#asserting yourself

hey anon, 

you’re going to have to put pressure on your family to get you help–not by doing something drastic–but by talking with them honestly about what’s going on with you and asking for help. if you cannot talk with your family, though i strongly suggest you do so, i would suggest finding another trusted adult (possibly a relative like an aunt/uncle, cousin, or a teacher) who can help you talk to them. 

here’s some tips we have on how to talk with others:

How to tell someone about your mental health & interactions with others

This post on telling someone about your mental health problem has some great tips and advice.

This is a post with links to various module you can complete to help you assert yourself.

Here is a online self help book that has some self help tips and information on social skills training.

Talk about Mental Health

How to start your conversation

How to tell the people you love

Video for Parents By Teens Explaining Depression

Helping Your Family Understand MDD

stay safe, 

I don’t know where I heard it first, but it’s an expression I really like a lot for many reasons. It’s the line: “No is a complete sentence.” Somehow, the word NO has gotten a bad rap. In sales we are taught to always go for the YES. People who say NO are seen as negative and uncooperative. But “NO for now,” doesn’t have to mean “NO forever.” VALIDATION Especially if you’re a people-pleaser who…

When my father was looking for a new job about a year ago, we had a phone call about how he was learning how to be a student again—a student of new practices, a student of studying new terms and parts of the industry, and a student around actual students (young men and women in their twenties/fresh out of college). One of the biggest (and frankly strangest) things I realized was that my dad,…

Hi Anon,

Well, first of all, there is no accounting for taste, sexual preference and inclinations. I would say that there is nothing disrespectful in dating someone of color or dating a girl if your parents are racist or homophobic because to do so is your choice to make, and yours alone. Nobody should meddle in that or enforce their views on you as to whether this is appropriate or not.

Still, diplomacy and tact are required in these matters, as you clearly want to avoid anything truly problematic or cause distress to your parents. So I would see if you can break it to them carefully. Not spring it on them out of the blue or through a text or whatever, but find quiet moment to sit down with them and have a proper chat. In that way you will be able to confront them on your own terms and they will feel less entraped so to speak.

The important thing is to remain calm whatever happens. If it evolves into a shouting match, it’s no use. Explain to them what the situation is, who the person in question is and how it happened. Explain to them that this is your choice and that this is not a question of disrespecting your parents or trying to embarass them, but simply a matter of you making these choices in life that should be made only by you. Tell your parents you love them and respect them, and ask for their support. Let them tell you their views, in that way, they will feel heard. You don’t need to agree with them, just let them say how they see things. Counter with your own view but in such a way that they feel heard. They will be more inclined to give you their support and not create too much fuss if they feel heard.

Ultimately, you choose whether you go out with that person, no matter what they look like, or what gender they are. Your choice, and yours alone. It takes strength and courage to stand up for what you want and believe is right, but you should do exactly that.

I hope the above will help in asserting yourself and getting your point across towards your parents.

All the best,

Hey anon,

Try looking at this info on asserting yourself:

This is a post with links to various module you can complete to help you assert yourself.

Good luck. It can be hard to get things across to people.

Hey anon,

This is a post with links to various module you can complete to help you assert yourself.

10 ways to build emotional boundaries

Creating emotional freedom

Healthy personal boundaries

Emotional boundaries

Try using the above links to assert yourself and set boundaries in this relationship. You might need to create some space in your relationship and be in less contact with your friend during your healing process.

Good luck.