Over the basket sheets, amazing timing, all over this rock. I'm helpless, on a floating rock, the highest rated fool. Ghost on a hill, fool in the water, I'm dying to meet you again, come over and meet a ghost. Yogi rituals, triangular arms, broken knees, coming up the hill, like a rover, like a street dog, like earth being unearthed and the walking dead. i'm tired, I'm juicy, I'm helping others, like skid row, like a flying apple, just relax, just relax, open up, openness is love, love is blindsided, the weakening arms, the truth be told, I'm an hour late, I'm short sighted, I'm aiming at stars. but somewhere, the mind and heart is flowing, somewhere a girl does her morning pages, loosen the grip, it's ok, it's ok, it's ok. yo are welcome, you're trouble, you're a toothache I can't get away from. Look at the sky, point to the ocean, make something that doesn't exist, like the 8'o clock rude, the 8 'o clock route. i want to tell you about my day, in time you'll see, don't worry about your bad jokes, I care about your bad jokes, can I throw the keys down at you, can I lose some weight? Can I take your to the laundry service, the craving mind, I'm hungry, like flow, like period blood, like butterfly kisses, like Okcupid, like a tired nun rinsing off the sperm, getting old, getting born again. he looks at pictures of European woman getting shagged, he wonders why he can't keep up. let the snake in, open your heart, let the snake in he sang. it's ok, it's ok, it's ok not to feel ok, it's lost in blood, it's death until we part, we take busses into hell, we live the last breath, we awaken in silver meadows, like bad poetry, like faces gone wrong, she has his ambition, his drive, he is a liar, a face in the dark, he had sex with everyone she claims, he doesn't care, she wants to care, his heart is open. Men like us produce ghosts, but we can point our heads towards love, make the place sane again, and I paid you 20 euro, and you paid 35 euro for a year of 10 Percent Happier, and I'm glad for you, I want whats best for you, to be alive and free again. i want you to wake up from this terrible sleep, but is it so terrible? It has all the colour of a rainbow, and rainbows don't really exist, they are prisms, they are reluctant mumbo jumbo, I'm happy we met, happy this task is done, happy to finally get through to you. Because in God we trust, in art we thrust, it's the making of a sheep in wolfskin. 

It's after Bikram Yoga day, it's after the wolf of Wallstreet, it's after boxing day. The thing I probably need the most is change. I feel a fart coming up, it's released into the air. The subconscious traitor, the woven hand, the child and adult, the picking up the pieces, all of this is a woven hand, a woven sun, a deeper place to rest. Clear your mind they say, but they don't know how to it. Like Bianca, like facebook messages, Sarah Barnes, it's all good, its the end of suffering. Into it now, into the pig shelter, the suns rays, like Fanta and grapefruit, like Durban skies, like taking a bath with your sister. The mind is a steady thing, the sun is a rock that shines so bright, the enemy is the sun, shoulders relaxed, eyes straight, eyes wondering intensely, worried about nothing, like sandals, like floating feathers, like children on the run. Everyone expects you to be there, everyone accepts you to be here, but I know better, I can take the heat, so can she, so can most of us. Thankful for netflox, that passing feeling, when the student is ready the teacher will appear. But I won't just go away, but I'll relax and accept it. Don't make another move, the door is in the door way.

