#astrals prose

You're just lying in bed. There's no shouting, no crashes or bangs or even the slight echo of footprints or whispered conversations. Normally, that scares you a bit. You love the quiet, but usually, it means something is wrong, and you never want anything to be wrong for them. They don't deserve it.

Today, that is not the case. It's simply the peace of everyone being busy. Beelzebub has weekend practice, Mammon left for a modeling gig not long ago, Asmo is meeting with someone for a brand deal, Belphie is napping somewhere, Levi is playing games, Satan is reading, and Lucifer is working.

So, with nothing to do, and with no distractions, you're just lying down, like a lifeless doll in bed. Not on your phone, just… not there. Like someone quietly whisked your soul away and separated it from the rest of you.

You want to do something, watch Levi play his games, read with Satan, hang out with the angels and Solomon, even just nap with Belphie. But, you can't. You don't know why, but you just… can't.

Maybe this is what you get for pushing yourself. You've been doing club work, helping the others with their student council duties, studying and completing assignments, and the time between was always spent entertaining someone. Chatting with Satan about the nearby gray and white cat he's trying to befriend, helping Mammon execute his latest scheme, shopping with Asmo, stargazing with Belphie, visiting Madame Screams with Beel, watching anime with Levi, listening to music with Lucifer, baking with Luke, having tea with Barbatos, talking to Diavolo about his latest whim, studying with Simeon, lessons from Solomon, testing Thirteens latest gadgets, being interviewed by Mephistopheles, showing Raphael around Devildom, and so much more.

Rest had long since become a distant dream, and, even though you loved them all dearly, even small things take energy, and apparently, you've been running empty on that for a while now.

You're not sure when you started crying. You just felt that warm wet feeling in the corner of your eyes, gravity warring with surface tension in the hopes of letting your heart fall and dampen your pillow. There was no sting, and no sound to accompany it.

It fit your mood, you suppose.

You made no move to comfort, still lying lifeless in bed, letting the hollowness of exhaustion replace the gaping hole your soul was supposed to reside.

You heard a knock at the door. It was calm, systematic in its rhythm, yet firm. You didn't answer. Moving was effort, and effort was energy.

The knock came again, but this time firmer, and quicker. You forced yourself to wipe your face and get up, and every movement felt wrong. Hollow. As if you were not a person but a mechanical doll instructed to move. You opened the door the same way.

Lucifer was there. You couldn't comprehend the words flowing from his mouth, or the soft yet firm tone of his voice, his deeper register indicating his exhaustion. You didn't understand anything, until he sounded… sad. Concerned.

"Are… you alright, Mc?"

Ah, it must have been showing on your face. You tried to smile, to get him to leave. You had your pride, too. It's what got you into this situation, it isn't the first time, and it won't be the last. You just need to be alone, to regain your bare minimum over the night, and you'll be able to function again.

"I'm fine, Lucifer! What were you talking about, again?"

He just stared at you, face scrunched up as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and concern. It was cute. Perhaps, if you weren't so lifeless, your smile would've softened at the sight.

He sighed, then entered the room. You let him. You didn't have the energy to push back.

He looked at you again, and you wondered why.

"Would you… like to talk about it?"

His voice sounded stilted, like he forced the words out. As if he had to fight something within himself to express a sentiment you couldn't yet understand. You simply shook your head.

It was silent for a moment. He cleared his throat. You went back to your bed. Not lying down, just sitting on the edge, just enough on the bed to not seem rude, but still enough to be able to fall onto the mattress instead of the floor in the scenario that your body gave up on holding itself upright.

He sighed.

"I understand if—" a deep breath "you do not wish to… confide in me, but, please, don't feel obligated to pretend in front of me. I will know, either way. It's a waste of effort to hide something that I'll always see."

His face scrunched up again, and he began fidgeting with his gloves, just barely messing with the edge. You wouldn't have even noticed if it wasn't for how it exposed a sliver of his pale wrist. Did he not like what he said? How he said it? Could his pride simply not handle looking at you as he spoke?

You felt your shoulders relax a little. How long ago did they begin to tense?

Maybe, you thought. You weren't sure what it was addressed to, but thoughts aren't always stamped like a letter, as much as you wish they were. You think things would be easier like that, if every little piece of your thoughts could be organized neatly based on a send to and return address.

"Would you, like to rest some more?"

You nodded.

"…Would you like me to stay?"

You shrugged, small and weak. You didn't —couldn't— comprehend anything outside of how empty you felt, how your body wasn't yours, but simply a vessel who's host left and forgot about the mind trapped within.

So, Lucifer stayed. You wonder why. You probably will until the rest of you returns.

At some point, he moved to sit next to you on the bed. He held his arm out, hovering around you, wanting to comfort but scared to touch. You leaned against his shoulder, then rest of the tension leaving your body as he wrapped his arm around you, his free hand placed over the ones thsy sat uselessly in your lap.

You felt the tears stream down your cheeks again, silent still, yet it seems gravity and the weight of your heart had finally won, and they flowed freely now. Lucifer rubbed your arm, resting his head on top of yours, and closed his eyes. It made you feel better, and more tears came.

As they slowed, he reached into his pocket, and carefully dabbed your tears away from your cheeks. He had you lay down with him, and held you gently as your body rested limp against him.

You mustered the energy to turn to face him, and weakly held onto his other hand. He smiled. You think you smiled back, with the way his brightened, just a bit.

"Rest for as long as you need. You've long since earned it."

You closed your eyes, and when you opened them again, you felt like you were at least a little bit real, and, when the first thing you saw was a peacefully sleeping Lucifer, still carefully holding onto you, hand intertwined with yours, you hugged him, properly this time, and felt, for the first time in a long time, like there was someone out there who understood you. Just a little bit, just enough to rest.

