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(These prompts are longer than usual, but i got a bit carried away)
āI didnāt know that you cared this much about me.ā
āOf course I fucking care. You think I WANT to spend every single second of every day thinking about what I did wrong, what I couldāve done differently if I didnāt care?ā
You were the best thing and worst thing thatās ever happened to me.Ā
Everytime I think Iāve gotten over you, everytime I think Iāve made the smallest bit of progress or that I can live without you - I see someone that looks like you or hear a song that you used to love and my heart breaks all over again.Ā
I keep going to the same places that we used to go to. I donāt even need to go there but I somehow think that if I go to the same memorable places that somehow, it wonāt be now anymore. Somehow, itāll be then and Iāll see you turn the corner with a huge grin on your face like none of this ever happened.Ā
Please donāt do this, I made a mistake. I still love you.
Where was this? Where was this three months ago? When I was crying over you, wondering where I went wrong, hating myself for laughing at that joke or texting you first or ever EVER sharing my true feelings for you? I have wasted MONTHS and when I finally managed to not breakdown when I see you, you tell me you love me? No. Not a chance.
People always say that love is supposed to easy, but people never tell you that unloving someone will be the hardest thing youāll ever do.Ā
āHow can you stand there and tell me that all you ever did was love me? So, when we fought and cried and screamed that we hated each other so that everyone could hear - that was love? The few moments ofĀ āloveā between us was only when we were too tired to fight anymore - Iām tired of being tired all the time.ā
I canāt keep forgiving you because you keep building up my trust and then tearing it down all over again - sorry canāt fix months of misplaced trust and belief in a person that canāt see when theyāve made a mistake.Ā
I know youāre devastated, I know youāre barely holding yourself together, I know youāre broken - but itās not my job to fix you. I no longer feel like Iām in a relationship, I simply feel like the glue thatās holding all this together - I canāt do this anymore.
What happened to the person who used to laugh at silly puns with me? What happened to the person who used to enjoy talking to me, opened up to me, let me into their life? What happened to the person that I fell in love with?
I donāt even recognise you anymore.Ā
I thought that if I changed just little things about myself that I could fit into your life, be the person that you can fall in love with - but every single time, you picked them over me. I kept changing and changing to the point where I donāt even know who I am anymore.Ā
āI told you Iām sorry a million times, what do you want from me?ā
āWhat do I want? I wanted you to realise what you were doing while you were doing it, I wanted you to stop yourself, I wanted you to not ever tell me you loved me when you knew that itād break my heart when you decided that one night was worth throwing away our entire relationship.ā
Perhaps, things wouldāve worked out differently if Iād expressed my feelings earlier. If Iād told you how I felt from the beginning and opened myself up to you more rather than being scared of everything going wrong. But I might not ever know - because that was then and this is now. Youāre with them and thereās not a fucking thing I can do about it.Ā
We were young, we were stupid, we were in love. Now weāre older, weāre smarter and we canāt even look at each other anymore.Ā
It would be so easy to say Iām sorry and start this all over again with you, go back to the days when we were in love and we had no problems. But I know, you know that if we did that, the cracks would just start to appear again and weād be right back where we started.Ā
Iād have my heart broken all over again if it meant that I could have those first six months with you - those were the best months of my life.Ā
Yes, I said that Iād always save a part of my heart for you. But soon, my heart no longer yearned out for you every second, it no longer missed you everytime I was reminded of you, it no longer broke down at the sight of you. I loved you then but the part of my heart that was reserved for you no longer beats.Ā