#asher sang

They held on to me, one on each arm as the elevator door closed, but let go of my mouth. I swallowed, but held my tongue. I’d seen what they did to those who mouthed off to peacekeepers before. It never ended well. The elevator reached the main floor and they walked me out and into a car, sitting me in the middle with a peacekeeper on either side. My chest tightened as the tower disappeared behind me second by second. I craned my neck to try and look out the window, try and figure out where they were taking me but quickly shrunk back when one of the peacekeepers shot me a glare.

The car stopped and they pulled me out of the car and into a plain, warehouse like building into another elevator. The lights buzzed as it went down, down, and down deep into the ground. It opened up to a brightly lit hall, a lab by the looks of it and the lab coat worn by the a frowning man waiting in front of the elevator door.

“You seem to be a better candidate than Ares Machina to be the vessel.” The man in the lab coat spoke cold, eying me like a new tool. “So you will become the vessel of the god of this world. And you will rejoice in giving up your soul to do so.”

Oh no. My blood chilled and I stiffened. “Who are you?” How did they know about me? They must have found out after they’d determined what happened with Ares.

The scientist straightened his back, puffing his chest out proud. “I’m Elari, the lead scientist devoted to bringing Primary back.”

“Why?” I swallowed again. “Why bring them back?” Why bring back something like this back?

“They are the god of this world, and inferior beings have dared to create life apart from their perfect plan.” Elari spoke matter of fact, as if discussion something straightforward, something that didn’t involve possession and torment. “We must bring this world back to their plan.”

I shook my head, tugging against the peacekeeper’s grip to no avail. “I’m not going to let them take over me. Let me go.” They could try. I’d bested them before. I could do it again. I could do it again.

“Let’s see if they’ll get you to change your mind. Or they could even destroy the half soul you have.” He snapped his fingers and turned on his heel, leading the peacekeepers behind him.

They dragged me down the hallway and Elari opened a door for them. Ancient magic vibrated through the air, emanating from a corpse, lying perfectly preserved and still in the center of the room. My heart skipped and I dug in my heels, but it didn’t do much to slow the peacekeepers hauling me across the smooth polished floor. Nothing moved about the corpse, hair still even in the slight breeze from the open door, a cut fresh as the day it was made glistening on their cheek and a single drop suspended in the air.

My skin prickled with unfamiliar power, sharp and pushing against me. They knew I was here. They were stronger here than in Ares, just a fragment inside of her but everything inside of the corpse here. Like smoke it pressed against me, testing my resolve already, curious and pushy and…

Lonely. Hollow where it found me.

The same booming voice echoed in my head. You are to be my new vessel? And what makes you a worthy candidate?

I shook my head. “No, thank you. I’m not a worthy candidate, sorry.” I watched the corpse but it stayed put, still, trapping the Primary within.

Hmm… Pressure pushed against my chest as it pressed harder. It seems you don’t have a full soul. Does that idiot scientist think that I can even destroy half a soul? I can’t destroy directly what my blood created.

I nodded along, taking a deep breath and steeling myself against their push, against the ache in my chest, against the growing urge to yell, to scream, to cry, to beg for something, anything, that built wherever they tested me. They didn’t seem to hold Elari in very high regard. “What do you mean by that?” Did they want this? Did they know what was happening? I softened my voice. “And what should I call you, do you have a name?” Or had they decided to call them Primary without asking?

My name is Primary. I created everything, and therefore cannot directly destroy anything. But in creating everything, I became too unstable and would have destroyed everything in my death if I hadn’t imprisoned myself and put myself in stasis. But I have been conscious these thousands of years, and I don’t care what price I have to pay to restore my body and live again.

They drew back slightly as they spoke, echoing in my head, but kept tendrils of themself wrapped around my arms, coiled light around my stomach. My legs shook, and I let the peacekeepers holding me take on more of my weight. They must have cared, must have cared once. Why subject themselves to eons of suffering to protect what they created if they didn’t?

I took another breath, long and slow, as pressure built behind my eyes, as the ache grew, as it gnawed at my gut, at my lungs, at my heart. “That must have been hard to bear all those years.” Alone, and waiting, waiting, waiting for what? Not knowing if it will ever end.

They pushed harder, rage adding to the ache and the emptiness and pain. You can’t imagine the agony. So be a good little dear and give up your soul for me.

I stiffened, bracing myself against their attempts to get in, to push past and under my skin. “If you give me time I,” I gasped, fighting to keep my breath even as my lungs burned and heart skipped. “I can try to help you. To let you go without taking me with you!”

I can’t talk to the scientists, and they don’t know how to free me. And would you consciously be okay with destroying the whole world to let me out? No, of course not. So, give up your soul!

They pressed harder, harder, unrelenting. “No, but—”

They broke through, the muscle of my chest burning as they forced their way inside, through the muscle, through the lining of my chest and beside my heart.

“No!”

I hunched as far as I could in the peacekeeper’s grip, panting and bracing as Primary pushed and pushed, trying to twist their way into my arms, my legs, my bones but I held them with all I had. Held them trapped in the cage of my chest along side my beating heart and overworked lungs.

They pushed harder, harder, until they faded, drifted away like a receding wave. I can’t get… A tight enough grip. I need that girl back…

They drew back and I went limp in the peacekeeper’s arms, panting as sweat dripped down my forehead, down the back of my neck. “Leave the girl alone, please,” I gasped between words, trying too hard to speak and breath at the same time. “Wait just a little bit longer, Primary, I will try to make this right for you.”

It wasn’t fair, wasn’t fair for them to be stuck here with these scientists that only cared to help them bring destruction. That help hadn’t been sought for them, help that might have set them free without destroying everything they created. How long had they been kept here, unearthed and kept alone in this room?

Their voice came quieter, farther away. You’re a liar. I will have the girl despite anything you may try.

I shook my head, voice wavering as exhaustion pulled at my body. “Even if you try, even if you take her again, even if you torment her more, I will not leave you here to suffer.” Desperation, it was desperation that made them this way, and could I have done any better in their place? “Even if I die next week, I will make sure someone comes for you.”

I couldn’t let them stay here trapped inside a corpse. How dare Elari keep them here alone, suffering, desperate for something, anything, that would ease the loneliness, the pain. How dare he keep them here when there had to be a way to save them.

I forced my head up to meet the eyes of the long-static corpse. “You don’t have to believe me, Primary, but I am not a liar.” This was something I could do. This was something I could cling to, something I could fix instead of harm.

The peacekeepers dragged me out of the room to Elari, shaking his head disapprovingly. “What a shame. We’ll have to try the girl again.”

I glared, anger burning hot and tears streaming down my cheeks. The ache, the screaming and yelling barely contained in my chest from Primary, the urge to beg for anything, anything at all besides being trapped in stasis, the residual ache sent tears down my cheeks and burned in my eyes. How dare he stand here, indifferent to their pain? Their suffering? How dare he try and fail time and time again with a plan that would never work, a plan that no one really wanted. To send innocent after innocent to give Primary hope for just a moment only for it to be snatched away when it failed again and again?

I held my tongue because I needed to get back to the tower alive. I needed to get back to the tower with enough sense to find whatever I could that might help free this god.

“Steady steady!” He held onto me a moment longer until I got my balance again. “Follow me, your friend’s already out there.”

Oh, really? I followed him without thinking. My shoulders ached and I reached over to try and massage the stiffness out, not sure if it was from sleeping on an expensive couch, the exorcism, the stress of yesterday, or maybe it was all of it. My stomach growled. How long had I been asleep?

Chatter and noise caught my attention as my escort escorted me out of the train and into a huge, hangar like spaced filled with tributes and stylists and make up and costumes. I stopped, stunned in the doorway. Colours everywhere, bright and glaring against the grey walls the grey floors. Noise and clatter from tools and sewing set ups and teams laughing and cheering over a successful job.

My escort nudged me along. “Most teams are already finishing up. Sorry I didn’t realize you were still sleeping back there but when they told me you weren’t here I knew I had to come find you. Didn’t want you missing out and all.”

He led me out of the train, weaving between groups crowded around unsuspecting tributes, several of them in the stages of arguing, struggling, or otherwise resisting anything their teams tried to do to them. Looking at some of the outfits they were presented with I couldn’t blame them.

The escort presented me to an overdressed team with a wave of his hand. “Here he is! He’s all yours.”

“About time!” The tallest, or maybe just the one with the tallest hat, pulled me forward by my arm. “Come on sit down we have a lot of catching up to do.”

She sat me down on a tall stool and stepped back, face scrunching as she looked me over. The escort vanished off somewhere and one of the styling assistants picked at a strand of my hair. I swallowed and kept still. It wouldn’t do me any good to fight with them about this, and my head still moved slow from sleep.

“You know what, I think we might be able to pull this off.” The head stylist waved to one of her assistants. “Might not even have to chance the colour schemes all that much, maybe just the sleeves.” She turned back to me, grinning. Her canine teeth were all dyed bright pink. “Sounds like our other team had some trouble with your partner so we were worried we’d have to overhaul our side too.”

