#athelliese

“Alright.” Athell sat up with a soft chuckle, turning her head towards Anneliese as light strands filtered through the warrior queen’s fingers. “What is it that you’re dragging me into?”

Anneliese had paused for a moment, brushing some hair away from Athell’s eyes in thought. There was a flicker in those green eyes, something that Athell couldn’t pin down for the life of her. 

“Athell…” Anneliese’s hand found the back of Athell’s neck, firm and steady to hold her in place. “I don’t want to drag you into anything… I would prefer to hold your hand and walk with you for a change.”

Athell’s brows slightly furrowed, eyes blinking as she searched for answers in Anneliese’s gaze. 

“That’s not what I meant—”

It was sudden, Anneliese’s fingers tightening in Athell’s hair as she was silenced with the crashing of their lips.

All the breath in Athell’s lungs had been stolen, her eyes closing to keep the room from spinning. 

Athell made an attempt to pull away, shaking her head as she could barely think straight. “Anneliese…”

“Don’t.” The word came out soft, softer than anything that Athell had heard before, “Don’t run from me now…”

Athell blinked again, a sharp pain prickling its way to her heart. She had been so focused on her own feelings, on her own circumstances, that she hadn’t considered just how hard it must’ve been for anyone else… Especially for Anneliese.

“I won’t.” Athell promised, reaching out and cupping Anneliese’s cheek. “I wouldn’t dare run from you.”

Athell leaned in, kissing Anneliese back just to prove it. Soft, unbelievably so in comparison to the rest of her. 

This… It had been the feeling Athell had spent years wondering what it was like. To be the one Anneliese had loved, even for a stolen moment.

Athell was pulled closer, trying not to fall clumsily into Anneliese’s lap. 

It felt real, the war was finally over and she could finally live…

That night had been no different. Except for Anneliese’s head pillowed on Athell’s chest. 

“You’re thinking again.” Anneliese murmured, eyes closed but not yet asleep, unlike Alistair who snored like a mabari beside them. 

“As one tends to do.” Athell’s fingers carded through Anneliese’s hair, dark strands filtering through her fingers as her mind wandered. 

They haven’t really spoken much of Athell’s time in the Fade, everyone’s relief that she survived outweighed the fact that she made a choice to stay. She still had yet to discuss it with Carver, during their morning routine of breakfast and sparring. 

“The Fade made my magic burn hotter, harder to control.” Athell started, playing with Anneliese’s hair. “The Nightmare only served its purpose, often giving me dreams within dreams, strange as it were.”

“Athell…”

It was the stupidest thing that had ever left her mouth. Athell had to bury her face in her makeshift pillow that night and scream from how ridiculous that it sounded. 

~

“Is the attempting to undress me only in your mind, or will you try it in the real world too?” Anneliese had Athell backed up against the tree, leaning with one hand pressed against the trunk. 

The silence brought itself on their shoulders, Athell’s eyes averted to the ground. Her cheeks were burning pink, no doubt the tips of her ears were flushed with a similar color. She had little escape, without looking like an even bigger fool than what she already had felt for making the comment in the first place. 

“I didn’t mean it.” Athell attempted, clearing her throat as she braved a look to Anneliese’s face. All she found there was the smugness, a challenge to what was said between them. 

“So, you’re a coward.”

Coward. If her face was not already red, that would have made it worse. Worse than anything, in fact. 

“I never said that.” 

“No, but you did just say that you didn’t mean it. Either you meant it, and you want it, or you did not. Which is it?”

“This is not the way I wanted to go about it.” 

“Okay… Would it be better if I stood over there for you to try again?”

“Don’t embarrass me, Anneliese.”

Hawke: I would like to introduce you to Warden-Commander Athell Surana, veteran of the Fifth Blight.

Athell: I report to Warden-Commander Clarel now. I haven’t been called ‘Commander’ in some time. There’s no need for formalities, Hawke.

Hawke (If Carver is a Grey Warden): You did save my brother.