A/N;Thanks for reading! I think this is this is the short fic that I'm most proud of. It was thrown together spontaneously in the middle of the night, but I just really like how I characterized Lucifer. I hope you felt the same!

Well, shit. Maybe you should've thought twice about joining, and then staying, in that server. Maybe you should've called the cops, or at least left them a tip. Actually, no, that's one of the few good decisions you've made. Ronin definitely would've hunted you down for that. Well, you say that like he hadn't been doing that from the beginning.

Well, either way, you're not part of that anymore. You shouldn't have been in the first place. You're no killer, you're not ruthless, hard set on some ideal or moral code, angry at some group of people, or even simply insane enough to even warrant that kind of behavior. Even if you wish you were, sometimes.

Not that you're gonna go out stabbing people or anything! I mean, its tempting, sometimes, especially when you see whatever the media is covering, or remember the things your old job made you cover, and think about how better it could be if people like that never existed, but you're never going to be that kind of person. Not with the mental wall blocking you. What it's built of, you don't know, but you've never been one to want to break it down to care.

But that's why you left, isn't it? You didn't feel alone, for once in your life, but that was never your space to make a home in. You thought you could hide, could pretend to be something you're not, but you suppose all tales must be told eventually.

Ronin always knew, but he let you slide. Still, it let an unease settle permanently in your gut. Like you were being watched, observed. The others, though, they had thought you were one of them. You thought it'd be alright, stupidly enough. Even though you had been too scared to get close enough to someone for them to want to defend you.

You still have a cold, dreadful chill flowing down your spine whenever you think about it. Your throat tightening as your mind forgets to make your body breathe. When Ronin became accusatory, slowly pulling back the layers of how you weren't what you said you were. Sure, Felicie and Luca half defended you, and Ronin let you off the hook after a bit, but you knew you weren't safe anymore.

You could imagine Ronin's taunts, that even after being there for months you still couldn't become close enough for anyone to defend you, even though you obviously adored them. Maybe he wouldn't. You doubt it. He never tried to hide the fact that he played with his prey, after all. And right now, you were as much prey as a mouse was to a snake. Not just to him, either, but to everyone else at this point, probably.

So, you disappeared. You faded into a simple news article, a headline for a day to never be spoken of again. Perhaps your office would give everyone courtesy leave, a simple excuse to take the day off. They'd thank you for the rest, and you'd never be thought of again. It's not like you had any friends outside of that server, and it's not like you could really call them friends, either. After all, you were always too scared to talk. The love you felt wasn't enough to overcome or forget your fear.

It took a month of prep, during which you never spoke in that server, for fear of destroying it before you could flee, but after that, you had quietly turned that little apartment into a murder scene.

Your blood, not a lot, but enough to stain a knife and your floor a bit. Quick mentions of how it felt like someone was watching you, something that wasn't odd, considering how recently an officer stationed nearby kept throwing glances at you when he thought you weren't looking. Getting new papers, setting up a new job with them, and renting a new apartment, all for a different city, half a month in advance. A little expensive, but you had plenty of money saved for when you wrote your novel, as you had always wanted to self publish it.

Now, you worked from home, in a new apartment, in a new city. You still wrote, but the genre had changed. It was peaceful for a year. No killers, no hunting, just you, your computer, and the quiet things in life. You'd watch Angel's videos, read mangas Misaki had mentioned to the server, and occasionally, look at the news articles covering everyone's latest kills.

Of course, you shouldn't have expected it to last forever.

A knock on your door. Controlled, methodical, and precise. You didn't think much of it at first, you usually had something arriving on your doorstep. Whether that be the groceries you had gotten too scared the day before to go out and get yourself, or a package of whatever random things you had ordered this week.

So you didn't think twice about opening up the door. You really should have.

You froze when you saw V there. What had happened? Was it not convincing enough? Should you have held off longer, waited till more of your own blood spilled to place it amongst the mess you left behind? Should you have hidden somewhere temporarily before going to your new life? Should you not have been watching Angel's videos, or reading those stories, or checking those articles?

You couldn't move. Your throat felt tight and everything was stiff and you thought that this was the moment where you truly would die. You wanted to scream, to run, to do anything aside from stare stupidly at the man in front of you like a deer in the headlights.

What were you supposed to do in this situation? What could you possibly do to not even survive this but just make it hurt less than it was—

"I will not hurt you, Mc."

What?

"Why—"

He took a deep breath.

What would he say? You couldn't run from this. You wanted to. You were always good at that, if nothing else, so why can't you—

"I will not hurt you, Mc."

You don't get it. You really just can't understand it. Does he not know? That's ridiculous, you disappeared from the sever days after that event, there's no way he wouldn't connect the dots. You can't understand this— any of this..!!

You felt something grab onto you, and you tried to pull away. You don't care if he hurts you, but please, please, you can't handle him pretending to care— pretending that he didn't want you buried six feet under! You can't handle facing the fact that none of them really—!

…you felt someone's thumb rubbing your wrist. Slow and steady circles. There was talking, you think it was there earlier, but you can't tell. You can never tell.

Your eyes clear— when did they grow foggy? —and you see V, staring at you.

He looks concerned. Why does he look concerned?

"Please, allow me to explain myself," He spoke as if pained.

You couldn't understand any of this. You didn't want to, anymore. It would just hurt, and you can't handle that again—

But… you always were weak, weren't you?

So, you step aside, and let him in. He let's go of your wrist as you do, and you breathe. No more pretending, no more lying.

