#askbryony

“Food’s ready! Come and get it,” Kihyun called as he set the pot of Yukgaejang down on the table next to the rice and seaweed. With that final touch, the picture-perfect table setting was complete. Seven bowls and pairs of chopsticks rested on the table, laid out in a perfect formation, still and serene. It was nice, neat, and satisfying to look at, indeed, and brought Kihyun, group “mom”, much satisfaction. However, that wasn’t what brought the smile onto his face.

No, that was because soon, it would be all messed up.

Monsta X was enjoying a much-needed day off. Everyone had chosen to stay in the dorms for once, which didn’t happen very often anymore. It was a chance to hang out together, and honestly, Kihyun missed that. Just being able to lay around and do whatever in the presence of his six best friends was revitalizing. Though being able to make music, practice dance, and promote was exciting and thrilling, it was easy to lose oneself in it. As the group’s popularity grew, there was a constant push to do more, go farther, spend more time out in the public eye. Their schedule was fully booked, and everyone felt stretched thin, on the edge of exhaustion. Getting to relax for even twenty-four hours was a welcome respite.

In the first two years after debut, part of their downtime had become Kihyun’s cooking. He always made supper for the boys who remained in the dorm, a duty that he performed with pride and care. Sure, he wasn’t the best cook out there or even the best in the group–Hyunwoo made super good meals too (at the thought, some shy heat rose to his cheeks)–but he did his best, and everyone seemed to like his dishes.

A short ten seconds or so after Kihyun’s announcement, Jooheon and Minhyuk slid into the room in their socks, laughing and shoving each other. “I totally beat you that time,” the older laughed, reeling sideways from a push from Jooheon. “I get to serve myself first.”

“You cheated though! I would have won if you hadn’t pulled that at the last second!”

“If you two can’t get along, I’ll have to dish you up myself,” Kihyun broke in then, and got a collective groan in response. The casual observer might have thought he was serious, but he really wasn’t. It was just that if he didn’t say something, the two would bicker (albeit playfully) until their bellies were full. The supper table at the Monsta X dorms had always been a peaceful place, and Kihyun intended to keep it that way.

Right behind the two first comers was Changkyun. He was barefoot, wearing sweats and a tee shirt, and his gaze half veiled by droopy eyelids. He’d spent the majority of his day lost in the words of a novel. Kihyun had sat next to him on the couch for part of it, working on various odds and ends–some lyrics and a letter home to his family, among other things–and wondered if the maknae had even noticed. Even now, he looked so out of it. Kihyun smiled at him, and a little bit of joy bubbled up in his heart at the small grin he got back.

The three boys plopped down at the table, and almost as soon as they got settled, Wonho wandered in. As expected, he was coming from the direction of the home gym. His arms still bulged, veins prominent under the skin, and he was in post-workout clothes. His eyes and smile brightened when he saw the stew. “Mm, it smells so good, Kihyun-ah.” A smattering of agreement went around the table as he took his usual seat beside Minhyuk.

“Thank you.” Though Kihyun was used to hearing his friends’ praise, it never failed to make him happy. He hummed a little as he started ladling the stew into their bowls.

Just then, Hyungwon, looking disheveled but cute with pajamas and messy hair, came around the corner and took his seat, too. That only left one place empty, one member absent from the little family gathering.

“Where’s Hyunwoo-hyung?” Jooheon was the first to voice his concern for their oldest.

Hyungwon nodded as if he wanted to speak. It took a few seconds and a yawn on his part, but he eventually managed to form an answer. “He said he’d be here in a minute.”

Sure enough, just as Kihyun had finished serving everyone, Shownu softly padded in and joined them. The glasses settled on the bridge of his nose and his own faraway look revealed that he’d been reading, too. Kihyun knew his hyung very well; he preferred to work out in the morning, and relax in the afternoons, or work on dance. Lately, he’d been perfecting some moves for a variety show he was due to appear on soon. Some esteemed sunbaenims were going to be on it as well, and he was sampling their most iconic choreographies. Hyunwoo was nervous, but Kihyun was certain that he’d do wonderfully, as always.