People often come into spirituality later in life. Then they eat oranges. My body and brain is pretty tired, I, sat opposite Lisa on a train back to Antwerp. Merry Christmas,as all of us. I have my chrome cast, I have my Walkman, I have my sun of a gun. I feel old and kinda tatty, a bit bummish, pretty soon I’ll have some cash. My Mom drives me crazy, maybe I feel super-entitled to get exactly what I want from her, but then maybe not. Maybe this train is going to be crushed by a flying asteroid. I made it to the moon and back, my brother came online with his new girlfriend Boa, Julie must be such a wreck, tears of joy years of joy. And I mastered ‘Silent Night’, just about. So tired I could sleep with a cash. Tired enough to notice my breath, tired enough to choke on it. Around here anything goes, around here, we park where ever a parking spot it, around here we never take anything personally ever. Around here we hide the white stains on our pants, we go to places where the weather hurts, think of places to get regulated. I’m so sad about George Haas though, 6 weeks and no Emil back, I’m supposed to let it go, supposed to not waste mental energy over it, I can a lot of the time, but o guess this will just always be a pain in my side. I’m frustrated, irritated, annoyed for not getting what I want, but then again: why should everything in life go the way I want it to? It can’t, so I accept the pain, the burden and all that snot. The battery operator is powering up this iPad as we travel down the tracks in the dark, the light is flat and unflattering, I’m powered up in Paris, lit up, just begging for a snack, some stupid bloody recognition, some big, dumb love, a dream, a sense of hope and a timer counting down the goodness. When I get home I hope I don’t watch porn. We’re all part of AI time, were all on our way back home, we’re all trying to take off in flight. God verdomme! All along the watchtower The baby’s breath, the awakening at 5am in the morning, sleep cycle, forever more. Christmas time at my moms place, with Lisa, enjoying each other’s company. I’m glad we got to do that, glad we could sing Silent night together, glad we could eat a nice meal together, sleep close to each other and ignore the TV.

Marc is mad at me. i have something close to religion in my life, I have mindfulness, the breath, dharma talks of goodwill and kindness, and I'm so grateful for this. I have a new heart, although, maybe let's not get carried away, i do have good intentions though. I'm in a peaceful place right now, just because I took a slight U-turn this evening and cleaned up my kitchen instead of wallowing in self-pity and dust, then i reached out to my mom. I love these messages of kindness I hear, that I constantly expose myself to. For some reason my heart is open right now, I feel kind and soft and open. Maybe it's a christmas miracle, maybe it's the spirit of christ, maybe it's the goodwill of man kind. I have better things to do than be mad at people, even my brother. I have no christmas tree, I have Latisha and a kind heart. I called my mom and she sounded a little bit drunk. She said she was sad. Maybe I judge her for not taking enough action, for remaining a child, all of these opinions/accusations/judgements are probably true, but I take comfort in realising that I need to let go of my expectations of her. But if something happens, and I get sick, I would reach out to her, after all she was there for me when I had my wisdom teeth removed. She is a scared person, inside she is like a small child most of the time, kind of incapable of..LIFE. This is not something to judge her for, and it's not something to pity, it's something to show compassion and love toward.. I'm having a hard time put into words what I want to say. Inside of her is a small, frightened child who is in Freeze mode a lot of the time. She's like a cat watching her little kittens drown in a pool, unable to do something about it. Where does this leave me though? I don't know, I just need to take care of me, be the best I can be. Give something back eventually. The grass is green and the bells are ringing, Latisha is sleeping, I'm all alone on Christmas Eve, perhaps I'll light some candles. I'm not complaining though.

Super tired and making a big deal about everything and it aint really necessary, this moment will pass. I'm just really tired and ready for bed, and that's where I should be. It's warm in here, a little too warm, It's christmas period and it's a tough time. Got into a fight with my brother but it hardly seems worth mentioning, I smoked 4 cigarettes, regulated my emotions by watching porn and then felt a bit guilty about it. Sort of approached 2 girls, felt bad about that coz it's kind of pathetic. Got into a fight with Lisa but I would rather not like to think about it. i just want my bed, this is not a big deal, this is just a bit of an exhausting day, don't identify with it. My leg or knee rather isn't doing too well, its swollen and hurts and I think the best thing for it is some rest. Rest will make it go away. hey Steve, take it easy on yourself, you're doing your best, you're doing fine. Even this is an act of kindness taking the time to write. Compassion is needed constantly. It's no big deal, I'm alive and well. Take care big dude, take care. Oh right, I still have a minute to go, better lake use of the wind. highlight of the day was watching Bob the painters son make an amazing winter lake painting and describe having fun and letting go the most important part of the process.

