#aspec!sides

If not for the lack of blue in his life, Patton would have assumed he didn't have a soulmate. It just didn't make sense to him as a concept. He loved all his friends and cared about the people he met in his day to day life, he didn’t feel like anything was particularly missing.

Other than the color blue, that is. He stared at his own green eyes and chuckled sadly. His poor soulmate had never seen summer leaves or blades of grass, probably never liked Luigi as a character, hated driving, and wouldn't recognize Patton's pride flags. Patton had learned about the aromantic spectrum and a lot of his feelings had clicked into place. Romance just wasn't his thing and he was happy. He did worry about disappointing his blue-eyed soulmate. How awful to be tied with someone who won't love you romantically.

Patton's best friend since middle school had managed to find his brown-eyed soulmate at a local cafe. Logan didn't say much but Patton could tell he was ecstatic under the calm exterior. And from the sound of it, Roman was quite the romantic which flustered Logan. Patton was happy for them, really.

"You know, Pat, I could try to set you up on a blind date," Patton looked up at Roman with confusion.

"Oh no, they're blind?" Patton couldn't imagine not being able to see at all.

"Why would you suggest that, Roman. His eyes are only green," Logan interjected from the kitchen where he was preparing dinner for his soulmate and friend. Roman had been the one who insisted on inviting Patton and this idea was probably the reason why.

"No, they aren't blind. A blind date is when you go on a date with someone you haven't met before. I could set everything up! I've got the perfect man in mind-" Roman started rambling excitedly.

"Don't tell me it's your brother," Logan scolded.

"It's my brother, but that's not the point!"

"Don't you think you've put Remus through enough humiliation?" Logan turned, shaking a wooden spoon at Roman menacingly.

"I mean, I doubt he's my soulmate and I'll probably disappoint him, but I'll meet your brother if he's okay with it," Patton fiddled with the napkin holder, trying to diffuse the argument by agreeing. What did he have to lose?

"Fantastic! I'll call him right now!" Roman jumped up from the table, phone in hand.

"Roman! Dinner's almost done, just leave it alone!" Logan called with an exasperated sigh, "sorry, Patton. He does this to everyone."

"It's fine, Lo. A low-pressure date might be nice?" Patton shrugged.

Roman had the whole date set up before dinner was even done. He decided the two would meet for a picnic at the local park that weekend. Patton didn’t even have to say a word and it was all planned out. Logan shook his head but gave his soulmate a small smile.

The day of the picnic arrived. Roman had done everything to get this set up for the two, excited at the possible connection for his brother and new friend. Patton just rolled with it, bringing a small cake he'd made to share.

He found the picnic and spotted Roman talking with a man who looked oddly similar and dissimilar to him at the same time. Patton figured they must be brothers and hesitated several yards away.

The man couldn't look any more different from Patton if he tried. His hair was dyed and Patton thought he spotted the glint of a piercing on his lip just under a trim mustache.  For some reason, he'd decided on a black and green mini skirt and fishnet stockings with a ripped My Chemical Romance shirt. It certainly contrasted with Patton's sky grey polo, grey cardigan, and khaki slacks.

Patton took a few deep breaths to try and remember that this wasn't likely to work and was mostly to humor Roman. He'd be nice to Remus. Maybe meet him again at a Christmas party where they both laugh at Roman's poor matchmaking. End of story.

Roman spotted him and waved Patton over, more excited than a puppy brought home from a shelter.

"Patton! Let me introduce you to Remus," Roman grabbed his wrist to yank him the rest of the way over, "I think you guys are really going to hit it off!"

Remus stared at the ground, looking embarrassed. Patton felt really bad as Roman must put him through this all the time. He offered a hand and a warm smile which he took but Remus wouldn't meet his eyes. He was fine with that.

"Alright, I'll leave you two alone to start building chemistry. Good luck!" with that Roman turned and left and Remus let out an exasperated sigh before sitting down on the blanket.

"You don't have to stay. I know he probably paid you or something," Remus muttered at Patton.

"No, I agreed to try, no bribes. I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you," Patton smiled sadly, kneeling down on the other side of the blanket.

"It's not you, Patton. It's him. He's obsessed with finding my soulmate ever since I told him…" Remus got very quiet, picking at one of the threads of his sock.

Patton urged him to continue, "you told him what?"

"That I'm ace. No one is ever gonna be happy with me so why try?" Remus picked up a rock and threw it hard, "he doesn't believe me and thinks I'm just giving up. I wish he'd just fucking listen to me!"

"Oh, is that all? Gosh, I'm sorry, Remus. I totally get it though! Have you asked him to stop putting you in uncomfortable situations?" Patton was so relieved he forgot that Remus wouldn't know why.

"Don't you think I've tried?? And yet here you are, probably telling yourself you can change me because all anyone would need to do is get in my pants- skirt- whatever and I'll change my tune! Right?" Remus glared at Patton who looked away quickly.

"N-no… I mean I actually get it. I'm aro and I hear a lot of similar stuff from people who don't get it," Patton explained himself softly.

Remus hit his forehead and flopped down onto his back, staring up at the sky, "oh! Oh, of course... I'm sorry for assuming, Patton."

"It's okay. Let's just enjoy this lunch and what I assume is a beautiful day," Patton laid down and stared at the sky, "is it cloudy today or is the sky actually blue?"

"Oh, it's a brilliant blue today, Pattycake. Have you never seen the blue sky?" Remus asked in amazement.

Patton chuckled, "nope, never seen it. My 'soulmate'-" he used finger quotes "-has blue eyes."

"Oh, well it's about the color of your shirt today," Remus grinned, "so I guess you know the difference between leaves and clouds, huh?"

"Green is a beautiful color," Patton smiled, "I hope someday you get to see it with someone who appreciates you for who you are, Remus."

"Thanks, Patton."

They both laid there in silence for a few minutes before Remus broke it, "so what do you think of horror movies?"

"Too scary to watch alone, but I'll watch with a friend," Patton smiled, "opinion on Bob Ross?"

"A treasure, but I wish he drew fewer happy trees and more sad ones," Remus grinned. They continued bouncing questions off of each other, a few starting heated debates as they ate the picnic and just talked.