As soon as everyone had gotten comfortable, it was time to dig in. Kihyun bowed his head and said a quick and silent prayer for the food before picking up his chopsticks and reaching out for some rice.

As they sat and ate, the members of Monsta X chatted excitedly among themselves, as always. Every once in a while, Kihyun would jump in somewhere, but he preferred to sit and listen, taking bites of his stew. It was chaotic, but a beloved and familiar chaos. Topics of conversation included games, their schedules, things that had happened recently, and upcoming events. Hyunwoo and Changkyun talked about the book they were both reading. Apparently, they had picked the same one by accident, and after realizing, had decided to team up and do a buddy read.

Speaking of their oldest and leader, something slowly started to creep in on the edges of Kihyun’s consciousness–a realization. Hyunwoo was acting different, weird almost. At first, he seemed to be his usual smiley and talkative self. However, it quickly became clear that he wasn’t eating much if at all, and gave every bite away. Kihyun noticed him slip food onto Hyungwon and Changkyun’s plates. Minhyuk was even stealing from his bowl outright, and it was clear that Hyunwoo didn’t care that much. At first, Kihyun wondered what was going on in his hyung’s head. Then, he thought back to the times they had eaten together recently. Just a few nights ago, they had gone to a Thai restaurant, and Hyunwoo had eaten his fair share of the food there. He was always talking about being hungry, too, so that couldn’t be the problem. So…did he not like the meal? Kihyun looked down into his bowl of stew and sighed a little. If that was the case, Kihyun would understand, but he’d prefer to have it brought right out and said to his face. Hyunwoo didn’t have to pretend to eat to avoid hurting feelings. Kihyun was almost tempted to speak up and ask, but decided against it. Still, his beloved friend was worrying him. With every minute that passed, he was getting antsier.

Before long, everyone was helping themselves to seconds. Hyunwoo’s bowl was empty, but he wasn’t making any move to refill it. As soon as Kihyun realized this, he stood up and grabbed the ladle, then reached out across the table to give him more.

Hyunwoo had his head turned and was chatting with Wonho when he noticed what was about to happen. His eyes widened, and with one smooth motion, he flipped over his bowl. The movement was so quick and sudden, it made Kihyun jerk back a little. Broth spilled from the ladle, sloshing on the tablecloth. “No thank you, Kihyunnie. I’m full.”

“B–but you’ve barely eaten anything!” Kihyun burst out, admittedly louder than he wanted. Shock coursed through him. He hadn’t expected that reaction; it gave him a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. “You keep putting the stew in others’ bowls…”

Now everyone had their eyes fixed on either Kihyun and Shownu. Some had realization on their faces, and others a mixture of what appeared to be sadness and pity. After a moment of long, tense silence, in which Hyunwoo fought for words, he finally got out, “Kihyun, I can explain.”

“You should have told me if you didn’t like the stew. I realize that I don’t cook as well as a five-star restaurant.”

“No, it’s delicious. I just–”

“Yeah, you’re right. You don’t need me. That’s it, huh? Rather be eating your own cooking?”

“That’s not what I was going to say.” Hyunwoo looked stricken and almost afraid, but gathered himself together and swallowed hard. Everyone thought that he’d go on, but whatever he saw when he glanced around must have dissuaded him. Pushing back his chair, he stood up quickly and in seconds was gone, disappearing back around the corner to the bedrooms.

Giving a sigh, Kihyun dropped the ladle back in the pot with a clang and took his seat again, burying his face in his hands.

What seemed to be an eternity of silence passed. Then, from Kihyun’s left side, Wonho spoke up. “Kihyun-ah, I promise that Hyunwoo-hyung not wanting to eat has nothing to do with you or your cooking.”

“Yeah, I realize that now.“ The terrified gaze Hyunwoo had given him right before he’d left had brought it all crashing in. Kihyun wondered why he had been so quick to say his fears out loud. They were selfish, pretentious, and totally unfounded. He should have kept them to himself. “I’m sorry.”

To this, Hoseok nodded and reached over to rub Kihyun’s back comfortingly. “While I’m glad you are, we aren’t the ones you should apologize to.”

