#ask caporegime

Almost like it regrets something

@guest-1337-detecter

Consigliere: Oh! Who's there?

Caporegime: I'll get it. Hello-

Welcome. You’ve reached the right place.

I’ll be answering questions here during my free time. You’re free to ask me or any of the mafialings — just know that all messages are screened by Consigliere.

He’s watching closely, so I expect you to behave.

You’ve been warned...

Rules:

1. Be respectful.

Consigliere is monitoring all messages. He has no patience for nonsense, and neither do I.

2. No NSFW.

This blog is safe for work. Keep your questions clean — or you'll be quietly removed from the premises.

3. You may ask anyone.

I’ll answer when I can, but the mafialings are available too. Ask at your own risk — especially with Contractee...

4. No spam or repeated asks.

Consigliere doesn’t like clutter. If you flood the inbox, your messages will disappear… permanently.

5. You can ask anything, but how we answer is another story.

Some of us lie. Some overshare. Some stare in silence until you regret asking. Proceed accordingly.

6. Hate, harassment, or bigotry will not be tolerated.

You’ll be silenced, blocked, and blacklisted faster than Soldier can load a magazine.

7. Please be patient.

Replies come when there’s time. This isn’t a full-time operation — we have... other jobs.

(more under the cut)

Contractee: NO-

Caporegrime: ...AAAAAAA—

Soldier: I feel indifferent.

*enemy approaching by toby fox starts playing*

anyways here’s a bracelet happy birthday dude <3 you deserve so much (lore drop when??)

-💫🍭 anon

Caporegime: OKAY FIRST OF ALL.

IT’S NOT MY BIRTHDAY YET, BUT THANK YOU FOR THE BRACELET. I AM WEARING IT. I LOOK EXCELLENT.

SECOND OF ALL—

WHY SO MUCH CONSIGLIERE ART??

BECAUSE HE’S... WELL DRAWN. COMPOSED. MAFIA-AESTHETICALLY PLEASING.

AND IT’S NOT LIKE I ONLY REBLOG CONSIGLIERE FANART I—

…OKAY MAYBE I DO BUT IT’S STRATEGIC.

IT’S. FOR. THE. AESTHETIC.

IT’S NOT BECAUSE I THINK HE LOOKS GOOD IN COLLARED SHIRTS AND LONG COATS OR WHATEVER STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT

Also if you’re implying something more?

That’s crazy. You’re insane. Totally ridiculous. Absolutely—

sexualities? I'm just curious (i can smell the queer from here, that's probably just Mafioso though)

favorite song artist/band?

why do you have the weapons you have?

is Mafioso's hat eatable?

is Capo bald?

what if a gubby had a gun?

Alright you asked for this anon:

Y'all can have all my hugs >:3

And just for Contractee, I will give you a kiss on the forehead and I'm taking you to the pet store to look at pet not get them (Not because my mom denied me from getting a bunny)

For Caporeigme, idk what you want but here are some flowers

Soldier, you like painting? Idk but here is a paint set ig

Yall can trade your stuff around, if u no likey I can come back to give u smth else

oh and Caporeigme... You can have the thing that shaves people bald, dw I'm joking... kinda

Contractee: YOU’RE TAKING ME TO THE PET STORE.

TO LOOK AT ANIMALS.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’VE JUST DONE.

I’M GOING TO POINT AGGRESSIVELY AT EVERY SMALL CREATURE AND TELL YOU THEIR LIFE STORY.

That kiss on the forehead also healed like 73% of my mental health.

You are now legally my best friend. Sorry I don’t make the rules. See you in the bunny aisle.

Caporegime: …Okay. These are actually… kinda nice. I guess. I’ll put them in a glass. Or a vase. Whatever.

…

…

WHY does everyone keep bringing up the bald thing.

IT WAS YEARS AGO. I WAS INJURED. I SHAVED MY HEAD FOR A MEDICAL REASON.

And now people just HAND ME RAZORS like it’s a JOKE???

I swear–

Soldier: …Thank you.

I don’t know how to paint.

But I’ll learn.

Contractee already asked if I’d paint his “dream bunny fort.” I said yes.

I know I sent a ton of art but I wanted to send more, hopefully you don’t mind

Caporegime: GUESS WHO'S BACK.

Poll said yes. Privileges returned. Reblog button? Clicking it with power and grace. You may now resume sending me things (responsibly). I've matured. I’m enlightened. I’m definitely not opening seventeen tabs of Consigliere fanart. (Yet.)

Now.

About the art.

WHY AM I BALD ON THE LEFT?!

WHY—WHY DID YOU DO THIS. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS.

That is not a character design, that’s a threat. That is a full egg.

I had to shave my head a few years ago, okay?? Mafia stuff. Bad injury. Traumatic. Emotional. And now it’s growing out again, and we do NOT need to relive Bald Era Capo.

That being said...

The right one? That’s me. That’s the blueprint. That’s cinema.

Hair, style, danger, elegance. You captured me perfectly.

I’m pinning that one on the HQ fridge.

Anyway, thanks for the art—seriously. Even the bald one.