It was wonderfully non-romantic. Patton felt understood for the first time in a long while.

Remus became more and more animated as their conversation drifted from movies and games to tattoos (Patton showed him a Spongebob tattoo on his ankle much to Remus' surprise) and careers. Patton was shocked to discover that Remus worked in daycare most days, something he would have never guessed from his attire.

"You like working with kids?" Patton asked cheerfully.

"I get to give them back to their parents at the end of the day and sleep like a rock," Remus laughed and took a bite of cake, "let me guess, you're a baker?"

"Not quite, I help run my parents' Mom and Pop diner and they stick me on dessert duty way too often," Patton happily patted his stomach, "I bet chasing all those kids burns about as many calories as I can bake in a day."

Remus snorted, "maybe I should stop by and find out some time."

"Yeah! I make the best cheesecake- if I'm being humble," Patton laughed.

"I love cheesecake! Can we go now?" Remus sat bolt upright with a large grin on his face.

"Don't we have to clean all this up or wait for Roman?" Patton asked, happy but a little nervous to make Logan’s soulmate upset with him.

"Oh come on!"

"I can always just make you one," Patton replied carefully.

"That would imply seeing you again," Remus smirked at him.

"You seemed to like the idea," Patton smiled hopefully, picking at the grass.

"I love that idea. You're so easy to hang out with, Pat. You really do get it, and I'm sure we could have lots of fun together," Patton looked up, tears in his eyes. He took off his glasses and wiped them with the sleeve of his cardigan before meeting Remus' gaze with a smile.

Something in the back of his head clicked. He watched as Remus blinked in confusion and started looking around wildly. Patton felt just as confused until he noticed the sky.

He fell back down on the blanket and stared up at the brilliant depths of blue in the cloudless sky. He could almost feel how far it stretched into the void of space and was utterly in awe, tears streaming down from the corners of his eyes and down his ears. It was magnificent.

Patton lay there crying until his view was blocked by two navy blue eyes, sparkling with joy and streaming tears as well. Patton smiled and opened his arms for a hug which Remus gladly fell into.

Roman came back and found them in each other’s arms, laying on the blanket and talking about everything they couldn't tell anyone else before. Patton made sure later to tell him off for how he'd treated Remus but also thanked him for setting up the date.

They weren't dating. It was something different, but they were happy. And Patton really did love the color of the sky.

Logan was hesitant to say anything. What he had with Remy was good- not just good, it was great. From Remy letting him talk about his interests without ever becoming bored, to random café visits where Remy ‘forced’ Logan to try something more exciting than black coffee, all the way to late nights curled up against the other underneath the stars; everything was perfect. Logan didn’t want to give any of that up, not for the world.

Which was why he hadn’t told Remy about it. Not when they were becoming close friends, not when he realized he was falling in love with Remy, not even when Remy asked Logan to be his boyfriend. He knew he should have, knew the truth would come out eventually and everything would be ruined no matter how he tried to hide it, but he just… couldn’t.

Because as much as he tried to forget it, Logan remembered his last (almost) relationship. He still remembered falling in love, still remembered thinking they could be happy; that he could be happy… still remembered asking not to be boyfriends but instead partners, still remembered the other’s reaction, remembered being yelled at, being asked if he really loved them, remembered a door slamming and being left alone.

So alone.

Logan had sworn off love after that. It was easier. And if love came with emotions, then, well, guess he’d lose those too.

Remy had been the first bright spot in his life after that incident. Remy had just been so real, so excitable, so alive Logan couldn’t help but get caught up in him, in his life, in his world. Remy had been so insanely colourful, Logan knew he couldn’t keep up with him if he was just monotone.

Logan felt again for Remy, opened his heart and his life again for Remy. He should have seen it coming, falling in love with him. And yet it still shocked him when he realized it. 

He hadn’t said a word about it, and every time he got close to doing so, the memory of what happened last time came back to him in a flash, a cold reminder of what could would happen that shut his mouth before he could give away a word.

Three months. He went on like that for three months before Remy asked him. Asked Logan to be his boyfriend. Logan’s breath had caught in his throat for a moment, all possible answers and following scenarios flashing through his mind before he realized there was really only one choice.

He said yes.

He knew it was a lie, he knew that it was wrong; to maintain an entire relationship on the basis of a lie. But he and Remy were in love- the fact that Remy probably didn’t realize it wasn’t romantic on Logan’s end, didn’t recognize how Logan flinched every time Remy called them boyfriends (because it sounded wrong to Logan, sounded off, wasn’t just right), didn’t matter that much. Their love did.

At least, that’s what Logan told himself.

And that worked, for a couple of months, worked so well there were times Logan almost forgot it was all a lie (though he never did truly forget). But it didn’t work forever.

Logan wasn’t sure if he would have preferred to be surprised.

They were sitting together in their living room (they had moved in shortly after they started dating- they had already gotten so close it only felt logical.), Remy draped across Logan’s lap while Logan read, Remy humming quietly to himself. It was calm. It was nice.

Remy broke the silence, asking, “You’re still up for meeting my brother this Tuesday, yeah?”

“Of course.” Logan answered. Remy’s brother, Roman, would be in town for a week, traveling with his acting trope. According to Remy, he had been asking to meet Logan since he and Remy got together.

“He’s bringing Damien.” Remy said, seemingly nonchalantly. There was a catch in his voice, another meaning behind the words, but Logan couldn’t figure out what it was.

“That’s his boyfriend, right?” Logan asked in confirmation.

“Mmmm.” Remy hummed in agreement. “He just figured it made sense, y’know. A meeting of the boyfriends.”

By now, Logan felt he should have been used to the term. But it didn’t stop him from instinctually flinching, shoulders tensing so that Remy wouldn’t notice.

Before he could continue, however, Remy was sitting up, scooting away on the couch so that he could properly look at Logan, frowning. “There.” He said, softly, almost sadly.

“There?” Logan repeated.

Remy nodded at Logan’s shoulders. “You’re tense.” He said simply. “You always get tense when I call you ‘boyfriend.’ And I… I just want to know why.” Remy paused for a moment, sighing and taking off his sunglasses. The hurt in his eyes made Logan’s stomach twist. “Is it because you don’t love me? Romantically?”

