#asmallmoth

alright so

first off

this fuckin' kid 

my little brother

just found out he moved back to my hometown and didn't tell anyone in the family (thanks) and realized he was friends with my friend Emily 

they're in choir together

after figuring it out he was like "OMQQQ SDONT TELL HER I'M HERE" because he fucking keeps trying to charge my mom with abandonment and shit while refusing contact with her 

like /my facebook messages had to be taken to court because of the abandonment thing/

we were gonna meet up this past spring for the first time since I was like 15 which was exciting and terrifying because he has ODD and I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE I WAS LIKE 15 AND THAT IS 4 YEARS 

but he was like 

"don't bring mom along" and I said something liike "why do you hate her u lil cunt" (minus the little cunt part) and he told me some shit like "oh I don't hate her I just need to work out some personal issues before I'm ready to see her" which is dumb because she was never anything but good to him ever and he is made of bullshit but whatever right to each his own

til he STOPPED FUCKING TALKING TO ME and then a few months later we get this fucking thing in the mail saying he's asking to change his middle and last name (middle from Jeffrey to Hugh, our grandpa's name to his grandpa's name which is BULLSHIT because the last person  to have a problem with is my grandpa because he is the kindest soul in the entire world and Hugh beats his wife, and last name from ours to his which I mean WHATEVER Knickerbocker is an obnoxious ass name but still) and says he's doing it because mom fucking ABANDONED him??/ like she pays an ass ton in child support to his father's unemployed ass and he is the one who jJUST FUCKING TOLD ME he didn't want to see her and she would never fucking just deny her child I mean she's not the best but she's not THAT terrible 

 fyhuvckj

I'm really fucking upset okay

okay yeah so Brandon is a piece of shit andd now he's in my hometown but I'm not there so idc except for him befriending Emily so I'm kinda worried about her but she's one bad bitch so I know she can take care of herself 

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ALSO

my boyfriend told me he doesn't know if he loves me anymore/has given up on most everything/broke some promises/makes me feel like shit ~87% of the time 

bgut I REALLY don't want to delve more into that unless you're gonna message me 

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my roommate's ex fiance is kinda a douche and stuff so we made him stop staying over all the time

but like

his roommates are fucking psy cho so he has to stay over all the time

which is weird and uncomfortable but whatever 

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this guy I was with eight months who tore apart my heart and put me in a panic to the point where they wanted to hospitalize me hasn't talked to me in months and texted me today with a message that said something like "I'm here for you" and that is BULLSHIT and made me even worse because now I keep thinking about him in the terrible hyperventilating "what if he wants to put himself back in my life way because FUCK him" and where does he get off thinking it's okay to reinsert himself into my life like it would be okayt if he did it when  Iwasn't freaking out but yes "let me tell the girl I broke the heart of know I'm here for her with her boy problems while she's obviously very upset that will make her want to feel less bad"

fuck you seriously you are full of bullshit and I'm sick of you trying to make yourself out to be a good guy. Because we both know that you're going to play this off to someone as "I was hurt by her, and I hurt her, and I just wanted to be there for her... but she doesn't want me around. She got sick of me, just like everyone else." And some dumb girl like me is gonna fall for it and think they're terrible and you're just a poor baby until you do the SAME SHIT to them. 

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my best friend keeps having breakdowns and I'm terrified and don't know what to do.

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A friend from Tennessee keeps flirting with me and I can't flirt back really without feeling awful about myself because of Len which is SHIT because I really love Len but he's been so awful to me lately and Thorny makes me feel nice and cared about and he's sweet and I want him to know I appreciate him and I also hate it because it remiinds me that there are people out there who really do care about me and I don't know what to do

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I talked with someone Len told me never to talk to again and it made me feel so much better about myself and that's really frustrating.

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my roommates are all dealing with some shit and I feel really bad about it and everyone is just really stressed

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we've had two snowdays for this week which I'm not inherently aGAINST but it means I can't really get into work and I kinda need some money for bills and stuff because I am one broke ass motherfucker

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finally, my cat keeps biting.

we had to showcase a talent at my camp once and this is what I did and everyone flipped out and I’m still proud of that

omg sweet