My dear sister in Islam, who do you look up to when it comes to your femininity? Do the names - Nusaybah, Rufaidah or Atikah sound familiar to you? If yes, then that's good but if they don't then maybe it is time we change perspectives in this life. Indeed, with the emergence of a lot of muslim sisters stepping up in podiums and walking down the streets for rallies to "voice" out their rights or influencers who start to remove their hijab down to fashion gurus making hijab a fashion rather than a code of modesty is quite alarming. Why is it that there seem to be a need for sisters to show their faces in mixed gatherings? Why is that there seem to be a need for our munaqqabah sisters to post videos of them while sharing some ahadith or qur'anic ayats or even advices and tips to remind Muslims about Islam? Why is that there seem to be a need for a simple sister to register or sign up in platforms that let anonymous people send them questions or messages? Why is that there seem to be a need for us to open doors for fitnah? Indeed, when haya goes - everything goes. _____ My dear sisters in Islam, some of the greatest women who ever walked in this earth or ever lived never had a single photo of them posted but look at the legacy that they have left in this world? Generation after generation still look up to them and take inspiration from their lives. And don't we all agree, that the bottom line of why we want to be famous and are willing to forsake our haya is so that we become known or that we may be seen as someone who did something for the ummah? My dear sister, for sure you think you are doing something for the ummah and I am pretty sure it is not something that would benefit you in your akhirah. I don't want to make this a very long post but here are some nice points that maybe would make you rethink of the route you're taking in life. Nusaybah Bint Ka'ab Radiyallahu Anha was famously known for her valor and courage as she was known to have fought during the Battle of Uhud protecting the Prophet ﷺ - it was said that she kept protecting the Prophet until she was injured. But did you know when she took allegiance in the night of Aqabah, she didn't shake hands with the Prophet ﷺ, not only because the Prophet ﷺ did not shake hands with women but because she knew honor comes from Allah not by shaking hands with men. - and look how Allah honored her throughout her remaining life. [1] Rufaidah Al Islamiyyah Radiyallahu Anha was famously known for her intelligence and love for science as she was known to be the first woman or nurse of Islam. She treated the wounded in every battle that the Prophet ﷺ participated. She was so famous that her tent was known as Rufaidah's tent. But did you know whenever she would tend to the Muslims, she still would highly observe her hijab and protect her haya because she knew honor comes from Allah not by forsaking your hijab for a worldly career. [2]

“Perkara halal yang paling dibenci Allah adalah talak”, (Abu Dawud, al-Baihaqi, dan Ibn ‘Ady)

people talk about marriage as if its something so simple & light. getting married is easy. staying in the marriage is responsibility.

Akan aku bagi kisah dua hamba Allah yang dikenal sebagai orang-orang yang telah dijanjikan masuk surga. keduanya memiliki akhlak yang sangat mulia. Zubair bin Awwam adalah seorang sahabat Rasulullah salallahu alaihi wassalam, janjinya kepada Nabi selalu ia tepati. dialah sang pembela sejati. kata dan perbuatannya seperti merpati, lembut namun tegas. di jalan Nabi, ia berjalan membela kebenaran sebagai tujuan. jika api peperangan sudah menyala, dialah penunggang kuda tiada dua, zubair tidak pernah absen jihad di jalan Allah. Allah tak ingkar pada janji-Nya memberi pahala tiada terkira.

suatu ketika Rasulullah salallahualaihi wasallam berkata, “Zubair dan Thalhah akan menjadi tetanggaku di Surga”

siapa yang tak mengenai Asma binti Abu Bakar? saudara perempuan Aisyah radiallahuanha (istri Rasulullah) dan anak dari sahabat Rasulullah dan seorang khalifah Islam (Abu bakar as Shiddiq). Asma adalah wanita yg pemberani, dia bukan tipe wanita yang diam, duduk dan memperhatikan saja. asma memiliki jiwa bak pejuang jihad, ia sering menghantarkan/mempersiapkan makanan untuk Rasulullah dan ayahnya saat mereka ingin berperang atau berhijrah. ia memang pemberani namun sifat ramah tamah dan keceriaannya membuat ia disukai banyak orang, termasuk kaum quraisy (orang kafir) Zubair bin Awwan adalah sosok sepermainan 'asma. Zubair dan Thalhah bin Ubaidillah kerap menjadi pengganggu saat 'asma bermain bersama Ruqayah binti Muhammad SAW. walaupun sering mengganggu ternyata dua pemuda tersebut juga menjadi generasi pertama yang memeluk Islam. 'asma mengenal Az Zubair dengan segala keberaniannya di medan perang. tidak ada seorang perempuan pun yang tidak tertarik kepada pendamping setia Rasulullah SAW.