“I-” Logan put his book down, pressing his fingers against the cover, the hardback’s solidity grounding. “It’s not… not what you think it is.”

“Then what is it?” Remy asked, turning his gaze from Logan to his hands, which were messing with his shades. “I don’t… I don’t care if that’s the reason, Lo, I really don’t. I just,” Remy hesitated, looking as if he wanted to take Logan’s hand before deciding against it, “I just want you to be happy. That’s all that matters to me.”

Logan bit his lip, worrying it between his lips, trying to look anywhere that wasn’t at Remy but finding himself unable to. “Promise you won’t hate me?”

“Never.”

Logan took in a deep breath as he reached forward and took Remy’s hands in his own, leaving Remy’s sunglasses to rest in his lap. He forced himself to look Remy in the eyes as he said, only understandable because he forced himself to go semi-slowly, “I’m aromantic.”

There was a breath of silence, Remy only blinking at Logan as Logan himself felt like his insides were twisting in on themselves, his lungs collapsing, his heart dying in his chest-

“Oh thank god.”

Logan blinked suddenly in surprise, head jerking in confusion, looking at Remy (who was now grinning despite the tears glistening at the corners of his eyes) in bewilderment. “Wha- what?!”

Remy continued to grin, laughing as he tugged Logan closer to him. “You absolute dork, you stupid, silly nerd, babes I swear you’ll be the death of me-”

“What is going on?!” Logan tried again, still confused. Remy only laughed louder.

“Hun, sugar, sweetheart… I’m aromantic too.”

“You’re- WHAT?!” Logan exclaimed, louder than he had meant to, barely resisted the urge to scramble away and likely fall off the couch. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Uh. You tell first.” Remy said, Logan looking guiltily away before Remy answered anyways, “When I fell in love with you, darling, I knew it was queerplatonic. But… I didn’t know if you even knew what queerplatonic attraction was, much less felt it towards me. And I was worried if I asked to be partners instead, you’d be confused, or goodness forbid angry, and I just-” Remy paused just to smile genuinely at Logan, “I just couldn’t lose you over that. But my reasoning aside- if you’re aromantic, why did you agree to be my boyfriend?”

“I love you too.” Logan answered, letting go of one of Remy’s hands so he could brush back Remy’s hair from his face, letting his fingers getting tangled in his hair instead of pulling away afterwards. “And the last time I brought up I was aromantic it… didn’t go well. I didn’t want to lose you either, so I just figured…”

Logan trailed off, choking back the urge to do something stupid like cry. When Remy’s smile turned sympathetic, however, Logan knew he had failed even before Remy was lifting his hands to cradle Logan’s face, thumbs brushing away stray tears that had already begun to fall.

“Oh, baby.” Remy cooed quietly, hands moving from his face so that he could pull Logan closer, practically into his lap as he tucked Logan’s head into the crook of his shoulder. He pressed Logan against his chest, hugging him as tightly as he could, Logan automatically wrapping his arms around Remy’s waist in return.

“I don’t know what bitch-ass jerk screwed you over in the past, but they don’t matter. Not now, not ever. Whatever they said was a load of bullshit.” Remy said, tone surprisingly soothing despite the cussing. “What matters if that you’re here now, with me, and despite us having the communication skills of two dead sticks we love each other. And that’s never ever going to change.”

Logan managed a chuckle, happy he didn’t sound too sniffle-y. “But Remy, I thought you loved me romantically, and I think we just established that’s pretty inaccurate.”

“I think you mean completely inaccurate.” Remy corrected light-heartedly. “Besides, romance is for shams and snakes. That’s why my bro and his boyfriend can have all of it. Oh, and speaking of boyfriend...” Remy pulled a bit away from Logan, enough that they could once more meet each other’s eyes.

“Considering you clearly dislike that term, may I ask what I can call you?” Remy asked before smirking. “You know, aside from sweetheart, love, light of my life, star of my universe-”

“Partner!” Logan said quickly, interrupting Remy. “You can call me partner.”

“Partner.” Remy repeated, as if trying out the word. He smiled. “I like it. Though not as much as I like babes, or honey, or prettiest boy in the whole world, or-”

“Never mind. You can’t call me partner because I’m leaving you.” Logan responding, moving to escape Remy’s hold.

Remy stopped him easily, however, pulling Logan back to him and falling over for his efforts, the two of them ending up splayed across the couch, Logan on top of Remy as the other tangled their legs together.

“I think I just said I love you and that’s not changing. Which means you’re stuck with me, nerd.” Remy taunted, rolling over to squish Logan between him and the couch, further trapping him. “Or, should I say, my nerd.”

“You’re a complete sap.” Logan said, trying to sound annoyed but failing miserably.

“But I’m yourrrrrrrr sap Lo.”

Logan let a smile slip onto his face as he twisted around, turning towards Remy and pressing his head into his bo- into his partner’s chest.

“Yeah, I guess.” He agreed, words hesitant, though his tone wasn’t.

Logan loved Remy. Remy loved Logan.

    Logan cleared his throat. He could do this. All he had to do was convince Remy he was fine and get them to leave so that he could try again and maybe actually get it right this time.

    “I am adequate.” Logan started, and he was proud of himself for how level his voice sounded. “Apologies for worrying you, however- is there something I can assist you with?”

    “You’ve been in your room a while. I just wanted to check in.” Remy said, still looking mildly concerned. “You sure you good, hun? You’re a little pale.”

    “Simply a side effect of lots of hard working.” Logan answered. “But I assure you, I am doing just fine.”

    Remy frowned. “If you say so… still, you shouldn’t be working that much. Come take a walk with me, yeah, clear your head a bit?”

    Logan shook his head in negation before Remy had even finished their sentence. “While that sounds very pleasant, Remy, I really am quite busy- can’t be distracted while my work’s at such a crucial juncture-”

    As Logan spoke, Remy’s frown quickly morphed into a smile. “I knew it.”

    “Hm?”

