Checking your phone for the time every other second, you eventually slowed down when you were close. A small success, you found yourself standing on sidewalk in front of the Vaughn house at 18.57. You hoped Mrs. Vaughn wasn’t a “on time is late” type of person who’d secretly expected you to be there 15 minutes early. The only thing that got your feet to step forward, step after step, towards the door, was the thought that if someone saw you looking out of their window, just standing there and staring at the house, they would think you were either weird or a criminal. Right now, with every step, all your decisions of the past weeks hit you at once. Regret kicked in and your hands felt clammy again as you gripped the flowers more tightly. Seriously, what had possessed you when you offered Anthony Vaughn to fake-date? In what world was that a normal thing to do? Especially for someone you had never spoken to before. And now you had all these feelings, most of all a nervousness that made you want to throw up right on the doorstep of his house.

A final sigh, before you pressed the doorbell, took a step back and mustered all the composure you could. It wasn’t that much composure, you realized, when your shoulders immediately slumped with relief upon seeing Ant opening the door. Your genuine smile didn’t seem to hide the nervousness because Ant hugged you just a little longer and tighter when greeting you, and even gave you an encouraging thumbs up before ushering you inside.

The table was decked with, what you presumed to be the ‘fine china’. Bordering between overflowing with too much decoration and elegance. Kept classy, christly in white and gold.

Their home, from what you’ve seen so far, kept the same theme, except with a few more colors and a lot more religious elements.

Mrs. Vaughn was bringing in a dish from the kitchen, hands in oven mitts holding it securely before setting it down on an empty space on the table. She took off the oven mitts and wiped her hands on the apron she was wearing, as she came over to you and Ant, reaching out a hand for you to shake. “Hello, dear, I’m Anthony’s mother.” She introduced herself, polite smile. You quickly shifted the flowers from one hand to another so you could take her hand and shake it, “Hi, I’m y/n. Ant’s- Anthony’s girlfriend... It’s nice to meet you!”

You held out the flowers, “These are for you.” Mrs. Vaugh, upon taking the flowers, immediately busied herself with getting them ready in a vase, leaving you and Ant awkwardly standing in the dining room. “Uh, my dad is working late, so he won’t be joining us.” Ant explained in the pocket of quiet.

“Oh, okay.” You nodded, unsure whether to feel relief over this. It was widely known that Mrs. Vaughn was… well, she was something alright. But you knew almost nothing about Ant’s father, whether he was just as intense as Mrs. Vaughn, or perhaps a calmer, understanding figure that might offset some of her strictness. If it would have been nice to have him there, or worse. Ant rarely talked about him.

“Sit down, sit down.” Mrs. Vaughn came into the room again, without oven mitts or apron on this time, and a vase full of flowers that she somehow managed to prop onto the table in a spot that hadn’t seemed empty before she put it there, but evidently was as the vase now stood securely between napkins and salt and pepper shakers.

You sat down and made an effort to unclench your jaws and drop your tensed shoulders. Checked if you were smiling politely instead of your resting bitch face. Prepared to be the best fake-girlfriend/daughter-in-law anyone could ever ask for. That was the deal after all. Or something along those lines at least.

“Let’s start with saying Grace, yes?” Mrs. Vaughn asked into the round, though it was much less a question and more a statement. “y/n, dear, do you want to do the honours?”

You did your best not to let your eyes widen, not to stutter over your words. Your hands fidgeted underneath the table. “Um, to be honest Mrs. Vaughn, we don’t really say Grace in my family. I would be scared to do something wrong.” It was both a way to redirect, assure and test her. If you were too perfect she would be suspicious immediately, you felt she had a nose for deception. But you also needed to see just how far you could go, what were the lines to cross and which lines should you not even go near. In any case, you definitely did not feel ready to have her first impression of you to be saying something incorrectly during Grace.

You were confident you could fake being religious, but only to an extent, and this, you noticed, was the embarrassing extent.

“Oh, are you not religious?” Her face and voice sounded disappointed, worried even. You almost gaslit yourself into imagining the sting that hid beneath. Judgement.

“Oh, no, I am.” You assured her, “But my family is not. So, a lot of my… connection with Him, comes from a more personal and less institutional angle.” You cringed inwardly, hoping she didn’t mind you’d called the church institutional. It could be something she could be offended by maybe? Did it sound like criticism? It sounded really cold didn’t it?

