#autistic dee

Gosh where to start. These siblings are,,,, a lot that's for sure

tw: mentions of past ABA ‘therapy’, ARFID (a type of eating disorder)

They’ve been causing their moms stress for 16 years /j

They used to share a room as kids, and while the did eventually get separate rooms, it took months until they were regularly sleeping in their own beds

They still come into the other’s room and share beds on occasion 

Their moms think it’s adorable to find them snuggling together in the morning even tho they’re both teens

Virgil has poor fine motor skills and so Dee helps them tie their shoes every morning 

They’re the best at supporting each other through each other’s worst meltdowns

Virgil knows exactly how to calm Dee down so Dee won’t hurt himself and Dee knows the best way to calm Virgil down as well as identify whether they’re about to have a panic attack or a meltdown

To calm Virgil down, Dee takes them to the Sensory Room

Since Virgil got out of ABA they’ve always had a small room in the house dedicated to sensory and autism stuff

They usually spend an hour or so together in the room after dinner 

It helps them both calm down and process their days (they do usually talk pretty in depth about their days and their classes while hanging out during Sensory Time)

Dee doesn’t need Sensory Time as much as Virgil but It’s part of Virgil’s routine and Dee joins them 

If one of them starts happy stimming, the other often will often reflect it to show agreement/support/equal happiness. They’ve definitely gotten caught in stimming loops before

Dee is super sensitive to textures so during really bad meltdowns he’ll take all his clothes off

Virgil’s really bad at recognizing their bodily needs such as sleeping, eating, peeing, etc. (they also have ARFID)

They crack jokes around each other about Virgil accidentally not sleeping or almost peeing themself and Dee “stripping” but only around each other 

They have a very special birthday tradition where they get each other gag gifts every day until their bday for the age they’re turning and on their actual bday they get each other something super sentimental that usually becomes a comfort item 

(basically if they’re turning twelve it’s 11 gag gifts, one per day leading up to their bday until their actual bday when they give each other something super genuine and thought out)

They infodump to each other all the time, especially about SpIns and their pets

Virgil was diagnosed first at four, and after learning that a lot of the symptoms their moms had observed in Virgil and Dee were symptoms of autism, Dee got tested and was diagnosed as well

Virgil really struggled with communication as a young kid and was nonverbal until about age 7

Because of this and other struggles, a friend of their moms’ suggested they put Virgil in a “really great program that helps autistic kids cope called ABA”

Virgil goes to ABA and it- being ABA- is of course awful

Once his moms find out what exactly is going on there and how bad it is they immediately pull him out and place him in actual decent therapy to cope with the experience that was ABA

Overall, Dee and Virgil are inseparable. They’ve always been together, and they’ve always loved and supported each other

Which is why it’s so weird that Dee’s suddenly stopped talking to Virgil about the things that are bothering him

And Virgil knows something’s bothering him

Part three babeyyyy 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part ...

TW: Ableism, Referenced Loneliness, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

So Remy asks “What’s wrong with your brother” and Dee is Immediately on the defensive bc that’s his brother asshole

His first words are “First off- Virgil’s nonbinary. They don’t mind the word ‘brother’ but they/them pronouns.” bc Dee’s gotta establish that first

And then Dee goes “And nothing’s wrong with them. They’re autistic, asshole. And…” is Dee really doing this? “And so am I.”

And Remy’s just there like No Clue what to say

So he says what he thinks is a compliment “You’re autistic? I’ve never noticed it before.”

And Dee is still Very Much on the defensive

And he snaps off a quick “yes” but doesn’t elaborate bc he’s also Scared Shitless bc this is his Only Friend and he’s kinda being an asshole rn but Dee doesn’t want to be alone at school anymore

So Dee takes a deep breath, “Okay let’s start with what you just said. I get that you think you’re probably complimenting me but you’re not. From my perspective that’s incredibly invalidating to hear because it can make me feel like I’m making it all up even though I know I’m autistic” 

Remy feels bad now because RSD, so he just offers a very meek apology

Dee takes another breath. “It’s- well it’s not okay. But thanks. Let’s just… can we sit and talk about a few things for a moment?”

