd rowdily talking.

You hadn’t spoken to Draco at all ever since that night at the boathouse. He never even addressed it. Not that you checked the mailbox. If he really cared he would have said something by this point, but judging by his actions and the words you heard that night, you had accepted weeks ago that whatever was between you was over.

“So, what are we all doing for the last trip to Hogsmeade today then?” Draco asks, but his eyes lock with yours.

“I’m having tea and shopping with the girlies.” Daphne wriggles her shoulders excitedly. She looks to you and extends an invitation.

To which you thank her but decline politely, “Teddy promised me a full weekend of sweets and shopping. Isn’t that right Teddy?”

You aren’t sure if it is your imagination, but you see a twinkle in Theo’s eyes as he beams at you confirming your plans. You put your arm through his and squeeze it in excitement.

Theo chuckled. “I already regret adding the window-shopping part.”

You head to your dorm to pick up your cardigan as Theo insisted you needed more layers for the winter weather. A figure stops you in your tracks.

“Didn’t know you had a thing for Nott.” Draco sneered.

“Not really your business to know who or who I don’t have a thing for Malfoy.”

He grabs your hand and pulls you to the side.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You try to shrug off his hand, but he wasn’t letting go.

“What happened to us? I thought we were dating, and you left me hanging for weeks.”

“Dating is a strong word.” You spit his words back to him like venom.

That’s when he releases your hand.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Your day with Theo went by so fast. You started off at Zonko’s so you can graze snacks while you peruse through each shop. Theo swears you haven’t skipped any stores but doesn’t complain at all. The conversations flowed easily. You stayed the longest time at the pets and familiars shop to pet all the kittens. He literally had to drag you away with a bribe of pumpkin pie for lunch.

Many days have gone by where you spent time away from each other. Reasons varied as Theo tells you he was busy with whatever excuse he had that day. You noticed that he’d been avoiding you recently. You’re glad that you get to make up for all those hours now.

You share a slice of pumpkin pie and beg Theo to take you back to the pets and familiars shop. He rolls his eyes, but you know he can’t refuse the thought of the adorable kittens. Little do you know that it’s your cuteness he can’t resist.

The two of you start to walk onward to your mission when you see a glimpse of Draco hand in hand with a red-faced Pansy. You knew it. But strangely, you find yourself not upset by it.

“Theo! They still have our favourite!” You jump up and down like a child outside a toy store.

He watches you smiling as you all but ran into the store. You remain surrounded by kittens until a shop assistant ushered you out at the behest of their manager. Reluctantly you say goodbye to the animals and staff and are shocked to see that the sky was magenta-coloured, signalling that the evening is arriving.

 “I’m hungry, are you?” You inspect all the choices of venue you had for dinner.

“Starving. Let’s go in there.” He gestures toward Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop. “I heard they have a great selection of drinks and desserts.”

You follow Theo even though you seem to recall that other students have previously mentioned that they take their dates there. Having never visited since Draco was the first boy you have “gone out with”, and your meetings never involved crowded places and three would have been a crowd, you were excited to finally step into the dainty looking café.

He opens the door for you and a bell rings. You were seated straight away, and it didn’t take long for a staff member to take your order. Examining the people around, you notice a trend of couples holding hands and gazing into one another’s eyes. Did Theo really mean to take you in here?

Detecting your initial discomfort, Theo apologises, “I didn’t know it would be like this here. We can leave if you want?”

“Nonsense! It’s a nice place. Plus, I’m excited for my drink to arrive.” Grinning at him, you take in the view of bows and lace everywhere.

Even though the atmosphere was romantic, you felt at ease being there with Theo. You push back questions you had whenever you sense that his eyes were trying to read your thoughts or when his hand stayed on yours longer than friends should.

He orders a funfetti cake for dessert and you both split each other’s sweet course. Before you know it, it was nearly time to head back to the castle. Another ring of the bell and you were standing in front of the entrance.

You shiver slightly and Theo quickly unwraps his scarf.

“Teddy I’m fine!”

“No, you’re cold. Don’t argue.” He wraps his green scarf around your neck. You inhale the scent of smoke and sandalwood. You bury your cheeks into the scarf to hide the pink colour threatening to expose how much you like the fact you are enveloped by a piece of his clothing.

“I guess it’s time to head back.” You say but see Theo looking distracted.

You look up to see a mistletoe wrapped with a ribbon on the pole of the tea shop’s sign.

He looks at you and tilts his head. Was that him asking for permission?

You shrug then nod at him. “It’s a known tradition after all.”

“Of course.”

Theo leans in close enough so that the clouds you exhale from your lungs mingle in the air. He moves a strand of loose hair and tucks them behind your ear. His hand stays on your face and his eyes flicker down to your lips. You close the gap between you.

You are kissing Theo under the mistletoe.

At first, the kiss is gentle as if he is being wary of the line you were crossing, but when you reach to run his hair with your hands, he pulls you in deeper. You gasp for air, and he takes it as an opportunity to explore you with his tongue.

Thoughts pull you back to reality.

You are kissing Theo under the mistletoe.

Stepping back, you stare at him wide-eyed.

“I have to go.” You say breaking the silence.

And you didn’t see how Theodore’s eyes follow you.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

You didn’t actually have to go anywhere; you just needed some space to cool down. Your cheeks were burning red, and you didn’t want Theo to see you like that. Especially since he only kissed you because of the mistletoe. Especially since you enjoyed kissing him. Especially when the voices in your head are back saying, ‘Foolish one you will take the long way down.’

This time you don’t want to learn the hard way. You can’t be falling for him like this. You didn’t want to lose him if it goes sour.

