i. they meet when stella swoops in to stop lillian being hasselled by a man at a bar. she moves in to wrap her arms around lillians shoulders, kissing her cheek just close enough that their lips almost brush as she pulls away. when she leans against lillian as if they're together, lillian leans into her, finding a sense of safety in her even before they know each other. when the man leaves them alone, lillian offers to buy stella a drink, partly to thank her for helping her, partly because she wants to get to know her. they spend hours talking before they slip away to one of their hotel rooms together, stella leading, and lillian finding herself happy to go with the flow. it's completely unlike anything she's ever done before, and she's more than a little nervous, but even then, she trusts the other woman.
ii. she's not particularly eager to broadcast her lack of experience with women, or how her past has left her unsure and nervous. even though she doesn't say it, stella seems to pick up on it, happy to guide her through touching her when she asks. it's so much better than lillian expected, not because of stella, but because of what she's known before. it completely changes her view on what it can be like. it's a night of kissing and touching and making each other feel good, stella's fingers gentling when they run over her scars, lillian allowing her hands to be redirected when they risk touching stella's thighs. afterwards, lillian leaves it up to stella on whether she should stay or go, and takes the opportunity to kiss the nape of her neck, and thank her.
iii. lillian is very respectful of stella's feelings about relationships. they might be classified as fwb for a while, and without pushing those boundaries, lillian certainly tries to be there as her friend. she quickly recognises a fellow insomniac, and whenever they spend a night together she tries to encourage stella to actually stay the night, knowing that that extra time she spends getting home could be used to sleep, and that it might make all the difference. sometimes this means throwing a leg or arm over her afterwards, or gently taking her hand, but if she feels stella pull away, she never holds her there. she just hopes that knowing she can will help. sometimes she hires a nice hotel room for stella as close to the police station as possible, hoping that having an actual bed close by will stop her from using the cot in her office. she never pushes anything on her, but she tries to show her she's there.
iv. their relationship changes after stella returns to london from belfast. having visited stella a few times, notably when she was in hospital, lillian is aware of the affect the case has had on her, and spends time with her during her leave. she provides comfort and stress relief, never pushing stella to talk about it if she doesn’t want to. her feelings for stella have grown into much more than she’s admitted, but she keeps it to herself. that is until her ex-husband finds her. though she’s terrified, she knows that stella will eventually realise what’s happened, and she knows that she’ll find her. afterwards, with stella holding her hand in hospital, refusing to let go of her, lillian gives her hand a gentle squeeze, and tells her how good it is to see her. later, lillian curls around stella in the bed, holding her hand beneath the sheets, and tells her she loves her.
v. they grow old together.