#asfdkj

because I got so much emotional whiplash from the whole syphilis fiasco, Justin walking out on Brian for the second time, then they get engaged, then they end the engagement, then Justin leaves for NYC...whew.

Hey!

Okay.. deep breath this will probably get long.. help!

I totally agree I've always felt that they never had 'the big relationship talk' that was really warranted after 5x11 and Justin agreeing to marry Brian. We saw them go through their multiple breakups, their differences over the kind of life/relationship they wanted to live, their lack of communication so in turn we needed to see them talking about how they had learnt from all this and who they would be as a partnership going forward especially into marriage. Similar to the talks we got in 2x06 when they set the rules and in 3x08 when they reunited in the office. They did address the cause of their breakups then in a very britin way which I would've liked once more.

But I think the writers just wanted to get to the big 'omg they're finally gonna be together' moment with the proposal which technically was them getting back together and engaged at the same time lol and skipped the rest. I'm just going to bullet point my thoughts on what gave me whiplash because I'm a rambling mess, hope it makes sense!

Justin's switch from being okay and fully into the open side of their relationship to being upset/annoyed over Brian's lifestyle choices did confuse and annoy me. Because of how quickly they had him flip between the two and where he stood. In season four before the cancer arc begins we have Justin joking about how many guys are hitting on him at the gym, competing in the bet to hook up with the guy who turns out to be a doctor. He's fully into it and has no issues about it affecting them. But the start of season five and his return from LA has him suddenly wanting to be just like Michael and Ben with a white picket fence and 2.4 children.

The conclusion of the Liberty Ride episodes has Brian post cancer where he's revaluated what's important to him. He wants to be a better father to Gus and in a rare moment of vulnerability he tells Justin he wants him to move back in and that when he's not around he misses him. The growth from 1x10 and "this place is only big enough for one person and that's me" to "I'd like it if you and I were to live together" is huge. Cue season five and Brian's sudden retreat back into "eww relationships I hate those and I wanna be the season 1/2 fuckboy again" made my head spin. We left off with him wanting to live with Justin and you know growing into a real boy and starting to transition into the next stage of his life.

That didn't mean he was gonna lose his personality but his attitude towards Justin and his openess suddenly vanishes and he's back to being reckless and closed off. The Brandon bet and syphilis plot just made me wanna slap some sense into him it was all pointless in the end. Because what does he learn - that he loves Justin and him falling back into his old habits and drinking his pain away doesn't work. There will always be a new stud of Liberty Avenue and maybe finally freeing himself from that defining him would let him progress in his life .... WHICH HE KNEW AT THE END OF SEASON FOUR!!!

Justin's disdain at Brian's promiscuity and refusal to settle down was believable in parts because he has always wanted a more settled and family oriented life. From season one Justin was jealous and not fully comfortable with Brian being with other guys and we saw them try with the rules to solve that but it failed. Their reunion in 3x09 we get the deliberate scene with Justin sassing the trick about how he'll only ever have Brian once so it seems he's finally comfortable and cool with it. But nope back on the merry go round we go.....

After Justin agrees to marry Brian we 100% needed them to have a big talk about how things were gonna be different this time. Brian baring his soul and saying ily was amazing and something we had waited for but the aftermath to it was so lacking. Considering it was some pretty major issues that divided them it's just unsatisfying that they swept it all under the rug. Instead we got that awful conversation with Brian flipping out over a cuddle and turning into a stepford husband. And now Justin is all okay with their kinky sex life and is hiring strippers and is upset when Brian doesn't hook up with them??? WHERE WAS THE CONVERSATION ABOUT ALL THIS STUFF?

It's neat that you like QAF, too.

I just sent one of the most passive-aggressive texts to loved one family member, with purpose. The love is in doubt, the protection of my past is more.

I am not a cold person, except when I am.

Hey!

First of all I'm sending you all the positive vibes and healing via the universe 💛

I'm guessing this is in regards to my posts about my mental health and general reblogs on anxiety/trauma etc. To be honest it's not something I post about because throughout my life as a child through to adulthood I've always kept my pain inside I still do for the most part. Not to get deep but growing up in an abusive environment in which I was parentified and thus became the parent and main caretaker it is very difficult for me to even say or post about how I feel because it's so foreign to me. It's tinged with guilt and embarrassment. So to see you say it's brave really touched me in a way because I've never felt that. To be honest the odd post here is the only space I have to rarely talk about it as in my real life I don't have the benefit of being able to crumble as I'm still and will be for the foreseeable that small child with the responsibility of an adult on her shoulders.

Now we know he's not making an excuse or just talking his way out of trouble like an ordinary fuckboy, because he's Brian Kinney, he doesn't do that, he'd never apologize. He's really trying to explain himself so Justin understands what these hookups are, and what they aren't. But Justin wants to talk about what Mikey said to him, whether he's in Brian's home out of pity, and the moment passes.

I think it's a big deal, a moment that tells a lot about Brian and his real feelings for Justin. For one, it's unprecedented that Brian would try to explain a hookup to anyone. For another, and this could just be Britin goggles, but it doesn't sound anything like Brian's initial encounter with Justin.

