Every time I step foot in his studio – I feel like I need to get a cab and go back home and do some more prep…learn the lyrics, learn the pronounciation.. and of course learn the notes, learn whatever I can.

But once you landed in the Playback Lounge, from 3396 miles away, there’s no turning back. Going back just isn’t an option.

Last night I felt so bad when the Waiter bought me chips instead of mash potato – he was my stressball, “Do I look like someone who eats Chips to you!.” As an Artist I just want people out of my face. And the ones that are there I just want it to be worth my while. Especially when they brought me mash the second time but it turned out to be cold on the inside.. I was fuming. “Mate listen up, I got no time for supervising how mash needs to be made.. but here goes.. boil two potatoes, when boiled mash em up and put em in a plate, add some salt and pepper and wallah.”

Anyway after this incident I decided to catch some much needed recovery sleep especially after a long day of rehearsals and supervising a chef on how to make mash.

Next day when I woke up I felt fine, when I had breakfast the recording felt like a long time away and I knew I still had a few more hours to prepare, so no need to skimp on the Foul Medammes. By the time I’m in the shower I’m all relaxed and by the time it’s 12pm it’s WAKE UP TIME. Reality kicks in. “Hello, you’re recording in 2 hours!”

Honestly speaking I’ve been preparing way before I even left London. Not a day went past when I didn’t rehearse. In fact my first song with Atif, I’ve been rehearsing for 8 months almost daily and I’m still here hours before the recording feeling like I need to do more preparation. 

So I get my cab start making my way to the studio and feel kinda nervous but the way these cab drivers drive I’ve got better things to worry about than nerves!

But I still listen to the song on headphones.. still feeling like I need to prepare. Prepare what though? Well its my way of re-capping on the song.. I just wanna be totally absorbed .. I don’t wanna hear the taxi driver’s bullshit. I just wana focus.. yes we know Atif likes it when I focus.

Had I not have met so many pimps and thieves on my musical journey in my homeland (UK) I would probably not be sat in a hotel room in a foreign country right now shitting myself moments before my first recording with my new Music Director. 

Finally after 8 months. I can’t believe today’s the day of my first recording with Atif Ali. Up until now all I knew was I am doing a song with a Atif Ali. There was certain un-realness to the whole thing. I dont know if it’s because of his calmness or my inability to believe the move i’d taken to push myself to another level. Even when I met him for the first time it didn’t hit me. 

And boy it’s hitting me now and hitting me big. I feel so sick. Why today of all days does this have to happen to me? I’m hoping the nerves go… Need to find a way to distract myself well I might as well go take a long breakfast buffet in the hotel restaurant and listen over the song a few times (on top of the 2591 times that I’ve already heard it).

The song is engraved in every cell in my body. There’s no escaping it now. When I first heard the guide composition I fell in love with it. This is one of the biggest commitments that I’ve made to date. Sure I’ve been learning how to sing for 5 years, been to studios before. But life is so complicated. I’ve never travelled across the world to work with a producer before. I know this is insane. I’ve left my whole world behind to follow a path of learning… a path of mystery. Coming into contact with a world that I know nothing about is what make me tick. I’ve never had this opportunity with any other producer before. I keep telling myself this is just another track, with another producer. But deep down I know, its going to be like nothing I've done before. I dont know if its his sense of faith in me as an Artist or if its my respect for him as a trusted producer. Maybe its a mixture. 

Fever, flu, lost ½ my voice. I was in tears this morning at the breakfast table in my hotel apartment. I tried to contain myself and as my eyes filled with water, the 16 year old waiter came over and asked “Mam are you ok.”

Obviously I was going to say “yes, I’m fine thanks” like I always do when someone asks me how I am. But this lad just didn’t take no for an answer, he said “I can see you’re crying,” (at that point the teardrops were in my eyes not on the tablecloth!).. and boy it all came gushing out, like I was in front of a best friend. He was stood wondering what to do (bless him) as I quickly picked up my phone and ipod and ran to my room.