    “I knew it!” Remy repeated, moving past Logan to get a better look around his room. “You’re experimenting again. Something real dangerous if you don’t want me to know about it- have you finally tried your hand at artificial dragon fire? For all you mock my version of it I’m sure you’ve quickly realized it’s not nearly as easy to make as the books say it is-”

    “I’m not experimenting!” Logan cut them off, trying to sound indignant and not panicked. If Remy went looking too long they might find his supplies. “And I really do have work to do, so if you could kindly-”

    “Sorry, babes, but you can’t fool me.” Remy said, still looking. “You were always a terrible liar- you know that?- absolutely horrible, never could keep your… work a secret… Logan, what’s this?”

    Logan turned from where he had been glaring at his desk to look at Remy. The moment he saw what they were holding, his breath caught in his throat and he froze.

    The vial.

    The vial he had been using for his experiment.

    The vial that still had traces of his latest attempt staining the inside of it.

    Remy pushed their sunglasses up on top of their head, honey-brown eyes full of worry and the beginnings of fear now on display. “Logan.” They repeated, voice sounding slightly shaky. “Why is the vial empty?”

    Logan didn’t answer them, instead remaining stock still in place, hands still planted on the desk behind him to make sure his now much more wobbly legs didn’t give out on him. 

    “You drank it.” Remy guessed, the conclusion they had likely come to first only confirmed by Logan’s refusal to explain the vial’s emptiness. “And you’re hiding it so it must be bad- Logan, what did you drink?!”

    Still no response.

    Remy nodded. “Alright, you’re not going to tell me, either because you’re stubborn or it’s a side effect- damnit Logan you’re so pale- sit down, please, before you fall down.”

    Logan didn’t react to what Remy said, still trying to get past the mental shock that was ‘Remy’s going to find out and they’re going to stop you and your experiments and you will have failed them and yourself and it’s all over now just because you couldn’t hide your supplies-’

    He was dragged out of his thoughts by the sudden, but not unpleasant, feeling of hands gently grabbing his arms, tugging him away from where he was leaning against the desk and moving him to sit in his chair instead.

    “There we go.” Remy was murmuring, voice still sounding worried and afraid, but gentler now, likely an attempt to keep Logan from falling completely into a panic attack. “Now come on, hey, it’s okay, don’t look away, let me see those pretty eyes.”

    Logan’s attempt to keep his eyes downcast and focused on his lap was thwarted by Remy gently taking his chin and lifting it up, looking carefully at not only his eyes but his whole face. They were mumbling under their breath, and after a moment, Logan realized what they were doing- trying to categorize Logan’s symptoms to figure out what he had taken.

    That conclusion was enough to make Logan at least try to stand up, to move, get away until the symptoms were gone and his experiment hidden, but Remy just moved one of their hands to rest at Logan’s hip and hold him steady.

    “I know you probably think I’m babying you, Lo, but I need to figure out what stupid thing you took.” Remy chastised lightly, the hand on Logan’s chin moving to take his wrist instead, counting the pulse. “I know I don’t exactly set the best example for this sort of thing, but you really can’t just go around drinking potions- especially if you’re not an actual alchemist. What were you thinking?”

    “Nothing.” Logan managed to mumble. “I wasn’t thinking anything because it’s nothing- really, Remy, I’m fine, this is unnecessary-”

    “Mhmm. No offense, sweetheart, but I call bullshit on that.” Remy responded. “If it was nothing, you wouldn’t have tried to hide it from me. And you definitely have symptoms- your pulse is racing, your pale and shaking but your cheeks are still a bright red, your eyes are normally blue but right now they’re brown…”

    Remy trailed off, their eyes widening in understanding, and Logan pretended there was a chance they had come to a wrong conclusion. “What is it?”

    “Logan… why the hell were you drinking love potion?” Remy asked instead, frowning in confusion. In response, Logan looked away.

    Of course they had figured it out. Logan knew they would, knew Remy was too smart to miss it, to mix it up for something else, but that didn’t change the fact that he wished they hadn’t, hadn’t figured it out and put it down to Logan’s nerves and left him alone for the day to try again and this time get it right.

    Remy didn’t force Logan to face them, instead just quietly sighing. “Don’t move.” They ordered lightly. “I’m going to get my bag.”

    They sprinted out of the room after that, and Logan once more looked forward, looking at the door they had left open. He had half a mind to get up and close it, jam his chair beneath the knob and get back to his work, but he doubted that would last long before Remy broke the door down. He also doubted if he had enough strength- physical and mental- to get up and block Remy out.

    The choice was made for him quickly enough anyways, Remy returning before Logan could even test if his legs would support him enough to stand. They were ruffling through their brown satchel, soon enough throwing it aside as they pulled out a roll of chalky white discs.

    They offered one of the discs to Logan. “Eat this.” They instructed, pressing it into Logan’s hand when he didn’t immediately take it. Logan just held it for a moment, squeezing it pointlessly between his fingers, but Remy’s waiting stare was unrelenting and he gave into it soon enough. The taste of the disc was abysmal, but it dissolved quickly enough, and he swallowed it down as soon as he could.

    “Give that about five minutes and the majority of your symptoms should be gone.” Remy said quietly. “And while we wait for those minutes to pass, you can tell me why you were making and self-administering love potion.”

    Logan half-shrugged and looked at his lap. “I am my own person, I can make and self-administer whatever potions I should please at my own will.”

    “When it makes sense, maybe.” Remy responded. “But love potion? People use that to trick their crushes into liking them. Or to prepare themselves for a disastrous but necessary arranged marriage. Now, unless you have a future spouse I hadn’t been informed of-”

    “I don’t.”

    “-I don’t see any reason for you to have been taking this stuff.” Remy finished. “Care to enlighten me?”

    “It doesn’t matter.” Logan answered instead, shaking his head. “The potion didn’t work. I made it wrong. It doesn’t matter.”

    Remy raised a disbelieving eyebrow at that. “Uh. Yeah. Sure. Great stalling tactic but-”

    “I’m not stalling.” Logan snapped, the result of pent of stress and the desire for Remy to leave so he could get back to his work. He felt bad about his tone immediately, though, sighing as he softened it. “It really didn’t work, Rem.”

    At this, Remy frowned, looking between Logan and the vial. After a moment, they (to Logan’s shock and mild horror) put the vial to their lips and managed to convince a few spare drops to slide down into their mouth.