“My, is that so?” Her hand clutched her chest. She seemed… to buy it? “How did you find the Lord, if not through your family? You do visit church though, do you not? And read the bible?” Oh okay. She was intrigued. Impressed maybe? If it was not too strong of a word.

Ant, your hero, answered for you, “Mom, weren’t we going to say Grace? The food is going to get cold.” His hands were already stretched out so you and his mom could take them.

“Yes, right. There’s always time to talk after.” She said, taking his hand and reaching out for yours.

You took both of their hands. “Listen closely, and maybe you can lead your family in saying Grace in the future, y/n.” Mrs. Vaughn said, before saying Grace, thanking God for the food, and family, and “leading Ant onto the right path”. You were happy her eyes were closed because your face soured as you understood the implications behind her last comment. Ant gave your hand a squeeze, peeking at you with one eye open. You squeezed back, schooling your face to a more neutral expression.

Mrs. Vaughn went right back to questioning you and your faith, sprinkling a few questions about plans for the future and school in as well. She seemed pleased when you told her about your plans for university, and that your grades were (generally) all right. You couldn’t really appreciate her praise though, as it came backhanded with comments about Ant, and that he should pay more attention, and why couldn’t he take an example by you. At least carpenting didn’t require a degree, and if it was good enough for Jesus, it was good enough for Ant, so that’s what he was going to do after school, if his grades didn’t improve. He looked miserable as she went on and on about her plans for him, belittling his interests and dreams.

“What is it you do for work, Mrs. Vaughn?” You tried steering her to a different topic, picking at the food on your plate.

“Ah well, for the longest time I was a stay-at-home wife, supporting my husband and raising Ant, but now that he’s almost all grown up, I’ve taken up working at an office again. But I’m sure you’re not all that interested in the specifics. Say, do you plan on being a stay-at-home mom? I know your generation is a bit more… free-spirited when it comes to female working opportunities, but I’d hate for any children to be raised by the daycare rather than their parent.”

You almost choked, as she asked you about KIDS and what your plans were. That seemed like a conversation that could be held in 10 years, not now. Did she assume you were going to have kids with Ant? Also the fact that she didn’t even ask if you wanted them, but just assumed you would? Did Ant want kids?

“Well,” You stuttered, “I hadn’t given it much thought. I don’t plan on-“ you coughed awkwardly, the way to save this seemed obvious, yet embarrassing to talk about, “I’m saving myself for marriage at least.”

This was one of the points you’d thought important for her to “know” about you. Just in case her problem with Ant having gotten a wristy from Darren, wasn’t in fact that Darren was nonbinary, but that it was premarital sexual activity.

It was a lie, but your cheeks were heating up regardless. “That’s, um, actually something me and Ant- Anthony agree on.” You added, quietly, trying to win him some good graces with his mom. Trying to fix the situation like you initially had wanted, before everything seemed to have gotten unnecessarily and completely overcomplicated.

“Really?” Her voice was almost theatrically doubtful.

Time to sell it.

“Yes. I can only speak for me, of course, but as I mentioned earlier, my relationship with God is very personal to me. I don’t believe He would restrict me in what I want to do, but rather guide me. So, excuse me when I say it like this but, I don’t do it because the church thinks it is the right thing, but because I myself think so. I fully believe and support other people for whom it might be different, but personally, it seems like such a vulnerable thing to do, I couldn’t imagine doing it with someone I don’t fully, wholeheartedly love. And I want to know they love me too.”

Maybe you should go into theater. Improv. The way this flew out of your mouth, with fullest conviction, as if it is something you had promised yourself years ago, instead of trying your hardest to appeal to a religious bigot while being believably ‘young’ and ‘cool’ about it.

“Huh.” She seemed surprised. “And you think that too?” She turned to Ant who just nodded vigorously. “Then what about…?” She trailed off, skeptically. It irked you she couldn’t even say it.

“Oh,” you played dumb, “Is this about that ‘map’?”

Mrs. Vaughn turned to look at you, “were you on it?”

“I don’t know, actually, but if I was, it would be a lie.” You tried your best to sound believable, because of course everyone would say that. “From what I do know, a lot of what was written was based on rumors, and I am sure you know how those can get out of hand. Or be used by particularly mean girls to hurt someone.” You pouted.

