#asshand

My partner and our roommate have recently started this thing where when they describe something like “adjective-ass noun” (e.g. “big-ass hand” “long-ass drive”) they change the emphasis to now be “adjective ass-noun” (e.g. “big ass-hand” “long ass-drive”) and it has truly warped my mind. Like what is an asshand and why is it so big? Anytime someone describes something in the normal way my brain repeats it in the ass-hand way, even when they don’t say ass at all!

There are those that walk around as if they have the hand of God shoved firmly in their ass and expect everyone else to keep in step and time with their dance. Their divine puppetry blinding them to their abuse of others, calling out weaknesses and laughing at others when they constantly stumble. As if only to say, 'my ass-hand is better than yours.'