#auderestarter

hey! i’m demi lovato and you’re watching disney channel! ...well not exactly anymore. what’s up, i’m demi...just don’t call me ‘woman’. BUT on the upside. pretty positive i went a bit over on makin’ some cookies, so if anyone wants any....i have a remote control car that i can hand deliver them to you. 

You know I never thought I would stoop this low but I guess I’m going there. Please don’t get violent.. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day! 

I’ve been spending my days watching nothing but baking shows which basically makes me a pro at this point and I’m pretty sure I’m ready to host my own baking competition show. Who wants to join? And no, this isn’t just an excuse to get to eat tons of cake a cookies. 

So I made a decision to eat better, you know? When you’re up at night and think “man, I need to really watch my eating.” So I did the works, meal prepped, ordered some online delivery thing where they send you fresh vegetables and fruit so I could make sure I get it all, then literally two hours later I napped on the couch and ordered uber eats, so I guess my willpower is pretty shitty, if you ask me. I guess Bart and Homer Simpson were right, you don’t make friends with salad. @audererp​

On my second cup of coffee today, I began to wonder exactly how coffee was discovered. So get this... It turns out this Ethiopian farmer called Kaldi saw his goats eating berries off this coffea tree and so, naturally, he tried one for himself when he realised how hyper it made him. He brought some to this monastery in his village thinking it would help these monks out during their hour-long prayer sessions and it basically terrified the leaders, so they destroyed them in a fire. The scent of coffee was enough to convince them to try it again and then, as with tea, they roasted them into water and thus, coffee was born. Apparently people knew of the tree’s berries long before Kaldi, but he was like the reason all of this began. Let’s all thank Kaldi then, shall we? Surely, half of us wouldn't be here if it weren't for him. @audererp​

We gotta do this ice-breaker shit? Alright then, my name’s Dave, I’m probably the oldest guy in this place and I will not give you my brother’s number! Now, if you’ll just leave me here to smoke in peace without having 20 cameras on me and double that number of producers on my ass for 24/7, I’d appreciate it. Freedom never tasted so fuckin’ good. @audererp​

Is it just me or are the men in Los Angeles getting grimier and more immature by the second?