#atelophobia

at least my angel wings are coming through I guess…

(im not promoting btw im js sharing how my experience sometimes feels.)

im procrastinating again…

how am i supposed to reach my highest potential if i continue to lie in bed, either doing nothing, binge-watching a series, or viewing media about how to stop procrastinating, though i don’t take heed to any information.

just angst ! ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა

atelophobia

the fear of imperfection. the fear of never being good enough.

the word 'perfect' was something in itself. it looked clean, put together—a random seven letter word that made people flattered when being described as such. to some, it was a compliment—something nice to say to someone. To others, it was an expectation, the bare minimum. to all, it was something people strived to be, even if everyone had their flaws. 'no one's perfect,' was a saying you'd hear from a normal person. normal. 

but nobody really wanted to be normal, right? he couldn't process it, thinking of himself so highly for so long. highly wasn't the right word for it. it didnt fit, he could make it try, stretching out the fabric—tearing stitch after stitch, the thing he had worked so hard on. no matter how hard he tried, it couldn't. he didn't think of himself to be 'highly'—he wanted to be highly. he pushed himself to be the best of the best, but it was never enough—it’d never compare to the expectation.

reality would never compare.

but he still tried, even if the constant pressure of being extraordinary left his body sore—his head aching, muscles tensed. the experience left a bitter taste in his mouth, not like a weird after taste or the nagging feeling of a temporary sore throat—it was an overwhelming taste of guilt. of sadness. of doubt. of disappointment—the constant fear he’ll be second place for the rest of his life. soon, the competition just left him tripping off the pedestal, getting upset over simple mistakes and causing newer, more bigger ones.

after all, a normal person can only take so much. because that’s all they’ll ever be. normal. average. second place.