#aspd diary

Season 2 Episode 7: Fakes and forgeries

Nilly, our little anti-social-girl, around age of 16-19 by now, gets an order from her father: She is instructed to make some forgeries of important documents. Turning her time on the computer into something useful.

Once she accompanies her father to deliver the document, she quickly finds out, she will be the one to be blamed if anything goes wrong. Now she has to make sure everything goes smoothly at the office.

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Scientific Sidenote:

This episode is less about our ASPD-girl Nilly, but about another person manifesting anti-social personality disorder: her father.

While this blog aims at the humanization of pwASPD, showig the conditions, under which a lot of pwASPD may have grown up, is also a great chance to explore untreated and unaware psychopathy.

The emotional deficiency is considered moderately heritable. This means that a disposition for psychopathic emotional affect is more likely to appear when your parents already displayed psychopathic behavior. At the same time, it is not a sufficient condition and warm parenting can counter the disposition.

People who show a psychopathic affective manifestion of ASPD also display pro-social emotional deficits, such as lack of remorse, care for the safety of others, and manipulation. This can result in an instrumental usage of family members. Combined with impulsivity, as it is typical for pwASPD/psychopathy, the children may need to compensate for the parent's mistakes.

As a result a child of psychopathic parents may learn early on that their value as a person depends on utility and efficiency, rather than an inherent value as a person. This then leads to a devaluation of interpersonal emotions on their part.

This is not to say that bad parenting is predetermined. In the end, it is the individual who can learn to work around their symptoms and to live with their disorder or not. If unreflected and untreated, it is less likely that the relationship will be anything but toxic though.

Further readings:

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0306624X211013517

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34152500/

today, i found out that i am an intj. personally, i would find personality rather fascinating, but i seem to have a lot of people that i am quite against in my personality group - mark zukerberg, elon musk, and other jerks.

the thing is, the personality that i have is quite rare in afab individuals like myself. it belongs to 1% of the female population. but that is also a minority that is least affected by antisocial personality disorder, also known as aspd.

i know that my level of thinking allows me to cancel out emotions, but i do seem to have this underlying logical empathy for most people. I can see why things are bad and understand the impact of them, but i just can't seem to really cry in that situation.

i can't feel love, but i feel intense loyalty to those i care about in a logical way. but it makes me really feel bad when someone is hurting and i just have this resting bitch face.

yeah, so, my antisocial bit of my personality is quite different, but i'm learning to live and love it.