The lead vocalist nodded and rose from his seat, stuffing his hands in his pockets. As he walked around the table, Jooheon, with soft eyes, took hold of his arm. “Please be gentle, Kihyun. Hyunwoo-hyung is having it rough right now. I know he will listen to you though, because he–”

Jooheon never finished, though; Changkyun tugged on his sleeve and gave him a look that possibly was in warning. Turning pink, the older rapper chose not to finish.

If Kihyun noticed the odd exchange, it was only in the back of his mind. He was too lost in his own thoughts, and so the words went in one ear and out the other. He only stopped to squeeze Jooheon’s hand and give everyone another smile before making a beeline toward the room Hyunwoo shared with Hoseok and Hyungwon. The door was shut, so he knocked; almost immediately, a rough, familiar voice called out to come in. So Kihyun turned the knob and leaned into the door, pushing it open cautiously.

Hyunwoo’s bed was a bottom bunk, and he sat on the edge of it, feet flat on the floor. Bent at the waist, he had his chin in his hand and his elbows on his knees. He glanced up as the younger man stepped inside and sat down next to him. His eyes looked wet and red around the edges, but Kihyun didn’t think he’d been crying. There were no tear tracks down his face. Besides, his hyung didn’t often cry.

“I’m sorry,” Kihyun began, focused momentarily on playing with his fingers in his lap. “I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure lately. I shouldn’t have been so quick to judge.”

“It’s alright, Kihyun-ah. You were just worried about me, and I understand that.” The low, soft voice filled Kihyun’s chest with warmth, though the words were slow and cautious.

“Also, when you eat at restaurants but not here at the dorms, you make me feel like I’m not good enough.” It felt ridiculous to admit it at first. However, Kihyun managed to put away his pride, and found that it felt good to get this off his chest. “I tried to prepare a delicious meal, so my thoughts went wild, wondering if I messed it up and nobody told me? Or maybe you didn’t like it.”

“I promise, my mouth started watering before I even walked into the kitchen.” Hyunwoo gave a soft smile and set his hand on Kihyun’s knee reassuringly. “It’s just that…as you’ve probably noticed, I’ve been gaining weight, and it couldn’t be happening at a worse time. I eat when we go out to keep up appearances, but I’m trying to cut back in general.”

Kihyun nodded. In this business–the popular music business, that was–everyone was self-conscious to some degree. Hyunwoo was often portrayed as a robot, a firm and consistent leader who was tough to faze. That was the furthest thing from the truth, though.

Hyunwoo went on, “I’m worried that I won’t slim down before our next comeback. I want it to be the best yet, and I hate the thought of Monbebes’ disappointment if I have extra weight. That I’m going to be on Knowing Bros next week makes thinking about it even worse.”

For a moment, Kihyun got caught in a flashback. Only a couple weeks prior, Monsta X had a meeting with Starship and their stylists to discuss the aesthetics for the next title track, Shoot Out. As it always was, the debut stage outfit concept had been the first thing shown to them. Just from that alone, it became clear what kind of comeback this would be: a sexy one. Though they all were to be wearing bodysuits with varying degrees of exposure, Shownu’s jumper was going to be completely open down the front. Kihyun had to sneak away from the others and be alone for a while after that. The image of Hyunwoo with his sweaty, bare chest on display was too dangerous; it made his heart flutter. Even now, thinking of his hyung in that outfit, rounded face, soft belly and all, his cheeks turned pink. Not to mention, he was admittedly turned on a little, too. He forced it down, though; after having to hide his feelings for so long, he was a pro at quashing them. Besides, reassurance was more important than his lust right now. “I understand, hyung, but you shouldn’t starve yourself. It’s not healthy, and you could get sick and injured.”

“I know, but it feels like I can’t do much else…I just want it gone.”

“I can help you,” Kihyun piped up hopefully, “If that would be okay. I’d be glad to hold you accountable with portions and encourage you to drink water. Also, I’ll make meals like Yukgaejang, with lots of meat, eggs, and vegetables, and less rice and noodles. It works for Hoseok. I have no doubt it would for you, too.”

“Really?” Hyunwoo asked, glancing at Kihyun with wide eyes. When the younger nodded and smiled, it seemed that his mind was instantly made up. “Yes, I think I’d like that very much… thank you.”

