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[ text š Jim ] you awake?
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Dadoop š±
@arespilot
[ text š Jim ] you awake?

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GRIFFINĀ / @arespilot
āitās not anger.ā even in the middle of the summer james is always impressed with how cold it could get in the desert once the sun had set. he shivers, trying to brush away the goosebumps on his arms with hot, open palms, fighting to keep his gaze on some point in the middle distance, the place where the edge of the world seems to smudge into the sky, everything indigo and black and velvet.
Ā Ā but every time keith shifts, moving his arm, curling his hand into a fist, hair blowing into his face, james is drawn to him, eyes darting over then away, guilty, of what he doesnāt know. not yet.
Ā Ā āit was never anger, not when we were kids.ā
Ā Ā rizaviās stash of booze hadnāt made it all the way through the end of the world, running out perhaps a good year after the galra siege had begun, but james thinks if thereās a moment he could use a beer, it would be now. anything to make this easier, to dull the sharp pangs of inadequacy. he owes everything to keith, even his success, and its more frustrating than anything.
Ā Ā because as hard as he tries, james is never going to beat natural talent.
Ā Ā in the space between them, envy rolls off in waves. james wonders if keith can feel it, wonders if itās colder than the air around them, or if it burns. when he speaks, his tone is casual. it doesnāt betray the tension in his fist, blunt nails biting half-moons into his palm. āsurprised you hadnāt figured that out by now.ā
arms uncross, and he drapes himself against the rail, feeling the bite of cold steel on his bare forearms. he leans into the wind, listening to the soothing rustle of the garrison flags flying in the breeze, and james, his smooth voice and curt words cutting through the sound.
ā alright ā ā Ā keith allows, tone tranquil and disarming. thereās a touch of disbelief to his remark, but he doesnāt argue. maybe anger isnāt the problem. nothingās ever that simple, anyways. keith, more than anyone, knows that anger is a symptom. and itās not the only one: a sharp wit, a strong thirst, a defensive tongue. everyone is different. everyone has their own, special brand of self-destruction. so maybe keith was projecting ā so what? thereās something smoldering in james. heās not wrong about that.
keith considers him with a sidelong glance, silent and thoughtful. sometimes, even simple emotions were a mystery to him, and heās never been good at reading between peopleās words. is james being so damned vague on purpose ā hoping heāll fuck off ā or is keith missing something hereā?
snorting, keith rolls his eyes. he levels james with an incredulous stare.
ā shows how much you know about me, ā Ā keith says, Ā voice dripping with a dry, Ā self-deprecating sarcasm. cāmon, is he gonna make him say it? so heās not the best when it comes to seeing other peopleās perspectives. but heās not stupid. keith understands body language Ā ( itās the only language he uses, Ā half the time ). and he can see the tension. jesus, he can practically feel it ā like an elastic band stretched between them, about to pop. he just doesnāt understand why.
time to try another angle.
ā I was angryā ā he says. Ā ā for a long time. and a real dick of a kid. but itās never just anger, you know? itās always something else. ā
also i know i talk about him every 2 seconds but i also have a griffin over @arespilot !!
i gotta go 2 work so i wonāt be able to do anything w/ him but james is over @arespilot !