i had a dream last night, so complicated & personal that it's hard to describe but it is something like this: it is permanently twilight. it is quiet. it has to be. i don't know why, but everyone & everything is. i don't know which one of us it is, but my friend is, or i am, born in another city in a soundproof room. in the city we live there is no birdsong or wind sound. no children's laughter. no buzzing of electronics. just soft footsteps on a staircase that could have been my pop's but wasn't. breathing. hushed whispers. so much happened, so many rooms we searched & we found something. it's hard to say what. a secret thing, something we weren't supposed to know, or maybe just something it would have been better if we didn't know. my heart pounds so hard it hurts. the dream ends when i am standing on the porch overlooking misty hills & valley. we're far away from the city but the whole world is quiet so it makes no true difference. my arms around my friend's shoulders. we lean heavily on each other. i think we had cried at some point but i can't remember it. my face is wet. there is a heavy grief at knowing we were supposed to have each other's lives, but didn't. it's cold. i wake up.