“It’d be my pleasure.” Kihyun would do anything to see his friend, hyung, and beloved happy and healthy. “Besides, you shouldn’t worry about Monbebes. They love you for who you are, no matter what your weight is.”

“But they always talk about how Hoseok’s getting too bulky–”

“People who say that are not really Monbebes, Hyung.” Two fans had spoken those words on a video recently, and Kihyun agreed wholeheartedly. Though he often worried about Hoseok and how much sleep he sacrificed in favor of working out, his body was perfect the way it was. So was Hyunwoo’s, even with its softer edges. Kihyun thought that it was just as alluring and beautiful as the man himself.

Maybe it was this thought that prompted his sudden boldness. What he said next was something he never thought would slip past his lips. “But even if we lose everything we have, including those who love us, there will still be one person who’s your fan for life.”

“And who would that be?” Hyunwoo glanced over at him in pure curiosity. Kihyun was so whipped for that gaze and weakened for a second time because of it. He only had to lean up a little bit to leave a small, chaste kiss on his hyung’s lips. Butterflies went wild in his stomach. He’d wanted to do that for so long and fantasized about it way too much. It was far better than he’d ever expected–

Unfortunately, then his sense returned, and his eyes widened in pure terror. What had he done? He’d probably just ruined the friendship they’d worked so hard to build. It had taken them a good long while to gain confidence in each other’s presence, and now it was gone again. Fears filled Kihyun’s head, shame filled his heart, and tears filled his eyes. Turning away, he hugged himself and tried not to cry. He wanted to apologize, beg for forgiveness, but didn’t have the bravery.

There was a sigh at his side. “Oh, Kihyunnie.” Kihyun shivered more, expecting a rejection, disappointment, outrage, or worse. However, instead, a gentle hand gripped his shoulder. “Hey…look at me.”

When he finally did, long seconds later, there was something in Hyunwoo’s eyes that made him stop. Then, slowly, the older leaned in, and their mouths connected again. Shock and surprise sucked the air from Kihyun’s lungs, but he reciprocated by instinct. For a moment he became afraid that he’d somehow wake up prematurely from this beautiful dream. The sensation of soft, dry lips pressed to his was all too real, though. Then, Hyunwoo added his tongue into the mix, and Kihyun met it shyly. Strong arms wrapped around his waist and reeled him into the open and waiting lap. So, there they remained for a blissful few minutes, kissing slowly on the edge of the bed. At last, they broke apart, and Kihyun beamed, pressing their foreheads together. Love and joy overwhelmed his whole being.

Hyunwoo had been one of the first fellow trainees Kihyun had met upon coming to train at Starship. Kihyun never imagined that he’d fall so fast for anyone, but he had for Shownu. The oldest of them all, he was a tall, gentle, and muscular man who had once been a backup dancer for Lee Hyori. Hearing his hyung’s smooth, rich voice always gave Kihyun goosebumps. Not to mention, he was so, so handsome. Hyunwoo’s leadership qualities were plain right away. He was steady and reliable, quiet and thoughtful, and everyone went to him when they needed an older brother figure.

Back then, Kihyun was terrible at hiding his obvious admiration. That was the real reason why things were so awkward between them at first. He tended to avoid Hyunwoo and always made a fool of himself in front of him. It was all so long ago now, but he still remembered how, when the powers that be on No.Mercy told them that they were to do a team mission together, Kihyun had panicked high-key. He spent most of the “rehearsals” trying not to stare and not focusing so much on his part. As a result, they’d utterly butchered the performance. That whole mess made Kihyun realize that he needed to ignore the desires of his heart. If he wanted his hyung and himself to debut, it would be critical.

So, he first tried to get his crush to go away. It didn’t take long to realize that there was a problem with this, though: it was impossible. With every day that Kihyun spent getting to know Hyunwoo, he fell more in love. Thus, he reassessed his plan. This time he focused on internalizing his affectionate urges, and was largely successful. By the time they became core members of Monsta X, he was good at acting like he didn’t have feelings for Hyunwoo. There had been a couple of times he let it slip a little in the last couple of years, but it mostly seemed to go unnoticed. Only one other person knew about Kihyun’s adoration for their leader: Changkyun, ever sensitive and observant. As for the rest of the members, Kihyun was careful to keep his secret from them, the object of his admiration most of all.

