#astoldbysy

             she wanted to get over her fear of flames. in her eyes, it made her weak, gave her an easy vulnerability that anyone that knew about her could use against her. it left her unable to hunt wendigos or go to the cemetery when they were hunting ghosts. hell, it made her sick to her stomach thinking about the one time she’d seen a ghost who’s bones were burnt go up in flames before vanishing completely. surely, that felt real to the ghost in their final moments. however, today had shown her that she wasn’t ready when she’d tried to simulate the act of burning bones in a rusted out barrel in the middle of bobby’s salvage yard. all she’d managed to do was send herself into a panic attack and have all three of the men running out of the house toward the sound of her screams. surely she’d be having a truckload of flashbacks coming at her for days to come. with a shaky breath, she pulled her arm away to sit on the hood of one of the old junkers.  ❝ -- i’m sorry. i just want to be able to handle it. i-i’m fine. didn’t mean to spook anyone. ❞

             ❝ — i never meant for it to become a secret. ❞ running into sam after deciding it was better for both of them that he had no idea that she was alive was her worst nightmare, yet, one of the few nightmares that she hadn’t seen play out before her in very many dreams. when she had first found herself alive all she had wanted was him, but the what ifs weighed down on her as she grew less afraid with time.  ❝ i had no idea how to find you at first... and then i got less scared about monsters and more scared about getting used against you again. more scared about becoming a burden to you -- terrified that you’d found someone way prettier and way more badass than i am. ❞ she could go on, but she paused again, her eyes finding a button on his jacket rather than his eyes.  ❝ i never wanted to hurt you again... and i didn’t want to get hurt myself. ❞

it is not the first time that he has sought out his true vessel, in this time or in times passed. but standing before the mortal body designed to hold his power perfectly never ceases to put the archangel in a state of awe. something father had created, something weaker in all respects and yet capable of so much, something that could easily tear apart at the seams --- to know the boy can withstand everything the angel exists to be is something the angel is always amazed to see firsthand. but this is no time for admiration; there are plans to unfold, and he can only hold the body he has borrowed for so long. “i did not come to argue, dean. i wish only for you to hear my side. i think you can do that civilly, yes?”

there’s a strange mixture of comfort and pain in being so close to him -- the human that bore her mark, that held her key. the seal meant to keep her locked away tainted his skin, and in his skin the seal shattered. he is both familiar, a presence she welcomes, and something her darkness wishes to remove. gently. it would only be gentle. only for him. “dean,” the darkness greets, something one might call a soft smile on her lips. the name tastes bitter on her tongue, but destruction craves bitterness. “you are suffering. i can feel it.” whether through their connection or merely because darkness can recognize herself inside others. her tone is matter of fact, a promise when she adds, “you don’t have to be.”

“i’m just saying, sam,” the elder winchester begins from where he’s sitting, exhausted and more than a little frustrated at the table, pages of lore and legend spread out before him. they’ve been at this for hours; he’s hungry, he’s drained, and his trademark grumpiness is beginning to settle heavily on his shoulders. hands drag down his face, pausing to press his palms into his eyes as if that might help take away some of the stress, before he’s sighing and looking up at his brother. “whatever we’re looking for, it ain’t here.”

Song: Only girl in the World by Rihanna

"𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐋𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐓𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐓 𝐀 𝐆𝐔𝐍, 𝐒𝐀𝐌." she doesn’t need to do a demonstration now, but she knows the basics and the ordeals. “I can’t keep staying here, I’m going insane.” because ever since she came back, everyone treated her with thin paper gloves, she thinks it’s because of jack, or the fact that they don’t know why she was brought back but it would mean nothing good. “take me on a case, dean is busy and you need back up. please. the moment I get too over my head, I move away.”