#antiresolution

Her form looms by his side, the silence being filled in between with a soft pat on his shoulder. Minseo finds herself watching his chest rise, then fall, in the midst of nothingness. She waits, but he was in deep slumber. So she sits on the empty space left of the bed. Her hand couldn’t help reach out to fix the fringe in the way of his eyelids, and it began to linger down to the side of his head. It didn’t take long before she began tracing his cheek gently while having a thought that he grew into his face— he wasn’t the prepubescent teen she met ages ago. Her hand continues to caress his skin in hopes he will wake up soon. His breathing was now the only thing that made a bit of noise. Minseo shifts, laying down next to him at a respectable distance just enough she could reach out. Her eyes linger in his features with a still face.

You told me there’s nothing I can do to make you leave. Do you mean it? Really, do you? Why? That’s all I’ve ever known. People coming and going. No one stays long enough to see the best of me. And to simply put it, I guess I’m afraid. I’m afraid of losing you.

She paused for a moment to take it in. Her gaze travels to the ceiling and then to the window closer by his side. The breeze gently enters as the curtains sway, and the afternoon sun filter softly through the window that gave an orange hue to the room. It smelled like the tangerines they shared together earlier. Her eyes follow the same path, looking around the room only to stop at Wenhan’s face once more. It was peaceful after what seemed like towers she built of her world had come crashing down. Minseo takes his hand to hers and leaves a sentimental kiss between his knuckles. It lays between them, her grasp holding on carefully. She wouldn't have thought in years that he would still be a prominent person in her life. A faint smile was etched on her lips before her eyes close too, his presence being reminded that everything, eventually, will probably be alright.

I don't know what we have, but I know it takes a special kind of person to understand. I was able to endure it because you were by my side when no one could. I've known you so many afternoons now, and yet there's something new to always look forward with you.

Was meeting friends from childhood always such a daunting task? He wonders as his attention diverts back to that same childhood friend, Sunjae. He had been keeping Sen company at the table. Sunjae talked his heart out, but Sen does not recall why, he had picked something about the male's new truck business and how well it was going. He could barely get a word in not that he wanted to, he found listening was better for his sanity. For his sanity was wearing thin as hours passed and he’s unsure when his beer changed to soju shots, he could never stop his hand when his mind was afloat and not necessarily in the present moment. 

A raise of his friend's voice brings him back to reality, Sunjae collects his shot glass and raises it to the air to make a toast. Sen is baffled, not wanting to be a part of this meeting anymore. Fuck this shit. In an attempt to stay and talk for the sake of good old times, Sen decides to keep listening for he thought this man would at least say something to redeem himself. But as predicted, he regretted the moment he decided to give this man another chance as if it would change anything.

“I accomplished so much in my life living every day like it was my last, why didn’t you tell me your Dad was just giving handouts?” One thing Sunjae knows is how to make Sen furious in a matter of seconds, however, his expression remains unchanged. He wants me to react. The hand resting on his thigh grips at his knee in order to ground himself, he is known for his temperance in moments like this one and he was not going to bite Sunjae’s bait just yet. 

“Look at where you are now. A success story? You’re going to give me that bullshit! You didn’t even need to try your Dad…” Sunjae’s hues have a dark glint as he slowly unveils his true intentions before Sen. Had his tactic of ticking Sen’s patience given any results? “.. your Dad gave it all for you, shit, I should’ve tried my luck with you and maybe we would have been best friends by now. And I’d be somewhere else maybe your Dad’s competitor in the real estate. Imagine that—" Sen’s gaze does not falter but his emotions are brewing inside, just one word, just one. “A little Daddy’s boy, complying to every command, no one fucking cares, Minhyun.” No one ever used his name and it only meant one thing, Sunjae was purposely making all this very personal, and Sen was not having any of it. He inhales quietly before his mouth started moving on his own, he knew he had given Sunjae what he wanted but he did not care, especially when he was being disrespected right there and then. “Are you done? This charade is over. I’m not going to say it was nice seeing you. However, your tab is paid consider it a departing gift.” Surprisingly coherent aside from the fact that his body is not with him, stumbling as he pushes the chair out, gesturing to the employee behind the bar to make the payment. 

