#aph angst

Antonio thinks too much.

So when you call him to zip up your dress, he has had the time to go through an entire loop of thought.

He mainly thinks about you, time, betrayals, sometimes himself. Mostly, he thinks of the cruelty of being tied to you.

In a sense, time was the most beautiful courtesan of all. Always inescapable, perfectly content to twirl in his arms and mark him with kisses but just as perfectly reluctant to acknowledge credit.

Just like you.

Perfectly content to have him pine for you but just as reluctant to do the same.

Perhaps it was madness.

Perhaps it was foolishness but would you pine for him? As he did for you?

Would you stay with him? As he did for you?

In gifting you his heart, was he actually stomping on it?

Unwittingly though he'd fallen, had he fallen to break?

It was a betrayal on your part that you no longer knew enough to answer him, soothe him, comfort him, spoil him and tell him that you only belonged to each other in all your lives but it was just another thing that had marked him with no traces to be credited for.

"You look beautiful" he hums the tune playing outside into your hair, kissing it occasionally as you take the time to admire you and Antonio in the mirror.

You were beautiful to him. As you were in every life.

He was yours. As he was in every life.

You were his only courtesan. As you were in every life.

He kept his end of the promise. As he did in every life.

I just thought of a whole game idea involving *molossia's birthday , molossia , molossia crying, america , Sealand, Sealand crying , america crying, and a kid molossia scene.*

I want to so badly make this fangame , but i don't have a computer and i don't know how to code a game. So this game idea is just chilling in the front of my mind , and me thinking about won't help me sleep at night knowing i can't make this game.

China: A wise woman once said that if you were to live long enough, you start to see the same eyes in different people. The moment he had heard these words, he had known it was true.

After all, he had seen your eyes at least twelve times in the last few thousand years.

There was no doubt he was close to being considered among the Ancients. He had seen mighty empires rise, fall, rebel, fall once more- Life and Death were forever entangled in a dance that mortals could never escape from. The Others, as well, if they were not truly cautious. But he tried not to dwell on that too often.

With age came wisdom, and with his wisdom, he had found some semblance of peace.

Peace in the knowledge that you may return to him yet again.

But as of yet, it was a peace he had yet been unable to share.

Your posture was slumped, frame leaning against the door frame, the melancholy of a millennia clinging to your shoulders. His feet found the floor immediately, joints popping as he scrambled over to you, spirit filled with concern.

“Wha-”

“You can’t die, can you?”

Well, yes, he could, but it would be a very long, complicated process that would take eons. As long as any hint of his influence remained- He shook his head, ceasing his thoughts.

“What’s troubling you?”

“I- I’m going to die someday. And I- Well I mean, you probably know so many that. Yeah. I just- Will you even miss me?”

His heart shattered. Jaw falling open in disbelief and unspeakable sadness, he embraced you as fully as physically possible.

Words could never describe the vast chasm he could feel within himself, and imagination could only provide a glimpse of how deeply it had impacted you.

“Never, ever doubt that I could go a day without thought of you.” He pulled away, enough to make it prevalent his sincerity on the matter. “In your eyes, I see the promises of spring, hope that tomorrow with be brighter, warmer, better. You’ve brought new tastes to my heart, introduced me to ideas and memories that nothing can replace. And even after your stone has crumbled to nothing but dust, even as humans take us to the skies- There will never be a day when I won’t think of you.”

You scoffed softly, aggressively trying to wipe away any hint of tears. “You stole that from Phantom.”

He beamed. “Guilty. But something I would have known nothing of if it hadn’t been for you.” Pressing a kiss to your forehead, he felt another smile blossom. “And who knows? Perhaps you’ll find me again one day. The universe is full of little mysteries.”

Prussia: He knew it was a question that would come up eventually. He had heard from the Others- It was hard falling for a human. His fingers paused, lingering in your hair as he tried to formulate an answer. Since this courtship had begun, he knew it was doomed. He couldn’t die; he had tried. But you-

Biting his lip, he thanked whatever god was out there that the room was too dark to see you, too dark for you to see the emotions running through him.“What will you do when I’m gone?”

The words were running in circles, the hitch in your breath as you tucked yourself closer to his chest making this even harder.“It must be so lonely-”

God, you had no idea.

He pressed a firm kiss to your crown, trying to summon any of the courage Francis had displayed, Lovino’s patience, Toni’s fierceness, or even Arthur’s wisdom. But nothing- Not even Yao’s guidance was coming to mind. Of all things, it was Alisdair’s drunken ramblings that drifted to his thoughts.

“A friend once told me that happiness doesn’t mean that bad things won’t happen.” He felt a small frown as he forgot the rest of the quote, aware that you were listening, practically hanging on for dear life for any kind of consolation.

It was kind of touching that you seemed more worried about him than your eventual fate. Humans- always fearing, but somehow always accepting the inevitable.

“Bad things will happen. You will leave me eventually- Tonight. Tomorrow. Sixty years from now- Someday.” Spurred on, he sat up, turning you so he could almost meet your eyes in the dim moonlight peeking through the curtains. “Could be a freak choking accident, could be renal failure, could be a random sloth attack.” That elicited a small groan of bemusement, and he felt his lips twitch despite the seriousness of the conversation.

His fingers brushed through your hair once more, other hand gently cupping your cheek. He could almost see you in his mind’s eye, the shade of your eyes, the small flush that never seemed to leave your cheeks, the perfect imperfections that made you who you are.

“I wake up every day and thank God for the time I have with you.” His words were scarcely a whisper, the ugly monster rearing its head once more. “I know I don’t have an eternity with you. But goddammit I cherish every fucking second I can get.”

America was sleeping, tears falling from his closed eyes.

There was England dressed in his revolutionary war attire, hugging a young country. A younger America. He stood there, with the machete lowered. Watching.

England loves him, he knew. England hates him, he believes so.

"Do you ever think we're ghostlike?"

"Ghostlike?" Arthur says as he lights his cigarette.

They sit together at one of England's many beaches when Afonso brings it up.

"Like flying mint bunny.."

"Leave him out of this"

Afonso laughs.

How Arthur like! To get protective over something so harmless!

He'd never admit to it but he can see Arthur being an overbearing parent. He understands Alfred but he'd also seen just how heartbroken Arthur had been to see one of his youngest rebel..

"But- do you?"

"I have no idea"

They sit in silence before Afonso breaks it.

"I just don't think anyone ever knows us as we are - in whole. We're ghosts. Shadowy and present.. but not really present? Does that make sense?"

"We have plenty influence"

"Not half as personal as them"

It takes him a minute - a few, actually.

Arthur won't ever admit to this but he is often painfully aware of just how tenuous everything is.

Even him and Afonso.

"Don't think we're all the worse off for it though"