hingga suatu ketika, 'asma menaruh hati pada temannya itu. zubair menangkap sinyal 'ketertarikan' asma kepada dirinya. zubair pun meminang asma. betapa senangnya hati 'asma seketika Az Zubair menerima tawaran ayah asma. alasan terbesar Az Zubair menikahi 'asma adalah karena ketertarikan 'asma kepadanya.

selama mengarungi berahtera rumah tangga, 'asma selalu menjaga ghirah (kecemburuan) suaminya. asma tahu betul zubair adalah pecemburu meski pada hal kecil.

singkat cerita, Allah datangkan seorang wanita sholeha, yang parasnya mashAllah rupawan, Atikah. Atikah adalah janda dari kakak asma, Abdullah bin abu bakar mati syahid, lalu Zaid bin Khatab meminang Atikah hingga zaid meninggal dunia dan ia menitipkan istrinya kepada Umar bin Khattab (saya fans berat Umar hehe). Umar tidak begitu cemburuan, namun ia sangat menjaga Atikah. hingga Umar bin Khattab wafat, Atikah lama menyendiri dan menyibukkan dirinya menulis. 

Hai mata, berikanlah ratapan dan tangisan Kepada imam yang mulia jangan bosan Kabar duka, penunggang kuda menyampaikan Di saat bertugas dan peperangan Katakan kepada orang-orang susah, matilah! Karena kematian telah menjemput Aku tidak bisa tidur, mataku terjaga oleh isi hati penuh ketakjubab Hari ini mataku benar-benar terjaga Aku tangisi Amirul Mukminin dan semuanya Kepada para pelayan kemanfaatnan dan kelapangan

keindahan syair itu membuat Az Zubair kagum kepadanya. kecintaannya terhadap Atikah sangat terlihat dari kekagumannya. zubair pun meminang Atikah. setelah menikah Az Zubair tetap mengizinkan Atikah untuk shalat ke masjid Nabawi. Namun, ia tetap membuntuti Atikah dari belakang. tapi tak lama setelah itu, Az Zubair resmi melarang Atikah pergi ke masjid Nabawi dan ia tidak pernah melakukannya lagi. Az Zubair emang pencemburu.

perhatiannya kepada Atikah seolah menyiratkan pertanyaan di hati 'asma, "Az Zubair, kau memberikan padaku segalanya. menanamkan benih-benih hebat pejuang tauhid. kau mengokohkanku dengan kisah-kisah pengorbanan tulus dalam setiap desahmu. kau memberikan segalanya, kecuali cinta yang bergelora. Az Zubair, suamiku, jenis cinta apakah yang kemu miliki untukku?"

kecantikan Atikah membuat Az Zubair harus menjaga istrinya yang satu ini dengan ekstra ketat. sedangkan 'asma yang sejak kecil merupakan perempuan pemberani tentu tidak melahirkan kekhawatiran di hati Az Zubair. oleh sebab itu, perhatian Az Zubair terhadap 'asma tidak sebesar perhatiannya terhadap Atikah. ketidakseimbangan inilah yang menjadi badai dalam pernikahan 'asma dan Az Zubair. pada suatu siang, sekitar tahun ke 29 Hijriyah, setelah selama 28 tahun Asma mendampinginya, Az Zubair menceraikan ‘Asma. entah karena alasan spesifik apa. kecenderungan Az Zubair kepada Atikah yang menjadi alasan terbesar perceraian tersebut.

"dan jika kamu takut tidak akan dapat berlaku adil" saya pribadi beranggapan bahwa alasan zubair menceraikan 'asma adalah ketidakmampuan zubair dalam berlaku adil. 

hingga pada Atikah berusia 50 tahun, zubair wafat dan Atikah meratapi kematian suaminya dengan tulisan syair yang menjadi terkenal.