“Oh come on, I was just joking.” Sunjae leans back in his chair acting as if the whole argument had taken him by surprise, not proud of the anticlimactic outcome of Sen’s reaction, the man kept at it. He stands from his chair and approaches Sen’s side, coiling an arm around his shoulder. “Before you go hand me your Dad's number, I think we can still work something out.” A loud eruption of laughter echoes across the bar, and it’s coming from Sen. He tosses the arm away at once while Sunjae stares at him in confusion, “What’s so funny asshole? I’m serious.”

“You’re pathetic, begging me for handouts. Was this the excuse to meet me so urgently?” He asks, remaining considerably polite, all the while he receives his card back after paying for their food. “Begging!? What did you sa-“ Sen pays him no mind, scoffing and walking out of the bar as the cold air hits his face, but so does a piercing pain coming from the back of his head that makes him fall to his knees. His hand immediately grabs his neck, ears ringing loudly. He feels something warm, he stares at it in shock. Blood. His vision blurred as he attempted to assimilate the situation. Soon he realized it was the bottle of soju that hit his head, shattered not far from where he is kneeling. The anger that was brewing deep inside has now tipped over the edge, he’s livid and it's plastered all over his features. 

“Are you FUCKING kidding me?! If you wanted to pick a fight why waste my damn time, Sunjae.” Sen gets up and turns around, swiftly grabbing the other’s collar and pulling him away from the bar. “You’re mocking me about how far I’ve gotten in life. When you do deliveries? Do you have any idea how long it took me to be where I am?” He is furiously dragging him away from everyone, speaking through teeth. Luckily he had found an isolated place where he could finish what Sunjae started. “How far? Oh, please your dad’s filthy rich, you were born with a silver spoon. Like I said you didn’t even try,” Sunjae still has the nerve to try, and he’s obviously intoxicated heavily, but Sen doesn’t really care at this point about the logistics. He just wanted to see the other male bleed. Sunjae is pinned against a wall and the next few moments are a blur as it’s a messy recollection of punches to the male’s face and jaw. Sunjae’s not that bad at fighting back either and he leaves a few blows that’ll result in major injuries. Sen could already feel blood trickling down his face. 

Somehow, they both end up on the asphalt breathing heavily, nausea kicking in from having too much alcohol. He’s exhausted, towering over the other male, his hand still gripping his collar. Startled by headlights pointing to where they are Sen’s hand leaves them, and gets up, covering his eyes and doesn’t even recall a car stopping. A man steps out and walks toward them to assess the scene, the familiarity of the other male slowly sinks in and Sen’s once tense shoulders relax. Wenhan. Right, Wenhan. Remembering he had told the male to pick him up later, he curses under his breath and realizes what just happened as he comes to his senses. He sinks down on the floor, letting out a heavy breath that almost made him choke to fucking death. He regains his composure and is now watching Wenhan look at Sunjae. The male stares back amusedly at Sen. 

“Do you think if we all bled gold it’d be just as beautiful?” Sen says with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

The slippers belonging to Wenhan have been occupied by Minseo as her feet dangle off of the edge of the entrance to the house, himself by her side. They were sharing an afternoon together as he held her hand. Minseo confesses that she was feeling a little heartbroken, and so did he. So they agreed to be by each other’s side for the time being. No one would truly understand how she felt other than him. On most things.

“Do you think I’d ever have that?” Minseo feels his hand draw something— a character of some sort. She follows it.

“Someone loves you as much as you love them?” Wenhan’s words come out as a statement rather than curiosity, he finishes the lines on her palm. “A partner. Loyalty.”