He shuts the door behind him. You stiffen a bit. No more running.

"You.. are not a serial killer, correct?"

You nod. You wait for your execution. Your heart squeezes in preparation for its own demise, your brain overwhelms with fear and preparation for living with a broken organ, beating but dead.

He sighs. It's coming, you know it is, and all you can do is stand here pathetically waiting for—

"Mc. I promise, I will not hurt you. Not now, and not ever. If you believe nothing else, then believe that."

"Why— Why wouldn't you— I lied to you, I lied to all of you!! I was just someone pretending to be something else, something I can never be just because—!!"

He's holding your arms, tight, squeezing, just like how your chest feels as the tears just won't stop flowing and the fear won't stop suffocating and you can't help but shake as—

As someone talks to you. Who- who is talking to you? It's so kind, much kinder than whatever has been drowning you.

"Mc—! You're really— are you— no stupid question— what happened?!?"

Misaki?

They hurry towards you and V are in the couch—when did you two end up here?—and begin fussing over you.

"Misaki, calm down a bit. You're going to overwhelm them more."

Angel??

She's standing to the side, and you can see her nervously fidgeting with her hands while she tries to give you a reassuring smile.

"Aw, c'mon Angel, our little writer darling handled us for so long, surely they can handle a little appreciation."

Ronin???

He's halfway through an open window. You're pretty sure you're giving him a really weird face, since Misaki and Angel start laughing. You can even feel Vs hands shaking a bit as he stifles his own.

"What— What the hell is happening…?" Oh your voice is cracked to shit.

"You really thought we were just gonna let you run away, tail between your legs, after so long with us? C'mon, darling, you should've known by now that were not the type to let our prey go," Ronin speaks with that signature smirk of his plastered on his face.

Angel elbows him.

"What he means to say is that we missed you, Mc. You had us all worried when you disappeared."

"Yeah!! No matter what, you're one of us now!"

V nods.

"And if I recall, you've said before how you considered us your closest friends. I don't believe we could call ourselves worthy of the title if we didn't try searching for you."

You scoff.

"That's not— why would you need to be worthy of that? I don't even know how you guys figured out I was alive…"

"Like we'd believe you'd been done in my some random person. Besides, if anyone's gonna end you in, it's gonna be us."

"That and a certain someone—"

Angel side eyes Ronin as she speaks.

"Refused to believe you were gone. Even when the police records showed your blood was on the scene."

"It was impressive to see that the notorious Devils Butcher had a heart."

"Yeah!! You should've been there, Mc. I mean, how many times does anyone get to see sappy Ronin!? We've gotta make that a server holiday or something!!"

You laugh.

"A server holiday? Really, Misaki?"

"Oh come on, you know it'd be cool!! Ooh!!! And— if we're doing that— we've definitely gotta commemorate today too!!"

"Oh I can definitely set both of those up."

Angel laughs again, bright and unfettered, this time.

"I won't ever say no to seeing our impenetrable server owner have his guard down for once. Besides, we have to celebrate our dear writer coming back somehow."

"And what better way to celebrate your resurrection than to eat some good food, yeah?"

Ronin calls out from the kitchen.

"Wha— hey! Are you looking my pantry!?"

"It's not looting if I'm a guest, darling."

"You broke the lock on my window!! How is that being a guest??"

"Wait I call chips!!!"

Misaki hurries over.

"I think we should catch up, unless you want an empty pantry and nothing for the rest of us," Angel chimes in, and despite the exasperation, you can tell she's having fun.

"Even if they do, I will pay for a restock. This is partially my doing, after all, considering I am the one who told everyone you were here."

You smile.

"Don't worry about it, V. Let's just go claim our share before they hoard it all."

With that you two get up from the couch, and, alongside Angel, head over to the chaos in your kitchen. You're smiling the whole way there.

You know, you think, you're going to be ok now. Now that you've got your friends with you. Now that you know they're sticking around for good.

You think that now, no matter what comes next, you'll be ready to face it, especially with them by your side.

A/N; Tysm for reading! This was originally meant to be around 1k, but it ended up double that, whoops lmao. I had fun writing it though!

"Sunshine?"

Casper looks around for you, only finding an empty apartment.

You had been messaging earlier, talking about wanting to do something random, and stupid. Naturally, he had to come over and find out what it was. What if you get hurt?

He was only a little worried earlier, but he's starting to get nervous seeing no one except your little pet. He glances around, then turns towards it.

"Do you know where they went?"

They just stare at him. He huffs.

"Do not give me that look. I am trying to find your imbecile of an owner to stop them from dying."

Their face changes. He looks offended.

"I am not wrong, and you know it. They are a human with absolutely no self-preservation instincts. At least, not enough to stop tearing pieces off of their soul."

Your pet still stares at him, face the same, as if they're curious as to where he's going with this.

"Though, I do suppose it's part of their charm… Theyre always so willing to give, and so full of love, even if they never realize it."

He sighs.

"I only wish they would spare a little bit of that love for themselves."

Your pet blinks.

"Well I'm glad we're on the same page. Perhaps I should give you more credit. At least you're incentive for them to not act too reckless."

Casper begins petting them on the head.

"Of course, I am their biggest one, but I suppose you can have second place."

They pull away.

"Wh— how dare you! I'll have you know that I am wonderful person to be second too. I'd even go so far as to say—"

Their head turns towards the door.

"Do not ignore me when I am speaking to you, you little—"

"Grim, are— are you talking to my pet??"

You're trying so hard not to laugh right now.

Casper is blushing furiously, and even though he hasn't turned to face you, you can practically see the mortification on his face.

