#ashok rambles

Have you ever like super accidentally come across something young you had set up and then you just kinda die a little bit as you look at it I found a character identification page when I went through my shit It was secret and unmarked so no one could find it and there’s like some psychos on it like child, honey, no.

I have seen a ton of arguments going through the MH/EAH tags so im just gonna say my little thing, and I know I am not the target audience. One of the things I loved the most about both series is how they made me feel when I was having a hard time. I had recently come out as being trans and I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere. Monster High and the theme of embracing yourself flaws and all, gave me the chance to gain confidence that I needed. Ever After High and the “choose your own destiny” made me feel like, I didn’t have to go through life on the path I felt like I had been assigned, that I was free to be myself and not rise to any expectations on me based on birth. As a child I had a horrible phobia of dolls, and even now I still do. Monster High and Ever After High dolls where the first dolls I didn’t panic around because they felt different to me. While some argue that they are scary, I found them to be charming. Their “darker” (if I can even call it that) looks are partially what drew me in for Monster High. While the Monster High faces aren’t that bad, they just look funny to me. Ever After High however, some of the new faces make me panic when I see them like Apple White’s face.  While I fear that I might end up stop collecting from the newer lines because I am not over my fear of dolls, I hope to try and stick with them as long as possible because they gave me hope. 

I really hate that my mother doesn't understand me, I am already having enough doubts on myself about who I am without her telling me that it could be a phase

My mother has given me approval for getting a tattoo after I am 18, I told her that my tattoo of choice was to be that fancy Death Eater mark from Harry Potter. Of course with 2 years to go, I might change my mind but I have wanted it since I was like 11 so who knows. On a different note, my mother has warned me that if I was to get snake bite piercings that she will rip them out as soon as she sees them. I am sad because I find snake bites really attractive and wanted them. but I do recall that she said that I could get fake ones, as long as I do not put holes in my face I am fine. but its like, I feel like if I just have fake ones in all the time I am cheating or a wannabe?? dunno should I just go for fake ones and be content?

So apparently sometime around 8:30 this morning I put Mulan on Netflix to fall asleep to (I can't fall asleep most of the time without sounds to listen to otherwise I start to cry and can't stop for awhile just some life story there) so anyway I apparently paused Mulan to check tumblr for a weird reason, opened Netflix in a different tab and fucking watched a different movie. Last time I tried that Netflix informed me that it was open in a different tab and wouldn't allow me to watch the movie, but this time I was able to? I forgot I was gonna go to bed but I may sleep now or something..

My mother and I fight over cosplay so much. She was trying to work on getting Ruby from Pokemon together but I wanted to get Kuroha and Konoha done before the con, since I would much rather cosplay those precious babies. Instead she put my two favorite characters last under Noiz's early design from dmmd.