There was a drop of tear on his skin, herself just letting the sadness wash over her. She felt annoyed being like this again— refusing to face him. “Bird..?” A soft chuckle. A bitter one as she guesses what he had traced. “What is it— sparrow?”

His hand cups her face, their foreheads rest against each other. There was a gentle grin on Wenhan’s lips while he erases the traces of her tears. “Sparrow, my air calligraphy is shit.”

She kisses his cheek, leaning down on his shoulder for comfort. She prefers no one else when it comes to things like this. He continues on as he leans his cheek down her head.

“I think you’ll have it… it might not be how you imagined it…”

~

“Wear it, just incase,” he muses, preparing to leave. The bracelet was subtle, odd looking and didn’t look like it belonged in their time. “Don’t do anything stupid while you’re alone here.”

“Sure,” she looks at it, still having a hard time wrapping her thoughts of this jewelry she was told was like a beacon— Minseo’s form waits by the door as Chaz wears his shoes. He couldn’t help but notice as the awkward pause was there. She sighs. “I promise not to do anything stupid while I’m alone here.”

“Good.” He stands, another pause before he realizes another pair of slippers were there. It implied she won’t be alone for long. “I’ll visit you again when I can. After Liverpool, maybe? To check up on you.”

“You can just call.”

“You don’t answer sometimes. And aside from that, you don’t tell me the truth. I’d have to see it for myself now.”

He was right. Minseo’s been terrible at keeping in contact with anyone lately. She was thankful. Another pause, “well— don’t forget to eat.”

It seemed like she wanted to say something before she raises a hand to wave goodbye. He does the same thing, with a smile and all.

~

“Mm— noona, I think you should just stay here.” Neo’s voice pipes up, chuckling a bit as Minseo returns it. “You’re just meant for the city.”

“Maybe in the future—“ she responds, taking a sip of her drink. They walk side by side as others, “who knows, maybe Santa might answer your wish this year?”

His face lights up as there was a hint Minseo will return to Seoul. But there was also a different message she laced it with. “I look forward to it. After all, you’ll be here for my wedding, right?”

A soft hand on his back, she felt welcomed to invitation. She smiles gently, nodding at the exchange.

~

“You know— you don’t have to keep baking for me—“ she chuckles as Sangmi stacks bread in front of her “Give it to your other friends?”

“I already have— you take it.” She argues, and last stack of it was pushed to her side of the table as Minseo thanks her, placing them back in the tote bag. Her fingers tap the table as Sangmi tries to extend the conversation. “Hey— are you alright? We haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“Oh you know, here and there.” She answers— not that there was really anything to say. “Listen… thank you, for all of this, really.”

“It’s what friends are for.” Her voice was gentle, trying to lighten the mood. Minseo never really thought she was ever close to sangmi, she only became acquainted with her because of Woori. But this was beyond what she had expected of her. Minseo’s heart was already locked away by the time everything had happened, and surely, looking at Sangmi felt painful for some reason. “But I do hope you come back to Seoul soon! And, permanently. Maybe we can have another spa night—?”

There was a gentle smile, nodding in agreement as she felt welcomed. For a moment her eyes avert to her hands before nodding.

“I’d like that.”

~

“Jiejie, that’s a lot of eggs—“ Xian haggled them to prevent them from falling while Minseo held Juju in her arms. A quick visit to him before travelling, she couldn’t help but think how he’s been since the accident. 

Xian must’ve caught on as he sees her looking at his hand. “It’s fine, how many times do I have to tell you that?”

She doesn’t respond and looks away before letting the cat go, inviting himself to sit on his chair and the younger one couldn’t help but immediately set up a small plate for her so they can eat the tiramisu she brought. The two don’t exchange as much words as she does with his older brother, as it seemed they were better at exchanging actions. He’s grown so much, it felt strange she actually meets up with him on his own. The first slice lands on her plate, before he serves himself. 