Anak Jarmuz mengkhianati pemimpin pasukan Suatu hari tanpa perlawanan Hai ‘Amr, jika kau beritahu, dia akan siaga Tidak akan gemetar jiwa dan tangannya Berapa banyak kesulitan dilewatinya Dia tidak akan tercela, wahai orang yang akan disiksa Demi Allah, kau telah membunuh seorang muslim Layak engkau dihukum, pembunuh dengan sengaja

walaupun pernah bersama dengan 'Asma, ternyata yang menjadi pendampingnya dikala syahid adalah Atikah. bahkan pada kematian Zubair membuat Atikah terkenal sebagai istri para syuhada. atikah sempat dipinang oleh Ali bin Abi Thalib. namun, pada saat itu, Atikah mengajukan syarat agar Ali tidak berperang karena takut Ali syahid seperti suami-suaminya yang lain. karena persyaratan itu, Ali tidak jadi menikahinya. Atikah lalu menikah dengan Hasan bin Ali. Inilah pernikahan terakhirnya.

INI PART PALING MENYENTUH:

setelah perceraian dengan zubair, sejarah 'asma binti Abu Bakar adalah sejarah perjuangannya bersama putra-putra hasil cintanya dengan zubair dulu. Ia tidak pernah menikah lagi. ia menjanda hingga akhir hayatnya. keputusan ini karena perkataan ayahnya, "putriku, sabarlah. jika seorang wanita mempunyai suami yang shaleh dan dia meninggal, lalu wanita itu tidak menikah setelah itu, mereka akan dipersatukan kembali di surga."

ya Allah, ngebaca ini hati saya tersentuh sekali. saya rasa 'asma masih menyimpan rasa cinta pada zubair, namun ia tahu betul Allah mengetahui yang terbaik untuknya. ia menikah dengan zubair karena Allah, ia lepaskan zubair karena Allah dan inshAllah mereka bertemu kembali di surga karena izin Allah. duuuh, terharu mewek:(

Asma meninggal tujuh belas hari setelah Abdullah bin Az Zubair meninggal dunia(jodoh sebentar di dunia, jodoh selamanya di akhirat). Allah menakdirkannya berusia 100 tahun. Ia tidak pikun, giginya tidak satupun yang tanggal, pikirannya pun tetap kuat dan prima. begitu pun keimanannya masih tetap teguh dalam ketakwaan. 

terkadang dinikahi oleh orang yang dicintai selalu menghasilkan tanya, "cintakah kau kepadaku?" "kamu sayang ngga sama aku?" seperti pertanyaan 'Asma radhiallahuanha kepada Az Zubair radhiallahuanhu yang jawabannya belum dapat ditemukan dalam literatur manapun. kecantikan dapat menjadi salah satu hal yang menjadi alasan mengapa perempuan dinikahi tapi ketinggian iman merupakan pilihan yang paling menyelamatkan (NOTE TO MYSELF BGT NIH!). di samping keshalihan dan kecerdasan, ternyata kecantikan merupakan kriteria penting yang membuat lelaki memilih istri, karena sejatinya manusia suka dengan yang indah-indah, sekarang baru ngerti kenapa laki-laki cepet sekali melirik ke yang cantik-cantik, wajar saja. kecemburuan adalah duri dan belenggu dalam pernikahan terutama pada pernikahan poligami. hal terpenting dari kisah ini, mempertahankan pernikahan lebih sulit daripada meraihnya.

ps: kayaknya ini nyambung juga sama percakapan dengan ikhwani kemarin mengenai poligami haha. 

You just lost a loved one.

You're torn, broken and in pain - a pain that is so much it lingers, it stings.

Tears just fall as soon as that person's name is mentioned or each time his or her thought crosses your mind - same name you used to make du'a for Allah to protect and keep healthy is now the name that you ask Allah to grant ease in his or her grave and to be amongst those Allah would grant a place in Jannah.

I know, it's excruciatingly and constantly painful. It may be a mother, a father, a spouse or even your own child that you had to bury.

Indeed, how much can one take? With what is happening in this world, we witness a lot of our brothers and sisters who are living in war torn countries suffer by losing a number if not all of their family members in just one glimpse. May Allah grant them ease.

Unimaginable pain indeed, yet we trust in the Qadr of Allah and we move on and we find comfort in His Words and in perfecting our worship.

Yet, I want to tell you of a person who lost not just anyone in her life but the closest ones in her lifetime - one by one.

Once a person gets married - they find a partner in life, someone they can be so open with - they find a best friend who they can rely on as much as they can and trust that will always have their back - someone they fall in love with and experience that beautiful gift of love.