And Remy nods and they sit down on Dee’s floor

Dee gets back up and grabs his snake because he needs the stim and pressure to help calm down and Remy’s just there kinda nervously twiddling his thumbs

Remy: “cool snake”

Dee: “thanks her name is Aristotle, but let’s not get off track here. So there entire time we’ve been friends you’ve been kinda… unintentionally ableist?”

Remy: “Ableist? What’s that?”

Dee: “uh okay so like.. Some of the things you’ve said have been… discriminatory? Towards disabled people.”

Remy: “Oh… oh shit im sorry I had no idea-”

Dee: “yeah it’s fine you didn’t know but… if we’re gonna keep being friends you’re gonna have to educate yourself, you can’t just say shit like that and think it’s fine.”

Remy: “ok… ok i can do that”

Dee: “Would it help if i start off by explaining why what you said and how you treated my brother pissed me off?”

Remy: “Yeah”

Dee: “So when you met Virgil you immediately treated them differently and like a child. Like they weren’t capable of being on their own. That is something that tends to piss Virgil off.”

 Remy: “I mean… I was just trying to be nice? I didn’t know if they could understand me.”

Dee: “Yeah see, but that assumption is part of the problem. Virgil is nonverbal sometimes, meaning they can’t always talk and usually won’t look at people when they talk to them and it might not appear to you that they’re listening, but they do understand. And you automatically assuming they don’t because they act differently? Because they communicate differently? That’s ableist. I’m autistic too, but you didn’t talk to me like that, right?”

Remy: “Yeah? But I guess it’s different.”

Dee: “Why?”

Remy: “… I think it’s ableist so I better not say it.”

Dee: “I mean it’s good that you recognize that. That’s a good first step. But from here you need to change your mindset. I’ll try to talk more openly about being autistic around you but only you because currently out of our friend group You’re the only one who I’m comfortable with knowing I’m autistic.”

Remy: “Yeah, I’m happy you feel comfortable with letting me know and not booting me for being an asshole even though I had no idea I was being an asshole”

Dee laughs, and Remy finally offers his regular smile

Remy: “And I think I get it now. I can work on that. And- I’m not trying to say this as an excuse at all- just, I was never taught this y’know? I mean it doesn’t make it okay and I’m going to try. I just… didn’t know.”

Dee: “Yeah I know. It’s uh- I mean autism has this image. A lot of disabilities do. And your actions obviously aren’t okay, but you’re listening and that’s a lot more than most. I still want to be your friend. But I need you to do this.”

Remy: “Got it.”

Dee: “Oh and uh, you should probably apologize to Virgil.”

Remy: “… Okay I swear I’m not trying to be ableist so call me out if I mess this up,,, but how do I do that? How do I talk to Virgil? I mean- I get that they understand me. But- they use the tablet? Do I just talk? Do I need to do anything else?”

Dee: “No. Just talk to them. They might not look at you- probably won’t actually. But they’re listening. Probably at least. Okay, they might ignore you on purpose because you were an asshole but not because they don’t understand you.”

Dee: “Oh and actually- I mean. We do understand people. But some things autistic people do struggle with. So just,,, listen to us. Don’t assume. Listen. That’s the thing. If Virgil for some reason didn’t understand you, they would let you know. Don’t just assume they can’t understand you right away.”

Remy: “Okay. I can… I can do that. Should I apologize now?”

I don’t think we’ve specifically said why? But also my memory is not great either and Max’s is worse so (true true -M)… But pretty much Dee doesn’t go to the same school because he doesn’t feel like he needs the extra support. Virgil moved schools because they felt like they weren’t able to handle public school and the special education there also didn’t work well for them. On the other hand, Dee (while struggling socially) is fine in regular ed with some accommodations. At this time, he doesn’t feel like he needs the support that Virgil’s school provides. (And same for the rest of the characters- they all go to that school- or in Remus’s case, is homeschooled- bc they’ve decided that’s where they fit best and have the most fulfilling school experience based on all their individual needs). ~Remy