#astertimberwolf asks

Thing is, I only got into Whiterose in my 20ies, back when I was still married to my ex wife. Before that, I wasn't really allowed to explore my true self at all. I grew up in a homophobic (and also neurodivergent-phobic) school and home environment in Switzerland- and was shunned or bullied by many people during my school years.

All the trauma I had experienced in my earlier childhood years, combined with all the things I went through during my teenagehood, had pretty much arrested my development- to the point where I was never fully allowed to explore my identity, sexuality- etc. Just like Weiss, I had to learn how to mask, appease people- always be presentable, socially acceptable, excel at everything (perfectionism complex) and I was pushed to my very limits (mentally and emotionally, sometimes even physically) just to make sure I could "pass" as normal and survive. Just like Weiss, I lost many people I held dear... Namely, the only people who unconditionally loved me- between family members, family friends, pets, people I looked up to... the list is long.

Add to that the fact that I had: a shitty, narcissistic, half-absent and abusive father + a borderline alcoholic, needy, neglectful mother (and cousins who match the Schneeblings both in gender, age and personality [the latter, for the most part] ) ...and yeah... You can probably see why I ended up as Weiss-kin.

Weiss's past and background has always aligned with mine with a scary amount of accuracy. My mother also lives in the mansion her family left her, together with her butler (this universe's edition of "Klein") ... There is just a crazy amount of things that have made this fictional character my identity- or have had me partially cement my identity around her, down to similarities in appearance and name- but I don't want to doxx myself any more than I already have online.

Thing is... RWBY has taught me to take my life back and escape my abusive family (and the environment I was forced to live in). I don't know if the UK can be seen as the equivalent of running from Atlas (Switzerland & Germany) to Vale (UK / other Anglophone countries). All I know is that cutting off all contact with my father and keeping my other blood relatives at arm's length has finally given me some peace... Though, just like Weiss from the show, I still live with a dumb amount of trust issues.

The funny thing about Whiterose itself is that, while it is true that it initially allowed me to explore my true identity and live out a pseudo-parallel gay relationship with my ex wife at the time... When things fell apart and my ex wife cheated on me, it became a form of escapism. Sometimes also a replacement for what I couldn't really have in any other failed lesbian relationship that followed... It stayed in my life like a guiding star, shining brightly and showing me the way through the darkest of times, even when the WR shipping communities and some of its members pulled it into gross, obsessive or distorted versions of what I imagined it to be (or downright rejected me for a number of reasons varying from really dumb to at least partially valid).

...and it was only recently that it finally revealed itself to me for what it truly is- or rather, that I understood the underlying reason why I fell for (an adult, re-imagined as 2 years younger than me version of) Ruby, so hard.

Ruby Rose, from v1 to v6 (and a bit beyond that), mirrored my loving, maternal grandma's personality to a T. She was the biggest loss I have had to endure in my entire life. I was barely 16 when it happened (yes, around the same time I discovered RWBY. I know-). A loss so severe it left me to deal with Complicated Grief for over a decade following the event.

Losing her has been like losing the sun that lit up my life and kept me warm... and, as the universe would have it- in the worst possible trolling fashion you can imagine, I made the connection only when I stumbled upon a WR fanart piece made by someone who... Let's just say is not a good person- and whom I don't get along with at all (we cannot stand each other) ...who is also an ex of mine.

I wish I could say *why* it took me so long to understand why I loved Ruby, but yeah... she has the same empathy, innocence, altruism, positive energy and radiance that my late gran exuded / possessed. My gran was the only person who truly loved me in a healthy way, without any strings (nor toxicity) attached. The personification of what a mother should be.

Long story short, I owe RWBY and Whiterose so much- much more than I can ever truly put into words. They've become a part of my life in a way I don't think I could ever erase, extinguish or leave behind...

...but yeah... I never really found a "Ruby Rose" that was right for me in this life.

I don't even know if such a person exists in this universe- and I have long-since made peace with the fact that I may end up dying alone / never find someone like her.

Life is complicated... hard. Harsh. Unforgiving, at times.

I've made many bad choices, have been influenced by the wrong people + environments- and have accumulated an ungodly amount of regrets as a result... and while learning from all that has granted me a huge amount of Wisdom (Weiss[heit] in German), it has also made me extremely exhausted.

I wish I had found a friend group to be my own "found family", much like Weiss did with RWBY- and a relationship such as Whiterose, with a "Ruby" in this world... but it's also madness to be wishing for- and actively chasing something like that at this age. I've learned to be happy / content on my own. I'm not sure what I will do with my knowledge and inner strength... but I am trying my best to uplift others and be a better person every day- despite sharing this body of mine with other two sides of me who actively work against me and this goal, at times.

...

With that said, I don't know if this is the answer you had been looking / hoping for, but- if anything, I do hope it helps you feel better about yourself and spur you on to figure out your own identity and way through life.

Thing is, I don't think I can judge other fictionkin folk who identify with Weiss or any other RWBY characters- or who love a specific ship (that isn't WR, or different "versions" of WR). We all have our very specific, personal reasons to love the things we love... Things that will feel right to me, will be gross to someone else- and vice-versa.

The only advice I can really give, is to continue to respect said fictional characters, ships, etc. as if they were real people, e.g.: don't idolize them, excessively obsess over them- try to project them onto other people (the latter is what I did when I was younger. Deeply regretted that one) and remember that it's okay to disagree or simply not vibe with what others like... as for creating new media surrounding them- writing fanfics is okay. So is making art, as long as you find the right corners / spaces to post both. I feel a lot more icky about people animating NSFW stuff with 3D models of Weiss or Ruby, but that's because I have some personal trauma tied to the ex I mentioned earlier, who just... Didn't really understand what consent meant at times, or if I even wanted to see certain things.