Dear Miss Know It All:
My girlfriend is super needy and it's clear she has given up on herself. It's turning me off. I've started finding myself attracted to other women. I never thought myself out to be a cheater but I've met someone really great. She too has a boyfriend and we talk a lot of about how our partners have “given up”. The problem is, I am starting to really have feelings for this other women, mean while me and the girlfriend have 4 years history, a dog and a house together. It's a pretty big hassle to break-up and split everything down the middle. It'll probably end up costing me in the end. I don't want to deal with it but this woman has hinted that she'd like to get intimate and that her boyfriend is probably cheating on her so what's the harm? If I am going to stay with my girlfriend I should at least be getting some. What do you think?Wanting more.
Dear Wanting more:
How about giving more? I hear excuses and a lack of responsibly and effort on your part. It takes two people for a happy, healthy relationship. The “intimacy” has already begun with this women and now you are looking for something sexual. You barely talk about your girlfriend's “neediness”. What is it? The lack of attention you give her since you've been talking to this other woman.Â
You crossed the line when you started talking to another women about your relationship issues, which you probably figure was innocent since you both have partners and now you're playing around with the idea of infidelity, looking for any justification.
If there are issues in your relationship then your efforts need to be focused in fixing those problems or leaving the relationship. Your best bet was to try out some therapy with your partner even if it meant things would never work out, you could have been opened up to your faults as well, learn and grow from the experience to better suit the next relationship. If you leave your live in girlfriend now it is likely you will never get help to learn why you were attractive to this women and where you failed on your part. Not to put all the blame on one partner, your girlfriend very well could be extremely needy and unreasonable, but like I mention before “It takes two people.” If she gave up trying, why did you really stick around? The payoff was comfort, not having to put in the effort and take responsibly for your choices. If you want more, you'll have to do more or else this will continue in future relationships. Â