"I— I would do no such thing!"

"Ah, yes, my bad. You were arguing with them."

"Nonsense! I was merely—!"

He's interrupted by you setting down your bag and walking over to him and kissing him on the forehead.

"You were 'merely' being very adorable right now."

Casper is stunned into silence. His face is bright red, the blush reaching his ears, and he looks so flustered and shocked. He's trying to hide his face with his hand, but you simply move it towards your own and kiss the back of it. Somehow, his face gets even redder.

You can't help but laugh, now. Hes just so cute, turning his head as far as he can to avoid your face. It still doesn't hide how red he is, and you think that if he wasn't sitting on the blanket, he would have buried himself under it. The image of Casper being an embarrassed blob of blanket on your bed only makes you laugh harder.

Casper huffs, then mumbles.

"It is not my fault the little beast can't handle the truth…"

"Ca— Casper!! They're just my pet!! They don't understand human language!!! How— how were they even responding!!!" your words are constantly broken up by the laughter bubbling up.

"They responded with their eyes, Sunshine. You don't always need words to communicate," you can hear his smile as he speaks.

"So, youve learned to telepathically communicate with them?" You finally calm down as you speak.

"Nonsense, I've just learned their facial expressions."

"Should I be jealous that you know them so well?"

He huffs, then smiles, warm and soft as he cups your face with his hands.

"Of course not. While I may know them may, my eyes are always on you, Sunshine. I'd be hard pressed to ever look away."

You blush, then look away.

"You're a little shit, you know that? And here I was gonna invite you to come with me."

"Come with you where?"

"Nope! You don't get to know now! You should've thought of that before teasing me, Grimmy."

You don't hear anything, and for a moment you wonder if you upset him. Surely he wouldn't get upset at that ri—

"Ah!! Casper!! What are you doing!?"

You're basically getting slobbered on all over your face as he covers your face in really gross, wet kisses.

"Revenge, Sunshine. I'll stop if you let me go with you."

"No— haha!! — no way! Youve gotta— Casper!! That tick— pfft— that tickles!!"

You're laughing as you fall back down onto the bed, and Casper takes the opening to move down and give your nexk playful, horrifically ticklish, kisses.

"Can I go now?"

"Nuh-uh, still— AH!! Cas—Ahaha!!!—Casper—!! Sto—Ha!!—Stop tickling!!!"

"Not until you give in and say I get to join you, Sunshine!"

"Fi—Hahaha!!—Fine!! You can come!! I promise!!"

Finally, Casper relents, and the view you see above you takes your breath away.

Casper has the brightest, most joyous smile on his face. His cheeks are dusted pink and his eyes are squinting from just how wide that adorable toothy grin of his is. The bright sunlight comes in from your window, casting his hair in a golden light, making it almost as if he has a soft halo of the light around him.

"Like what you see? It's alright, I know I'm simply irresistible."

You laugh.

"Alright, Handsome, go get something warm on."

"Wh--dont tell me were going outside. It's freezing out there, Sunshine. There's ice everywhere! We're going to turn into icicles!"

"Well if we put on a coat we won't, now come on!! If you don't hurry up I'm gonna head over without you!"

"Sunshine, I don't have—"

You point to the bag you left by the door.

"You do now. Go get changed! I wanna get there quickly before the snow stops falling!"

He huffs, but relents and gets off the bed. You follow, hurrying to get your thick coat and gloves on. The sweater you had on now was fine for your quick trip to the store, but there's no way you were going to go out in just that and your regular jacket to stay outside. No amount of sun can save you from how cold it is, unfortunately.

Once you're finished, you see Casper waiting by the door and God he's so cute bundled up in that thick black wool coat, especially with the red scarf around his neck, he looks like he's drowning in the winter gear.

You walk up and squish his cheeks.

"Wha—! What are you doing??"

"Squishing your cheeks, duh! Now let's go!!"

Before he can respond, you grab his arm and drag him along out the door.

You're practically skipping towards your destination; a small park in a hidden corner of the city.

"Sunshine, where…?"

"Casper, look up!"

You call to him as you reach a small hidden opening. It's well hidden by the plants and snow, with the steps up and the small slope of the hill being barely visible underneath the blanket of pure white and the branches of the sleeping bushes and trees.

He looks up, and you can tell immediately how stricken he is with the view. His eyes sparkle, brilliant and full of wonder, like how he was when you watched the fireworks together. Reflected in his eyes is the golden setting sun, and the small shining crystals falling from the clear sky.

You smile. You knew he would like this spot. The undisturbed sparkling snow beneath, the backdrop of the tall city buildings in the distance, and the way the trees created a small pathway and empty circle at the little top of the hill you two stood on. It was a little slice of tranquility within the chaotic city.

"Pretty, right? I always to head here when it starts snowing when I can. No one really knows this spot, so it's like a little space where nothing else can touch you, just for a little bit."

He nods.

"Though, there is something new I'd like to try, now that you're here with me."

He turns towards you, a soft smile on his face.

"And what would that be?"

He only has a moment to process how your tranquil smile turns mischievous.

"This!!"

You grab his arms, linking the two of you together.

"Wha—!?"

Quickly, as he speaks, you make both your arms stretch out, and you spin.

He yelps first, but once you have the momentum going, you're both laughing like children as you swing around each other like pendulums.

Over and over, you two go round and round, your bright laughs filling the space around you. Caspers face is clear and crisp in front of you, and his eyes are closed as his smile is wide and filled with such an innocent, childish joy as tears prickle the corners of his eyes from laughing to hard. His cheeks are a bright pink and they almost blend in with his scarf as the end of it flows and trails behind him, accentuating the wildness of your movements.