Thoughts?

Hey anon!

I kinda have some thoughts on that whole interaction with the aptly named Zucchini Man. If we look at where britin are at prior to this episode they've just come through the post bashing arc, Brian's taken him in after Jennifer tells him he's struggling, helping him with his fears of crowds on Liberty Avenue, dancing at pride and the episode previous buying him the computer so he could continue to draw. So we can see Justin is definitely more than a warm bed at night he does mean something. What that something is, is what I think this episode tries to deal with. We open at Debbie's everyone celebrating Justin staying at art school and another thing I love and find so interesting is Brian's never been shy in having PDA in front of the group with Justin for all his "He's not my boyfriend"

The first instance we get of Justin having a deeper meaning in Brian's life is when Debbie comments "They're like fucking newlyweds" displaying that even they can see this is a surprising turn of events. One of the main themes throughout the show for them is that ongoing battle of - What constitutes being a real couple? Them trying to balance whether Justin truly is okay with them being open and seeing other people and Brian's fear of confronting how he really feels about Justin and love in general. Is he scared to admit he's in love because of his trauma with his childhood or that he's gonna become those people he's always hated living in domestic bliss. Which to him means stripping away his identity as this proud gay man who does what he likes when he likes into just another white picket fence couple. The other one being saying it versus showing it, up until this episode Brian has mostly shown his love and care for Justin now we deal with him both trying to voice and show it.

We get a glimpse into these two issues with the Zucchini Man because before Brian spots him he's doing the food shop with Justin (which hello Kinney that is kinda domestic) and alls well. He sees the guy, he's checking him out and maybe he would've gone home with him anyway, maybe not. The interesting part for me is that when Justin approaches babbling about pasta and coupons (#cutie) and spots the guy he gets a tiny bit jealous and tries to assert that he's with Brian by making a joke about being tight.

The turning point is when the guy turns to someone else and says " That's Brian Kinney he used to be the hottest guy on Liberty Avenue and now he's in a relationship" Those words right there, his biggest fear, like a knife to his heart. For me this really influences Brian, so what he does he do to prove he's not that - takes him home and then Justin catches them together.

From Justin's POV he tells Michael now that they were Iiving together and doing by normal people's standards couple's stuff he thought it meant they were gonna be monogamous. From a writing perspective that's what they wanted this episode to deal with and so they needed these two moments to collide and give us the eventual resolution they come to which is establishing the rules.

Hey anon!

Well my 'shows refusal to deal with Justin's trauma' dam has burst and I'm just gonna list my issues with the way they handled his character from my perspective.

Throughout his time on the show Justin goes through so much stuff starting out with losing his virginity, coming out not only to his parents and the trauma of having a homophobic father, but coming out at school and facing homophobia there from both the students and the teachers. Getting gay bashed and nearly dying, navigating dating (1) Brian Kinney the most emotionally repressed man he could meet and all their relationship troubles. Going through adolescence he's only 17 when we meet him and 22 when the show ends. He's still a baby adult at that point and yet he's lived a lifetime! Here's a list of feelings™️ I have about Justin Taylor that no one asked for :)

He moves home so many times on the show it's kinda sad that he never really settled into a place before they had him move on. Firstly he gets kicked out of home and goes to stay with Brian, runs away then lives with Debbie. He moves back in with Brian then they split he lives with Ethan, they split he lives with Daphne. Gets back with Brian and is supposed to move in with him in the most romantic way and then voila he's in LA and he comes back moves in with Brian. Then they split again.. he lives with Michael and Ben and then gets a small apartment of his own. Is engaged and is gonna live in a new home together with Brian that's theirs and then.... he's off to New York to live in some tiny flat there to make it as an artist. Insane?!

Post the bashing he's lost his memory of the most romantic night of his life where the man he's been in love with for a whole season does a big grand gesture. It looks like they're finally getting somewhere, then he's attacked, in a coma left with a disability and he has to not only deal with helping Brian's PTSD and guilt from the bashing helping him forgive himself but his own which is mostly swept under the rug.

I've covered my thoughts on the pink posse arc, in a nutshell he's traumatised they traumatise him some more. No one ever mentions it again. To be honest anon there's no excuse for them skipping over it this was supposed to be them making up for skipping it in Season 2! Brian saying nothing not even one line or a dumb sarcastic I told you so, they were trouble just inexcusable.

Then after that they go headfirst and throw him into someone else's trauma. Brian keeping him in the dark over the cancer, finding out about it. Michael gaslighting him over keeping it a secret then Brian dumping him! It felt like Brian's trauma was more important to the writers than Justin's at times. It's no secret that Brian was their favourite character so they usually put him front and centre though they gave him enough plot issues too.

Going to LA having his dreams crushed, coming back and the dreadful Season 5 nonsense with britin being on/off/on/off. Getting engaged, buying a home, engagements off, he's leaving the love of his life when they're at their most happiest to become a struggling artist in New York.