However, now, in a single moment, it had changed. He wouldn’t have to worry about hiding anymore, at least from his hyung. Kihyun was over the moon. That they shared each other’s feelings was almost beyond belief. “I love you,” he sighed, caressing Hyunwoo’s face with his fingertips.

“I love you too.” Kihyun got a gentle smile in return and the older man leaned in to steal another soft kiss. “I have for a while, but I was so scared to say anything.”

“How long?” Kihyun blurted out. He wanted to know so badly. However, his brain almost immediately checked him again. “O–of course, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to…”

“This is one of the reasons I came to like you. You’re so cute,” Hyunwoo affirmed quietly, making the younger man flush pink. “And I started to really adore you during promotions for Hero, but looking back, my feelings were there before. Even as far back as pre-debut.”

“I’ve had a major crush on you since the beginning.” More heat rose to the lead vocalist’s face. “I couldn’t focus well during our duo mission on No.Mercy, and I knew that I was the reason we pretty much failed it. So ever since, I hid everything away for the sake of the team.”

“I wish I would have known.” Their gazes met again; his hyung’s eyes were so sad. The arm around Kihyun’s waist curled a little tighter. “We would’ve been happy together so much earlier.”

“Don’t focus on the what ifs, hyung. Being here with you now is what matters to me.” Kihyun nuzzled into Hyunwoo’s chest and breathed his scent in deeply. “I’m glad you love me back. I’ve always thought you were the most wonderful person, strong, handsome, caring, and–” here he hesitated briefly before letting the final word slip past his lips “–sexy.”

“Really?” The older sounded incredulous, making Kihyun wonder why. Surely, he should know that he was the embodiment of everything good in a man.

“Yes. I hide my face when I watch you dance on variety shows because otherwise, everyone would see my love for you.” Of course, inevitably, he was getting more embarrassed with every confession. However, another flash of boldness swept through, and it prompted him to reach for Hyunwoo’s waist. He pulled his shirt up just a little, allowing him a peek of bare abdomen underneath. Though it wasn’t as solid or toned as it would be during peak comeback time, Kihyun still couldn’t resist running his hands over it, admiring every soft inch of skin. “You’re gorgeous, you know that right?”

The older man didn’t answer, but made a low sound of need deep in his throat and leaned in for another kiss. Gently, he took hold of the hands on his body and moved them up his front. From the look in his eyes, this was exactly what he wanted–for Kihyun to expose and explore the full expanse of his abs and chest. The younger man’s heart raced, and Hyunwoo’s beat strong and quick as well. “Just gorgeous,” Kihyun echoed, murmuring against his hyung’s lips.

Before he knew it, their clothes were off, save their briefs. At some point, the two of them had moved to cuddle on the bed, which in turn had given way to passionate making out. Then, they’d began rutting against each other, and Kihyun sighed into the kisses. Searing heat consumed his entire body. This was escalating quickly, and he had no desire to stop it.

Gaze dark, the older man broke away. “You are the one who’s truly gorgeous, Kihyunnie. Always so lively and radiant and perfect.” Reaching up, he gently brushed a stray lock of hair away from his face. “I’ve wanted you for so long. It’s a dream to finally have you in my arms.”

At this praise, Kihyun whimpered a bit and gazed up at his beloved with soft eyes. “I…I want you, too. Please, I am yours. Take me.”

Hyunwoo didn’t need any more encouragement. Within seconds, the last scraps of cloth on their bodies were gone. Once again, Kihyun felt himself pulled into warm, strong arms. The feeling of his hyung’s big, thick cock sitting heavy next to his own was intoxicating. He didn’t need to see its size to know it would fill him up so perfectly.

Then, deft, strong hands rolled him over onto his back. Hyunwoo placed soft kisses down his legs–inner thighs, calves and even on his ankles–as he also folded them back. In all of this, Kihyun barely noticed the finger positioned at his needy hole. Well, that was, until it was pushing its way inside. The sensation took him by complete surprise, and before he could stop it, a moan fell from his lips.

