I still don't know for sure until the 17th, but I'm closer to thinking I'm demi instead of a sex negative asexual.
So, a man who I broke up with fully 21 years ago reached out online just to start talking and to have a friend. He has 2 kids just like I do and he lives in Ohio. He and I are both into nature and getting away from people in general. He's taken his kids backpacking all over the country and up to parts of Canada.
He is the only man I remember with fondness. The details are fuzzy since it's been half my life since I've seen him, but I think we didn't make it back then because we both had a lot of growing up to do. I was 19 and 20 but socially much younger. I've worked since 14 and I was very independent early on, but something about my neurodivergence made me mentally and emotionally younger.
He is 3 years older than me, and it's been an adventure getting to know the older version of him and introducing him to the older version of me. He's coming over MLK weekend. If the weather permits, we'll go hiking in southern Indiana, maybe build a campfire and hang out for the day.
He's not pressuring me or trying to lead this anywhere. He just thought it would be cool to get back in touch, and he's psyched that I've wanted to go backpacking. He's impressed but a little intimidated by my homesteading and self sufficiency abilities and excited to see what I'll do next.
He has not once given me the impression that he is solely after sex. He is attracted to me, but for a lot of reasons that are not physical. I don't want to be naive or lie to myself because of loneliness, but I don't feel that talking to him is a mistake. I still cherish my alone time and he seems to as well. One of his kids is an adult and the other still has a few years left of school. My kids are about to be 10 and 12 and their dad, his whole family and my whole family are here in Indiana.
If something between us blossoms, it will be long distance for a few years. Talking to him is as easy as breathing, and I don't get that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that I got with my ex husband and the man I kicked out in March. I realize that people are different when you see them in person, but I also know that I'm comfortable being alone and living alone. I'm not afraid to tell him something he doesn't want to hear. And indeed, he asked me a question I wasn't comfortable answering and I made it clear that it wasn't his business.
Every time I think he'll be annoyed with me or make fun of me for something, or pull some misogynistic bullshit, he does not. The more I remember about our past, the more I see that that has never been him. In fact, my ex husband and ex boyfriend probably don't know about him really, because I never complained about the emotional scars he left because there are none. The man who moved out in March probably wouldn't even recognize his name.
We'll see where this goes. I'm excited to have a friend and I'm excited that he'll be here the 17th for 3 days.
Oh, and when he and I spoke to each other in 2023 when he was coming to town for a concert (I kind of ghosted him because my ex was still living here and he was very jealous even after we broke up) I told him I was pretty sure I was asexual. He took that to mean I wasn't interested in him and I was saying it as a way to turn him down even though he didn't ask. I was actually just trying to figure out who I was and didn't want him to get his hopes up for no reason if that's why he was talking to me.
I will keep my blog posted on this whole thing if anyone is interested in following my fully asexual-to-possibly-demisexual journey.