“You’ve been walking in circles.” Theo calls out to you, “Where are you trying to go?”

You stop your feet but don’t turn back to face him.

“I was just heading to…” Your voice fades out to a mumble, and you begin to walk once more.

Theo lightly grasps your arm, and you jump at how fast he caught up to you. You face him.

“You never said anything.” He states.

“It was just a kiss. We were just under a mistletoe.” You look down, kicking the pebbles near your feet.

“You never said anything.” You echo.

“Yeah, we were just under a mistletoe.”

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

The last week of term dragged on. Theo and you never mention that night to anybody. And if it was even possible, you saw him less than the week before. You are determined to fix your situation. The past two days were unbearable. So, you corner him on his way to the library.

“Why are you ignoring me, Teddy?” You simply question.

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You keep avoiding me in the halls and speaking monosyllabically to me in class. Why?”

“I’m not.”

“You are. We’re friends, aren’t we? Can’t you tell me what’s wrong?” You ask, gently moving his arm and motioning him to face you.

“Maybe I want more.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re so blind, you can’t even see that I’ve been right here! In love with you since I could remember.”

“Your father would never approve of me.”

“I don’t care. I don’t care what he thinks. I don’t care about your blood status! I accept you for who you are! But waiting all these years for you to see me like I see you have been crushing my heart slowly.”

You stare at him wide-eyed.

“I have to go.” He says.

And it’s your turn to follow Theo with your eyes.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

You couldn’t sleep at all that night replaying Theo’s confession. You think about all the ways you could have responded and use that moment as a chance for you to voice out your growing feelings. Now he probably despises you.

You recite how you were going to confront Theo for the next day, word for word since you want to accurately tell him that you reciprocate his sentiment. But toss and turn again at the thought of what-ifs.

You get up early and ready yourself for the day mentally. You don’t grab any breakfast because you already felt so queasy. The voices in your head say to you, ‘Foolish one The day is gonna come for your confessions of love.’

This time you were in harmony. You were going to tell Theo everything. How foolish you had been. How you can’t imagine life without him. You head to his dorm room as you know it’s typically empty at this time of the morning and Theo habitually returns to his dorm just after breakfast to put down his books.

You had 2 free periods back-to-back on a Thursday morning, so you have ample time to gush about your feelings. You spot that his door was slightly ajar and knock anyways. The force swings the door slowly open. The room was empty. You sit on Theo’s bed and look around. You notice a few crumpled-up pieces of paper in the bin next to his nightstand.

Curiosity got the better of you as you unwrinkle one piece and gasp when you notice it was addressed to you. You pick up more pieces and all of them are confessions to you, describing how he felt during the day he wrote them. All this time you were waiting for confessions of love and thought they were never going to come, and there they were sitting in a pile of rubbish.

All signed off as:

Yours,

Teddy

Could he be? Yours?

You run to the Slytherin common room and don’t see Theo anywhere. You spot Blaise playing chess with Tracey.

“Have you seen Theo?” You interrupt them.

“He’s gone on a date with Daphne.” Tracey replies, focused on her match as Blaise’s bishop takes her knight.

He can’t. Be yours.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

It was the last day of the first term, and you sit at your usual far corner of the great hall for breakfast. No Theodore in sight. You set up extra early since you left him a note by his bedside table the day before to meet him at 6:30 when the meal starts.

There he was. Your note is in his hands and you watch him as he walks to you and knits his brows.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, a little worried.

He sits opposite you instead of his usual spot next to you. You bring your hands above the table and show his letters in your hand.

“This. This is what’s wrong.”

“Look I…”

You cut him off. “Why didn’t you send them?”

He stares at you blankly and scratches his head. “What do you mean send them?”

“You fool. I would’ve walked out sooner and run to you.”

“I didn’t think you felt the same way. That’s why I threw them out. You didn’t come to me to talk after what happened in the hallway and you never brought up the kiss again.”

You blush at the memory.

“How did you get those anyways?” His eyes narrow.

“Never mind about that. Didn’t you hear me?”

“Hear what?”

“You’re really going to make me say it?”

“Say what?”

After hours of rehearsal, you could only utter 5 words. “I feel the same way.”

He beams for a second and then frowns to ask,

“What about Draco?”

“When all is said and done, he just wasn’t the one.”

His smile returns and you swear it’s brighter than the morning sun. He reaches over and holds your hand and tells you, “I don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to say those words.”

He pulls you over the table knocking over the goblet and food that had appeared and pecks you on the lips.

“What about Daphne? Aren’t you with her?”

“No, she just wasn’t the one.”

You've reached this far! Here's a bonus:

It was Christmas day and you were in the great hall ready for the feast, dressed in a sweater Theo bought you so that you can match on this occasion. In one hand you have Theo and in the other a carefully wrapped present and you sat next in your self-assigned corner of the room.

"Let's pull a cracker!" You say eagerly.

And soon both of you adorn paper crowns on your head.

"Dinner doesn't start for another 15 minutes" He informs you.

You pout replying, "So why did you rush me out of my dorm so quickly?"

"So I can give you this." He places a fairly large box in front of you.

"Thank you, Teddy!" You tilt your head when you notice holes all around the box. "What's up with the holes?"

"Just open it." He excitedly insists.

"Okay okay. Thank you." You undo the ribbon and take off the lid. You squeal as you spot the kitten you had been eyeing at the store that evening of what you both have agreed to be your first date.

"I can't thank you enough! I love her so much." You carefully lift the kitten out of the box to cuddle her.

"Anything for you darling. What are you going to name her?"

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3 I didn't plan to write it this long. I hope you didn't mind.

I welcome any feedback or criticism.