“Right.” She answered, glass of wine swirling in her hand. “So you’re saying that’s what happened?”

“Yes ma’am.”

She popped her tongue, focusing her attention on her son once more, “Is that true, Anthony?”

His eyes searched nervously for yours, and you tried your best to give him a reassuring smile that said, just go along with it and everything will be okay. I’ll handle it.

“Yes ma’am.” He copied your answer from before, though with a lot less confidence.

It seemed to satisfy her regardless, the strict persona giving room for a more warm, caring mother underneath: “Why didn’t you say so, baby?”

“I didn’t think you’d believe me…” He said, and you were unsure if he was sad about lying to his mom, or that he was convinced she’d never believe him or both.

But you couldn’t just let her homophobia stand. Even though you were here to help Ant out, and she might hate you afterwards, you had to defend Darren and her obvious dislike of them and anything queer.

“Darren is my friend,” You said with a smile, “And trust me when I say Ant isn’t their type.” Under other circumstances you’d probably enjoy the twitch of her eyebrow a lot more. “But more than that, they would never betray our friendship by doing something with the boy I like. The boy I am dating.”

You imagined that her face right now, looked a lot like yours had earlier during Grace. Soured. Though with the elegance of a woman who’d learned to hold back at least a little in front of company. You hadn’t bothered to learn that part.

“Well, that is… a relief, I guess.” She muttered, displeased despite her words.

It was good you were skilled at playing dumb, “Are you okay?” You asked innocently, hoping you weren’t overshooting. The thought that, perhaps she would forbid Ant from seeing you, because she disliked you, was scarier than you expected.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” She held onto her forehead as if she had an incoming migraine, “I just don’t understand how you can… support that. It goes against God!”

The opportunity you had long waited for. Time to debate a homophobe hiding behind religion into loving gays.

Ant looked nervous, upon seeing the fire lit in your eyes. He knew his mother better than anyone, he did not want you to get in her line of fire. He was about to speak up, defuse the situation, like he had learnt to do many years ago. But he was too late, you were already speaking.

“Is that so?” You asked her to clarify, more rhetorically than genuinely. “Because, doesn’t the bible say to love your neighbour?”

“Well, yes, but also that man should never lie with man! And don’t get me started on all that gender stuff! God made Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Eve and a third or even fourth option.”

Looks like you’d gotten her started then. Ant shrunk into his chair, and you felt sorry for him. But also this wasn’t going to get any better if no one ever challenged Mrs. Vaughn.

“Actually, that is a mistranslation. But even so, it is not up to us to judge, is it? And isn’t the beautiful thing about us as God’s creation that we are so diverse? Are you saying he made so many mistakes? There are and have been so many people, who love who they love, who feel themselves truly as they are, that cannot all be mistakes can it?” You challenged.

“See, this is why you need to go to church.” Mrs. Vaughn sighed, not even bothering to argue.

“Mrs. Vaughn, respectfully, I do not believe you can be a true Christian, if you do not love God’s creations in all its glory. I am sure any priest or pastor would agree with me on that.”

She tsked. “You are still a child. You don’t understand how dangerous, how idealistic this way of thinking is.”

“Mrs. Vaughn-“

“Enough.” The way her brows furrowed, you were pretty sure you had talked her into a migraine.

“Mrs. Vaughn.” You attempted again. “I don’t mean to disrespect you or your beliefs. I am just trying to share my view. It would not make me happy to live my life hating people who have done nothing wrong. I’m sure you disagree, I’m sure you think their whole existence is wrong, but what about the people that have said those same things about people with different skin-colors? Disabilities? Even some women, who have been burned at the stake. Do you truly believe that you are grander, your wisdom more infinite, than God’s, to make such claims as to who is wrong and who is right?”

The room was silent.

Ant couldn’t hide the grimace on his face, somewhere between worry, pride and anticipation. You too, waited with bated breath, on Mrs. Vaughns reaction.

Eventually, after what felt like decades, she took a slow sip of her wine, before an amused, exhausted huff escaped her mouth.

“For someone who claims to be respectful towards me, you sure insult me.”

Oh shit. You fucked up.

“I am not grander than the Lord, but neither are you.” She continued. “So your beliefs hold just as much weight as my own.”

