#ape-kin

Some may be curious what it’s like to be a gorilla therian. Although being a gorilla isn’t something I can explain definitively, I plan to explain what makes me a gorilla in my own mind. Please be aware that the following is a personal interpretation of what it means to be an ape, and should not be used exclusively as a source for determining whether you’re an ape therian or gorilla therian. 

That being said, I have always felt that I wasn’t quite human. Similar to humans for certain, but still most definitely not human. I liked humans, but still felt as if I didn’t belong with them, and I was never perfectly adept at interpreting human behaviors and their meanings. There have been times in which I’ve been a bit...misanthropic, and I’ve always found clothes silly, necessary as they are. 

On top of all that, I have always been drawn to non-human primates. There has always been this closeness I felt to them, more than many humans I’ve known. Sure, apes are similar to humans, but my closeness went a bit beyond the typical, “Gorillas are so much like us!” stance. For me, there was no “us” when it came to humans. I’ve also always enjoyed reading about primates, and especially reading about human evolution, and early steps in humanity’s direction...most especially, I’ve always loved upright apes, like the australopithecines. 

My first inkling that I might be a gorilla was a sudden feeling that I was actually an ape, while looking in a mirror. Something just “told” me, that I was one of the great apes. So I began my research and drew some parallels when it came to gorilla behavior. In the wild, gorillas are social, but reserved. I have a tendency to be “small group social”, meaning that I often get nervous in large crowds, or around strangers. I do take a while to fully trust people, even when I want to trust them, and generally, even though I’m overall quite friendly, I stick with people I know. Gorillas make a variety of vocalizations, and have a number of habits. I growl exactly like a gorilla when I am angry or feel threatened. I also snort when agitated, and whimper when upset. While I do smile naturally, like any other human, I also bare my teeth and snarl, much like a gorilla both smiles happily, and bares their teeth and snarls for more negative emotions. I have a tendency to be extremely tactile. I like to use my hands, enjoy sensations on my hands, and I enjoy grooming. I’ve been known to groom cats, dogs, and myself, by picking at any dead skin...much like an ape. I also admit that I enjoy the scents my fingers pick up. I dislike the taste of meat, although I find my human body needs it. Gorillas are largely herbivorous. I’m relatively non-territorial, like a gorilla, although I’m possessive of certain things like food. I’m a motherly individual, as well, which I believe is very common amongst ape therian, as opposed to to other therians. I’m drawn to forests, rain forests in particular...which feel like home to me. 

Much of this could be human behavior too, of course, and being a gorilla is not only about behaviors. It is, above all, about feelings. I am a gorilla. I identify as a gorilla. Gorilla is me. Gorilla is a strong feeling I feel day to day, and it’s who I am. I knew from reading about gorillas, and looking at pictures of gorillas or watching gorilla videos that I was very gorilla, and that gorilla was right.