You feel a tug on your arms, and suddenly you're falling towards him, colliding into his chest and causing you both to fall into the snow.

You prop yourself up on your hands, and look down towards Casper.

"Well, was that fun or what!?" You can't help the wide smile on your face as you speak.

He's breathing a little heavily as he speaks.

"Sun—Sunshine, that was—"

"Wasssss?"

Suddenly, Casper bursts out laughing.

"That was ridiculous—!! Like we were two children seeing snow for the first time— Haha!! What even made you think of that!?"

Casper looks so happy and bright in this moment, and it's like his whole body has forgotten all of the heavy things it must constantly carry. You could stay here forever, just watching him laugh and smile and just be so unadulteratedly happy.

Then, you hear a small, soft sneeze. It sounded like a kittens sneeze, and Casper freezes.

Oh. Oh.

"Pfft— Casper, was that you???"

"I— I have no clue what you're talking about, mortal!"

"Oh, so there must a little kitty nearby!"

You lift your head up, and make a show of glancing around.

"Hmmm, nothing over there in the bushes… Theres no one in the trees, either…"

Then, you look down.

"Maybe…?"

And you lean down, and cover his face in the same gross kisses he gave you earlier.

"Sunshine—!! I am not— Ha!! —I am not a cat!!"

"Oh but you just had the cutest—" You place a kiss on the corner of his eye.

"Most adorable—" Another one on his nose.

"Sweetest little sneeze!!" A big one square on his lips, with a little nibble, just for good measure.

"Mmphf—! You—!!"

You're too busy laughing to notice his hands flying up towards you.

"AHH!! CASPER!!!! WHY AEE YOU HANDS SO COLD!?"

You quickly sit up and away from him, and he sits up too, smirking as you rub your cheeks to return the warmth to them.

"The consequence of making me go outside in this weather, Sunshine. You reap what you sow."

"And a corpse would have warmer hands than you right now!!"

"Naturally. I am a grim reaper, after all."

You huff.

"Well, I think my lovely little reaper should come with me to warm himself up before he ends up having to be the one escorted."

Casper smiles, then stands up, holding a hand out to help you up. You take it as he speaks.

"A good idea from you, for once. Why don't we watch the apocalypse from your window, then?"

"You little—!!"

Casper laughs as he runs off, with you chasing after him, yelling as you go.

"Get back here!!!"

"Why not just catch me, Sunshine!?"

"You—!! Ugh!! You are so getting shit when were home!!!"

Your journey home is filled with yelling and laughter. Despite your words, you know that it'll at most be a few soft smacks on his arm. You can never stay mad at Casper, especially when he's having so much fun.

At home, you'll end turning just as soft as you were earlier, getting extra blankets, a packet of both of yours favorite cookies, a mug of hot chocolate each, cozying up together on the couch with your adorable little pet, falling asleep binge watching your favorite show, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

A/N; Tysm for reading!! This might look a little different on AO3, since for whatever reason the copy paste got rid of all of my italics, so I had to manually fix them in each, very sorry about that!!

You try not to hide your sigh of relief when you can finally sit down again inside the recording rooms booth. It's been a long day, and while you usually love getting to go with everyone on their daily routine, today was not the day for that. In hindsight, you probably should have just told them you couldn't go. You could've always followed them another day, preferably one where your leg didn't try and fight you the whole day because your brain decided that this was not, in fact, joint pain, but instead a broken limb.

But no. You decided it'd be fine, because the lack of inspiration and desperation to do something made you think that you could handle this.

You know they've noticed, too. Even with you being used to hiding the limp from when you were in high-school, they're all just too in tune with you to not notice. They've walked slower than normal today, and you can feel the concerned side eyes your way. That in itself would be fine. You're used to it by now, people always look that way when they notice. But there's one thing different about the attention today, and it's making it unbearable.

Hikaru. He's noticed since high-school, and he used to ask about it. Though, he stopped once he noticed that it annoyed you. Now, though, he's really obviously nervous. Usually, he disappears every now and then, going back and forth between checking in on everyone and handling the more administrative tasks for the group. However, he hasn't left your sight for even a second today.

He seems more nervous than he was in high-school. Its strange, you think. Sure, he hasn't seen you in a while, but you didn't think this was that concerning. Besides, it's not like it never got this bad in high-school.

You look towards Hikaru again. He's stopped pacing now, and instead is, well, trying to just watch everyone else go through vocal practice. He keeps glancing back at you though. You're pretty sure he's trying to be subtle, not successfully, but trying nonetheless.

"Hey, Hikaru, you know it's ok to ask me if its bothering you that much, right?"

His head snaps towards you, as if he wasn't really aware of anything before.

"Huh?"

Hikarus head tilts to the side, almost like a dog. It's kind of cute, you think.

"If you're that worried about me, I don't mind if you ask if it stops you from panicking."

He stares at you for a moment, and you're trying not to giggle at the sight. He's like a deer in headlights.

"…Are you sure? I mean, you always seemed so upset whenever someone asked you, and you always gave me a look when I-"

"Hikaru, breathe."

He clears his throat, then tries again.

"Right, sorry."

He takes a deep breath.

"It's just- You've been limping all day, and I know you hate people pointing it out -or really even noticing- but you keep taking deep breaths before you stand up, and I just- I don't know. I just don't want you to push yourself. You've been working non-stop for everyone, and don't think we haven't noticed you staying up till 3 in the morning to try and make some progress. I get you want to help, but you shouldn't make yourself hurt for our sake!"

