#ask graves

Holy shit that’s good

I feel like the obvious answer would be long-term because I could just write down what I need to remember and I wouldn’t be confused all the time

But I feel like having good long-term memory is one of my best qualities and I don’t know if I’d be willing to give that up.

So I guess it depends on how short-term we’re talking. Is it like, the last 5 minutes? Because that would me it very hard to function

Well? I think it went well. I hope it went well. Not going to lie, this whole date thing is new to me, but... I want it to have gone well. Newt’s - he’s - it’s not just that he’s really cute, because he’s really cute, but he’s also...

Fuck, I don’t even know how to describe it. He’s good. He’s a good person and he does good things and he smiles because he’s happy and not because life has gone to shit and all that’s left is to laugh at the world. He drinks tea and he scrapes the icing off his carrot cake and eats it separately and he was honestly confused that the differences between American corpse-eating ghouls and European non-corpse-eating ghouls was not a normal topic of conversation for a date. And he travelled halfway around the world just to drop a thunderbird off in America despite being seasick on boats and knowing that he’d be breaking god knows how many laws in the process, and who does that? Who cares that much about things, who’s that... selfless? Nice? Naive?

Not naive. He’s not. I know he’s not, and I know he’s seen all the crap the world has to offer and the war and poachers and everything but he’s still a good person and he still thinks the world is this fabulous place where everything can work out for the best if people just try to make it happen. He’s amazing. I think I fell in love.

And he originally said he was planning to go back to Europe but I think I convinced him to stay and research some American creatures for his book and maybe even advise MACUSA on setting up an actual beast department, so maybe, hopefully, he thought there were things worth staying for.

Alcohol poisoning? Alcohol what - oh. You mean when you get all dizzy and your skin goes bluish and it’s hard to breath right? Nah, that’s fine. It usually goes away after a nap. Bit inconvenient though if the nap happens before you get home, but that’s life. Last time I drank that much I tried to apparate home because it was too far to walk and ended up in the middle of the Pacific. Had to get rescued by a nomaj fishing trawler which, let me tell you, was awful - seasickness and hangover? Not good. Not good at all.

He - what - no. No. He didn’t. Did he? He - I -

Apropos of nothing at all, would anyone happen to know where I can get a metal bucket, a large rat, and a set of magic dampeners? There’s someone I need to introduce to all three. If the rat is diseased that’d be grand, but I’m not picky.

Cthulu? I am all for Cthulu! Here, send him over if you really don't want him. I've read the Malleus Monstrorum, and I successfully dealt with Lloigor once, I should be good.

“send him over”

what is Cthulu

All I can imagine is a Lisa Frank unicorn

but have you considered not

I CANNOT UNSEE

You sure you want to know? It’s not exactly pleasant. For, uh, for the rat or for Grindelwald.

Since you asked though...

Rat goes on stomach. Bucket upturns over rat. Magic dampeners keep Grindelwald from fighting back. And heating charm on bucket drives the rat to dig to get away from the scalding metal. It’s... messy. Probably should be illegal, but there’s a glaring lack of laws relating to nomaj torture methods and there isn’t exactly a blanket ban on torture. So.

... I’m not saying I would do that. I don’t think I’d do that. I wouldn’t do that. Nomaj torture is still torture. I’m better than that. And it’s unkind to the rat. Newt would be disappointed.

I just.