Being greyplatonic makes me feel very weird sometimes. Now being one of those times i feel extremely wierd and alien for not having many friends and finding it so hard to connect with people. My discovery almost entirely took place during the pandemic /online school time when i completely holed up inside of myself to mull over the new relevations i was making about myself. So when physical school started again this academic year, i was very scared and kind of dreading it (especially since it was a new environment and 11th grade). In the end it turned out to be pretty cathartic to start out again while equipped with all the new understandings i had about myself and the world. Finally after a long time i felt calm and happy, a little like I'd found my way. But going to school, surrounded by all these people my age - they're all nice btw - i realized kind of up close just how differently i do a lot things. Simply in the social setting of a class, at school, when i go outside or even at home, how significantly i differed (for the lack of a better words). All of a sudden from the most mundane exchanges that took place around me, i would get a wierd pang, of out of place-ness? isolation? Some kind of unwelcome foreignness. It'd make me feel very wierd for a short while like I'm from some estranged country no one knew about. Then I'd think it was fine cause i had a home in myself anyways. The feeling comes and goes but never stays for long. It drops by once in a while to plunge me in that hard to describe feeling and it's gone like it never existed.