“Shh, baby, we don’t want the others to hear.”

Hyunwoo was right. If the boys a couple of rooms over knew that this was happening, they would probably never hear the end of it. So, despite his desire to let the world know how much he loved this, and also loved the pet name baby, Kihyun cupped a hand over his mouth.

“One of these days, I’ll be able to savor your beautiful noises,” the older promised. At the same time, he leaned over to place a kiss on the shaft of Kihyun’s leaking erection. If the younger wasn’t completely melted before, now he felt something akin to existing in a state of pure plasma. He almost came when Hyunwoo added another finger, scissoring him open. He also continued to give small affections to every piece of skin he could reach. Somehow, Kihyun managed to hold himself in check; he couldn’t give in so early. There was so much else he wanted.

By the time a third finger was inside, Kihyun was struggling to keep himself from crying out in ecstasy. He relished in the feeling of Hyunwoo prepping him. Every shallow thrust of the older man’s middle three digits produced shocks of pleasure. Yet, at the same time, he was also wanted to beg for Hyunwoo’s cock from behind the barrier of his palm. He needed it, to feel its warmth deep inside him. Most importantly, though, he needed the connection, to be intimate with the one he loved in the most wonderful way. “Please…Hyunwoo, please.”

“Patience. I’m right here. I’ve got you.”

The older placed kisses on Kihyun’s inner thigh. Then, another long minute–or maybe only a second–later, Hyunwoo finally removed his fingers. Wrapping his hand around his length instead, he stroked himself a few times. The beginnings of a deep moan broke from his throat, but he stifled it by biting his lip. In a trance, Kihyun watched lustfully. Fuck, this was something straight out of his wet dreams. He never thought they would become real like this.

“Just a little bit longer, baby.” Reaching over and up, Hyunwoo slipped his hand underneath the mattress above them–Wonho’s. After feeling around, he produced a condom and a small bottle of lube. For a moment, Kihyun wondered why those sorts of things would even be in Hoseok’s bunk. However, that question was promptly forgotten about as Hyunwoo tore open the condom wrapper and rolled the latex sheath inside on himself. Then, he popped open the cap on the lubricant, beaded some on his fingers, and smeared it on the rim of Kihyun’s asshole. The cold gel made the lead vocalist gasp and clench a bit in anticipation. Then Hyunwoo crawled back between Kihyun’s legs. “Okay, I’m ready…are you?”

“Yes, hyung.” Kihyun smiled softly and leaned up for a brief kiss. “Readier than I’ve been for anything in a long time.”

Hyunwoo gave a small nod. Then he lined himself up with Kihyun’s hole and pushed in slowly. The younger man keened, wrapping his arms around his lover’s middle and burying his face in his chest. “Are you alright?” Hyunwoo asked softly, once he was in deep.

“Mmhm,” Kihyun murmured. Summing up the entirety of what he was feeling right now in a single phrase was impossible. Many emotions and sensations swirled through him. However, he felt he came close simply by saying that he loved being completely surrounded and filled by the man he adored. Hyunwoo touched places in him that had never been touched before, and it was the greatest bliss. “I love you…”

“I love you too, baby.”

As Hyunwoo began to move in short, firm strokes, they captured each other’s lips again. Kihyun knew that this moment would remain in his memory forever. Hopefully, there would be many like it to come, too. Cupping the side of Hyunwoo’s neck, he whispered sweet nothings between kisses, something the older man enjoyed. Even as he grunted with effort and glistened with sweat, he was glowing, smiling radiantly.

Soon enough, the pleasure had Kihyun at the edge, the coil in his belly winding to a critical tightness. Not too long after, Hyunwoo’s thrusts grew firmer and more unsteady. “I’m close, Kihyunnie,” he breathed.

“Me too…any time now.” Kihyun’s air was coming in heavy gasps. He reached down, between his body and his beloved’s, to stroke himself. “Let me feel it when you come, please?”

Hyunwoo nodded, and in another few seconds yet, his orgasm overtook him. He hammered all the way inside Kihyun one last time as he came into the condom. That last wave of stimulation was exactly what the younger needed to find his own release. Accompanied by a muffled cry, hot, viscous cum spilled over his hand and pooled on his belly.