Okay? Stalemate? Maybe you didn’t fuck up as bad as you thought.

“It’s good, to have a cause to stand for. And I understand it’s especially personal when… you’re friends with someone it affects. But you have to understand I just want my only son to be happy.”

“Unless he was gay.” You didn’t mean for it to slip out. She was trying to meet you somewhere, though not convinced yet, she was trying to make an effort to show you she had listened to what you said. And now you’d probably thrown it all out the window because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut.

“But he isn’t! Clearly.” She gestured towards you and him. So at least she didn’t doubt the sincerity of your relationship. Didn’t mean she wasn’t going to force Ant to break up with you over today though.

“So why is this such an issue for you?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to slip out.” You said meekly. “I think it’s just because I know how much shit some of my friends have faced for their identities. Even people who claimed they loved them turning on them, for something they have no control over. For who they are, for love and selflove. I guess I don’t understand how you can say you love someone and then have that love vanish the second they are not who you want them to be.”

You almost jumped as Mrs. Vaughn put her hand on top of yours. Not expecting this gesture at all. “I do understand that it is hard to see the people you love suffer.”

She removed her hand again, “Why don’t I bring out dessert, and we change topics to something more… pleasant?” She didn’t wait for a response as she stood up and made her way to the kitchen.

Ant waited until she was out of earshot before he whispered out a “holy shit!” followed by a whistle.

You cringed, “that bad?”

“No! She loves you.” He said, grinning.

Your face fell completely, confused as hell, “What?”

“Oh yeah! I think she even respects you.” He said, as if that was an achievement, only very little people had earned. Probably was.

“Really?” You were baffled.

He nodded, proud grin still on his face.

“You’ll probably change her mind by Christmas. Get her to hang up rainbow flags all around the house or something.” He laughed at the idea. You laughed at the absurdity. Was he living in a completely different dimension? In what world did that conversation just seem like it even went ‘okay’?

He seemed to be at least partly right, as the rest of the evening went by… amicably.

You still didn’t really like her all that much though.

“Next time I’ll get out the picture albums.” Mrs. Vaughn winked at you, as Ant shooed her away.

“Get home safe.” She called out as she disappeared into the house, Ant closing the door behind her leaving only you and him on the front step, illuminated by a single dim light next to the door.

He caught you in a sudden, bone-crushing hug. “Thank you.” He whispered, holding onto you.

You hugged back, not quite as tightly, but by no means weakly. A little part of your heart broke, as you realized just how much you liked this feeling. Holding him, being held by him. His smell on you, your head resting against his shoulder. His heartbeat almost masking yours. Having him right here at the tips of your fingers, but not truly having him. Because this was all it was. You were friends, at most. Useful, more like it. Partners in crime, trying to get his mom to stop her tantrum over the map. A transactional relationship.

Except, what did you get in return?

ant, spider and dusty had made up a rumour that amerie had slept with jojo, the teacher of the group you both had been forced to join - SLTs. this resulted in jojo being fired, and a huge protest involving yourself, ant and the rest of the group sleeping in woodsy's office.

"it was dusty's idea!" ant exclaimed, trying to defend himself. he hated when you were mad at him.

"yet you still went along with it?" you scoffed.

"spider did as well." he protested.

"of course he fucking did." you rolled your eyes. as much as you were best friends with ant, you hated his other friends. they were cunts, mostly.

"look (y/n) i'm sorry-"

"i don't think it's me you should be apologising too." you interrupted him, firmly.

ant sighed, and you hated yourself for how you really can't stay mad at him for too long.

"look.. i've already apologised to amerie. we just.. i just.. was mad. SLTs is so boring y'know? and amerie is the reason we're there anyway!" he said.

"it was still wrong of you." you replied, but your eyes softened.

"cmon (y/n), you can't be mad at me forever." ant said, giving you his best puppy dog eyes.

you sighed, and playfully rolled your eyes.

"you're right, i really can't." you groaned and he got up and tackled you into a hug.

"get off of me, you smell awful!" you protested weakly, yet you still wrapped your arms around him.

you were screwed. well and truly.

you, on the other hand, were deemed as someone smart. someone respected. it confused people how you were so close, when you were just so different.

you didn't even want to think about how your friends would react after finding out about your feelings. that's why you told no one.

however, it seemed that you weren't as secretive about your feelings for ant as you thought. amerie's map. you couldn't look him in the eyes for a week after that.

loud voices were heard as you, ant and spider approached what seemed to be the talk of your year group. you looked up to see a map, a map full of names of everyone that you knew.