I’m so upset. I’m not singing, or recording. Imagine how many thousands of miles I have travelled to get here and someone up there has put a stop on it. Yeh mate I don’t think so somehow. I make my own destiny and each present second defines my own fate.

I don’t care how many medicines I need to down, I’ll do it (courtesy of my travel insurance!).

Just had a drip at the London Dubai Clinic and they said no antibiotics and plenty of rest. When I asked him, how does he expect me to rest when I’ve got recordings to be getting on with, he asked “are you a singer?” I was not impressed. For real, I need to check what my PR team are playing at.

2 days after I landed in dubai, I finally met my music director for the first time after having worked with him for over 8 months on Skype. I was late to meet him – had to tart myself up but i’m sure they understand when it’s a woman – not sure what a guys excuse would be although there is a lot of traffic in dubai!

In the taxi my heart was beating abnormally fast - like palpitations. Not knowing the emergency services number considering I was in a foreign land, I decided to “call a friend.” That didn’t work!

Paid the taxi driver some 75 dirhams (£13) for what seemed like a very long journey and was trembling all the way upto the 12th floor. Before I knocked, I said to myself “NO JOKES, BE SERIOUS and NO TEETH.”

Took a deep breath and let myself in. I’m now officially part of the Atif Ali World - and no turning back!

He is such a lovely guy. More than what I imagined him to be. He is a serious kinda guy, yet so warm. 

I sat down on his sofa and made myself at home – he kindly offered me some tea which I accepted and as I had the first sip I realised he is a great tea-maker (but thought I should keep that to myself!). Anyway Atif’s tea was amazing. 

During tea, we chatted and I felt like I’ve known him for centuries – we just connected really really wel… until he asked me to sing our song at which point I looked up at him as if he had just committed a crime. 

Talk about putting me on the spot. At that point I hated him.. this is a crime.. how dare my producer ask me to get on the mic. All I thought of was.. “how am I going to do this.. maybe we can do it later in another session.. I thought this was meant to be a coffee meeting which you lied about and actually was a tea meeting.. … im jetlagged.. its 9.30pm at night… my tea is getting cold” .. but no excuses. .. when Atif says something, you have to just do it. 

I mean I’ve been practicing it for 8 months so there wasn’t a reason why I couldn’t sing it.  As I lazily slurped my tea, he gave me a cue as he got his guitar out. I asked “Can I stand please?.’ He calmly replied ‘”yes sure, feel free” … So I stood up, with free flowing nerves running through my entire body, i started to sing our song as he played the guitar. 

Here I am singing live in front of such a talented producer / singer / director and what must he be thinking of me? My heart was boom boom boom boom all the way. .i don’t think that he actually realised what was going on inside – I didn’t show it on my face .. but inside ..I was absolutely shitting myself.

On the outside things were quite different. As soon as I started singing, I felt good. I could hear myself ‘singing in tune’, I knew the song off by heart and didn’t have to stop for any air or anything.

But one thing i remember for sure was how nervous I was and remembered thinking “I’ve just flown all the way from Africa to dubai to work with this guy so I can’t really show this guy how nervous I am…What was really strange was the fear just vanished in a flash. The feeling of wanting to curl up and die just disappeared without me even knowing it.

As I continued to sing, I could feel a force..a force of empowerment..i soon realized within the first 15 mins of being in Atif Ali’s studio, when Atif says do something, there is no room for excuses.. you just gotta do it. .. and I did it.. towards the middle of the song I felt a sense of ecstasy .. ive been practicing the song night and day for 8 months, even the nerves couldn’t overtake. The song was too deep inside me. I think he was quite.. well I I don’t know.. I  think he was impressed with my preparation. I cant rememeber exactly what happened as i must have been in a trance during the whole time I was singing. 

His facial expression was like he wasn’t expecting what he just heard – I don’t know what he was expecting. His facial expression actually gave me some hope..in fact it actually gave me a boost of confidence.