#asmara m

Really feeling this track from isebeasmara! Airy vibes, delicate and powerful...

(via https://soundcloud.com/asmaram/in-search-of?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=tumblr)

today my sister told me that i don’t put my all into things the way i should. the old me would have been ready to be defensive and be like “nah that’s not true,” but i wanted to hear her explanation. she basically said that when she listens to my music and sees all these great opportunities coming my way, from the outside it looks like I'm really all in and that my plans are to become a singer but i down play it all by saying “its just a hobby.” then she said i downplay everything lol (which i got to say, is very true). then she talked about the relationship i was in and how i downplayed that the entire time and how she was very shocked how i reacted when i knew i  had to leave him. i guess i kinda do put on a front with things in my life. i try to play everything super g and act kinda nonchalant but stuff be drivin me crazy on the cool. then she was like “you try and keep one foot out and one foot in, in everything so you get the best of both worlds and you get to know what both sides feel like. but you do that so you don’t get hurt.” damn. i always thought it was corny to get all into things, as terrible as that sounds. life’s crazy. you gotta learn and unlearn a lot of weird things. like sometimes you gotta alter the way you were raised to think. I feel like a newborn child, raising myself the way i want to be raised, all over again. growing up around guys i kinda learned to stay chill, to not show sadness, play like things didn’t affect me but I'm starting to realize thats really not that cool. people on the outside are going to believe what you put out. its weird that what you saw happening while growing up, is the way it “should be” in your head. when it comes to music though, i kinda let it just speak for itself. i don’t talk to people about my music or tell people i make music unless I'm asked. i always see the people with the wackiest content, ready to just spam  people with their tape and promote the hell out of garbage, and i dont ever wanna be someone that thinks my music is tighter than what it really is. my theory is, if people fck with the music i create, they’ll tell someone and that will continue as i continue to create. i don’t care about number plays or being all up on yo timeline! these songs i put out are just freestyles so its hard to take em seriously. I got interviewed last week about my music and i was telling the dude before hand, “i think people take my music more seriously than I do.” he was asking very specific questions about my direction with music and i really wanted to be like i ain’t got no direction maaan. it wasn’t till recently where people were really hitting me up about my music affecting them, encouraging them, or singing the words to my songs and asking what certain things mean. its very cool and humbling but at the same time i really do be downplaying and i guess thats just my way of being cool and collective. i really don’t know how to change that because its been so ingrained in my brain to be that way dawg... :(

new song: n-r-g

short song for da sad kidz

my new song or whatever