    “What are you doing?” Logan hissed, watching as Remy closed their eyes and swished the few drops around in their mouth. Remy didn’t respond for a moment, busy tasting the love potion. Finally, they swallowed.

    “Don’t worry about it, hun, I’m immune to most potions by now.” Remy told him, looking into the vial in bewilderment. “Though this one is really throwing its hat into the ring to try and disprove that- I don’t know how you got the idea that this thing is ineffective considering it’s a few more drops of hollybreath strain away from stopping your heart instead of exciting it. No wonder you’re shaking so badly.”

    “So… you’re saying it should’ve worked?”

    “To be frank, I’m not sure how it couldn’t have.” Remy answered, gingerly setting the vial down on Logan’s desk. “I’m a little surprised I don’t have to pin you down to stop you from running off to your new boo… what were you looking at when you drank this, anyways?”

    Though Logan heard Remy’s question, he didn’t answer it, instead once more turning his attention to his lap as his thoughts ran wild. The potion had worked. Hell, Remy said it was too strong, which meant at least some of the potions before must have worked too… but they didn’t. None of them had done what they said on the tin, none of them had made him fall in love. Not really, anyways, since there was no burning heart or sudden desire- there was just the same soft, impossibly warm sort of feeling in his gut that let him know he felt something, but not love, not really, just-

    Logan jerked out of his thoughts when Remy snapped their fingers in front of his face, Remy frowning, worry laced in their entire expression. “Earth to Logan? Darling, you know I love seeing your big brain in action, but I’d be lying if it wasn’t putting me a bit on edge right now. What’re you thinking about in there?”

    Barely a thought as to how to respond had crossed Logan’s mind before he was blurting out, “I’m broken.”

    Remy blinked. “Nope. Don’t like that. Your brain rights are being revoked. No thinking for you if you’re going to think wrong.” Remy said, light words contrasted by a distressed tone. “Honey, darling, sweetheart, why do you think you’re broken?”

    “Because the potions didn’t work.” Logan said miserably, too tired to try and backtrack or explain it away as anything other than what it was. “I thought I had been making them wrong, not adding enough of something, so I kept remaking them and trying again but none of them worked and I just thought the potions were wrong but it was me, I was wrong, the only same variable of course it was me-”

    “Logan, sweetie, please slow down.” Remy cut him off, placing their hands on Logan’s shoulders and running them lightly over his arms. “You’re not making sense. How many of these potions have you been taking?”

    “Three or four, I don’t know.” Logan said indifferently. “But it doesn’t matter, because they didn’t work-”

    “That’s not possible.” Remy said with a frown. “That love potion was strong, sugar, there’s no way you could’ve resisted it unless you had some sort of personal mutation against it- and your eyes changed colour, so I know you don’t. And if you’re telling me you drank more than one... the love potions had to have worked, Lo.”

    Logan shook his head. “No, they didn’t; I know they didn’t, I don’t feel any different, nothing’s changed-”

    “That means you’re already in love, darling.” Remy said gently. “Whoever you’ve been trying to fall in love with- you already love them. The potion can’t give you feelings you already have- no wonder you feel the same, you are the same. Not broken. Just already in love.”

    “That’s the problem!” Logan exclaimed, frustrated, curling his fists together and digging the nails into the skin, closing his eyes as well. “I’m- I love but I- but not enough, not right- the potion was supposed to fix that and- and it didn’t because I’m so fucking broken nothing can fix it-”

    “Please don’t say that.” Remy pleaded, one hand moving from Logan’s arm to cup his cheek. “You’re not broken at all, honey, but I don’t know why you think you are, and that’s worrying me. You’re worrying me. What’s gotten into your head?”

    Logan didn’t respond immediately, opening his eyes only to look unseeingly at his pants, trying to ignore Remy’s searching, troubled expression. “I love someone.” He admitted quietly.

    “...Okay. That’s okay.”

    “But I don’t-” Logan paused, struggling with his words, “I don’t want to kiss them. Or- or make-out with them, or have sex with them, or anything like that-”

    “That’s okay.” Remy repeated. “I don’t want to kiss anyone or have sex with anyone either. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

    “No, I-” Logan froze, processing what Remy had said, looking up at them in confusion. “What?”

    Remy smiled just a little. “Kissing’s weird. Sex is yucky. They’re not really my scene. Does that mean there’s something wrong with me?”

    “I- wha- of course not.” Logan said, stumbling over his words but still sure of them.

    “Then- surprise!” Remy said, their smile growing a bit bigger. “You’re not broken either.”

    “But the potions-”

    “-make you fall in love as fully as you can.” Remy finished for him. “If you don’t like sex or kissing or romance or any of that, you won’t suddenly start feeling those feelings because you drank the potion. You’re not broken for not feeling those things. Just human. Why would you try to force yourself to feel like that?”

    “Y- the person I love, they… they deserve all my love.” Logan said, hoping Remy would ignore his obvious slip of tongue. “Before I told them I- I wanted them to have all my love; they deserve to have all my love.”

    Remy’s smile turned sympathetic. “Whoever this person you love is… you love them a lot, don’t you? Want them to be happy?”

    “Of course.”

    “Then you love them enough. Hell, you probably love them more than enough.” Remy told him. “Love isn’t parts- it isn’t one third sex and one third romance or anything like that. If you love them, you love them completely. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.”

    Logan didn’t respond to that, choosing to just look up instead, finding Remy’s eyes watching him closely and warmly.

    “Hun.” Remy said, tone lightly teasing. “Do you want to tell me who you were trying to ‘fall more in love with’ or should I guess?”

    Logan remained quiet, meeting Remy’s gaze evenly, not sure if he’d prefer for them to guess or just drop the matter entirely. Remy just kept smiling, looking much too amused.

    “Guessing it is, then.” Remy said delightedly. They moved, pushing Logan a bit to the side as they sunk down into the chair next to them, the hand that had been cupping his cheek slipping around his shoulder.

    “You don’t have to do this-”

    “I bet they’re really pretty.” Remy began, ignoring Logan. “Not as pretty as you, of course, but no one’s that pretty so it’s an unfair comparison. And I’mma say they have to be at least a little smart to get your attention given how absolutely brilliant you are-”

    “Remy!”