A moment of silence and stillness passed; Kihyun and Hyunwoo basked in each other’s love. Though their highs were fading, the bliss of being together did not. Eventually, however, they knew that they needed to clean up. Kihyun reached for tissues from a box on the bedstand while Hyunwoo pulled out of him. It took some fumbling fingers, but he managed to deal with the used condom and tossed it in a convenient nearby trash can. Then they fell into each other’s arms again, pressed chest-to-chest on top of the sheets. This had to be heaven, Kihyun thought. He wanted to stay forever, with Hyunwoo’s warm, muscular body pressed to his. Gentle fingers combed lazily through his hair, and his hyung’s scent relaxed him too. “See? Just gorgeous,” he murmured and chuckled. His eyes fluttered shut as exhaustion overtook him.

Then, unexpectedly, the door to the room opened. Both of them whipped around to see who was there, Kihyun peeking over Hyunwoo’s shoulder. Lo and behold, it was Changkyun, standing there in the hallway, book in hand. The maknae must have almost instantly realized what was going on, because his demeanor changed fast. His face had a look that seemed to be something between shocked, horrified, and…relieved? “Oh, shit, sorry hyungs,” he swore and quickly closed the door again.

Jolted back to wakefulness by I.M’s intrusion, Kihyun and Hyunwoo broke into soft chuckles and nuzzled closer to each other. Oh, well, they would have some explaining to do later. Considering that the youngest already knew how much they liked each other, though? It shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise to him.

Unfortunately, along with that thought came a somber realization: they’d have to leave the safety of each other’s arms sooner or later. “I should probably go do dishes and stuff,” Kihyun sighed and groaned. Otherwise, they wouldn’t get done, and the stew would go bad, left out on the table to rot.

The older man seemed reluctant to let go, but slowly nodded. “Alright.”

“Can I snuggle with you afterward?”

“Yes, of course.” He bent to peck Kihyun on the forehead, and the lead vocalist beamed, thoroughly happy. Only after taking a last deep breath to preserve Hyunwoo’s musky scent in his nostrils did he make a move to get up. As he pushed himself to the edge of the bed, he scanned the floor for his clothes. They had somehow gotten scattered around, probably in the heat of the moment earlier. He could feel Hyunwoo’s eyes on him as he picked them up and shimmied back into them. Finally, he was about to the door, and was about to look over his shoulder one more time.

Suddenly, from behind him, there was a soft word, ‘wait,’ and arms engulfed him again.

“Yes, hyung?” Kihyun turned in Hyunwoo’s hold to set a hand on his shoulder. There was a hopeful, bright look in the older man’s eyes. The soft-spoken question that followed revealed why.

“Would you like to be my boyfriend?”

There was a lot of risk hiding behind the pure intentions of the question. It would have to be a secret relationship, of course, hidden from everyone. They’d even have to try to keep it from their own members for as long as possible. Public displays of affection might have terrible repercussions. So, they couldn’t kiss or embrace whenever they wanted, like other couples, and would have to be very careful when and where they did.