“What kind of trouble?” I sat up taller, craning to see if I could spot her in the sea of tributes and teams but couldn’t spot her. “Is she okay?”

The stylist shrugged and started gathering her materials. “Well, physically. She’s awfully defiant though. Might be something wrong with her that way.” She clapped her hands together. “Now usually I like to spend more time but with the late start we’re going to have to work pretty fast.”

She and her team jumped straight to work, pouncing on me and their make up and supplies as they had me change from my clothes to theirs. They styled my hair, dyed the front strands a bright fiery orange, trimmed rough edges, rubbed expensive foundation into my face, darkened my eyelids, painted my nails a shimmering black. They dressed me in a tight dark shoulder-less shirt and pants, with some kind of orange and yellow netting running up and down my sleeves, and a thick, shiny leather falconer’s glove with orange stitching on my right hand.

“Sorry, no time for a grand reveal,” The stylist gently shoved me towards the waiting chariots. “Show’s about to start, off you go.”

I stumbled at the push, then wandered stiffly towards the first chariot. The pants were tight on my legs, restricting the movement and making it feel like I was walking with stilts instead of legs. Ares was nowhere to be seen yet as I leaned against the side of the shining chariot. Maybe it wasn’t just the peacekeepers that didn’t like her if she gave trouble to anyone who tried to control her.

Most other tributes were already here and waiting, clustered around their chariots. Most looked out of place. Even without knowing them, almost none of them seemed to be dressed in a way that was anything near natural to them. Except for one. A tall woman with a large-brimmed hat and a long coat stood talking with a man who didn’t look like he had decided yet if he wanted anything to do with her. Right. There was something to making an impression with the others, wasn’t there? I bit at the inside of my cheek. I’d have to decide how I wanted to come off, wouldn’t I? Was there merit to being friendly, or would it be better to come off as a threat?

Ares stormed over, slumping against the chariot beside me hard enough it rocked a moment before stilling. “They figured out I don’t exactly have magic anymore.”

“Already?” I frowned. That was fast. Then again, I hadn’t seen her here while everyone else was getting prepared. Maybe they’d taken her somewhere else, somewhere with a specialist.

“Yeah, they said I had to be a phoenix for the costume, and I refused because I didn’t want to, but they tried to force me to transform, so when that didn’t work, they figured it out.”

I frowned, glancing down at my glove. They wanted to make her out as my bird? They wanted to present her as something that I commanded? I’d heard of situations before where one tribute was presented as the better of the two, the more capable, at the expense of showing the other as weak, as lesser. I swallowed, unease rippling through my gut. Why me? What was going on that I would be slated as the powerful one?

“I…” I frowned deeper, looking her up and down. “I’m not sure they know what birds look like.” They hadn’t even done a good job on her. Was that intentional?

She smiled though. “I wouldn’t stay still for them to actually make me look like a bird.”

“Oh.” I nodded. “That… Makes sense.” I probably should have thought of that first.

A lull fell between us and I eyed the chariot, fidgeting at the cuff of my sleeve sewn tight enough my hand was starting to tingle. Each was tall, with large wheels and not a lot of standing room. “Do you think anyone ever falls off of these?’

Ares shrugged. “I’ll keep you steady. But probably not. Knowing the Capitol, they make some way to keep tributes from doing that.”

“That’s good.” My shoulders fell, relaxed just a little. Maybe I had managed to make one ally at least, if she was so quickly willing to offer me help. “I don’t have particularly good balance.”

“I learned good balance, so I’ll keep you steady.” She smiled. “Showing camaraderie would confuse the Capitol anyway.”

Camaraderie? She must have considered me someone to trust, someone she would side with then. Even if it was only to spite the Capitol having her on my side eased some of the nerves coiling through my body.

I smiled. “It sure would, having the bird direct the,” I raised my hand, air quoting, “falconer.”

The less I had to play into their manufactured imbalance, the better.

“They wanted me in a cage, but I think this works better, don’t you?”

I nodded, laughing a little despite the pounding of my heart as the doors opened at the end of the hall. “I don’t think I could have held a cage up that long anyway.”

“Good I wouldn’t have let you.” She clapped my back hard enough I stumbled, surprised, as she jumped up onto the chariot and offered me a hand up.

I took it gladly, gripping the railings with my gloved hand to haul myself up. “Thanks.” The chariot swayed as I climbed. “Can’t wait until this is over.”

Ares wrapped an arm around my shoulder to steady me as the chariot started to move and rattle. “Me too.”

I gripped the railing with both hands as it lurched into the light, bright and blinding. My stomach knotted and my legs trembled. There were people, crowds of them, standing around us and cheering and shouting and looking. Look at us. At me. At home, were they watching too? Watching me cling to the railings? What were we supposed to do?

“What do you think, wave or no waving?” I glanced at Ares. She seemed to know better how to make an impression.

“Fuck them. I’m not giving them shit.”

“Good call.” I didn’t want to let go of the railings anyway.

The sun burned hot on my back, the air dusty and drying through my nose. The crowd roared, all one sound, loud and inescapable surrounding us. Horses and riders set loose from their chariots raced haphazard around the circle like heralds. I frowned. That woman with the hat again. She raced her stolen horse alongside another tribute with bright green hair. If they were bold enough for this, what would they do in the arena? I didn’t want to find out.

They sped past and I followed them with my eyes until I fixed on someone, familiar in the crowd. Cirrus. He stood front and center in the stands, blending in just a little too well with a sheer white button up and shimmering blue-grey vest. I couldn’t help but smile. He’d even fucked up his hair to fit in, intricately braided with strings of pearls weaved throughout. He met my eyes with a quick nod before the woman next to him laid her hand on his arm and leaned in for his attention.

“Can I ask you a favour?” I turned to Ares, voice soft. “If a bird taps on any of the windows where they keep us, can you open it?”

She nodded eagerly. “If I can turn into a phoenix again by then, can I talk to it first before it goes to see you?”

I shrugged. “You can try. He might be a bit of an ass though.” I almost wished I could be there in the air with them to hear what Cirrus would say. And what Ares would say back.

“I’m a bit of an ass too.”

“Then you should be fine.” I smiled, tension easing from my shoulders as the chariots stopped.

I leaned against the front of the railing, resting my elbows on the brass and finding Cirrus in the crowd again, distracted by the pretty Capitol woman beside him. He said something and she giggled, blushing and leaning up against him and I rolled my eyes when he looked back my way.

Maybe he wouldn’t be up to see me quite so soon, but he was here. Ember must have told him and he must have flown straight over. Even if he couldn’t help me get out of this he was here.

I hadn’t noticed when the speeches ended until the chariots moved once more, taking us back into the hanger.

--

They ushered us quickly from chariot to the tower we would be kept in for the next week. The escort chattered on and on about our performance, surprisingly pleased with our show of solidarity together. When we reached our floor he gave us each a pat on the back, then nudged me towards the living area.

“You’ve got someone waiting for you.”

I frowned. No way Cirrus was here already. I knew him better than to think he would come straight here while that girl was practically pawing at him.

My shoes clicked on the tile floor as I rounded the corner to the living room and found Ginger sitting on one of the couches. She stood as soon as she saw me, blond hair tied back and pink velvet hoodie cast aside on the table. She was here. She was here too.

“What are you doing here?”

She rounded the coffee table, pulling on her white leather gloves before gently gripping my bare shoulders. “I couldn’t let you come here alone. Whoever they assigned to mentor you wouldn’t know enough to help you.”

I melted, leaning into her shoulder careful to avoid the exposed skin on her neck. She didn’t have to do this. Not for me, not for anyone. She didn’t have to get involved. How many things had she needed to postpone, to rearrange, to follow me here?

She continued, quieter. “I don’t know if I can save you, but after all you’ve been through, and all you’ve overcome, I’m not about to let you face this on your own.”

She’d done more than enough already for me. She didn’t need to do this too. I swallowed, tears slipping down my face and soaking into the fabric of her shirt. She could have, maybe should have, given up on me time and time before. She’d sacrificed days, weeks, months working with me, patient as she guided me back to myself.

“Took you long enough! What are you doing working today?” Dylan grinned, pulling me in with an arm around my shoulder. “Better have been something good.”

I stumbled a little as he shifted, taking me with him. One of Kyra’s closer cousins, he still hadn’t quite clued in to how much stronger he was compared to me. “Oh it was nothing, it’s more or less on the way too.”

“We were worried you’d be late.” Striker reached for the collar of my shirt, flattening out the points and adjusting my tie that I must have failed to set just right.

When his hands brushed my skin the nerves jumped sharp through his touch, stiffening my jaw and crawling up and down my veins.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.” I swallowed as he finished. Of course I would worry him. I should have thought of that sooner. He didn’t deserve to worry about me. He’d done enough of that for more than a lifetime already.

Kyra came up around my other side smiling in a bright yellow dress. “If you’re free later we’re having a barbeque tonight. We’d love for you to come.”

