#anymoreofthis

--Every word of the song has been my prayer at some point in the last six months. Loneliness. No plans. Doubt. A feeling that things will never change. Knowing that all I want could still never satisfy me. Feeling defeated, yet clinging to the hope, a prayer: “Let me know that You hear me, let me know Your touch, let me know that You love me, let that be enough.” 

2. “Anymore of This” by Mindy Smith

-- I also related to every word of this song. As I leave the college student season of life, I look back and regret all I missed out on, often because I was stressed and anxious. I didn’t appreciate and enjoy my life like I could have. And I don’t want anymore of that. “I don’t want to miss anymore.” It hurts to regret, but I can learn from it. And I did have positive experiences too, but I tend to regret and be hard on myself, and that’s not good either. 

3. “Lie Awake and Dream” by Runaway Symphony

--I relate to this song in a few ways, but interestingly, this is a song I sort of anticipate relating to. 

“Oftentimes when I close my eyes, I lie awake and dream of home where Mom and Dad used to laugh.” 

In a way, I’m still a kid-- I still feel like one anyway. I still live at home. I’m just beginning to really enter “the real world,” and soon I’ll be on my own. One day, this day will be looked upon in fond memory, and I may be homesick for it. I need to enjoy every moment, rather than pining for what I wish it could be. 

“I’ve been searching high and low to find some heat in this freezing cold.... This house where I stay, it could never be my home. Dear Lord, I just pray I don’t want to live alone.” 

Well, I’m about to graduate! And... this is my song right now. 

I feel relieved, nostalgic, and regretful all at once. Looking back, some of my regrets are simply from decisions I made or didn’t make that there was no way of knowing how they’d turn out.  But when I think about it, I missed out on so much because I was too busy worrying or putting too much energy into one area of my life.

And here I am now. After pursuing an education my whole life, I am about to be finished with school. Finished. I’ve reached the finish line of this one part of my life, and as I look forward, I’m afraid. 

I’m afraid of future regret. That I’ll repeat the same mistakes and keep the same habits. 

There is so much possibility. There’s so much out there! I long for adventure, deeper faith, confidence, change, greater optimism, greater joy, less selfishness, more love. 

I don’t want to stay the same. I don’t want my circumstances to stay the same. I don’t want to be stuck. I don’t want to be alone. 

That’s what I’m afraid of.