#aubeseur

─ closed starter. @aubeseur

fresh blood dries on his face , wild eyes fixed on the beaten man who's barely alive . and a few others , all against one boy named do gangjae ─ the golden boy of dongcheon , the most promising one that choi mujin liked to show off , he won the money he betted on gangjae tonight and a fat paycheck would be waiting for him after he was done with getting his bruises and cuts taken care of . most of the blood wasn't his , but the bruises were , he might have a cracked finger or toe but he was the one that stood above the men twice his size who believed would beat him in the cage fight . his breaths are uneven , his chest raising with quick inhales , he hears the men cheer behind him . and turns around ─ a drunken grin on his parted lips . they cheer for him , some of them throw the dollars at him and one of them , the bold one , comes inside the cage to give him a firm hug . it draws a quiet chuckle from gangjae , his eyes wander from mujin's face to fix on someone else as he pats the old man's back .

the white haired one , the one who isn't cheering like other men . his smile turns more suggestive somehow , like he was going to devour him . well , with a bloody mouth like that , it wasn't out of imagination . it takes a couple of hours to finish up the celebration , to shove his paycheck in the secret secret purse in his locker and lock it , pull in the handle a few times to make sure it's locked firmly . can't leave it out in the open now , can he ?

gangjae wasn't allowed to sit with the big guys , but the white haired beauty was , apparently ─ he must be someone important . cheolsu had followed him to the exit , constantly reminding gangjae that a pretty thing like that wouldn't even look at gangjae so he better forget about him and just go sleep . but what got the rabid hound this far was his determination and his sweet tongue , always making even choi mujin crack a smile with his jokes . or whatever . the night air wasn't that cold , he's left his tracksuit unzipped and chest bare . hands lazily tucked in the pockets as he leaned against the wall . his eyes were fixed on the water , the river quiet and dark . tips of his fingers pushed mindlessly on a bruise on his torso , feeling it sting , right under his rib . and cheolsu wouldn't stop running his mouth , most of the things he said gangjae chose not to hear but what caught his attention was his hurried warning . ' oh he's here he's here ! ' gangjae pulls himself off the wall and quickly shoves cheolsu away to head toward the exit .

they don't talk about it the next morning , whenever it happens it feels like a mistake because they barely mention it afterwards . all gangjae is left with are the memories haneul's breathless moans , the way he writhed beneath him with quiet begs . and often , he finds himself sitting at the same spot for hours staring at his phone , wanting to call him , refusing to because it wasn't supposed to happen anyway . gangjae holds grudges , for a long time , he thought distance and time would make him forgive his friends that still reside in dongcheon but it didn't . he grew envious , his rage was seeping in deeper and haneul is still there too . with mujin — the thought itself physically hurts his chest . he lays there facing the ceiling , feels his uneven breaths shake his ribcage as he closes his eyes . once his breaths calm down , he's thinking about leaving . pretending not to see those eyes that beg him to stay . gangjae is exceptionally skilled in it , his sweet boy , never too determined to let go of him . gangjae knows what kind of monster he is , unfortunately ; one with a heart . that doesn't mean he's forgiving or gentle , his heart is rotten , green with envy . but before he can move , haneul is shifting .

gangjae miscalculated . can't say calculation is his greatest skill either , can't say he's good at anything if it involves brains and wit . the new drug he invented was a product of his healthier days , after he became someone important , gangjae wasn't as witty as he used to be ─ must be the drugs . he was swaying , adrenaline high in his blood , attacking mujin like a rabid dog until jiwoo showed up . and the odds were at his favor , winning against the man he plotted against all his life .. cruel fate hits him right on the face . his ankle was broken , swollen in an ugly bruise , heavily dragging on the ground as he made his way along the mountains and woods . the discreet routes , covered in snow , the snow that his blood painted as he went . choi mujin shouldn't survive his injuries , he thinks . a few times does he fall down , with small groans of agony . two bleeding wounds , the snow was making his fingers feel numb . the last time he fell down , he stayed like that . a tear rolling down his sharp , scratched cheek . staring up at the darkening evening sky , wondering if haneul would think of him as he fell asleep tonight . wonders if he can haunt him , stare at his pretty face one last time and do nothing ─ like the coward he is .