    “-and I know they have brown eyes because of the love potion, and I have a random suspicion that they’re an alchemist- though that one’s just a hunch- and I really have the feeling that for your cheeks to be as bright red as they are right now they must be very close to you indeed.”

    Logan didn’t need to touch his cheek to know it was, in fact, burning, but he still did, glaring at Remy when their words were only confirmed. “I hate you.”

    “Doubtful.” Remy responded cheerily. “In fact, cutie, I think you looooove me.”

    Logan groaned. “This. This is why I didn’t tell you sooner.”

    “Wrong again.” Remy said, leaning in to rub their nose against Logan’s before leaning their forehead against his. “I think you didn’t tell me because you were harboring under the horribly false idea that you having a brain and realizing that kissing and sex were overrated made you an unsuitable partner. But that’s okay. I’m going to prove you wrong about all of that.”

    Logan smiled at that, reaching over to take Remy’s free hand and run his thumb over the back of it. “How’d you guess?”

    Remy grinned. “My photo was next to the vial.”

    “...Oh.”

    “Thought you had just dropped it or something. Once I realized what you had been chugging I realized why it was really there.” Remy told him. “I didn’t mention it straight away because I didn’t want you to distract me from why you were trying to fall in love with me.”

    Logan nodded. “Yeah… I’m sorry, again, for that Remy, I just-”     “You loved me?”

    “I loved you.” Logan echoed. “Love you. And you deserve so much love, more than I felt I was offering-”

    “Hey-hey-hey, enough of that, now.” Remy said, cutting Logan off gently. “You don’t need to apologize to me, love. I know what you were trying to do, and I appreciate the effort- in theory. But I also need you to know that I love you. You and your big brain and cute face and geeky personality.” Remy freed their hand from Logan’s so that they could brush back some of Logan’s hair, tucking it behind his ear. They smiled as they looked at him, expression sappy in a way Logan really felt should be illegal. “You are magnificent to me, Lo. If I’m lucky enough to get any of your love, in whatever form it may take, I promise you, it’s plenty more than enough.”

    Logan blushed even harder than he had been, which was impressive given up until that moment he didn’t think he could do that. “I- I… I think you’re magnificent too.”

    Remy grinned. “See? That’s what I’m talking about. You look so cute when you’re flustered- and calling me magnificent back, oh, my dear darling starshine, you really are too sweet to be real.”

    Logan squeaked. Remy just laughed.

    “See, this?” Remy asked, leaning in and pressing a quick little kiss to the tip of Logan’s nose before pulling back and watching him turn redder. “This is why I love you.”

    “...I love you too.” Logan said, trying to act annoyed and be sullen but failing miserably in the sense that so long as Remy was looking at him like that- like he had hung the moon and painted the sunrise- he really couldn’t be anything other than a blushing, smiling, giddy mess. A love-stricken mess.

    “There you go.” Remy said happily, shifting so that their arms were wrapped loosely over Logan’s shoulders and around his back in an odd, yet comforting, sort of hug. Once more their forehead leaned against Logan’s, their eyes close and bright with excitement and joy and love as they looked at him. “That sounds like enough love to me, don’tcha think?”

    For an example, Roman had to look little farther than less than an hour ago. He had been buying flowers for his partner, Patton (they were cupioromantic, which had made them and Roman even more of a perfect match than they naturally were- though unfamiliar with romance itself, they were both very well-versed in the language of it) when he noticed two women giggling and clearly talking about him from a little ways across the shop. From what he could tell of their conversation, the giggling was nervous as they tried to convince the other to go talk to him.

    Roman was, in all honesty, flattered. He considered himself to be exceptionally pretty (a point wholeheartedly supported by Patton), and moments like these reminded him that he was not the only person with that opinion. He smiled smugly as he finished making his selection, waiting to see if the women would figure themselves out or not.

    It wasn’t until he had finished making his purchase that one of them did approach him. She tapped his shoulder lightly, and Roman smiled, putting on his handsomest grin before he turned towards her.

    “May I help you?” He asked her politely. At Roman’s attention, her cheeks coloured slightly, and Roman couldn’t help but feel proud that, yes, he still had it.

    She awkwardly gestured towards the bouquet of red gaillardias and blue freesias. “For someone special?”

    “They are.” Roman admitted easily. “Though if I gave them to you, I would still be telling the truth.”

    The woman giggled a bit, flushing even more. “You sure are a charmer.”

    “It helps that you are so charming yourself, ma’dam.”

    She smiled at that, looking down in a poor attempt to hide her ever-rising blush. “Hey, listen… I was wondering… if you’d like to maybe… go out sometime…?”

    Roman kept his own smile up, tone still light as he answered, “Apologies, for as delightful as that sounds, I do not date. I’m certain any man would be lucky to have you, however.”

    Normally, that was where it ended- the woman (or man or enby) would be a bit abashed at being turned down, but they’d still be smiling, and hopefully feeling very confident in themselves after Roman complimented them, saying thank you and wishing him a good day as they headed off. Roman would go on with his day as well, feeling happy himself at getting the chance to make someone’s day at least a little better.

    But this woman seemed as if she was looking to be an exception. “You don’t date?” She asked, sounding confused. “Are you… are you married?”

    “I am not.” Roman said (though he did hope one day his answer to that question would be ‘yes’).

    “Then… why don’t you date?”

    Roman forced himself to keep his smile up. Conversation rarely veered in this direction, but when it did, it was… uncomfortable. So few people actually knew what he meant when he said he was bellusromantic, and explaining it always seemed to take longer than it should. “Not my thing.” He settled on, knowing it sounded lame but not in the mood to truly get into it. “Now, if you do excuse me, I have somewhere to be. Have a good day.”

    He made his way to the door as quickly as he could without looking suspicious- uncomfortable questions aside, he didn’t want the woman to think he was fleeing her or something similar- ignoring the fact that he was almost certain the woman was watching him as he left. He was halfway across the shop when he heard the woman’s friend come over to her, their conversation quiet but just loud enough that Roman could hear it-

    “So, did you get his number?”

