#apathey

Some days I'd give up feeling to go numb Forget the world around me Because the views of the end are getting heavy All around me is death decay and destruction This is our time, he says handing me the brick The weight is heavy around my neck

I don't want what I used to Don't let this all burn down without a reason Give me meaning Give me meaning

They say I've been far too apathetic but in truth I care too much And I don't know how to battle the thoughts That say end it, that say end it Goddammit, why do I want to end it?

The volcanoes are going to burst We'll call this apocalypse damage Fuck that, let me nuke the sun There's nothing big enough to bring it all down Burn the gates, let's storm heaven Get back everything we once said we loved Steal from god, as if she cared

My views change on a daily basis waiting to die, waiting to live Life's just a waiting game And I'm reading old people magazines to kill the time

Kevorkian was right DNR signed so you can't bring me back I don't have it in me to fight against the masses I'm the opiate, she is the crash Lethal injections on every street corner in every alley and couches crashed on all alone

I don’t care anymore.

If I sit in my room all day doing nothing, there are no repercussions. For whom do I live?

No one cares. No one depends on me. Nothing is worth it.

There is nothing, only and emptiness that cannot be filled with video games and funny pictures, only masked by them. And no one else seems to care, let alone notice my mental torment.

People tell me this is all in my head. God damn it I am smart! I have a powerful mind! I should be able to overcome my own mind! But the surge is too powerful most days, and it is much easier to remain in my bed, under my covers, pretending the real world doesn’t exist.

I’m tired of fighting myself all the time. I’m drained. I’m tired. I’m beaten, struck down by my own mind.

There’s no point in fighting anymore.

I want to die, but my life does not give me a reason to end it. The absence of reason to end a life should never bring its demise. I feel like I want someone to break my heart, or get a terrible disease, or commit a violent crime just to have a motivation to tie the noose around my neck. But there is nothing.