#ate.writes

being the only daughter of walburga black and orion black requires a lot of effort and valor, especially when one of your brothers chooses to leave the house and dump all his responsibilities to you. you're not the type to go against you family beliefs, not that you agree on it, but you would acquire all the burden rather than regulus.

you don't want to experience what your older brother went through, so, you did your best to please walburga in every possible way, but honestly, you're just afraid. afraid of what she might do, not to you, but to regulus.

afraid that your mother might perform the unforgivable curse to regulus as she did on sirius every other summer night. afraid that your mother needs to fire spells to both of you just to obey her rules and reach her standards.

so, you did what you think is the best, obey her. obey her like you're under an imperius curse, like a puppet controlled by the strings she holds. and now everyone thinks you're the standard of every pureblood daughter.

that title alone sets to much pressure on your shoulder. every move you make made you conscious, and you find yourself stressing over the simplest thing just to try and make them perfect, like how your mother would prefer, from your grades to your looks and how you act.

maybe you really are afraid. the oh-so-perfect pureblood y/n black is frightened. shivering and whimpering by the fact she's just her mother's little puppet. you mimic her every move, decisions and now slowly you're drowning in her beliefs.

but then james came. he came like an angel sent from above. ready to dive into darkness that's been engulfing you since you were a kid and pull you back where you can see the light.

he came into your life with his big stupid goofy smile plastered on his face, the smile that made your walls crumble, and in just one glance you're ready to break all the rules your mother set to see that smile again. he smiled, and suddenly you became aware of how beautiful the world is.

he came into your life and cut all the strings that kept your whole body from moving. the strings that kept you gasping for air, the strings that kept you blinded from everything, the strings your mother controlled. he came, and suddenly you can breathe again.

"penny for your thoughts, love?" you scrunched up your nose when his hot breath came crashing to your face.

"s'nothing, just thinking how lucky i am to have you here in my arms and acting like a big baby." a chuckled escapes your lips when his mouth automatically pulls into a pout.

"i'm the one who's lucky to have you." he moves forward to attack your face with butterfly kisses resulting a pit of giggles erupting from the both of you. he falls back in your chest with a content sigh before tightening his grip on your waist.

a contented sigh escaped your lips as the warm breeze engulfed your body. you had your eyes closed while you let your skin bathe in the mild sun, sitting beside the black lake is your only escape from the boys.

“lunch is starting soon.” a shadow blocked the sun light from your face making you groan. slowly, you open your eyes only to be welcomed by the smiling face of your boyfriend, remus.

“hi.” he grinned before leaning in to place a kiss on your lips.

“hello, c'mon let’s go grab lunch.” he offered his hands for you to stand which you gladly accept.

“i’ve been thinking-”

“you can think?” he gasped dramatically making you roll your eyes.

“of course, remus. i am a ravenclaw for a reason.” you flicked his forehead making the latter groan, a mannerism you picked up over the years of hanging out with the marauders.

“you’re a little bit ehh for a ravenclaw.” he shrug before snaking his strong arms around your waist.

“what do you mean ehh?” you scowl playfully earning a grin from remus. he leaned down to pamper your face with kisses making the both of you giggle.

“i’m just kidding.” he placed a last kiss on your temple before fixing his posture again and continuing to walk. “so you’ve been thinking?” he raised an eyebrow at you.

“yeah, what if we spend the summer with the boys in my father’s farm house, what do you think?” you look up to meet his eyes, since his a lot taller than you.

“that’s sound wonderful, dove.” he offered you a small smile before guiding you to the gryffindor’s table. “you tell the boys.” he whispered in your ears before pulling you down in his lap.

“y/n!! you wouldn’t believe what happened…” the boys chorused making you giggle.

being in love seems so dreamy especially when you have your nose stuck in a muggle romance book while growing up. it fascinates you how in one simple turn of event someone can find love, so when you finally fell in love with your best friend the first thing that came into your mind was rainbows and butterflies.

everything seems so magical and perfect, i mean it's just fitting right? you two ought to be with each other like what happen in every romance novel you read, but when a certain red haired girl walked in to your lives everything crumbles. you expect being in love will make you feel flustered and ecstatic but what you didn't expect that being in love also hurt this much.

it's supposed to be rainbows, butterflies and happy endings like in the books but why are you served with dull skies? the fluttering wings in your stomach was now long gone and was replace with knives, stabbing your insides like crazy.

you never expect that being in love will be like this and most certainly you never wanted it to be like this.

a sighed left your lips as you watch james make a fool of himself in front of the oh-so-perfect lily evans by showing off. "this is painful to watch," you muttered under your breath before darting your eyes to your untouched food. "he could've just ask her out to spare the embarrassment."

"oh he's planning to do it right now. just wait, y/n/n." sirius chuckled as he watched you stab repeatedly the poor potatoes on your plate. a scoffed left your lips before darting your eyes back to james, who's grinning widely while stalking his way back in his seat.

"how was it?" you ask nonchalantly while sirius adjust your head in a comfortable way for the both of you.

“i finally asked her out and she said yes!” he beamed before turning to sirius and launch to give him the details. as if on cure remus' green orbs met your e/c ones, you held his worried gaze for a hot minute before bringing it back to james who's celebrating with sirius.

remus was always the observant one. he knew in just one look that you're head over heels for james.

remus saw how your eyes shine with adoration and love every time james is around, it's like a child admiring presents littered around the room. you look at james like your world revolves around him, like he's the most beautiful thing that happened to you.

but how couldn't you ? james is a beautiful person inside and out and words is not enough to describe how wonderful james potter is.

remus saw how your cheeks would bloom a beautiful shade of red whenever james is in close proximity and he tends to do that a lot without being aware of it. little incidents like him wrapping an arm around you, his head in your shoulder, his body almost touching every inch of yours would send thousands of electricity in your veins and tug a soft smile in your lips.

but most importantly remus saw how your face would fell whenever lily enter the room. how your smile would turn into a forced one whenever james attention would jump into her from you. he saw how the shine from your eyes would fade in just a matter of a second and would be replaced with jealousy. is it jealousy or envy?

"congrats james!" james gave you a toothy grin that would make you smile too in other situation but this time it made you heart clench. you let sirius and james chat for a few minutes before excusing yourself.

you wandered in the deserted hallway unaware of remus who's been on your side ever since you left the great hall.

"it's okay to cry you know." he whispered before placing a comforting hand in the small of your back. your eyes shine under the moonlight but only this time it's not because of the mischievous glint in them nor because of the fascinating adoration they hold, but because of the unshed tears starting to pool from them.

"why would i cry?" your voice cracked before looking up at him. you both halt in your steps and stare at each other somehow exchanging silent words through your eyes.

it only just took one comforting smile from him to let you break all your walls and crumble in his arms.

“shh just let it all out. everything will be okay,” he rubbed your back up and down and let you cry on his chest.