#asian problem

me: "your ancestors originally came from africa. speak some swahili to me!" 😊

“This one.”

“No, really. Where are you ACTUALLY from?”

“This one. The United States of America.”

“Oh.” (disappointed beat.) “Where are your parents from?”

“Same country. America.”

“But surely, your grandparents?”

“Nope, America.”

“But then, your great-grandparents.”

“No.”

It’s so unfair right? I’ve been looking forward to this for almost a year now but I’m not getting anything out of it. I kinda wasted my time the past year doing pretty much nothing. I’m stuck in a place I hate with no progression but filled with hope that turned out to be a red herring in the end.

The story? Well, mom spoke to aunt Jennie since...I don’t know when but what she told me was aunt Jennie is going to retire this year and she told mom a bunch of crap like how UBC is far away from her home (like how the fuck am I supposed to know where you live when you don’t say shit to me?) and why didn’t I consult her when I made my applications and also how rent is high in the UBC area....blah blah blah.... The bottom line is she’s saying: “Kelvin, I’m retiring, I want to enjoy my time with Stephen and I don’t want you coming here to disturb our peace. So fuck off and fuck you. Good luck coming over here without me as a sponsor.” Well, of course she didn’t say that but from what I heard that’s what she wanted to say. 

I thought about all this right from the very beginning when she suggested that I should pursue my studies in Canada of which I have always had in mind. So I applied for something I was truly passionate about: acting. Yup call me crazy or whatever but I’m at the point in my life where I want to chase my dreams and not give a fuck about what others have to say. Don’t they have dreams too when they were young? Seriously goddamn it! Then she tells me that I won’t make it because it’s dominated by white kids or some shit. That got me thinking this is a serious Asian problem! Why can’t Asian parents see their kids succeed in something that they are truly passionate about, something that they love doing and not something that they forced upon their child??? This is sickening to my ears! I mean, I don’t fucking care if she was a nobody but she’s my aunt and for her to say something like that definitely hurts. Of course, my mom told me the same thing but I shut her up that one time and I told her it is better to be doing something that I love and earn close to nothing than earn lots of money doing something I absolutely despise.

So my mom sat me down and she said there are 4 routes I can go now. 

1. Find a job here, live at home, save money and try again.

2. Go to Melaka and get a job. It’s beneficial because the Chinese are investing a lot in Melaka! But seriously fuck the mainland Chinese. We dont really need them okay? Just because we descended from them does not mean a shit to me if I don’t feel connected to them in any fucking way!

3. Get a job in KL. By the way all suggestions involved her asking me to look for a law job which seriously fuck that. I’m not about to make myself unhappy again, ok bitch?

4. Go to Singapore and get a law job (wtf is wrong with her???)

I told her I’m alright with getting a job in Singapore but I’m not okay with getting a law related job in Singapore. I am a firm believer that I can do anything I want and I seriously like if I put my mind and heart into it. I have a passion for writing and the creative so why can’t you think outside the box and suggest something else like a copywriter? Why can’t you?

I’m sick and tired of how Asian parents try to instill their outdated beliefs in their child. I mean, come on now, it’s 2017 and obviously some of the things you believe in or say is not relevant anymore! Wake the fuck up! Why cant you let me do what the fuck I wanna do? 

I have come to the conclusion that my family, no, my mom, no, my family as a whole is my poison. They are pulling me down. So if they poison me why do I even bother holding on to them? No more! I’m cutting this poison off my life!