If it was a dinner with her family invited it was almost certain to be an event. I nodded. “I don’t see why not.” Hopefully her aunt would be cooking. I’d never had a better hot dog than the ones she made.

“Wonderful!” Kyra clasped her hands together, her engagement ring glittering in the dappled shade. “I’ll let everyone know later then.”

She drew back and after one last adjustment to my shirt Striker fell in by her side. Dylan took his arm back to stick into his pocket, eyeing the crowd. To anyone else he would have looked calm, casual as if this was nothing more than an unassuming summer’s day, but he must have been tense if he was quiet this long. I’d only ever seen him scan a crowd when something was about to go very, very wrong.

One of the younger cousins, Ben, asked something and Dylan’s smile was back as he leaned down to talk to him.

“I don’t like the man up there.”

I turned at Argent’s voice. She had her eyes locked on the escort approaching the stage, sharp and unyielding. My skin crawled as the air around her seemed to buzz, to shiver with intent, intent like a dog fixated on a rabbit across a field.

“I mean, I don’t think I would like him either.” I shrugged. “But you don’t have to get involved Argent.” I rested my hand on her arm and she broke her stare, instead facing me now with that familiar look that raised the hairs on the back of my neck. A look of instinctual prey drive, fixated on me. “We’ll be home soon enough. Just a little longer, okay?”

She scowled, but nodded and crossed her arms tight across her chest. She glared at the stage as the anthem played and the escort took the stage for his speech. His way of talking was hard for me to follow and I quickly found myself paying less and less attention as my mind wandered instead. Was there an occasion for the barbeque tonight? As far as I knew it would have been the first big get together after Striker proposed to Kyra. Most of her family probably already knew but maybe they wanted to get together and celebrate properly and this was the only day everyone had off.

Silence in the crowd broke my thoughts and brought my heart into my throat. The real reaping had begun. The escort leaned over the bowl of names, his clip-on microphone brushing the tassels on his shirt and echoing loud through the speakers. Beside me Dylan stood rigid, scanning the top of the crowd with darting eyes.

With a flourish the escort plucked a paper, clucked his tongue and cleared his throat. “For our first lucky tribute, we have one Asher Sang!”

Oh, that wasn’t good.

I stood, frozen to the spot as everyone who knew me turned to look but there was nothing they could do. They probably all knew I wouldn’t let them volunteer for me, but Argent at my side clenched her fists and I barely had time to pull her back and cover her mouth before she lunged and tried to yell something muffled by my hand.

“Don’t you dare.” I hissed, holding her back a moment before she reluctantly gave up and stood quietly seething instead. I swallowed. “Sorry, Argent.”

I slipped by her and tried to stand up straight as I walked the path to the stage. Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded seeing what it was Argent had planned against the escort but it would do more harm then good. My footsteps seemed to echo on the stone steps up to the stage, louder than they probably were in reality but walking up there with my face blown up on massive screens, it was deafening.

The escort dragged me the rest of the way by the wrist, nothing but indifferent excitement seeping from his hand and through my skin. Like I was nothing more than a new toy, a thing to look forward to playing with and not caring if it ended up broken.

He stood me in front of the crowd and said something I forgot almost as soon as he did before the peacekeepers shuffled me to the back of the stage and drew the next name.

The tribute fled, flames erupting hot and bright even in the harsh sun as she leapt to the air in the form of burning phoenix. Fiery wings beat overhead as she shot into the air but just as quickly a net came down over her and she crashed down to the ground.  Officials dragged the net up to the stage and dropped her like an inanimate sack of flour beside me and without realizing it I shrunk away, back from the power and energy and, and something that pulsed from deep inside her. Ignored by the escort, she fought against the net and I stared, shivering in the heat. Whatever this girl was she was more than a shapeshifter. There was something, something, that I’d never felt before but buzzed at the back of my skull. Something dangerous.

Most years I wouldn’t have agreed to meet someone on the day of the reaping, but this year it wasn’t like I was leaving anyone alone at home. Argent was over with Striker and Kyra, and Ember wasn’t even in the district after her ship was delayed returning from their last fishing run. I hadn’t thought until now what would happen if her name was called. Would they send a craft out to sea to go and pick her up? Or would they quietly remove her name as to not embarrass themselves calling someone who wasn’t even there?

Footsteps echoed in the empty hallway outside and a moment later the student, Nova, poked her head through the door.

I smiled, waving her in. “Come on in.” I nodded at the chair across from my empty desk.

She nodded and stepped into the room. Usually when I saw her in classes she rarely wore anything other than jeans and a hoodie with the logo of some obscure band but today she wore a bright dress and dress shoes she didn’t seem to like walking in. A reminder of what day it was even if nothing seemed out of the ordinary in my quiet office. Did she have anyone she was leaving alone today? Hopefully she wasn’t giving up a morning together with her family, and hopefully if she were it wouldn’t be her last morning in the district.

“What can I help you with?” She hadn’t mentioned many details of what was going on, just that it was potentially urgent.

“Well, and I don’t know if I’m being paranoid but I forgot to properly get everything wrapped up at the end of last week’s tutorial because I was rushing to make an appointment, and I’m worried I’ve picked something up from it.” She rolled up her sleeve to show a small, mostly faded mark of red and irritated skin. “I know I should have been more careful, but, do you think I should be worried about being cursed or something?”

Last week we were working on communication, and techniques to safely open yourself up in order to make contact with a spirit to determine what they would need to move on. I gently took her arm, looking over the red spots. If Nova hadn’t fully shut herself off again from outside influence something might have tried to get at her without her noticing, but whatever tried it looked like it hadn’t been strong enough to get through enough to take hold. The marks looked like they were already fading.

I let go of her wrist and leaned back in my chair. “It looks like you’ll be fine. You haven’t noticed anything else going on have you?” She shook her head and I offered a smile. “That’s good. Hard to say for sure but something might have tried to get to you while you were more vulnerable but either was too weak, or even if you had rushed through the closing process it was enough to deter it. Try not to do that again, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about. If you do notice anything unusual don’t hesitate to le me know.”

She sighed, slumping a little bit in relief. “Sorry to make you come in for nothing.”

I shrugged. “Well, you didn’t know whether or not it was nothing. Better safe than sorry.” I glanced at the clock and stood. We’d have to be heading out soon if we were going to make the reaping, and I didn’t want to find out what happened to people who didn’t make it on time. “If it makes you feel any better, you’re not the first and you probably won’t be the last to make a mistake like that. I’m glad you came and checked with me instead of waiting to see if it would get worse.”

Her eyes flicked to the clock as well and got up too. “Thanks, and I’ll let you know if anything happens.” She slipped out as I held the door for her. “And I’ll pay more attention next time too.”

I nodded as I locked the office door and turned back to her. It was strange, only the two of us in sight. The below ground floor my office was one didn’t tend to have a lot of traffic but there would usually be some signs of life on any other day. Even the lights today seemed dimmer than usual.

“Have you got anyone waiting for you at the reaping?” My voice echoed through the quiet halls as we walked together towards the exit.

She nodded. “My family’s waiting outside for me.”

“That’s good.” I swallowed as we reached the doors, and a young child standing with a family group by the stairs of the college waved up at Nova. “Good luck today Nova.”

Nova paused for a solemn moment. “Thanks, you too.”

She left for her family and I left for the plaza. We both knew there was a non-zero chance that either of us could be called. Anyone could this year. The Capitol had only announced it last week, the changes to the pool of potential tributes. They hadn’t given much of a reason why and it had seldom been ignored in conversations since.

That meant that this year it could be him, but what were the odds of that? Small, but not zero. What if Striker was called? Or Kyra? I swallowed and lowered my head to watch the ground as I walked. Did I even want to think about that, when it might not happen? If it did though, I’d have to volunteer. I couldn’t let either of them go up there when they’d done so much for me, so much more than I could ever hope to repay them for. Would Argent’s name be in there this year too?

Ginger probably told him, or he would have said something by now. Instead he glanced down at the wine, set it down and nudged a plate of intricately crafted sausage rolls and cut fruit. “Here. These are good.”

I glanced down at them, and they did look good, but I wasn’t hungry. “Maybe later.”

“Suit yourself.” He leaned back in his chair. “How are you feeling?”

I folded my arms on the table and rested my head on top. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“You don’t really have a choice though.” Cirrus sighed. “And you know, it might not be so bad. That girl probably won’t bother you in the arena now.”

No, she probably wouldn’t, but it didn’t matter. My stomach twisted remembered what I said. Her face. The way she cried and shook and that I didn’t know what happened to her after. She didn’t deserve any of this. I only targeted her because something in me decided she was vulnerable.

“You know, maybe don’t do that all the time,” Cirrus continued, taking a piece of fruit cut in the shape of a flower. “But would it be so bad to lean into it sometimes?”

I lifted my head, staring. “You know I can’t do that.”

