#ar eats

Lunch: golden syrup flavoured porridge

Snack: fruit shortcakes, mini eggs, refresher and peanuts

Dinner: pasta with butter beans, carrots, pepper and tomatoes

Drink: energy drink

Lunch: tomato soup and a homemade flatbread thing

Snack: some cashews and chocolate

Dinner: quorn cocktail sausages, scrambled egg whites, chips, green beans, seaweed and tomato puree

Dessert: rice pudding

Drinks: latte, hard seltzer

I woke up feeling weird today, idk how to really explain it. I just didn't really feel real, like I was merely observing everything going on around me through a haze. Idk, but I just didn't feel like eating, I didn't feel like doing anything but sleeping for a week straight (or forever). I've had a few good mental health days recently, I should have known it wouldn't last. It never does

The flatbread thingy was pretty undercooked though, it was in the oven for 20 minutes and I just couldn't wait any longer lol. Still tasted good lol

I want my own tags 'cause they seem fun

#ar vents -> vents (block for tws of sh, si and ana)

#ar heals -> positive mental health posts

#ar has a life? -> personal, non mental health related thoughts

#ramblings from ar -> random thoughts

#ar eats -> wieiads

#ar sucks at photography -> my pictures

#ar's whimsical adventures -> my attempts of becoming more whimsical

#lovely people in ar's phone -> my moots

#ar loves to play -> tag games

#ar speaks to people -> asks

Everyone is welcome here

Will not tolerate hate of any kind, you will instantly be blocked and/or reported

I love asks and spam likes

My DMs are always open for anyone who wants to vent or just chat about anything

Breakfast: cottage cheese bowl with berries, chia seeds, peanuts and bran flakes

Lunch: crumpets

Snack: sour cream and chive mini snack a jacks and chocolate biscotti

Dinner: leftover pasta bolognese

Dessert: cookie dough brownie

Drink: latte

Breakfast: cocoa pops

Lunch: chilli non-carne

Dinner: cheese

Drinks: energy drink, iced oat velvetino, peach cocktail, 2 apple ciders

Snack: vegetable samosa and a pack of giant caramel chocolate buttons

I had a non zero sugar energy drink!! And so much alcohol (not really, but I did get a bit tipsy lol, enough to go to the shop on the way back and get some food, even though no one else got any!!)

Breakfast: snack latte and a banana

Lunch: minestrone soup and buttered bread

Snack: barebells caramel cashew protein bar, mixed nuts and creme egg twisted

Dinner: vegetarian pasta bolognese

Dessert: tiramisu and dark chocolate tea cake

Drink: latte

tw: talks of weight

Apparently I've lost weight over the last week despite eating more. Only a little, but still. Maybe I should listen to the specialist and increase my intake next week by 200 instead of 100

I freaked out a bit after eating the protein bar as I didn't realise it wasn't vegetarian until after 😭😭 i feel so bad and guilty about that, and its even worse because I actually liked it and would have it again if it was vegetarian

Breakfast: fried bread

Lunch: mac and cheese

Snack: sour cream and onion rice crackers, peanuts, cheese stick and an apple

Dinner: plant-based cordon bleu, chips, carrots and coleslaw

Dessert: chocolate hazelnut doughnut

I had breakfast!!!!! Well, it was more of a morning snack idk, but still!!!! I kinda burnt it a bit, but, in my defence, it was my first time cooking bread that way lol

Breakfast: porridge made with chocolate fortisip and chopped peanuts and almonds

Lunch: teriyaki egg noodles

Snack #1: snack a jacks, malteser mini bunny and a peach

Snack #2: dubai chocolate bar

Dinner: quorn mozzarella & pesto escalope, potatoes and baked beans

Dessert: cookie dough ice cream

Snack #3: cadbury caramel bar, wispa, creme egg and caramel egg

Drinks: energy drink, wkd blue

I wasn't feeling very great when I woke up, I was feeling pretty depressed and didn't have much of an appetite, but I managed to eat something anyways

I had yet another appointment with the mental health doctor, and she called my mum. Then she told her that she doesn't believe me when I say that I've been eating 3 meals a day because I've hardly gained any weight. Like I'm not fucking lying!!! Why doesn't she or my mum believe me? I mean, I do get why, I have lied about that before, so I suppose it kinda is my fault they don't trust me. But it really, really sucks they don't believe me. Please believe me. I'm trying. I know I still have a long way to go, but I just want them to recognise all the effort and progress I've made, even if it's small and slow progress. She also said that she or the eating specialist team don't think I have ana, but that my eating issues are because of autism (which I am being referred for an assessment for). I really don't think that's the case, and I honestly have no idea where they even got that idea from. Oh, and she also told my mum how much I weigh, which I purposely didn't do, I didn't want her to worry even more than she already is. That was truly a horrible 30 minutes

This makes me wonder if there's any point in eating if they don't believe me. It's not like they'd know anyways. I'm going back home on Sunday, so a few days of restriction wouldn't be that bad, right? I know that's wrong and illogical thinking, and I'm gonna try to eat the next few days despite feeling like this is all pointless. I'm still gonna try and give them the finger for not trusting me

On the plus side, I'm being referred to a trans clinic or whatever it is to hopefully get put on the waiting list for hrt!!!!!!!! I mean, it could still be years until I actually get t, but its a start!!! I'm so excited about that!!!!

I finished the tub of ice cream cos I thought why should I stop if I didn't want to? Why am I holding myself back from truly recovering? Then I fancied some chocolate, and I definitely ended up going overboard and having a slight stomach ache after, but I also don't necessarily regret it despite how many cals I've had today