now that he sees haneul's hands tremble , he knows it's all his fault . how long was he out ? faintly does he recall waking up to see an old man work on his wounds , before his eyes going black again . he remembers haneul's face too , wet and scared , remembers him whisper something .. something .

you can't keep doing this to me .

gangjae acts like he's been waiting for this . blinks with a barely restrained wince , and blinks again knowingly . there's nothing left to say , an apology won't fix this . he doesn't look up from his arm , where haneul is wrapping the bandage around , clean and white one , the dirty ones are tossed in the bin . eventually , he decides to save the other from his misery , reaches out to grab his hand . crumble his elegant fingers gently in his palm , feel them tremble , while gathering the courage to look up into his eyes . they're wet again , gangjae blinks tiredly . he doesn't know what he's allowed to do now , they've been playing cat and mouse for a long time and gangjae feels like a stranger with him . a stranger he ran to when he was dying ─ didn't even expect to be saved , just wanted to see haneul one last time before he died . his grip loosens , grabbing the end of the bandage to wrap it around his arm himself , jaw set . ‘ i'm fine . ‘ he lies when moving his arm makes him wince again . it was supposed to be a reassuring moment , aiming to soothe haneul but he just sounded mean . he knows , he doesn't know why . so he stops , closes his eyes and eventually lets them connect with haneul's . it's a chore to keep the eye contact . ‘ .. i'm alive . ‘

it happens all the time . some calculations went wrong and he misunderstood his chances ─ gangjae was supposed to run tonight . get in a boat and go to the borders through the sea , he was caught on the docks near the boat and beaten pretty badly . too badly , his wrist was probably cracked or broken , held close to his chest as he took a long drag from his cigarette with his healthy hand , blood staining the cigarette . he had nowhere to go , didn't know what was waiting for him anywhere , even cheolsu wasn't safe right now because gangjae had no idea who leaked his location and his escape plan . maybe it's because he didn't say goodbye to haneul . the thought disappears when the door opens .

dark , save for the city lights behind him . he's seated on haneul's couch in darkness , having finished his cigarette and simply waiting for the other to get home . while gangjae expects him to scream and order him to get the hell out of his house , haneul is quiet . he comes closer ─ gangjae feels as bare as a bone sticking out of the meat . a grotesque kind of nakedness , he wants to run when haneul comes closer . he doesn't know why he's scared , what makes his muscles go tense . though he looks calmer tonight , no sign of crazed stares and mad laughter .

gangjae never knows his limits , keeps crossing the reddest lines . keeps getting on everyone's nerves , it's either hatred or lust , because gangjae wouldn't know what to do with any different feelings if someone were to harbor them . he hurts you if you pity him , he laughs if you think he's your friend ─ all this and gangjae struggles to name the exact sensation that's fluttering in his stomach when he kisses haneul . stomach , not chest , thank gods for that . their breaths mingle , a firm grip has hitched haneul's shirt upward on his smooth skin . gangjae latches onto him like an octopus , walks back backward inside the dark apartment as he kisses him deeply . eagerly , somewhere along the way haneul had kissed him back and allowed him to come inside ; not that gangjae asks for permission most of the time , it's just that he thinks he had to hesitate today because haneul's been busy trying to keep up with his mouth . their lips part after the door clicks shut behind gangjae , when he pulls away to shrug his jacket off . but he can't help his smirk , not when haneul whispers please before he's kissed him again . tattooed fingers tangle in the smooth locks , on the back of his head as he yanks his head back , leaving that pretty mouth hung open and gasping . after that , gangjae doesn't do anything . simply keeps haneul pressed and arched against his taller frame , watches with an open mouthed and hungry smirk as the other whispers please again . their breaths are normal now , the gangster's sharp teeth catch haneul's chin . they drag on his skin , bite , chin and jaw . ‘ tsk don't be like that , princess . you know i like it when you're mouthy . ‘ he's nuzzling haneul's neck now , like a lost child , breathing him in and harshly rubbing his face there . hopefully he'll remember this scent because haneul is about to smell like himself ─ or sweat , or sex . ‘ didn't you just invite me for a cup of coffee ? hm ? ‘ you can tell he's grinning when he speaks , the next thing he decides to bite is haneul's earlobe . before he loosens his grip on him , just keeps a hand around his elegant throat and lazily pushes him back from his warmth . haneul needs to answer first , before he gets anything else .