Not sure if I’m going to make a whole big Post about this, but thanks to therapy I recently learned about the difference between venting and dumping (sometimes also called “trauma dumping”), and how important it is to set boundaries around both, but especially dumping, which can be damaging to both parties.
Here are a couple of resources around spotting the difference: |1| |2| (they aren’t perfect but I think they do a decent job of summing things up)
I feel that arospec people in particular need to be very aware of this, since many of us tend to attach very strongly to our friends and may easily fall into the role of “shoulder to cry on” without acknowledging how it might be affecting our own mental health. This goes double if you feel a sense of obligation around letting someone dump on you because they’re family/your best friend/your QPP/your spouse/etc.
I am here to tell you that there are NO conditions that grant someone special privileges when it comes to your boundaries! You are allowed to say “no” to this dynamic as many times as you want! Allowing someone to dump their pain on you is NOT the inevitable cost of building a close relationship. This might seem like a no-brainer but it wasn’t for me, so here I am talking about it in case this is new to you, too.
P.S. I am in no way an expert on this, so if you’re noticing this kind of pattern with your life and/or boundaries, it’s best to talk to a professional about it!!