Sometimes, it didn’t matter how busy their schedules got, how much dance practice they’d done, or how difficult learning new choreo was. Shin Hoseok might be physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted, but he just couldn’t sleep. No matter how hard he tried, it all seemed to be for naught. Tossing and turning on his normally-soft bed, he’d stare out into the blackness. Restlessness would overtake him; uneasiness, too. His train of thought would be impossible to get off of, making the one he had to board to get to slumberland hard to catch. The snores and breathing of the other members, usually so reassuring, got slightly on his nerves instead. Eventually, everything would get to be too much, and so he’d roll over to grab his phone from its perch on the bunk bed post. The screen filled his vision and then his thoughts, calming his whirling mind and staving off his frustrations.It was on one of those cursed nights, after a long day of filming a new show and jumping right back to headquarters to spend a few hours in the studio, that a sudden, loud sound startled him out of his wits. He’d been lazily scrolling through YouTube comments on his phone, and it made him jump in surprise. For a moment, his brain couldn’t register anything except the sudden rush of adrenaline. However, when it did, the revelation of what it had been–a terrified cry–made Hoseok’s heart sink. The muted sobbing that followed only broke it further.Jooheon-ah. Hoseok glanced up at the time at the top of his phone screen: 02:38. The other members had only been asleep for about an hour. Most had decided to crash right after getting back to the dorm. From how there was little to no movement or other voices from the other side of the wall, Jooheon’s fear must not have roused any of them from slumber. So, Hoseok hopped down from the bunk bed, slipped on a tee shirt, and padded softly over to the maknaes’ room. The door opened slowly at his gentle push. What little he could see revealed exactly what he had feared.Their beloved, dimpled rapper was bolt upright in bed, arms curled around his knees. His crying had stopped, but he was breathing loudly, vocally, almost like he was still running from whatever had woken him up. Hoseok had an inkling of what that was, even before he went to offer comfort.“Hey, Jooheonie.” Sitting down on the edge of the mattress, the older boy reached out to set a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “What’s wrong? Why’re you screaming?”Hoseok’s vision was still recovering from the bright LED light of his phone, but he could probably have seen Jooheon’s relief from a mile away. “N–nothing, really. Just a nightmare, hyung.” Hurrying to wipe his eyes, the rapper smiled slightly and sighed. “I’m so sorry, did I wake you up?”“Nope, not at all.” Trying to be as reassuring as he could, Hoseok replied softly and gave a fond grin of his own. “I couldn’t sleep, anyway.”Jooheon nodded, but didn’t say anything else, and collapsed back into himself. He had already seemed small in his curled position, but now he looked even tinier. When his eyelids fluttered shut, the tears glittering on his lashes became evident. Something about his bad dream was bothering him. That quickly became clear when he gave a hiccup and began to cry again.Hoseok’s tender heart couldn’t take the sight. He was so soft for their fierce yet cute rapper, a man who pushed himself to his utmost and would do even more if he could. Starship had talked about debuting him as a solo artist, and though he would have shone brightly in that role, too, Hoseok gave thanks every day that they’d ended up in Monsta X together. “Hey, hey, ssh, I’m here.” Scooting closer to Jooheon, he reached out and wrapped one arm around the younger’s shoulders. The other hand found long, slender fingers and twined them with its own. He could almost feel the sadness radiating off of his bandmate, a tumultuous emotion he knew all too well. “Jooheon-ah, was it about us?”Somehow, he wasn’t surprised when he got a nod back in return. The rapper’s response came out between sniffles. “Yeah. Everything was just like always, busy but happy. I was composing something I don’t quite remember when I started to feel lonely. So, I left and searched for you guys, but nobody else was there. You, Kkung, Hyunwoo, Kihyun, Minhyuk, Hyungwon–all gone. And I don’t know how, but I knew you’d left me alone…forever…I couldn’t do anything, and I felt so hopeless…”Tears were rapidly pooling in Hoseok’s eyes, too. Unconsciously, he gripped Jooheon’s hand harder. “You know we love you far too much to do anything like that, right?”“Yes, I know.” the younger murmured and squeezed back. He also took the moment to snuggle closer. “I don’t know why a stupid dream shook me up so much.”“My Eomma used to tell me that nightmares force us to confront our deepest fears. Sometimes, even ones we don’t think about. I’ve had night terrors like yours before, too. I think we all have, in one way or another.” Hoseok hummed softly and reached up to run his hand through his friend’s soft hair. It had exactly the effect he was going for; eyes drooped closed against his broad chest, and the rapper’s crying slowly calmed, his breaths growing deeper and longer. Their hearts slowed in tandem, too. Once the older felt properly leveled out, he dipped down to place a kiss on Jooheon’s temple, and promised, “I’ll be here until you go back to sleep.”

“No,” the dimpled boy stated suddenly, shaking his head, “Stay with me tonight. Please? Your presence alone is so reassuring, hyung…”

How could Hoseok say no to a request like that? Giving a brief, quiet word of agreement, he untangled himself from the younger and climbed under the covers. Together, they laid back down, and moments later were locked in a close hug. Jooheon nestled his head under Wonho’s chin, and his arms wound around his friend’s waist, as well.