You feel… odd. Touched, maybe. Surprised, a bit. A strange third thing too that you can't quite describe. Maybe it's pity. Or maybe it's just sadness. Either way, you need to pause before responding.

"Hikaru, thanks for… caring. But, you know, I'm going to hurt either way. Yeah, sure it might make things worse, and the pain last longer this time, but resting won't just… make me feel better. Logically, yeah, sitting down and staying back is better. But, I wanted to come with you guys. Not just because I wanted to help but because…"

Your voice falters, and you pause for a moment. You've never voiced this before. Never given the feeling a name, or even an acknowledgement. But, you feel like you're ready now. And who knows, maybe it'll make you feel a little better. At the very least, it should reassure Hikaru.

"It's just- just worse, sitting there. Knowing I canceled a plan last minute just because of some joint pain. And it just makes everything hurt worse. At the very least, if I keep going, I wont be stuck thinking about how it makes things hard to do, or how it distracts me. It at least stops some of that annoying pity born attention."

Hikaru is silent for a moment. You can't quite read his facial expression. It's weird. Uncomfortable. He's upset, you know that. About what, you're not sure. You hope it's not towards you. You hope you got your point across.

Hikaru fidgets a bit, then takes a deep breath.

"If you're OK being here alone for a bit, I can go stop by the nearby store and pick up some pain medication for you, and anything else you may need."

You're surprised, and you nod before you've process the words.

Hikaru nods back.

"I'll be right back, then."

And then, he rushes off.

Some time passes, and everyone finishes their lessons. Right when you start to worry if Hikaru won't be back in time to walk with you to the dance studio, he enters the door.

In his hands are two plastic bags.

"Sorry for the wait. I got everyone drinks, though!"

Everyone looks happy.

"Fortune teller Hikaru strikes again!" Noahs voice has a teasing lilt as he speaks.

Hikaru laughs, then begins handing everything out.

When he reaches you, he gives you a smaller bag.

"They had that sandwich I remember you were obsessed with back in high-school, so I picked that up too."

You thank him, then look in the bag. A drink is in there, alongside a container of pain killers, two boxes with a compression brace for the ankle and knee respectively, and a sandwich.

"Thanks, Hikaru."

"No problem! We good to get going?"

Everyone nods. You do too. You still lag behind everyone else, but this time, Hikaru only asks if youre ok once. You hold the bag up slightly, and he nods and continues walking.

You go into the bathroom, open the boxes, and slip the braces onto your leg. They're thinner, so they don't really show underneath your pants, but they still put enough pressure to make everything hurt a little less. You head back, walking a bit faster this time.

Practice goes as normal, and you take one of the pills with your drink. You're enjoying your sandwich as the inspiration finally begins to flow again. Once practice ends, the others filter out quickly, eager to shower before they enjoy dinner. Watching them leave, you slowly stand up and get ready to follow, when Hikaru walks up to you. The nerves from before aren't visible anymore.

"How are you feeling?"

You smile. Hikaru returns it.

"A lot better."

"Really?"

That puppy like joy on Hikarus face is back. You realize how much you've missed it all day.

"Definitely. Thanks, Hikaru."

He looks happy.

"No problem! We should probably head out now, before everyone else worries."

You nod, and follow him.

In all reality, the pain didn't actually lessen that much. Medication and aids can only do so much. But, you werent lying when you said you felt a lot better. You think that you should've been more open to Hikaru a long time ago. You smile, glad that you were able to do it now, at least. Maybe one day, you'll tell him the real reason why you feel so much better. For now, though, you're happy to sit with this newfound comfort.

A/N; Thanks for reading! This is part two for my idols of starlight chronic pain series. Next up is Rian, and I'll try my best to get that finished soon!

You heard Noah shouting from his room. You looked towards the others, silently asking if he was ok.

Shuu and Hikaru just looked to the door for a moment, then to each other, and shrugged. Rian was holding back a laugh. You're pretty sure Finn was smiling. Ren just kept reading his book. He didn't even blink!

You waited a moment, before closing your laptop.

“I'm gonna go check on Noah.”

Before you could even move, Ren spoke.

“Don't bother. He'll probably come out in a few seconds.”

Rian held up his hand, and started counting down with his fingers, snickering. 

Right when he got to one, Noah burst out of his room.

“Augh!!! I can't believe it! Twenty minutes spent fighting that stupid mermaid!!! The mermaid!!!!”

Rian began leaning against the table.

“Don't laugh! You've never even played this game, you can't judge me!”

“Oh come on, what are you gonna do? Transform into a magical girl and attack me?”

“You-!”

Noah grabbed a pillow off the couch and threw it at Rian. It only made him laugh harder.

“I feel like I've heard this rant before,” Finn commented, refusing to actually look at Noah. You think it's because he didn't want a pillow to the face. Fair enough, you suppose. 

“You have!! I've beaten this boss before but I needed to beat it again for a quest, so I went in, thinking it'd be so easy because I'm way stronger now!”

“I'm guessing you didn't?” Shuu smiled. You couldn't tell if it was out of amusement or exasperation. Probably both, honestly.

“No! You'd think so, because I have like two thousand more power than the boss, but nooooo! I still had to sit there for twenty minutes, spamming my ultimates, just to watch it take barely any damage!!! I've beaten it before!!! It's ridiculous that I'm still struggling this much!!!”

“If you're still struggling, doesn't that just mean you're not that good at the game?”

Did… Ren basically just tell Noah it's a skill issue???

You saw Hikaru sigh silently. Rian was practically on the floor trying his best not to make a sound. Finn was hunching over the counter. Even Shuu was trying to stifle a laugh as Noah processed what Ren just said, who still had a deadpan face.

“...”