Hawke (If Bethany is a Grey Warden): You did save my sister.

Athell: Not exactly what I would call joining the Wardens to be.

~

Athell: You’re glaring, Hawke.

Hawke: You didn’t tell me about the Calling. If I recall, that’s pretty bad.

Athell (If Carver is a Grey Warden): If I wanted to worry you, I would. But I assure you, your brother is safe.

Athell (If Bethany is a Grey Warden): If I wanted to worry you, I would. But I assure you, your sister is safe.

~

Athell: The crown is going to kill me.

Hawke: That is if the crown can reach you.

Athell: Not helping, Hawke.

Hawke: And you said that you were friends with the King and Queen of Ferelden?

Athell: You haven’t met Anneliese, I take it.

~

Hawke: So, you do know where the queen is. I hear Ferelden has spent some time without her in recent years.

Athell: I was with her before this. Issues were arising. I may not be in charge now, but I had a responsibility.

Hawke: And yet, you’ve not said a word about her.

Athell: She left the Wardens for a reason.

There was a moment that passed in silence, where the two were staring at each other unwavering. Anneliese’s armor glinted in the flickering lantern light, a reminder that the festivities were still in progress.

“Do you desire it?” Athell echoed Anneliese’s question back at her, running a hand through her hair as she was the first to look away. “There’s not a shortage of those who desire your attention, Anneliese.”

It wasn’t something Athell could easily ignore, while ladies often did give Anneliese their undivided attention and some form of token, a favor. A sword often at Anneliese’s side had a ribbon or several, all colors of varying shades of Highever blue.

“That doesn’t answer my question, Athell.” Anneliese leaned in close, her face inches away from Athell’s. “I asked if you desire me. Not half of Highever.”

A moment, small and fleeting, Athell could not bear the tone. If it were disappointment, she would not be able to bear it. 

Athell finally decided, for once, she would not tuck tail and run. For once, for that small, fleeting moment, she was brave enough. 

Her hand cupped Anneliese’s cheek, her thumb rubbing against the surface before leaning in. A quick, small peck, hardly a press, hardly anything more. To brave those waters.

“I have no right to love you.” Athell whispered into the space between their lips. “But I do, Anneliese. And it’s terrifying.”

“I’d rather it be terrifying than it be easy. Because it means it’s worth something.”

Anneliese did not let Athell go too far, pulling the mage back close into another kiss. A little more firm than the one before, more assured. 

Athell looked up from the covers, hands freezing in place. Her journals, yellowed pages from time, had been in the care of the one person it terrified her the most to have. Leliana had good intentions, no doubt, but those good intentions had the tips of Athell’s ears and her cheeks heating up.

“Anneliese...”

“I couldn’t bring myself to read them.” Anneliese waved her hand gently, shaking her head. “It didn’t feel right… To read it without you here.”

“Even though you didn’t know if I was coming back?”

Anneliese looked at the journals, taking a deep breath before speaking. “I was tempted, many times. I would look at these, and I'd remember how you'd sit by the fire, scribbling away while no one looked.” She looked at Athell, eyes soft. “These journals...I felt like they were sacred to you. It felt wrong to read them, even if you weren’t here. It was as if I was invading your privacy, I couldn't do it.”

Athell sat back against the pillows, blinking in as she stared at Anneliese. Even if Athell wouldn’t have returned, the thought of Anneliese never knowing… It was a sweet notion, though utterly sickening to think about. 

“You… should.” Athell nodded slowly, her hand lingering on the cover. “You should read them, Anneliese. I know that I can’t make up for the time lost, and I regret that I ever left your side. But this… You deserve to know why Leliana sent them to you.”

It was the best and worst thing that she could have said, her hands lifting the journals and holding them out to Anneliese. There was a time when she would have shuddered at the thought of letting Anneliese read the words, her words, her feelings. But they were older, time a chasm with a rope bridge between them. 

“Are you sure about this?” Anneliese gently took the journals from Athell’s hand, hesitant.