“I still can’t believe it has eggs--”

“We’re not talking about this--” 

~

“Here’s the recent files you asked for, also— heads up that your father’s pretty much still searching for you in Japan. I wouldn’t go there if I were you.” A lunch break with Matteo was always quick, but she opted to let Hyejung join as well. After all, they became her unofficial bodyguards. “Woori’s schedules won’t be late until the recording later tonight so Hyejung will accompany you.”

“Mm—“ half way through her chewing, Hyejung presents a child’s pill case and hands it to Minseo. She looks at her odd as they chuckle. “Figured you might get discouraged if Pororo is staring in to your soul.”

“Thoughtful.” She rolls her eyes before she too, eats. As a matter of fact, she was eating well compared before. The two notice. “Thank you. Both of you.”

“You’re eating well today.” Hyejung muses to the older one as Matteo just grins. “Someone visited?”

She only sighs, finishing the food quietly.

~

“Honestly… I don’t know— but if he’s ready, I’m ready!” Woori excitedly announces as she cuddled next to her. The two were sharing each other’s hopes for the next few years. “You’ll be my Maid of Honor, right?”

To be honest, Minseo hasn’t thought that far. She knows what she’s getting into, so whatever the outcome it would be too dangerous for her to know. She held her hand softly. Smiling at the thought of seeing her in a wedding dress, of who she could proudly call her sister. “Of course. I’d be honored, my dear.”

The girls talked about everything that night. From how their lives would be in the future, to how much have changed since they were little. They shared a laugh or two about decisions they’ve made, and we’re able to heal a little from what was lost.

“Hey…” she pipes up suddenly, Woori’s doe eyes look up to her. “Thank you, for caring.”

The younger one’s smile fades, knowing what she meant. But she just smiles again and sighs, nodding and accepting it.

~

From time to time, Minseo looks at people’s messages on how she’s doing before heading out. To remind herself that it’s not so bad. She wishes they always had a good day, hoping that whatever they are going through would somehow be easier if it won’t go by quickly.

“Your aunts and uncles are pestering me as always.” She speaks, her reflection on the glass being shown as she cleans up Jinwoo’s cubicle. There were many things left behind like toys and snacks. “I see that they are also spoiling you here, huh?” She chuckles, she was diligent in ensuring he had more space for the next few visitors. Minseo began to tell about her day with her friends whom Jinwoo had also liked.

“Watch over them for me, okay? You know how much they love you...” She speaks, putting him back and closes the glass door. Her palm on it before she goes off. “And me… so be their angel. Dont work too hard though, I dont want you getting tired, alright?” There was a soft gust of wind outside. "Looks like Uncle Wenhan's having a pretty tough week too. Get to him first, I'm sure he will appreciate a blessing or two."

She enters her car, sighing for a moment as she drives back to the countryside. The city becomes a small picture behind her, she smiles softly to herself, thinking how lucky she was despite everything else that had happened.

I hear Wenhan's words echo by my side, it jolts me to pay attention with how loud his 'whisper' was against the room's murmurs. By association?

I look over his tall stature, we're almost the same height. I don't remember him being that tall. I was always taller. My gaze looks down, noticing the way his elbow tenses to let mine hold on to it. It took me a minute to realize our surroundings, with people we are acquainted to in many ways than one. I straighten my shoulder as the bride and groom marches along to us, bidding us 'thank you's' for attending their wedding. Our smiles mimic that of a mannequin. So stiff and plastered.

"I'm sure their futures are set." I grit my teeth to a smile as I bow heads with these practical strangers. I look over him and squeezes his arm to bring him back to earth with those empty, marble-like eyes. I gave it threat. "Now is pure... and a joyous occasion... they'll discover everything that comes with it later on." A deep sigh comes out of me, I'm sure he noticed. "All of us know how things like these always turn out on the long run..."

They looked like our age but they seem happy. Like they wanted each other. At least, I would hope so.