He shrugged. “Its your choice.” He paused, then sighed softly. “Whatever you do, you’re nothing like Vena. He wouldn’t care this much.” Crossing his arms, he leaned back, chin high with a hint of a smirk. “It doesn’t matter what he would think anyway because you killed him. You’re clearly stronger than he was. Maybe it wouldn’t kill you to explore what you can do now that he’s gone.”

“I…” Could I do that? Did I want to know what would happen? “I don’t know.”

Cirrus nodded, slipping his hand into his pocket. “Don’t have to know now, but I’d rather you survive at all costs than come back dead. Give me your hand.”

I sat up, holding out my right hand. Cirrus drew a pearl bracelet with a shiny gold clasp, fixing it around my wrist. It was cool against my skin, cool and vast like the ocean which it came.

“You actually did it.” Despite the weight on my chest I found myself smiling. “How did you convince someone to do this so fast?”

Cirrus grinned, reaching for his wine glass. “I’m a prince, Asher. I have my ways.” He finished his wine and set the glass back down. “Namely I took him for dinner and let him keep the rest of the pearls that didn’t fit.”

“You really could just live here couldn’t you?” I shook my head mockingly as I drew my hand back, running my fingers over the smooth pearls. “But thank you.” I could probably take it into the arena. Hopefully.

“Glad you like it.” He reached for the wine bottle and poured himself another glass. “What’s the plan for today?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.” Would it be worth trying to make a better impression on someone else? I wouldn’t get far without someone else on my side. “I might try to talk to someone else, see if I have better luck today.”

“Not a bad idea.” He started on his second glass of wine, gesturing with it towards me. “Might not hurt to test a few things out too. You’re not exactly an outdoorsman.”

No, no I was not. “Yeah, okay. I might have to do that too.”

“Well good luck.” Cirrus reached forward and gave me a pat on the shoulder. “I’ll be here if you lose your mind again.”

I nodded, at least some of the tension easing. “Thanks.” Hopefully I wouldn’t need to come back today, but if I did he would be here.

--

The hall was just as busy today as it was yesterday. Clanging, shouting, talking. I took a long breath at the entrance before stepping out of the elevator. Focus. Stay calm. Don’t do that again. How many people had seen me yesterday? How many already blacklisted me from being a potential ally?

I slowed by one of the stations, archery. If there were bows in there it wouldn’t hurt to know how to use one. Picking one up it was lighter than it looked, some kind of synthetic material instead of solid wood. The trainer gave a brief lesson and wandered off to the next tribute eying the station. I picked up one of the arrows and knocked it like I’d been shown. My arm wobbled as I drew back, not far enough. I let go and the arrow clanged to the ground short of the target.

The tribute next to me released hers and it stuck straight and fast into the center of the target. Then again, and again, cramming the center of the target with a well aimed cluster of arrows. She’d run out of arrows before I had a chance to set my second, her eyes locked on the target a moment longer before lowering her bow. She knew what she was doing. Ginger had pointed her out to me last night after reviewing the reapings. Silver hair, a determined look in her eyes, she’d been introduced as Angie from district ten who stood alone on stage before the name calling even begun.

She turned to me, eyeing the last of my arrows. “Are you using those?”

I shook my head, stepping back. “No, go ahead.” There was no way I was about to figure out how to shoot in the next two hours anyway.

“Thanks, I’m all out of bullseyes,” she rolled up the sleeves of her jumpsuit and knocked my arrow, aiming at my target. “I needed yours too.”

She drew back, arms steady and eyes focused as she held her draw by her ear just a moment before letting it fly straight for the center of the target, again. She wasn’t learning, just brushing up.

The trainer called it safe to retrieve arrows and she didn’t hesitate. Maybe she was someone it might be beneficial to get to know. I took back my one arrow and paused, turning to her.

“You’re a good shot.” I smiled, offering her my one arrow. “You’ll probably get better use out of this than me.”

“Sure am.” Bracing one hand against the target, the arrow between spread fingers she tugged it out in one swift motion. She took mine too, twirling it between her fingers. “Don’t forget it.”

I nodded quickly, ducking my head but even still I could see her sizing me up as if determining if I would be a threat. Then she turned her attention back to her remaining arrows, pushing up the sleeves of her jumpsuit, despite them being already pushed up as far as they would go, before plucking them from the target.

“I trained my whole life for this and I intend to win.” She pulled one, eyeing it briefly and going for the final. “Nothing is going to take this from me.”

My skin crawled under her stare and I found myself stepping back without realizing. Why hadn’t I thought there might have been tributes ready to kill? That they weren’t picked just by chance, that they came here after preparing for who knows how long?

That they were here to kill me and anyone who got in their way.

I nodded again, turning back to the shooting line. “I, I’ll stay out of your way then.”

“Good call.” She took her position at the line again, arrow knocked and waiting for the call to shoot. “I’ll be nice and make it quick so you don’t suffer too long.” She smiled, almost friendly.

The trainer called and she raised, drew, and shot in one fluid motion, her arrow lodging right back into the center dot.

There was no point in me trying again here. I put my bow and arrow back. There was no way I’d be able to match her, or get anywhere close enough to defend myself or hunt within one week. I’d just have to remember to stay out of her way. Far, far out of her way. At least she didn’t seem to want to kill me personally.

If I did have to die though, I’d rather she send an arrow straight through my head before I had a chance to know what hit me than be left to die over hours or days.

I left, and in quick succession could hear her next two arrows hit the target. I didn’t have to turn to know they would have been dead center like the first.

Walking down the edge of the hall, I didn’t have a destination in mind but didn’t want to linger with Angie too much longer and risk distracting her again and changing her mind about her promise to make it quick. Would the next person I came across think the same way? Would they be here on purpose? I swallowed. Surely that was the exception, right?

Giving up on making connections for a while, I stopped at one of the stations along the edge of the hall with a collection of plants and their medicinal uses, and some poisonous ones. If I did get hurt, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to know if there was anything out there I could use to avoid infection. If not, I’d probably try and find Angie so she could put me out of my misery before the infection turned to sepsis.

A shadow fell over the table. I turned, shrinking back as the other horse thief, the one with the hat and the coat she didn’t seem to ever take off, towered over me.

She smiled sweetly. “Hello! How has your day been so far? I hope it was better than yesterday.”

Right, she was from the same district as the other girl. Did she know? I nodded, quiet, keeping my head down as my shoulders tensed. “Its… Well, it could be better right?” I held out a hand. “My name’s Asher.” She seemed genuine enough. Maybe…

She took my hand and thinly veiled anger seethed just under her skin.

She knew.

“I’m Triel. A pleasure. Maybe I can make your day a little bit better.” She paused, the silence drawing on heartbeat after heartbeat, breath after breath. She kept her hold on my hand my heart lodged in my throat. What was she doing? “There’s a plan to escape the arena without the Capitols’ permission.”

“Oh, really?” I blinked, taking my hand back and staring up at her, confused. “That’s possible?” Why was she telling me? My hand still prickled with her resentment. What was she playing at?

She nodded. “I’ve already done it before, and I have even better plans this time.”

Triel. “Oh, you’re that Triel.” I should have remembered her name already, it should have rung a bell and maybe it would have if I paid closer attention to the games of years past. She had been the one to defy the Capitol before, though they hadn’t dwelled on it in their broadcasts. So this is what happened to her. “I think I’ve heard of you. Why did you come back?”

“To fuck with the Capitol even more by getting even more tributes out alive and to rescue someone I failed. Are you interested?”

Just like that? Just like that she would offer to include me in an escape? I nodded. “If I can, I’d like to.” I wasn’t sure if I believed it yet, but it was better than anything I had thought about to try and survive.

“Wonderful!” She clapped her hands. “I just have one requirement.”

Her eyes darkened, the smile gone as if it was never there as she stared down at me, hard-faced as anger seeped palpable. “Stay the fuck away from Chess.”

I shrunk back and ducked my head out of her gaze. She’d cried. I’d made her cry, I’d said— “I will.” Had she gone back to her floor afterwards? “Is she okay?”

Triel sniffed, crossing her arms and squaring her shoulders. “Why do you care? I heard what you said to her. I know she picked the fight, so fighting back was in your right, but you should have never said those things to her.”

It wasn’t my right. I should have left, should have walked away as soon as I determined her uncertainty, her weakness. “I know, and I know nothing I do will take it back.” It wasn’t right to pick on her just because I could. “I’m sorry.”

“You need to tell her that. When she’s comfortable being around you.” Triel sighed and my shoulders fell. Why would she ever want to see me again? “How did you even know all that about her? Have you met her before?”

“I will, and I’ll let her decide when, or if she wants to speak to me.” I swallowed. If she would rather me dead I’d understand it more, after what I did. How would I explain any of it though? “I haven’t met her before though, no.” If my footing in this escape was already shaky, would it only be made worse if I told her what I was?

Triel frowned. “She might punch you before she feels better.”

“That’s… Fair.” I was almost surprised she hadn’t come to do it now. Was she still sitting in it? Still agonizing over whether her fears were true? “I didn’t mean any of it, what I said. It…” Was it worth explaining? “Happens sometimes.” I looked up, quickly adding, “Which doesn’t make any of it better, of course.” But maybe she could tell her it was a lie. That I’d done nothing but twist her own fears back to her like the demon I was.

