ASL āMerica AU where Sabo feels guilty about involving his brothers in his conflicts with his biological parents. They are real bona fide assholes, and Sabo does not in any way want to reconnect with them, but they are PERSISTENT. With every yelled word bouncing off the walls of the brothers shared home, Saboās guilt grows. He stopped believing when they said they would change years ago, but he canāt seem to shake them off.
Sabo who doesnāt tell his brothers how he feels because they have their own problems, their own struggles that seem so much bigger than old parent problems. He is supposed to be strong. He is sure that in a house of people with ārealā issues, his wonāt matter.
Sabo who canāt help but get angry when he has to deal with his biological family, but not regular angry. It sticks for the whole day, onto the next, and that same feeling of guilt creeps up the back of his neck. He hates how his brothers seem to walk on eggshells around him when he is in his moods, but he canāt stand to pretend to be in a sunny mood he is not in (his brothers can tell anyway). He snaps because his parents are the knife in his side, and he is in pain.
Sabo who hates crying, because crying means his parents have won the nonexistent but constantly present battle between them. Crying means that they have made him weak again, made him helpless, made him remember what he used to be. Guilt is met with shame, and shame accompanied by sorrow and anger. His own reflection an overwhelming cacophony of everything he hates. His motherās lips, his fatherās eyes; his own genetics betray him. He feels his parents in him, and he braces himself as fear overtakes him; his hands grip the wall as he silences his breaths.
Sabo who holds his breath to exact his control, to break their hold over him. His breath canāt shake if he doesnāt let it out; his eyes canāt cry if his heart is trying to escape his chest. If he is in control he can be cold, calculated; he can give his parents what they deserve. What they gave to him. To him, itās logic, itās reason, and itās strength.
Sabo who canāt help the jolt that runs through him when he feels arms around him, his chest heaving with warm air, the ache within him worsening. He has been pulled out of his control and into the warmth and unpredictability of his brothersā arms. All at once he is melting, and it shows in the way his chest heaves into a sigh, then a sob, in the way that water flows down his cheeks until he is sure there is a puddle under him, and in the way that he reaches blindly for them through his tears. They are already there.
Sabo whose apologies fall on deaf ears, because they donāt give a damn about his parents (something they now make sure to tell him often), they give a damn about him.
Luffy who canāt help but cry too, because Sabo is not only his older brother, but his heart. Not by blood but by choice which, for him, means so much more. Itās only natural to cry when your heart hurts. He clings to Sabo, hoping to solidify his presence, because he is there. He isnāt a thought or a feeling, he isnāt fleeting. He is permanent. Heart to heart, warm and present. He doesnāt understand; he never cared much about things like his biological family. Despite that, he is shifting to his feet, making Saboās favorite snack consuming mind because his words often fail him but his hands rarely do. Food brings people together, right? He hopes Sabo is hungry, so they can eat together.
Ace whose clenched jaw, deep frown, and furrowed brows speak for him. āWhy didnāt you tell us? Why did you do this alone?ā But heāll nag later, because first and foremost he is the oldest brother. So for now Ace will hold his little brother while he cries and control the anger bubbling up within him, not only at Saboās parents, but at the world. He is unmoving even when Sabo has stilled from his crying, silent when Luffy wriggles out of their grip to grab snacks for them. As still and permanent as rock, letting Sabo lean on him until he finds the strength to walk on his own.
Sabo whose guilt and shame crashes against the corners of his mind, frustration rising because he is full of feelings he doesnāt recognize and therefore canāt control.
Sabo who is spiraling until a warm gas station honeybun is being shoved under his nose by forceful hands, ratty sandals being tucked aside as Luffy sits criss-cross in front of him with a plate of his own, Aceās plate balancing on Luffyās straw hat. A hand is on his neck as he rocks back and forth slowly, looking nervous.
āI donāt think it was supposed to be microwaved with the wrapper on yāall.ā
āYouāre shitting me.ā
Sabo who hears Ace cursing about the house being rented and microplastics, and Luffy arguing back despite knowing he is in the wrong.
Sabo who laughs. In disbelief, in amusement, in insanity. He canāt tell anymore, but he feels the waves stilling in his mind, replaced with the sound of his brothersā quarreling and his own laughter. Because they donāt give a damn about what he perceives to be weakness; he doesnāt need to feel ashamed.
Sabo who knows his life isnāt fixed and who knows he will have to talk to his brothers eventually, but who also loves his brothers and warm gas station honey buns. Sabo who feels at home in this familiar warmth.
āMan, I love you guys.ā
Tags c|:D : @porschethemermaid