You weren't sure whether to be amused or nervous, honestly.

“HOW IS THIS A SKILL ISSUE!?”

Rian was cackling now. You could hear Finn laughing, somehow, and Shuu was trying to hide his face. Hikaru looked both exasperated and amused.

“A lack of consistency.”

…How has his face not changed!? Is Ren even still reading!?

“It's not my fault they made this boss ridiculously hard!! The whole community knows its a pain!!! There's no way I'm just bad at it!!”

“I mean, they do say denial is the first stage of grief,”  Rian piped in again.

“I am not in denial!!! You just don't understand the game!”

“Sure, Noah,” you could hear Finn still laughing as he spoke.

“If it helps, we still like you even though you're bad at this game.”

Hikaru too!?

You looked towards Shuu.

Nope. Still laughing.

Noah huffed.

“You guys suck, you know that!?” 

Now everyone was laughing, even Ren! You couldn't help but laugh too.

“Even you, Mc!?”

“I'm sorry- it's just-” you were laughing to hard to continue. Honestly, seeing Noah get all worked up like this was amazing.

“Traitors! All of you!!” 

With that, Noah marched back into his room, and slammed the door shut. It took all of you a moment to stop laughing, but once you did, Shuu spoke up.

“We're going to have to order take out from that one place, aren't we?”

Finn nodded.

“That one always works for a peace offering.”

Hikaru laughed and sighed a bit before stepping out to place the order. You slowly got settled again.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Ren smiling, looking proud.

That cheeky bastard.

A/N; Thanks for reading! If you've ever played Magia Exedra, you'll get what boss Noah is talking about... and yes I did write this solely because that boss was annoying me. The version here is more edited than the one on AO3, just because I noticed things as I was copy-pasting it here, but there's only a few typos on the AO3 version, so it's not unreadable.

You worked on your computer furiously.

There was a throbbing in your head, but you ignored it at first. You get headaches all the time, you have since you were a teen. It didn't even hurt enough for you to bother grabbing your painkillers, so you figured it would be fine to work through.

Apparently, that was a mistake.

The pain spread from the back of your head to behind your eyes, and it became hard to focus. Still, you couldn't stop. You were already running behind on this track because you had gotten sick and it couldn't be delayed any longer. 

You sighed. You really can't focus right now. The pain was subtle but all consuming, even having your eyes open hurt, and you were sure that staring at your computer was only making it worse. Still, it was just pain. Nothing knew, even if it was annoying. You moved to go to the bathroom to grab some of your painkillers. The movement made the pain worse as you grew dizzy and your vision blurs. You stood still for a bit before walking, reminding yourself that you just needed to take some pain meds, let them kick in, then you could finally finish the new song.

Before you could make it to the bathroom, though, you heard a knock.

“Mc?”

It was Shuu. What was he doing up? Isn't tomorrow supposed to be an early start for them?

You turn to go to the door, but the movement makes the throbbing worse.

You sigh again. It's either answer the door or go grab the painkillers. You need the painkillers more than you care about being polite right now.

“Come in.”

Jeez, that sounded weak even to you. Whatever. Focus on getting to the bathroom.

You hear the door open, the sound painfully clear. 

“Sorry for intruding, but I just wanted to make sure you were OK, especially since-”

The pain grows with every little movement, sound, and light you perceive. With the door opening, it reveals all the lights and subtle sounds that your brain decides it has to perceive now of all times. All of this, plus the light in your room, the monitor light, and the humming of your computer just makes the pain worsen until the dizziness becomes too much for you to stand. Carefully, you lower yourself to the ground. 

You can get up and try again in a moment, for now, you just need everything in your mind to calm down enough to not feel nauseated at even the thought of moving. You put your arm over your eyes and close them to try and stop the light in the room from reaching you.

“Mc!? What's wrong? Is everything-”

“Shuu, I love you but please for the love of all that is good at least talk a little quieter.”

“Ah, sorry.”

You shake your head. 

“It's ok, you didn't know.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

You nod as enthusiastically as you can without making everything hurt more.

“Could you grab a cup of water and some painkillers from the bathroom and hand them to me?” 

“Sure, just give me a moment.”

You hear something click, and less light enters your peripherals, making you sigh in relief.

You give a thumbs up before going back to focusing on making the throbbing stop. It never works, but trying to manifest a lack of pain and symptoms makes you feel a little better.

When Shuu comes back, you open your eyes just enough to take the water and medicine. You take them quickly, then look around your room.

The lights are off now, and the curtains are drawn. The only light is coming from the cracked bathroom door. 

Wait, what happened to your computer?

You turn your head towards the screen, only to see the computer completely shut off. 

“Don't worry, I saved everything first, I promise,” Shuu smiles at you reassuringly.

You sigh a breath of relief. 

“Thanks, Shuu, but I really do need to keep working.”

“Mc, you're clearly-”

You get up and head to the computer before he can finish. The pain hasn't lessened yet, but knowing you've taken some medicine gives you the motivation you need to push through everything. If you keep going now, the pain will subside by itself eventually.

You try to turn it on, but there's no response. 

You huff, annoyed.

Then, you keep trying, spamming the power button. With a groan, you get down on the floor to check the cords. Something must have gotten loose when you got up. 

A cord is missing.

…

You turn towards Shuu.

He smiles, a little nervous, but for the most part, he still has that calm reassured look on his face. For once, it makes you a little annoyed.

“Sorry, but I didn't think I could get you to rest any other way.”

“I don't need to rest, Shuu, I need to finish this song-”

“Not while you’re in pain, no.”

You huff. 

“I'm almost always in pain, if I just stopped because of it then-”

For a moment, Shuu looks sad. It makes you stop.