She studied me, eyes flickering over me as thought whirred. “Is that going to be a liability in the arena? I need to know so I can make plans against it.”

My shoulders fell. “I… I don’t know. I can’t say it won’t.” It was more likely that it would. More than likely I would find her, or someone else, anyone else, vulnerable and prone to doubt that I would latch to, to open old wounds till they bled out. “It snuck up on me this time, I haven’t been that way in a while but I can’t see the stress of the arena helping at all.”

“Then what can I do to help so it won’t happen? I want everyone possible to escape the arena. I won’t leave you behind, but I need to know how to protect the entire group and keep them together.”

Was there anything she could do? Anything anyone could do? Even Ginger struggled with me at my worst and, and she’d been practicing her line of work for almost fifty years. What was there that Triel, or anyone else could do? It would have to be me. I was the only one who could take care of myself, to hold myself back.

My voice came as a near whisper. “I don’t know if there is anything you can do, and you shouldn’t have to.” I swallowed, looking down at the ground between us. It shouldn’t be her responsibility. “I wouldn’t want everything to fail because of me. If something happens I won’t fault you for leaving me.” Could I live with myself, knowing that people died because she tried to hard to save me?

But she quickly shook her head dismissively. “Shit, I just recruited you and you’re already telling me to leave you behind? I’m not doing that?”

My throat tightened. Why? Why try so hard to save me? Why try so hard after what I did to her district mate, what I might do to everyone around me? “I, I really hope I can keep it together.”

She sighed, and when I stole a glance up at her the anger had faded from her face, shoulders softening. “Let me know if you feel close to it. I’ll do what I can to calm you down. I’m not leaving anyone behind. Not again.”

I nodded, but I knew better than put her through trying to calm me. “That I can do. I’m usually better than this, so I hope I can manage.” I’d keep my distance. I’d hold myself back. If she lost someone once, I didn’t want her to lose someone again.

At least, I wouldn’t let her see it happen. Better to flee to my death alone than suck everyone down with me. Better to vanish than make others risk their lives to find me.

“I hope so too. I’ll warn Chess that you’ll be with us so she can avoid you if she wants to.”

“I won’t speak a word to her unless she says otherwise.”

Triel nodded, solemn and final. “Thank you. I need to go talk to some others, so I’ll see you around. I’ll find you in the arena.”

“Thank you, Triel.” I smiled, small but what I could manage. “Good luck.”

She gave a cunning grin. “I don’t like relying on luck.” She winked and turned with a flourish of her coat, already plotting her course towards her next target.

Honestly, I didn’t deserve his concern after all I’d put him through anyway. Maybe it would be better to put an end to this all for his sake...

A chill ran down my back and I opened my eyes to Argent’s hunter’s gaze fixed on me. Her outline shimmered briefly, so subtle it didn’t seem like anyone had noticed, before Striker drew back and she broke her stare.

“I’ll tell Ember to let Cirrus know.” Striker spoke softly, quietly, eerie from him.

I nodded, swallowing and trying not to notice how empty the room suddenly felt with his absence noted. “Thanks.” It was harder, trying to look brave without him here. Without knowing he would back me up if anything happened.

“How dare they.” Argent growled, arms crossed tight and rage shedding from her skin strong enough I could feel it from where I stood. “He of all should know fear, and pain, and someone should show him what he’s caused. If he doesn’t feel his part to play, feels no guilt or shame for what he’s done then—”

“Please, Argent,” I sighed. “Not now. You’re right, but I...” I swallowed, choking on the tightness coiling around my throat.

Striker laid his arm around my shoulders and I leaned against him. Kyra came around my other side, taking my hand and holding it tight. She didn’t say anything, but then again, what could she say? Nothing she, or Dylan or anyone in this room could say would fix any of this. Maybe it would be better to die off quickly, so no one had to live with false hope that I might be coming back.

Somewhere out in the hall a clock dinged, and a peacekeeper stepped into the doorway to bristles and glares from Dylan and the rest of Kyra’s adult cousins. For a moment I thought I saw his teeth change, canines growing wolf-like before he stopped short of shifting altogether. He cast a glance at me and backed out of the way, but glared daggers at the back of the peacekeeper’s head as he came for me.

The sun rose gradually outside, shining in through the windows and reflected off the other glittering buildings on the Capitol. My eyes stung, my reading slow now as my brain fogged, fuzzy from reading paper after paper but there had to be more. Had to be something. I’d found more than I expected, more that I thought I would this soon but there was something missing. Or maybe I’d have to look at my notes again, find something I missed. Something that would free Primary from their stasis without destroying all they’d worked so hard to create. They said they didn’t care, but what about after? What would they think when it was all said and done and they stood before everything they once created, everything they must have once cared for, dead and gone by their own hand?

Would they feel the same as I did, seeing Cirrus watch me in fear, seeing him run, seeing Kyra put herself between me and Striker for his own safety? Would it feel the same as my hand around Striker’s throat? The same as returning to dead grass and trees and knowing it was my fault? To knowing I could never undo what I’d done?

I couldn’t let them face that. Not if I could help it.

A gloved hand fell on my shoulder and I jumped, twisted to see Ginger frowning down at me.

“Asher, what’s going on?” Her eyes flicked from me to the papers scattered on the table. “What is this? How long have you been up?”

I set the pen down, massaging my aching wrist. “Remember the god I was telling you about, the one that kept part of themself in Ares?” I paused, waiting as she nodded. “They, peacekeepers and a scientist, they took me to them last night and tried to make me their new vessel and I didn’t let them but Ginger, they,” I swallowed, throat tightening and eyes burning with tearful pressure. “They’ve been there for thousands of years, alone, stuck in a state they called stasis and I can’t just leave them like that. They’re lonely, and desperate and angry and say they’re willing to destroy everything they created but I, I don’t believe them.” I shook my head, tears escaping, slipping down my cheek, remnants from last night not dispersed by sleep. “I don’t know if I can fix it in time before the games so I need you to promise you’ll try for me.”

Ginger’s brows furrowed further as she tried to follow along. She reached for the notebook and tentatively flipped through, pausing on the page I’d done my best to sketch the corpse on, arrows and annotations pointing out what I couldn’t capture properly. “A god hm?” She tucked a loose strand of hair back as she studied the diagram. “It’s not going to be easy to do anything to a god, but I don’t want to say yet that it’s impossible. You already managed to destroy a fragment of it so I’m leaning towards not impossible but I’ll take a closer look at your notes later.” She sighed. “Right now I’m worried that it’s not a process I would be able to do alone, if this god is considerably powerful or stubborn.”

“I was told there might be a chance of escape.” I shouldn’t just be blurting this out, but my head spun, exhausted and without second thought. “Triel reached out to me the other day and invited me along. She has a plan and outside help.” I’d told her I wasn’t sure if I could handle it but now I had to. “I, I’m going to try as best I can to keep it together, to stay on her good side so I can come back.”

She nodded, uncharacteristically quiet as she looked between me and the notebook. When she spoke it was strangely soft, quiet. “You’re set on this aren’t you?”

“I, I am.” I leaned back in my chair, curling my shoulders. “I, I don’t know. I can’t just leave them there. I don’t think the scientists there have their best interests in mind, or they would have tried something besides presenting countless people as potential vessels.” I swallowed, wiping my face with my sleeve. “After what I felt there, I can’t just leave them there to suffer. It’s not right.”

Ginger set the notebook down. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do. If it gives you a reason to focus on surviving then I promise I will help you with this.”

“Thank you Ginger.” I took a long breath, shaky and weak. “For everything.”

“Like I said, I wasn’t about to let you face this alone.” She gently took the tablet from in front of me, out of my reach. “Get some rest. Training can wait.”

Could it? There wasn’t much time left. Half a week and I’d already wasted most of the first day so less than half a week to figure out how to survive long enough to escape and come back. “I’ll be okay, I’ll take it easy.”

She gave me a doubtful look but didn’t argue. “If you insist.”

--

Maybe I should have taken her advice. I swayed as I stood in the doorway of the hall just long enough to get my bearings before making for one of the stations. Noise buzzed in the background and it the images of plants blurred slightly but I could still make just enough of them out to try and figure out which was what, and which were poisonous. I took the quiz at the end and got most wrong and moved on.

I tried the next station, and the next, with about the same result. Some I remembered, like how to sharpen a blade and how to climb an easy tree, but most came as a blur and I left another station in the same way, wandering to see if anything else caught my eye. It wouldn’t hurt to try and improve my fitness before the games but how much could I really hope to achieve before the end of the week?

Another tribute brushed my arm and I turned, following a few steps behind them. They weren’t sure what to do. Weren’t sure if they could-

No, no. I turned around, fast enough my head spun and hurried in the opposite direction. I couldn’t start. Couldn’t start that again. I had to keep calm and controlled for the next few days and then the next foreseeable future. I could do that, right? Right?

