𝖑𝖊𝖙 𝖎𝖙 𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖓

Have you seen the one where the guys throw the brides bachelorette party, one sent her to play bingo, BINGO? like dude, these women want to see flying dicks and drink bottomless jugs of margaritas, not sit down with Agnes and her buddies and listen to a bunch of numbers. Hell yeah I can pull it off, multi tasking is something I can actually do right.

hey man, if i did hire you then you’d steal all the thunder, we can’t be having that. i hope so, unless it gets closer to the big day and everything is a shit show, you don’t know until it happens right? damn i hate living in the unknown. that’s a good idea, but i think..having someone take over ruins the thrill of it.

Maya: do not hair shame my little demon! She has your hair so it’s bound to be wild and untameable. You and the boys will enjoy our Bobby pin hell.

maya: does it count if we’ve already consummated the marriage over and over again for a year? 😂 big head is not a cute nickname baby

maya%: yeah your mom found a new favourite the second we told her about grandkids.

Joe: I tried putting her hair up into a ponytail today, jesus christ she is growing hair like a damn dog. More hair than child, that one.

Joe: hahahahha over and over, with two kids in between. guess you wearing white isn't so virginal after all. big head is cute, big head.

I left Maya to do most of the work, she seems to just have a good taste in everything but we have the same taste in most things, except she hated the idea of a Star Wars themed wedding. I’m pretty good at my lines, I think I’ll be alright, but now I’ve probably jinxed it.

If my daughter sent me flowers I’d be like, I’d prefer chocolate, but she’s only a toddler so, I don’t think she even knows how to say chocolate yet.

honestly it’s taken us almost two years to plan this wedding, well three, we got engaged a while ago, it’s hell planning when you got so much shit to do in reality plus a wedding, as much as i can’t wait for the day, i also can’t wait until it’s all over. 

maya: I can't help it! One day Stevie and I will be covering the house in hair and bobby pins and there is nothing you can do about it 😝 Hormones, breast feeding, constant chaos are all good reasons to have hair loss hahah

maya: I really thought you were going to say balls deep in something else omg 🙈🙈🙈 I was planning on passing our kids off to your sisters as soon as dinner starts. They're someone elses problem for one day. We deserve a day about us, every day until we die is about them. They won't realize until they're 30 how great we are.

maya: they've been doing that since conception. It's so cruel! We officially peaked, no one cares about us now.

joe: yes there is, i can tell her off and punish her, i can't do that to yo-.....nevermind. okay fine, i'll take it, but then the boys will be my favorites.

joe: that too though...i mean, it is our wedding night so. exactly, i love your thinking, big head.

maya: yeah and it's still gross! finding my hair in your butt crack never gets easier either 😂 no one told me this was what really married life was like! what's yours is mine was suppose to be cute but we ruined it with butt cracks

maya: our children will be making a fuss, we don't need goats hahahaha

maya: yeah they're going to be the center of attention and no one will care what we're doing at the alter.

joe: your hair is EVERYWHERE like hello i see this blonde hair everywhere i know damn well it isn't mine. you're worse than tina, and she sheds everywhere. i guess you did only have two babies three months ago so, i'll blame the hormones.

joe: as soon as it hits 7pm on our wedding night, those kids are getting swooped up and going home because then daddykins is going to be balls deep in a jug of beer, not literally...i don't want our wedding to be THAT memorable.

Well it’s actually twice for me, we’re already married...have been for almost two years, but we eloped and had a small wedding on the beach in Costa Rica, our witness was some guy we met at the hotel there. All though she was heavily pregnant and our families didn’t know so - big proper wedding party it is! Some local band who usually do weddings and school proms, they’re pretty neat.

Oh I know her pretty well, one would hope, but we’re good at agreeing, it’s just trying to get all the shit together that’s exhausting. My sister had one in the middle of no where in a valley and it was nice, so I gotta make sure it’s a lot better. I think I’m only living on 3 hours sleep a night and coffee, on top of three crazy kids, adulting sucks.

maya: babe nooooo! stop right there, i don't want to imagine this anymore.

maya: I don't want to be crying over our vows and then hear a goat screaming in the background. that's a mood killer!

maya: and the twins will be big enough to be alert for photos and it'll be so cute.

joe: it's so satisfying though, please you've been all there you know what goes on.

joe: oh cmon thats kinda funny though it will be something to laugh about.

maya: We are definitely not having those anywhere near us. The hay will be off to the side, hanging out for photo purposes only. I definitely did not need to imagine pulling straw out of your butt 😂

maya: phw! I was trying to be a supportive wife and not a bride zilla but i didn't want goats and sheeps everywhere.

maya: I'm so excitedd!!!!!

joe: you know when you get a long hair in your butt crack and it's so satisfying to pull it out? like that.

joe: oh so you weren't serious either? thank god, i don't want our wedding smelling like horse shit.