    “No… he said he… doesn’t date.”

    “That’s… weird.”

    “He was weird. He was being so romantic, too… it doesn’t make sense.”

    Luckily, for Roman’s sake, he had reached the door by then, and was out into the world, the women’s voices and conversation out of his hearing. The words he had caught, however, stuck in his mind, bouncing around in his head as he headed for his car.

    He wasn’t weird or nonsensical! Liking romance but not wanting to be romantic with anyone was normal, and real, and perfectly sensical, and he knew that because that’s who he was, and how he had felt for as long as he could remember, and there was a name and a flag for it and everything! Some random lady’s opinion didn't change that!

    So why did Roman have to spend five minutes just sitting in his car before he drove home, holding the wheel and lightly hitting his head against it as her words echoed in his head?

    ~~

    “Patton, sweetest, darling, dearest, I’m home!” Roman called out as he closed the door behind him, trying to infuse his voice with all the enthusiasm he had had before the interaction in the flower shop.

    Almost immediately, Patton was there, with bright colours from the entire rainbow and then some smeared across their hands, arms, and face, their apron even more colourful. They were smiling just as brightly, and despite his preoccupations, Roman’s heart would always lift at that smile.

    “You’re home!” Patton said excitedly, eagerly rushing up to Roman but stopping just an inch from him. They smiled sheepishly, raising their painted hands. “Guess I shouldn’t touch you, huh?”

    Roman smiled. “My clothes- and cheeks- are washable.”

    Patton let out a happy squeak, immediately squishing Roman’s cheeks between their hands and kissing him. “I missed you.” Patton said in between a second kiss. “Missed your sweetness and prettiness and handsomeness and loveliness and-”

    “Shhh, love bug, or I’m going to die before you get to see my surprise.” Roman whined, leaning his forehead against Patton’s, trying to keep them from kissing him again and completely stealing his voice.

    “There is no greater surprise than that of waking up every morning to find you once more beside me.” Patton said, hands slipping away from Roman’s cheeks to loop around his back instead, holding him close. “I am certain a vision such as yourself should have vanished by now.”

    Roman’s cheeks quickly turned a shade of red bright enough to rival the dash of red Patton had smeared on their cheeks. “For an angel, dearheart, you are being very impish.”

    “That’s. Because. I. Love. You!” Patton said, covering Roman’s face in kisses to punctuate every word. They giggled when Roman made a strangled noise at the affection, clearly satisfied at having broken their partner.

    “Take your surprise before I melt into a puddle.” Roman managed to say after a moment, pulling back slightly from Patton and moving the hand he had hidden behind his back in front of him to reveal the bouquet to Patton.

    Patton’s eyes lit up at the sight of the flowers, shining so radiantly Roman was surprised the glare didn’t catch on their glasses. They gratefully accepted the flowers, smelling them before looking up at Roman once more, still smiling. “They’re so pretty!” They commented excitedly.

    “Just like you, sweetheart.” Roman said easily, relaxedly, watching as Patton’s cheeks blushed red immediately.

    “Now look at who’s making who melt.” Patton accused, holding the flowers up in a useless attempt to hide their blush.

    “I am simply telling you the truth.” Roman defended, grinning as he pulled the flowers down and returned the favor of covering Patton’s face in kisses (though he was careful to not kiss the still drying paint).

    Patton giggled, allowing themself to be drowned in Roman’s affections for a moment before they pulled back. “I need to put these in water.” They said hastily, quickly rushing off towards the kitchen to avoid Roman grabbing their wrist and stopping them for more kisses.

    He still followed them however, coming to a stop in the kitchen doorway and leaning against it as he watched Patton bustle about, pulling out a nice vase and filling it with water before working to free the flowers of their plastic sheath. He sighed as he crossed his arms, happy to watch Patton work. Their golden hair had been pulled into a ponytail, to avoid getting paint in it, but it was still stained with blues and pinks. They slid about the kitchen in mismatched kitten socks as they cheerily completed their task.

    It was all simple things that he noticed, Roman supposed, noticing how Patton’s hair was put up or how they moved or the fact that the back of their right arm had clearly been purposefully smeared with a gradient of colours from purple to pink that blended into lines of grey-purple-white-pink beside it. But he liked the simple things. He loved noticing them. He loved noticing everything about Patton.

    The vase full, Patton moved it to their table, Roman switching from the kitchen doorway to the one that separated kitchen and dining room, once more leaning on it as he watched Patton place the vase and drop the flowers in. Immediately after dropping them, Patton pulled two back out- one gaillardia and one freesia. Roman smiled as they immediately went to work at tucking them behind their ears.

    Roman had seen that coming- he always picked brightly coloured flowers for a reason. Patton loved the colours, would slowly pick through the entire bouquet, decorating their hair with one of each flower until there were no more and Roman was out to buy more. It was his favorite part about buying flowers for Patton- the sweetness and closeness of the traditionally romantic gesture was just an extra benefit-

    He was weird. He was being so romantic, too… it doesn’t make sense.

    Roman closed his eyes, grimacing at the memory as he pressed his head against the doorway. He really hoped that mental link wouldn’t last long. Because it was stupid, really, completely stupid, stupid stupid stupid.

    He looked at Patton again. Patton. His partner. His beautiful lovely gorgeous amazing partner, who he loved with more than all of his heart, who he loved to kiss and hold and shower in affection, who he had a perfectly sensical relationship with regardless of the fact that it was filled with romantic actions but no actual romance because romantic attraction was for suckers anyways-

    “Honey?”

    Roman blinked, surprised to suddenly find that Patton was in front of him, frowning softly and watching Roman with concern. He plastered on a smile. “Yes, sweet pea?”

    Patton tilted their head to the side, raising one hand to cup Roman’s cheek. “You’re distracted. Something’s wrong.” Patton commented. “What’s wrong, darling?”

    Roman’s smile softened at Patton’s worry, and he placed his hands on Patton’s shoulders reassuringly. “I’m alright, sunshine. Nothing’s wrong.”

    “You’re lying.” Patton said, frown deepening. “Something happened while you were out. Did someone say something to you?”

    Roman chuckled drily. “You’re too good at guessing games.”