—

The next day proved harder than I thought. My head spun all day. Fears and trepidations were dialing up with only a couple days left of training, sharp and choking through the air. What ifs and nerves and for some excitement. My heart skipped walking past others and too many times I had to force my head down, hold my hands together and flee away, anywhere but next to a tribute with just enough vulnerability that i could have tried to exploit. Had to hold my tongue, hide away in some dark corner away from curious eyes.

Twice I had to bite my tongue hard enough it bled, iron coating my mouth as I nearly ran back to the elevator. Bracing on the walls and panting, gasping as my heart raced and the lights flickered and my hand shook wanting to press the down button again. To find an easy target, an easy victim who wouldn’t see it coming. Twice I stumbled, shaking and snarling into the apartment.

Once while Cirrus was unlucky enough to meet me. I lunged at him across the table, plates and cups shattering on the ground as I caught him by surprise with claws digging into his arms and a growl in my throat and spitting on about how his mother disowned him and he was hardly a prince at all and he was an idiot to think anyone would ever care about him. That I never in my life would care for him.

But he’d heard it all before and he was stronger than me, throwing me off and sending me sliding across the marble floor. Throw me across the floor and sit by me as I realized what I’d done. What I’d done again.

“For fucks sake give me some warning next time,” he huffed, sitting close enough my shoulder brushed me arm.

He offered his hand and I took it, squeezing hard as his steadiness seeped in through his skin, calm, familiar, safe. Cirrus knew, he knew I didn’t mean it, but guilt gnawed at my stomach along with hunger. When was the last time I ate? I could hardly remember what day it was, what time, how long I’d been here for.

I shouldn’t have needed it, but he picked me up off the floor and carried me to my bedroom, tucking me in and hand delivering a tray of finger foods from the dining room. He sat with me, eating and talking but listening as I cried on about Primary, about Chess, about how I didn’t know if I could make it.

He listened, quiet, removing the tray when it was done and tucking himself in on the other side of the bed. “Like I said, maybe resistance isn’t what’s going to work for you.”

How could he know? How could anyone know? He held me from behind as I curled up in the bed, sniffling and teary eyed yet again but it was warm, and if Cirrus was here I wouldn’t have anything to be afraid of.

“How could I?” I mumbled, sleep pulling at me yet again. “I can’t do those things to people, I can’t just let it happen.”

He hummed, noncommittal. “Who knows. Might not hurt if someone’s in your way though.” He paused adjusting a pillow or something out of my view. “What if you just didn’t say anything?”

I sighed. Maybe. Maybe that would work but who could say for certain? I wouldn’t put it past myself to try something else even if I lost all ability to speak. I’d still find a way, find a way to torment whoever caught my attention next.

But it was harder and harder to dwell, with soft evening light shining in through half-drawn curtains, and Cirrus warm and solid and steady at my back.

—

Another day and I tried again to venture into the training hall but the air buzzed higher, sharper, electric with anticipation and wariness and the looming dread that it was coming. Coming sooner rather than later now. How many days? How many days until they sent us off now? What day was it?

I didn’t want to risk asking anyone, to risk asking and opening them to what I might say. There were so many tributes, people, and not all of them sure of themselves. Standing at the edge I found myself eyeing anyone who passed, as if crouched in waiting for wounded prey, someone I could sink my teeth, my words into, to twist what they thought against them. To see the hope dashed from their eyes, the fight drain from their body and I took everything I could, took it to be destroyed.

Fuck.

Without thinking too much I headed to the pool. Someone told me these jumpsuits were good for the water. Or maybe that was a dream. I couldn’t remember anymore. I walked straight in, plummeting into the deep end. Sounds came muffled and far away under the water but I couldn’t stay under long before my lungs burned and I swam to the top.

The water was too warm, overchlorinated, but it was better than nothing. Moving to stay afloat made it harder to think about the weakness that a man who’s name started with an H but didn’t come to me, might have had as he floated by on a makeshift raft fastened from materials nicked from other stations across the hall. I spread my fingers in the water, clawing through it with uncoordinated strokes. It felt nice between my fingers, satisfying as I splashed downward, clawing and scratching at the top of the water and kicking out behind me.

H, Henry? No, not quite, on his raft watched with the look of a lifeguard deciding if he got paid enough to intervene just yet as I opened my mouth, biting down at the surface and letting the treated water flood my mouth. I coughed when some got past my throat and it burned my nose, but I didn’t stop. Biting and splashing down and bobbing above and below the surface.

A rope slapped the water ahead of me and I kicked to turn, treading water clumsily. H had the other end in his hand.

“Don’t think you’re supposed to drown until later.”

I coughed again, clearing the last of the burning water from my mouth and nose. “I, sorry. I’m alright.” My cheeks heated, flustered. What the fuck was I thinking doing all that in front of everyone. “I’m just uh, I’m just playing around. Thanks, though.”

He shrugged and reclined back on his raft. “Carry on then.”

I paddled a little farther away before resuming, and diving down and up and down and up feeling the water trail behind my strokes and bubbles tickle my hands when drawn down from the surface. I must have lost track of time, alternating between splashing and diving and paddling lazily because one of the trainers shouted at me that it was time to go, waiting impatiently as I hauled myself up out and made my way back up to my floor dripping wet.

--

It might have been the last day now. I had to ask Ginger before heading down, head fuzzy and not sure what day it was anymore. She said it was.

Tonight there were tests, tomorrow there were interviews, and the next day the games.

Swaying on my feet I stumbled through the training hall trying to cram as much left as I could. Jumpy when anyone spoke to me I kept answers short, finding some excuse to hurry away when I wasn’t sure what I would say next. Today at least, hopefully others would assume my demeanor was nerves and nothing else. Nothing dangerous. Nothing that had to be looked out for.

Until I saw her again. Chess. Standing with her back to me, looking over a station next to someone I didn’t recognize. Vulnerable. Weak. A monster. My heart skipped and beat faster, my eyes locked on the back of her head. She didn’t know I was watching her. Watching her, stronger than her in conviction. I could feel my teeth sharpening as I took an unsteady step. Whoever was with her couldn’t protect her. I could take them both, talk them both down if I tried hard enough.

I walked slow, silent, eyes locked on her as if there was nothing else. I could finish what I started. It was so close last time. Just a little more and—

And what? I froze, every hair on my skin standing on end. No. Not again. I couldn’t do this again. Not when, not when I promised. I swallowed, blood cold as I backed up, away, away.

The elevator was past her. I would have to go past her. Would that be a good idea? No, no probably not.  I couldn’t let her see me. Couldn’t let her see me and tell Triel or get hurt or.

Somewhere else.

Legs shaking I stumbled away, searching for somewhere to hide. Just in case. Just in case I saw her again and I didn’t notice what I was thinking in time again and…

A box-like room in the corner, a sound booth used for identifying bird song and other animal calls that might come in handy. There was a door. No one would hear me and I couldn’t hear anyone. Couldn’t see anyone, couldn’t touch anyone, couldn’t find anyone to hunt. Couldn’t find anyone to hurt.

My hand shook as I fumbled with the doorknob. I pushed the door open and stepped in and froze.

Someone was already here. They sat in the back corner, staring back at me. “Oh, sorry.” I glanced back over my shoulder. Could I make it? Could I risk it? What it, what if… “Mind if I join you?” It wasn’t worth it, wasn’t worth figuring out if I could handle myself right now.

They winced, pulling their shirt up over their ears as they nodded and quickly waved me in. The air around them buzzed, erratic and I clenched my teeth against the urge to scream, to yell, to start the birdsong training and turn the volume louder, louder, to slam the door, instead forcing my hands to move slow, to close it softer than it opened. I wasn’t here to hurt anyone. I didn’t, now wasn’t the time.

I sat at the other end of the booth, wedging myself into the far corner. Eyes shut tight I took breath after breath, slowing my racing heart, running my fingers over the smooth pearls around my wrist. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I didn’t want to hurt Chess, or any of the other tributes. I didn’t want to scare the tribute hiding in this booth. Didn’t want to make them cry, not like before. I was supposed to get through this alive, and to do that I couldn’t hurt anyone. I wouldn’t be like him. I was better than him. Better.

Slowly the soft quiet eased the tightness in my chest, the twitch in my fingers to grip and claw.

The tribute sitting there, they wouldn’t expect it. Wouldn’t expect me to come after them. They were hardly even watching, already hiding from something. All I had to do was brush their skin and I—

No, no. I held my hands clasped together in front of me and forced another, longer breath. They hadn’t done anything to me. I’d hardly seen them before now. I didn’t want to hurt them.

I sighed, letting my eyes open and drift towards them. Something wasn’t quite human about them, something unfamiliar. Not something I’d seen before, but it didn’t seem to be unusual in this batch of tributes for someone to be not quite human nor something I’d seen before.

“Sorry if I scared you,” I kept my voice barely a whisper, even that carrying within the sound proofed walls. “My name’s Asher.”