"what the fuck.." you muttered, your eyes roaming the map, taking it all in.

you see your own name, with lines between dusty and cash. you scoff. it didn't happen. whoever made this clearly relied on rumours that had once gone around about you.

"darren jerked you off.. nice bro, you into dudes now?" spider's voice, directed at ant, brought you from your thoughts.

you looked at the map to see ant's name connected to darren. you raised an eyebrow.

"fuck off spider." you roll edyour eyes.

"what, you jealous?" spider responded, making you clench your jaw.

"still mad i rejected you, yeah?" you replied. ant laughed at your response, making you feel quite proud of yourself.

"bro, ant and (y/n) have that same line between them that mine and amerie have." dusty's voice spoke up, pulling you from your argument with spider.

confused, you looked up to what he's talking about. your eyes widened. he was right. in all your anger about the other lines coming off your name, you had failed to notice the gold line between yours and ant's name.

"what the fuck does that mean?" ant asked, also looking up.

you look to the key.

"destined.." you muttered. you were mortified. destined? how had these mystery map bitches both fed your delusions and humbled you at the same time?

"the fuck does that mean?" ant said. to a normal person, you'd probably be offended that your crush of many years had that response but to you, you didn't care. it was likely he genuinely did not know what it meant.

"you're destined to be together, ain't that cute?" spider teased, smacking ant on the back.

you avoid eye contact with ant for the rest of that day. when it was revealed amerie created the map a small part of you wanted to ask her to elaborate. you still haven't asked ... yet.

you could never confess your feelings for him. there was no way you would. years of friendship would be on the line, if he said no.

you'd wait. wait until it was the right time.

anthony vaughn was your best friend, and you were in love with him.

one day you'd confess.

“There she is!” Ant grins as soon as you walk through the door, his entire being seeming to light up in your presence.

“Hey! Sorry I’m late,” You smile as you walk into Dusty’s room.

Ant is laying across the bed with Dusty and Spider sat on the edge of the bed playing COD zombies together. Neither of them turn around.

“And hello to you too,” You roll your eyes, closing the bedroom door behind you and walking over to Ant.

“Sorry, hi,” Dusty says quickly, “We’ve just got to-“

His words trail off again as they focus back onto the game.

You look over and Ant stretches his arms out for you, waiting for you to crawl into the space there. He relaxes as soon as you’re in his arms, sinking into the contact as you lay back against his chest, his legs on either side of you. His arms wrap around your waist and his head buries into your neck, kissing the exposed skin there.

“(Y/n) there’s beer in the mini fridge,” Spider mentions, the two of them still directly focused on the screen in front of them.

“They’ve been playing for at least an hour,” Ant mumbles into your ear, kissing you again.

You hum against the contact, “You’re not allowed to play?”

He laughs, “I’m too good for them.”

You’d been friends with all of the boys since kindergarten. Your Dad had enrolled you into a soccer team and you, at the time, were the only girl on the team. At that age, it didn’t seem to matter. All of you stumbled over the ball, scored into tiny fake nets and only played about fifteen minutes before you got bored. You’d then all gone to school together and, really, it felt like you’d been inseparable ever since.

It was two years ago when that had turned into something more between you and Ant. He’d always been the one you were closest to. He was the one, at first, that had always included you in everything. And he was the first one to defend you when someone was rude to you. He made you laugh more than the other two did, as if his humour could be tailored to you. When you were 14, you’d been camping at the lake with the boys. Ant was sharing a tent with you and he’d kissed you. He was nervous and scared and he didn’t know what to do with his hands but it was adorable. He’d got much better at kissing since then. Much better. Spider and Dusty had been weird about it at first - they’d said it would make things awkward and that it would be even worse if things didn’t work out. But then it just… did. You fit together, they realised it as much as you did. And, despite you two being young, nobody really saw this ending any time soon.

“Fucking hell,” Spider grumbles, tossing his controller back onto the mattress.

“Is it over?” You laugh, running your fingertips over Ant’s arms around your torso.

“Yeah Dusty fucked it,” Spider rolls his eyes, “You’ve still got the high score.”

