#ask fred

"Dear corzoli,

There is no need to second guess yourself. I admit, I have had my fair share of slip ups.

But overall, I like to maintain a positive attitude. They say if you wear a smile enough in the face of hardship, soon the happiness will find you.

I live by that. You see corzoli, my smile may at times fade, but I am always happy.

"Dear littlepurpleplanet,

Not to worry, I think I have a solution.

But first, do you live close to Nowhere?

Because I'm eager to rid you of this hair of yours, free of charge.

I suppose if it keeps growing back, you'll just have to keep visiting me.

The thought alone is making me feel terribly naughty. Do let me know how far you would like me to go if you're available.

No need to book, I haven't been as lucky with customers since the incident. (I'm sure you may have heard if you live around here, it was all over Nowhere News five years ago.)

If you are close by, I'll send you my address details.

I wish you the best of luck.

With love, Fred. "

"Hello there deepfriedflesh. Thank you for your question.

Recently it has been rather boring here in the training centre.

Everyone has been on their best behaviour to earn the opportunity to go on temporary leave for the summer.

As much as I would love to pay my furry cousin another visit, trying to abstain from giving my fellow house mates a trim is rather, aggravating.

Though, I was never one to give up on a challenge.

After all, it would only make my eventual naughtiness all the more, satisfying.

With love, Fred."

"Hello again corzoli,

It took me minute, especially since you said if I had seen this 'man'.

I found the correlation between the blue colour and the word fast and came to the conclusion that this is Sonic the Hedgehog, from the video game franchise by Sega.

Was I correct? I'm quite certain I am.

I can't say I've ever played any sonic games, but I know this character from advertisments and the sort.

How does she look with short hair?

_

You look stunning littlepurpleplanet, the short hair certainly suits you.

However, personally I think you would look all the more breath-taking with all of it off.

Though I understand that can't be an easy feat, considering how fast your hair tends to grow back.

Perhaps you'll start incorporating shaving into your morning routine?

"Well, being trapped in this training centre which only serves mundane and simple food has made me miss my aunt's cooking dearly.

I'm not sure if I do have a favourite food to speak of, but anything my aunt Muriel plates down for me will be eaten with more than satisfaction.

The secret, strange as it may sound, is to add a 'wee bit of vinegar'. As long as you get the right amounts, it works every time.

"Thank you very much littlepurpleplanet. I must say, judging by the photo you sent of yourself I'd say you are rather adorable as well.

I don't get compliments like this very often, my reply to you doesn't do my real feelings justice.

Goodness I hope they let me out of this training centre soon. Customers are waiting for me and all I can do is type.

"I'm not sure who this Joana Ceddia person is, but I can assure you that I will leave no stray hair behind. I am very precise.

I would be absolutely delighted to have a willing customer for a change, although I suppose it wouldn't be the same as being especially, naughty.

With love, Fred."