“Silver.” They whispered back, voice rough and hoarse. “Didn’t scare, could hear you coming, just, loud.” They motioned at the door.

That would explain what they were doing hiding here. I sighed. They were right too. “It’s… A lot.” A lot of commotion, a lot of sound, a lot of feelings drifting and mixing in the air and finding their way to me.

Hopefully I didn’t make it too much worse, bursting in like that. Across the booth there were chairs, sturdy looking but not appearing too heavy for even me to move. I sat up, glancing between them and the chair. “Want me to block the door?”

I wasn’t sure I wanted to have to deal with anyone else right now either. At least Silver seemed content for each of us to keep mostly to ourselves.

They did something with their hands and nodded, sign language maybe? Then they sighed and added in a whisper, “please.”

I got up and reached for the nearest chair, face illuminated with the blue-white light of one of the monitors showing a muted video of a grouse calling in a prairie. Would there be a prairie in the arena? I shook the thought from my head as I lifted the chair and propped it against the door. I hovered my hands just beside it a moment as I let go. If it fell and crashed that would be the last thing Silver needed, but it held steady. Good. I sat back in the corner, leaning back and letting my eyes wander up to the dark ceiling.

If only I’d figured out this little booth existed earlier, maybe then the week wouldn’t have gone by in such a blur. I hadn’t had a chance to think about what I might be doing tonight to try and prove myself a competitor, or I would even bother. I wasn’t particularly good at any of the stations I’d tried, and if not for Triel’s plan I wouldn’t have any reason to hope that anything would work out.

I hadn’t seen Silver around before now much, had anyone told them? I sat up a little, turning towards them. “Has anyone told you there might be an escape plan?” Maybe I should have eased into it. What if they were the type to tell the wrong people? I’d just have to trust them.

They nodded, shifting a little as they visibly relaxed now that another interruption was unlikely. “Triel. Admit I’m still skeptical, but,” they shrugged, “rather try than die-“ they broke off, eyebrows furrowed for a moment before shaking their head.

“Me too.” Even if Triel lied, or if it didn’t work, the potential to survive was better than nothing. I sighed, shoulders sloping as I leaned harder into the corner, tucking my legs in. “I don’t want to get too hopeful, but it’s more a plan that I have.”

“Hope’s better than nothing. Least, that’s what Calla says.”

I curled up further, drawing my knees up to my chest and resting my arms on top. “Yeah, I guess that’s all we really have right now isn’t it?” Especially in a couple days, when we were sent in with nothing and told to kill each other. Nothing but hope, potentially misguided, but hope that maybe it wouldn’t be the end. That something would work out.

But how? Even now my head felt fuzzy, eyelids growing heavy. The games hadn’t even started and I was already teetering between tired and exhausted at any given time, already probably lost weight forgetting the last time I ate between overwhelm and focus. How would, how could I make in the arena when this was already as hard as it was? Even if I did make it, survive, would I just be a threat to everyone else?

Silver slumped a little, biting at their lip. “Maybe we could…” They shut their eyes, voice trailing quieter and quieter, “eachotherto…help. Too.”

“I…” Could I? What could I do to help? “I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but I’ll try.” I didn’t think I could protect anyone, from myself or otherwise.

“You… Make things quieter. Already helping.” They smiled, cautiously holding out a friendly hand. “And I can… Help you. Or try. Ifyou… Want.”

I swallowed against the vice closing my throat and the tears burning just behind my eyes. I was? I was helping? If only they knew what I was thinking, what I almost thought to do when I stepped in and saw them here. If only they knew what I was running from in the first place, what I could do to people. What I…

But I hadn’t. I hadn’t done anything, not this time.

Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, that I was helping, that they trusted me. Everyone at home, they knew what I was, saw what I’d done and still trusted me. Still cared for me. Maybe it wasn’t so impossible I was still the same man they loved, the same one they’d all come and see off, the same one Ginger and Cirrus would drop everything just to stay here with. They all knew I was never what Vena wanted me to be, they all knew who and what I was and they stood by me and knew I would give whatever I could for any of them.

Maybe it wasn’t crazy to think I was still the same Asher even here, even now.

I took their hand with a long, unsteady breath. “I... Thank you, Silver.” They trusted me. For better or worse they trusted me.

Their smile widened, teeth just a little too sharp in the low light from the monitors. “I’m not… thebestwith… words. But yeah. Goodto notbe… alone.”

I returned the smile. “It is. Hopefully we run into each other again.” It was good to know there be a familiar face.

“Canstay here.” They nodded, sitting back. “’Till they dragusout least?”

That sounded like a very good idea. I leaned back, yawning and letting my eyes slide closed. In the muffling quiet of the booth the low, barely audible hum of the monitor filled the still air, soft and lulling. My head drifted, leaning against the soft sound-insulating wall as heaviness tugged at my eyes and body. It was peaceful, the quiet and knowing there was someone else sitting here with me. Nice to find someone who didn’t mind the quiet, someone a little less intense than some of the other tributes, friendly as they were.

I didn’t notice falling asleep until a trainer nudged me with his foot, the same one who’d rushed me out of the pool the other day. Silver must have gone sometime before, missing from the booth and the chair displaced as the trainer hauled me up and walked me back to the elevator, cursing under his breath but otherwise indifferent.

“Don’t sleep through your assessment.” He crossed his arms as he waited for the elevator with me. “They’ll send someone when it’s your turn. Shouldn’t be long since you’re from district one.”

I nodded, yawning and trying to shake myself awake. “Do you have any suggestions?” I glanced at him. “For what I should do?”

The trainer frowned. “You know, no one’s ever asked me that.” He thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Not swimming that’s for sure. I doubt anyone’s going to be impressed if you know some birdsong either.” He scrunched his face, tilting his head. “You know, I bet if you tried something flashy even if it wasn’t actually that useful they’d buy it. You know how it is.”

Maybe if I manage to make the lights flicker or something they’d think it was impressive. “I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”

The carpet, plush and soft, sunk under my footsteps as I wandered down the length of the main cabin. Tables were set along the sides with trays of pastries, appetizers, and food I’d never seen before in my life and couldn’t begin to decipher. The carpet and soft couches muffled the clink of fine ceramic plates as I gingerly picked one up. It was about time for lunch anyway. If they were going to pull me from my life and send me to die, I might as well enjoy whatever fancy dishes they laid out for me. I’d had enough time to starve later. 

I picked one of almost everything I could fit on the plate and took a seat at the table next to even more platters. The tables were all polished, solid wood intricately carved with designs circling the outer edges. I didn’t want to think about how much each would have cost.  

The cushions on the chairs weren’t even that comfortable. They looked fancy, all silken with embroidered patterns but not enough to actually cushion a seat. Better than standing though. I picked at the most familiar of the samples, what looked like a lemon tart with a too-perfect swirl of whipped cream. The whipped cream could have been better, but the lemon curd itself was sweet and tangy, and I wished I had tasted it sooner so I could find out who catered it and I could have... 

I could have suggested them for Striker’s wedding.  

Not anymore.  

On top of everything, I was going to miss his wedding. I could only hope I didn’t ruin that for him too.  

The train door opened, and two peacekeepers dumped the pheonix girl into the car, shutting and locking the door quickly behind her. She shot them a glare before collapsing into one of the over-stuffed armchairs. 

“This sucks, doesn’t it?” 

She didn’t sound out of the ordinary, but something... There was still something I couldn’t put my finger on that wasn’t quite right.   

I nodded though, because she was right. “Yeah, sure does.” Between picking up what looked like a miniature quiche, I watched her as she sat. Nothing looked out of place, but something, almost like a whisper, seemed to drift outwards from her. “The peacekeepers don’t seem to like you very much do they?” 

She gets up just enough to stretch and reach a strawberry tart from the table before sinking back down into her chair. “I was one of them, so I guess I pissed them off.” She took a bite, and then another, hardly finishing before casually adding, “Not to mention I could kill them all in an instant.” 

“Oh.” I blinked, catching myself a second before choking on what was left of a chocolate brownie. “You look young for a peacekeeper, what made you leave?” I didn’t want to know whether she had been exaggerating or not about killing them all, but a gnawing hunch told me she wasn’t. It would be too much of a coincidence, her claim, transformation, and the way the whirring of the engines seemed almost to form words just barely incomprehensible ever since she had arrived.  

“They’re bastards who want to use me.” She leaned over again, snatching a poppyseed loaf and stuffing the entire piece in her mouth. “What about you?” Her words muffled until she swallowed. “How’d you get roped into this? I kind of zoned out during the reaping.” 

I shrugged. Doubtful she really zoned out, she seemed pretty zoned in during it. “Honestly it’s already hard to remember for me too. Guess I’m just unlucky though.” It was easier than having to recount everything. Easier to pretend I’d forgotten the heat and the strain and the fear and the look in Dylan’s eyes, in Striker’s, Argent.... I swallowed and looked up at her. “What was that all about, anyway, the transformation you did back there?” 

