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forever thinking about what the night nurse digging through charles's mind looked like from the outside. we see him drop, and he gets up in a position that suggests he was moving while in the vision. was he thrashing about when in the water? did he cry out in pain? was he silent, eyes rolled back, while edwin and the girls freaked out?
was it several minutes, or mere seconds? how long did the others have to wait?
did it look painless enough for it to be simple "inside his head magic"?
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sometimes i do wonder what we would have seen if the show had gone down the route of charles experiencing a hell tailormade for him. like would it have drawn on the flashbacks we got, or would it have been something more grotesque, to match edwin and the doll house? would it have been more about his external fears or his internal ones? and would it have been solidly placed in a circle, unlike edwin's?
just.. many thoughts (saw the shot of charles staring at the mirror again and need to bite something)
rotating edwin and charles in hell at speeds previously unknown to man... experiencing tenderness and love where everything demands they should never feel those things....loving touch and loving light and comfort and the simple truth of "i love you" no matter which way it might be taken... orpheus and eurydice because charles will look back at edwin because he loves him but he says we can do both. you can love me differently than i love you and who knows what that will mean in the future but you can have both. you can love me romantically and be my best friend my most important person the only one i will love to hell and back even though i don't know what that means yet but i love you...... edwin getting to leave hell behind both body and mind, assured that charles looked back and still led him out of hell
"I wanted them to be good guys! I depend on-"
and that's the fucking thing!!!! the overt reliance on outside displays of sporty masculinity, the DESPERATE wish to find himself through the imagery of others, to learn himself through what is modeled by those he looks up to! he has no fucking idea who he is because every time he finds aspects of himself in something, it was ripped away: his father, the cricket team, crushing on crystal, brad and hunter and it must have gone on and on and on.
other people's opinions are the only thing that can possibly matter because when these opinions sway against him it gets him beaten and it gets him killed so what the fuck is he supposed to do, huh?? what the fuck does that tell him about how to create an image of himself that isn't reliant on the comfort of those around him??
anyway charles rowland i am rotating you on an academic level
oh to be able to experience the calling by the amazing devil for the first time again
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peter: ich bin der sportliche im trio!
jeder mensch mit dem die jungs interagieren: na du hübscher schönling?
peter:
when will my love (the amazing devil) return from exile (release album 4)... must i pine away (focus on university) instead of being loved (sobbing my heart out, most likely)
our director, placing a copy of hamlet on the table: this too can be yuri