    “What did they say?” Patton pressed, ignoring the weak joke.

    “Nothing important.”

    “It’s bothering you. It’s important.”

    “Just something stupid- an offhanded comment, nothing more, it’s really not anything to worry about, love-”

    Patton’s second hand came up to cup Roman’s other cheek, shutting him up and forcing his attention on Patton. “Tell me.” Patton begged. “Please, baby, tell me.”

    Roman tried to resist for a moment, really not wanting to burden Patton with anything, but his partner was very convincing, especially when they were using not only puppy eyes but worried puppy eyes on him, and soon enough he gave in with a sigh and, “Just a side comment at the flower shop- was just paying a woman some compliments when I had to tell her I don’t date- she called it- me- weird, said it didn’t make sense… it’s not like I haven’t heard it before, I just-”

    “I’m going to fight her.”

    “Dearest-”

    “I’m going to fight her so hard she won’t even-” Patton glared at the ground, their face looking adorably angry, before they looked back at Roman, expression now a mix of anger (directed elsewhere) and sympathy (directed just at Roman). “I’m so sorry, honey, you shouldn’t have had to deal with that.”

    “It’s nothing, really, Patton, I can deal with it-”

    “But you shouldn’t have to!” Patton exclaimed vehemently. “You were just trying to be nice and she was being rude and wrong. You’re not weird, you’re beautiful and kind and sweet and fun and absolutely lovely.”

    Roman smiled softly. “Thank you-”

    “And of course we don’t make sense!” Patton continued, on a roll and unwilling to stop. “No couples make sense! People say they do, but they don’t! Romance is weird! Relationships are weird! People are weird! None of us make sense! At all! It’s stupid to expect us to! It’s stupid that you had to deal with today, and that you’ll probably have to deal with it later!”

    Patton pushed themself even closer to Roman, pressing their forehead against his as they stared into his eyes. “What we have is beautiful and rich and wonderful and unique, and I love it and I love you and I wouldn’t ever trade it for something as boring as something that ‘makes sense.’”

    Roman’s smile grew at that, completely genuine, and he pressed his eyes closed for a moment to chase away the few tears that were trying to escape. “I love you.”

    Patton smiled as they tilted their head, moving so they could pull Roman into a sweet kiss. Roman’s arms moved so that he could embrace Patton while they kissed, and Patton willingly obliged him by stepping forward so that they were almost completely pressed up against him.

    Eventually, Patton pulled away, still smiley. “You’ve got paint all over your face, you know.” They said, already starting to giggle. “Makes you look adorable.”

    “You’re adorable too.” Roman returned. “But you don’t need the paint for that.”

    Patton laughed at that, a light and soft and pretty sound that made Roman want to kiss them forever. He knew he couldn’t get away with forever, to his greatest disappointment, but he did manage to get in another full minute of just covering Patton’s face in little kisses, fast little pecks that only made Patton laugh and blush more, both which were factors that only increased Roman’s need to kiss them.

    Finally, however, Patton pushed Roman away, still grinning even as they lightly scolded, “That’s enough out of you. We’re not going to get anything done if I let you keep kissing me forever.”

    “Oh, who cares about doing things?” Roman asked teasingly, trying to steal another kiss only to have Patton dodge him. “I’d be happy to kiss you til I couldn’t.”

    “I know you would.” Patton said, moving their hands to hold Roman’s arms as they leaned even further backwards. “Which is why I really have to be the one to stop this or we’ll be here until you fall over and I’m left to nurse you back to health.”

    “That sounds wonderful to me.”

    Patton shook their head. “You’re reckless in the pursuit of love.” They said.

    “No, I’m not.” Roman argued. “I am reckless in the pursuit of you. You just happen to be my love, and my heart, and my sunshine, and my whole entire world-”

    “This is what I mean by unique!” Patton said happily. “Sometimes love is the universe falling for the sun.”

    Roman blushed. “Oh, that’s not fair.”

    “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” Patton told him. “I can try and make it up to you, though.”

    “Hmm? How so?”

    “With food and entertainment and cuddles and if you’re very lucky I might even give you kissing rights back.”

    “I like the sound of that.” Roman admitted. “What are we watching?”

    Patton hummed. “Up to you. We could watch Moana, or some Masterchef Junior if you’re looking for something quicker.”

    “I like the sound of both.” Roman admitted, smiling at Patton. “Can I have both?”

    Patton smiled back. “Yes, but only because you’re so charming.”

    “I’ll take it.” Roman said. “What’re we eating?”

    “I was going to make pasta-”

    “Too long.” Roman cut him off with a whine. “Wanna get to cuddling.”

    Patton chuckled. “Snacks, then?”

    Roman nodded. “Yes, but only if we get them together so I don’t have to let go of you.”

    “You’re clingy.” Patton joked, but they still held onto Roman’s hand as they made their way back into the kitchen, quickly pulling a bag of chips out of the pantry and some sodas out of the fridge. “This good?”

    “If it means we can be wrapped around each other like we’ll never let go on the couch sooner, than yes.”

    Patton just laughed again and allowed Roman to tug them both over to the couch. He flopped onto it first, beckoning for Patton to follow, whining when Patton put Moana into the Blu-Ray first and set down the snacks before coming to sit down as well.

    Of course, they weren’t sitting long, Roman wrapping around them and pulling them over so that they could properly cuddle stretched out over the couch. He kicked at the blanket spread over the back of the couch, pulling it over so that it landed mostly over them. He nestled his head into the crook of Patton’s neck as Patton turned the movie on, dropping the remote and leaving it to play as they leaned back, getting closer to Roman.

    Soon enough, Patton turned their head to look at Roman’s face, smiling when they found Roman already looking at them, himself smiling softly and fondly.

    “Hey, Patton?” Roman asked, quietly.

    “Yes?”

    “You know I love you more than I have ever loved anything or anyone, right? No romo though.”

    Patton chuckled lightly, managing to bend their head just enough to press a kiss to the side of Roman’s mouth. “I know. And it’s okay. I love you just as much… and then some.”

    “Cheater.”

    “Oh, hush. I’m your cheater, and you know you love me.”

    Roman grinned. “Yes I do. And you know what?”