She shifted, eyes falling to her hands. “Its this magic they gave me. I thought it was to get revenge on someone who caused my district to be destroyed and everyone I love to be killed, but they were lying to me. They want me to be some kind of fucked up vessel for a fucked up god.” 

Oh. I sat up and leaned in just a little. Now this was starting to make sense. “Can you tell me more about this god?” 

She grimaced. “They’re this creepy, perfectly preserved corpse the Capitol found deep underground, and now they’re talking in my head.” 

That would explain the near-whispers, sub-audible even from across the table. I frowned. Something speaking within a person, wasn’t usually a good sign. Especially not if the host described them the way she did. “Do you feel it’s attached to you somehow?” 

She frowned, leaning away. “I don’t know. I know the magic I have is theirs and the Capitol were using my ability to use it as the gauge of whether I could become a good vessel or not.” 

I stepped back. She’d probably had enough people pushing her around today if the peacekeepers were any indication. I crouched down, closer to her eye level. “Is it distressing?”  

She nodded. “They always talk to me. And they give me nightmares.” 

There must have been some part, something that had taken root inside her for this god to be able to affect her so closely. Either nightmares or hearing it taunt her alone might not have met the criteria for something like possession, but both… And the intention to take her as a vessel… It wasn’t a situation that would get better on it’s own. 

“Do you want me to try and get rid of it?” 

She blinked, watching me as if seeing me for the first time. “You can?” 

“Well, I can’t promise anything but I can try.” I smiled. She didn’t need to know that I had never really dealt with a god before, but here, on a one-way train ride, what was there to lose? “I’m an exorcist, so if it’s anything like a possession I might be able to help. My name is Asher, by the way.” 

“I’m Ares.” She, Ares, frowned, tilting her head. “Sorry. But yes, please. I want this bastard gone.” 

I nodded. This was something I could do. Even if I’d left nothing but mourning at home, maybe I could help at least one more person before I died. “I’ll give it a shot. Does it know I’m going to do this, or will it be surprised?” 

“They’re laughing at you, so I guess they do.” 

“Probably not a good sign…” There were red flags I should be heeding. The being was a god. I hadn’t spent nearly enough time evaluating the situation, evaluating what I was dealing with. I didn’t know what a god really was. This being thought I was laughable and they may be right. 

Ares sighed. “Probably not, so if you don’t want to risk it, I understand.” 

I shrugged, leaning in closer. “Something else will probably kill me later if this doesn’t so I might as well.” It might even be better, to die here where everyone at home wouldn’t have to see it happen. “Hold still please.” 

I reached forward, fingers brushing over her collar bone. Something shifted, fluid and molasses-like and snaked around her bones and blood tight but— 

I caught an edge and closed my fist. It pulled but didn’t give, clinging tight, tight and lodged deep inside, spread through bone and muscle and blood.  

Child of a demon loud, echoing, louder than the traink louder than the reaping speakers, what do you hope to achieve in fighting against a god? 

I snarled, head buzzing and ears ringing, but quickly found a grin tugging at my face. Did they think they could phase me? That I didn’t know exactly what I was? That it would be so easy? “Why, are you afraid I might win?”  

This is just one portion of my consciousness. Even if you succeed in this, you won’t kill me, child. 

“I don’t need to,” I tightened my grip, knuckles white as my heart beat and beat and beat. The god, the being, it burned hot and sharp through my palm and up my arm and into my blood as my heart beat and and my ears rang and my lungs burned.  

I lurched forward, jaws parted and my teeth sharp, “I will be there to tear you once again from flesh and bone.” I’d taken worse. I’d killed worse. My arm shook, my heart skipped, my veins burned as magic, whatever magic this god held raced through Ares to me, faster, sharper, louder.  

She’s mine. Nothing you can do will stop that. Her soul will be destroyed no matter what. 

I growled, looming over her, teeth hovering over my shaking hand, the god thrashing and clinging tight to whatever it could. My hand ached, the skin burned, but I had it. I had it in my grip. I had it and it didn’t know what it was up against.  

“Do you think I’m so easily discouraged?”  

You’re a feeble mortal. You can’t win, child. 

Ares said something but I couldn’t hear her. Couldn’t hear her over the voice of the god booming in my head, ringing loud in my ears, the pounding of my heart beating against my ribs in haphazard desperation to keep going, to beat and beat and beat again and again.  

My face wrenched and I curled my hand. “You don’t know anything about me, do you?” 

The god waved for just a second and I pulled, tearing it, severing it from the roots it laid through her body, cells, marrow and bones and deeper. I ducked down, snapping it in my jaws with a crack that ran up into my skull. Fire coated my mouth, my throat, as I swallowed, hunched over with eyes shut tight and sweat dripping down my neck.  

My heart skipped, thumping wrong and hard and it was gone. 

I lay on the carpet, plush and soft on my back. My chest heaved and my lungs ached as I fought for air, my heart racing fast, too fast in my ears. Shivers ran up and down my skin and I stared wide eyed at the ceiling. Ares moved in the corner of my eyes, and her mouth moved but all I could hear was the sharp ring in my ears drowning out all but my own heart. 

With a shaking hand I offered her a weak thumbs up.  

The heat faded, evaporated with the sweat coating my skin and seeping away into the carpet and away into the body of the train. The ringing faded, slowly, until the gentle hum of the train tracks returned and my heart remembered it’s rhythm. My head spun as I sat up braced on shaking arms. My stomach turned and my vision wavered just a moment.  

“Did I get it all?” My own voice sounded far away.  

“I can’t feel them.” Ares paused, then grinned. “I don’t have my magic anymore! They’re gone!” 

“Oh good.” I smiled a little, half laughing, half coughing. “Not sure I could do that again for a while at least.” It’d been a long time since something sent me straight to the ground like this.  

Ares shrunk back. “I’m sorry. Please don’t do that again for me. I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

“Hm?” I twisted, spine cracking as I moved. Right. If I felt this way, it probably looked a lot worse. “Oh no, don’t worry about it. I probably should have warned you that it can sometimes look pretty rough.” Usually though there weren’t gods, and they didn’t cling quite so hard or hold such wild, hardly restrained magic. “I’ll admit that was… hard, but I’ll be alright.”  

I’d done worse, all things considered.  

“I’m sorry. But thank you. Primary was terrible.” 

So that was their name. Should have asked if they had a name before starting. Ginger would have my head for that one. I pushed up off the ground, wincing as nausea coiled in my stomach and rose just shy of too high. My head floated as I sunk into one of the couches, limbs heavy rock. 

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Seemed pretty condescending.” 

“They made me dream of them killing me over and over.” Ares mumbled, almost too quiet for me to hear, everything dampened and muffled.  

I let my eyes wander up to the ceiling and glaze over. “You must be pretty tough then, to endure that so long and not give in.”  

“They’re so fucking greedy.” A plate, or maybe a knife, clinked as Ares probably found another snack. “They’ve been alive for thousands of years and they want to cut mine off when I haven’t even experienced two decades? Fucking rude.” 

Putting it lightly. “What a bastard. I’m honestly surprised they didn’t go after me when they had the chance. For some reason it seems they’re dead set on you in particular.” If they really were looking for a body to steal anyway, without some extra motivation that maybe Even Ares didn’t realize. 

“I heard the Capitol gave a lot of people the magic, and everyone failed at being able to be a vessel except me.” 

I frowned. This being tried to take others and couldn’t take hold, but passed up a half occupied vessel? “Strange. Most beings seem to know I should be easy to take a hold of and try and possess me, so it’s odd that a being looking for a mortal body to use didn’t jump on that.”  They were a god though. “Unless they knew better I guess.” They might have been smarter than I thought. 

Ares frowned, looking over at me in the corner of my vision. “What do you mean, they knew better?” 

I couldn’t help but smile. “Might have known better than to assume I wouldn’t know how to resist.” Maybe they knew I was more than I appeared. “Hard to tell though.”  

“How… Would you resist?” Ares blinked. “I don’t know anything about that.” 

“There are a few ways to do it, blocking a spirit or demon or being from taking over your body. Sometimes it’s easiest when you’re just starting out to focus on specific parts instead of everything at once.” I sat up a little bit, wincing at the stiffness in my back and the heaviness tugging at my eyes. “For example, if you’re not able to keep control over everything try and focus on limbs and try to do the opposite of what you will be compelled to do. Like if it tries to throw a punch make a point of holding you arm behind you. Even if it takes over your voice and you say things that should never be said, if you can keep control over some other part of your body and minimize the damage you’re in a better place than if not.” I leaned back again, fighting against letting my eyes fall shut. “Of course, its easier said than done.”  

She blinked again, as if she’d never thought it was possible. “Wow. That’s cool! They haven’t tried to take control, I don’t know if they can, but that’s good advice.” 

“It helps to be confident, which you already seem to be.” This time I failed to keep my eyes closed, sliding shut as the fuzzy drift of sleep started to creep into my head. “And if you’re not lie so they don’t hear it from you that you aren’t.” 

“I’ve already been talking shit to them, so I’ve got that down.”