If you are married or is getting married - how would you feel or how would you cope losing that person? Terrifying even to think about, right?

Well, Atikah Bint Zaid Radiyallahu Anha had to go through that not only once in her life but four times.

_____

Atikah Radiyallahu Anhu was married to Abdullah Ibn Abu Bakr (son of Abu Bakr) Radiyallahu Anhu - and anyone who have read about their love story would agree that they illustrate a very loving relationship - it was said that they were so in love with each other so much that somehow made Abdullah slack on his duties.

Yet, she lost Abdullah, she lost Abdullah who loved her so much that as they say put her on a pedestal - and she loved him back as well to the point that she made a vow of not marrying again after him.

The thing is, Atikah was described as a very beautiful young lady with a beautiful character and manner - knowing that she was also raised from a good and prominent family from the Quraish.

Years have passed and Atikah kept her promise until Umar Radiyallahu Anhu sent proposal for her during his reign as the caliph - but it was not an easy courtship, Atikah refused him a couple of times. They got married and after this 'Umar helped Atikah settle an amount that she distributed as alms as an expiation for her broken vow.

Yet, she lost Umar, she lost Umar who became a grand support and a means of guidance for her through his wisdom and a father of her son.

After Umar's martyrdom, Zubair Ibn Al Awwam made the move and proposed to Atikah. She married Zubair with quite some interesting conditions that she laid out. Their relationship has been described as if they were kids who would deliver their points in such a bubbly way.

Yet, she lost Zubair, she lost the man who she was friends with, a man who even when disagreements arose within their marriage never became harsh on her rather who used to send his point across in an affectionate way.

On this verge of her life - she was given an affectionate title "Wife of the Martyrs" since Abdullah, Umar and Zubair Radiyallahu Anhum all died as martyrs.

Ali Ibn Abi Talib Radiyallahu Anhu proposed to Atikah at this point in which she replied "I do not want the cousin of the Prophet to be martyred."

She refused Ali but later on in her life when she had progressed in age, Hussain who is the son of Ali, proposed to her and she married Hussain.

Yet again, she lost Husain, the young man who cherished her despite of her age. The man who gave her affection and was impressed by her wisdom and character - a constant remembrance of how beautiful of a person she was.

_____

Subhan'Allah. Indeed, how much can a soul take?

Remember how our beloved Prophet ﷺ said: “Great reward comes with great trials. When Allah loves a person, He tests them, and whoever accepts it attains His pleasure, whereas whoever shows discontent with it incurs His wrath.” [1]

Atikah is a great example of this hadith. She was tested with a great calamity that not every soul can handle. We, indeed, find many people (even Muslims) walk or revert to another path once they lose their spouse or someone closest to them.

Each time I read about Atikah, I just stop and think - what great deed has she done for Allah to raise her status like this through testing her this way. What a great lady she was.

_____

Atikah was a beautiful lady and her beauty did not shine only through her physical appearance but also through her character and manners. She was also stern in her beliefs and would voice out for her rights - she was a poetess - one of the best.

She was not married to any mere kind of men - just see the line of men she was married to, they were men of the battlefields - two of her husbands were amongst those who were promised Jannah, two other are sons of two of the greatest caliphs of Islam.

Atikah was no mere woman, she was a woman of great status and this was all because of her perseverance, her faith and the way she accepted the Qadr of Allah.

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam, I know this story is a bit long but I pray this would speak to you in a manner that you need the most. This is life - we will lose someone as death is inevitable and we will go through calamities but let us strive our best to accept it with full faith in Allah's Qadr.

Nothing befalls a believer except that it is good for him. - Read that twice.

_____

May Allah elevate the status of Atikah and may every believing woman be the likes of her and be inspired by learning about her story.

Amin

Zohayma

_____

Note:

Atikah's first husband was Zaid Ibn Al Khattab (Umar's brother) but their marriage ended in divorce. Zaid was also martyred in the battle of Yamama but at this time Atikah has remarried already.

Stories were taken from

• Al-Isaba fi tamyiz al-Sahaba Vol. 8 | Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani

• Kitab al-Tabaqat al-Kabir Vol. 3 & 8 | Muhammad Ibn Saad

• Tarikh al Rusual wa'l-Muluk Vol. 11 | Muhammad ibn Jarir al-Tabari

Atikah, Sahabat Perempuan yang Dermawan dan Ahli Hadits | Republika Online :) #islam #taman #kudus

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