First of all I feel pretty guilty for not doing the one thing I said I'd do, I'm an amazing procrastinator, the king of procrastination. The only thing now is to do the right thing, feed your stomach and go to bed on time. While I type this Latisha licks at her food, she has such a pretty face. While I type this, while my guitar gently weeps, I think about that con artist involved with the Backstreet Boys, and N Sync, and someday soon this will be an insignificant memory, because all things pass, impermanence is permanent. Saw Zenah yesterday, i'm very attracted to her but I don't see a future. She's a really nice girl but I think there's a big chance that she's quite troubled, and this makes me feel quite sad actually. I imagine her self-image might be a little bit warped, a bit unfriendly. Damn, this can make me sad, so many wounded souls out there. Anyway, I've been offered another 40% discount from 10 Percent and I'm super pleased with that. I'm so happy to be associated with Buddhism and to be a meditator, it's already given me so much. I'm curious about the future of my practice, which is ironic, because this moment is all we have. 'This moment is all we have', it's one of those things you hear but keep forgetting. I think maybe we don't even hear it nor understand it, because if we did we'd all operate a little differently I reckon. Meanwhile the heartbreakers of the world launch their iPads, turn the heat up to 10 and turn down contraception. I'm terrified I got Aids. Wha

All day, all night, like INXS, is it a haiku, is it food for thought, is it like pink but more grey? Is ambition the most important thing that exists? Are you not mobile without it? You have know yourself damn well to be ambitious, anyway: fuck ambition. I’m that sleep tired the radio plays, of I keep repeating what I’m doing, and I don’t like it, it will add up in the end to some regret. That’s why I quit smoking, a quick cig right now would be really nice, but when does it end? It ends right now, it’s ends by me choosing, in this moment, to resist. And anyway, everything comes to an end, even craving. Called my mom today late at night, she was drunk, that’s not my problem, and who am I to judge anyway? She’s regulating the only way she knows how. Stuff can make me so pissed off though, but then I let them go. Latisha and her streetwise habits, just had a chat with Sarah Barnes, she’s single and ready to mingle, and I’m still jacked. 

Bad knee, no meditation, smelly hands, I’m a pumpkin, I’m out of whack, I’m on the forefront of madness, and when we laugh, let it be for real. Donald trump impeachment, walking through like dogs, show up, take 10 percent happier, hit on the psychologist. Sleep with Yinthe, take her for granted, go to India, sit down to meditate, lack of appetite, lack of drug lords, going around and around again. What’s wrong with your knee? Just need lots of rest, I hope someone cares, apparently she all out of sympathy, apparently there’s no one here to make the rounds. I have to do my best to not live with crotches, I have to do my utmost to suppress the need to violate young girls, or wake up heavensent, or throw the television out of the window. But now it’s time to rest, to eject water from out of my left knee, to not use crotches, what the heck is going on? Follow the diet, follow the don’t, sing slightly louder, get out while you still can. Ask Lisa to spend Christmas with Latisha, a very pretty cat. Wake up on time to feel healthy, to rock this boat. Go to bed every single day at the same time, make love to your hand, the best sex in town. And then there’s Zenah, who I’ve kept waiting, I hope you don’t mind my apathy, it will pass, but this Coldplay song will live on forever. Just rest. Take it easy, call back mom, smoke cigarettes, follow the green diet. We shouldn’t be going out, we should be resting, taking things one step at a time, the Paddison diet, deprived of oil, waiting to get caught, like a movie, like a spunk tank. I’ve said all I can say, Putin is president, don’t do evil, the Russian spies are watching you, and it’s all based on lack of trust. Discipline like the United States, in musicians we trust, reminding me of the gun. Donald trump facing impeachment, when will the trial take place, all you need to know and more, we’ve made it to the finish line, what do you think about that? It’s done and doner, it’s hot and hotter. Give me back my chromecast, order things now.