“You know, no one is going to be upset at you if you take a break, right? Especially if you're hurting.”

You shake your head. You wince a bit, and you can feel Shuu's gaze growing sadder, but you still refuse to back down.

“But this has to get finished, I already made everyone behind because I had to take a break, I can't just-”

“You can, and you will.”

“Who are you to tell me what to do???”

You're getting frustrated now. Why won't he just let you work?? You stopping will only get in his, in everyone's way. You've dealt with this before, your whole life has basically been working through whatever pain you're in that day, you can do it, so why won't he let you???

Shuu takes a deep breath.

“I'm someone who doesn't want to see you suffer like this.”

Your thoughts halt, hearing that. Then, you huff. You can feel tears welling up in your eyes, whether that's from the pain because medicine never works fast enough, the growing shame and frustration at yourself from snapping at Shuu, or just your rotten mood right now, you're not sure. Maybe it's everything.

“You're a hypocrite, you know that?”

Shuu smiles.

“Well, I'm not focused on me right now. Now, could you please lay down and get some rest?”

You pout a bit.

“Only if you stay.”

Shuus smile grows wider.

You stop him from moving to your bed to speak again.

“and! We talk about you tomorrow.”

He frowns a bit at that, but sighs and sits down at the bed and pats it. You take it to mean that you win, so you walk over to him. Shuu watches carefully. You're grateful for him letting you try on your own.

Then, he opens up the covers, and you both crawl underneath them. He looks at you, and you nod. He carefully hugs you in the bed. You hear his phone open up, and a piano melody begins playing from it. One with soft rain in the background. 

After a bit, the medicine finally kicks in, and just before you fall asleep, you say something.

“Hey, Shuu?”

“Hm?” he sounds tired. It makes sense, you're sure it's late.

“Thanks for dealing with me.”

“I'm always more than happy to ‘deal’ with you Mc.”

With those words, wrapped in his arms, and surrounded by the melody he set up for you, you finally fall asleep.

A/N; Thanks so much for reading!! Honestly, this was originally written as a vent piece, but it's slowly turning into a chronic pain series for all of the IoS boys

Now, normally, Dazai was never into celebrating. But today, oh today was different. Today, it was Chibi's birthday. Dazai had decided to skip work for the perfect chance at getting under the slugs skin today. He could deal with Kunikidas complaints on missing work pretty much all of last week tomorrow. He went into a brightly colored and well lit shop, and as swiftly as he came in, he was gone with a white plastic bag now in tow. He looked particularly cheery walking on the sidewalk, and he enjoyed his peaceful little stroll all the way to Chuuyas house. The closer he got, the more excited he became. He couldn't wait to see the slugs face when he barged into the orange haired man's apartment, and especially the face said man would make at the wonderful gift he was going to get.

Dazai had gotten to the door and then entered the pin to get in. Silly Chibi, never changing the lock code after all these years. He busted through the door, though he didn't break it this time. He would be a little courteous today, considering the date and all. Though, when Dazai didn't hear an angry slug yelling, or even him running over to the door to see what the noise was, he became a little confused. Was Chuuya really not off today? He thought that Koyou had convinced him to take the day off. Maybe it didn't work? But if that was the case, then why were the extra locks on the door not turned on?

“Chibi~ Where are you~ it's rude to hide from your owner you know!”

…

No reaction? Did something happen? Dazai finally actually stepped into the apartment, and carefully closed the door behind him. Then, cautiously, he looked around the apartment for any signs of the little slug. When he glanced over the couch, he saw Chuuya, but something was off.

Sure, he was in his hilariously adorable pajamas, and even wore the pants Dazai gave to him forever ago as a prank gift. The old joke mug was on the table too, but neither of those were really unusual. After all, Dazai had done this on Chuuyas off days before, and this part was actually relatively normal. He had teased Chuuya a lot about using old gifts from Dazai a lot. Nearly every time he visited, in fact. But no matter what, Chuuya still continued to use them religiously. Even on days Dazai stayed over, he would see Chuuya drinking out of the World's Best Dog mug calmly in the morning, see how he changed into those stupid sheep pants every night. No, what was weird was that Chuuya seemed out of it.

He was staring at an old picture in a worn wooden frame, and it was like Chuuya had lost all awareness of the world around him.

Now, that wouldn't do. How was Dazai supposed to sufficiently annoy the Chibi when he was like this? So he walked up right behind Chuuya, making sure to be silent so Chuuya wouldn't notice him and hide the picture. When he saw it, everything clicked. What did Dazai do in response?

He flung his arms around Chuuya from behind of course!

“Chibiiiiii! You can't neglect your owner like this! What's the point of visiting if my dear little dog won't even pay attention to me?”

Dazai had said it in his most sing-song and pouty voice possible. Chuuya had finally snapped out of it. And swung his head back to look at Dazai.

“huh!? What the hell, Mackerel!? The fuck are you doing at my place!”

“Your hat must have finally eaten your brain if you hadn't realized what day it is! Why wouldn't I visit my dear dog on such a special day~”

“stop calling me your fucking dog! Of course I didn't forget what day it is! I just thought you had the sense to remember that I don't fucking celebrate it. Did the agency finally make you lose all your damn sense?”

“Chibis so mean! I even bothered to get you a present, and you still bully me!”

There, Chuuya had finally put the picture down on the table.

“I swear to fucking God if you got me a replacement for that dumbass slug shirt I'm throwing you out the damn window.”

“Rude! I would never reuse the same joke!”

“Yes the fuck you would!”

“Hmph! Well, either way, I got you something even better!”