You shrug, “What can I say? I’m just better than all of you.”

“Fuck off we taught you how to play!” Dusty kicks your leg gently.

Ant rests his chin on top of your shoulder, kissing your cheek, “Can’t we just stay here tonight?”

“No, no, no, come on,” You push up from his chest, “We said we’d go.”

“Yeah everybody’s going,” Spider points out, standing up from the bed too, “Plus, we’re already late.”

Ant groans and flops his head back against the pillow below him, “Okay I need to drink.”

———

The party’s happening in a warehouse downtown. You weren’t really sure how you’d ended up here, but Spider had overheard it from someone at school and got you all invited. There was music blaring from speakers and people you didn’t recognise and a million bodies moving around one expansive dance floor.

Ant places a hand on your back, smoothing his fingers over the material of your top. He liked being near to you. He was sure holding you could make him feel better about anything.

“Should we get a drink?” Dusty yells over the music and the boys agree.

All four of you walk over towards one side of the room and fill up cups from the kegs stacked up on one side. Spider makes a comment about how dirty the cups probably were and for a moment you question if it’s even worth having one. But you pour yourself a cup anyway, taking a sip of the lukewarm beer.

“I’m just going to go say hi to the girls,” You lean into Ant, “Are you guys staying here?”

“Yeah yeah we’ll be about,” He nods, bobbing his head to the beat of whatever song was playing.

“Alright, I won’t be long,” You squeeze his hand and walk off towards where you could see Amerie and Harper on the other side of the room.

—

That was the last time Ant had seen you before it happened. He watched you as you walked away, he always did. And he watched as you hugged Amerie and Harper in turn, before he turned back to the boys and made a comment about trying to find each of them a wife. He’d finished what was left of his cup and then poured out another one and knocked back half of that.

Dusty said they should go towards the crowd and Ant had looked back to make sure you were still within his eye line. You were with the girls, laughing about something one of them had said. And so he’d followed behind the boys into the crowd, just enough on the edge that you’d be able to see them when you came back. He didn’t think anything of it really. Everyone that you knew was here, plus another few hundred that you didn’t. It was all people your own age, all underage and worried about getting caught doing something they shouldn’t be doing. It was a harmless party.

He only started to worry when it had been a while since he’d seen you. Ant looked back over to where the girls had been stood but he couldn’t see any of you anymore. He’d glanced over towards the drinks, hoping to see you there, but you were nowhere to be seen. Maybe you’d gone to the toilet. He couldn’t see enough through the crowd to be able to figure it out.

“Guys should we go look for (Y/n)?” He’d turned around to the boys.

Spider looked at him with a frown, “She’s not answered your text?”

“No,” Ant shakes his head, shouting over the music.

“What if she comes back here and can’t find us?” Dusty returns.

They all worried about you, always. Not only did your boyfriend, but the other two treated you like a little sister. They were always going to worry.

Before they have a chance to worry any longer, Harper comes pushing through the crowd for them. She’s flustered and out of breath and her eyes are burning with panic.

“It’s (Y/n).”

Ant felt his stomach drop, his entire body go into overdrive at the thought of what could have happened.

Spider grasps his shoulder and it forces him through the crowd, the boys hurrying after Harper who leads them through.

They end up outside, the breeze hitting them as Amerie crouches beside you at the side of the road.

“What’s happened?” Dusty speaks first as Ant rushes to your side.

Your hair is disheveled and your mascara has run and your whole body is shaking.

“She just got like really drunk out of nowhere,” Amerie explains, “We thought she’d just drank too much but it all happened so fast. Like twenty minutes and she was just gone.”

“She had one drink,” Spider mentions, “I mean, we had a beer at the house. But one drink here.”

“What the fuck was in that drink?” Harper shakes her head, “This is fucked up.”

Ant let you fall into him, his arm propping you up against his side as you mumbled incoherently. He knew you couldn’t see straight, from the way your eyes looked darker and uncertain. You were holding onto his shirt and your entire body felt like it could crumble in front of him.

“We need to call somebody or get help or something,” Dusty encourages, “She could’ve been spiked.”

“Who the fuck would do that?” Amerie exclaims, “What the fuck is wrong with people?”

They all look between each other, the panic bouncing in the air between them all as Ant holds you like you’re seconds away from disappearing.

———

Your entire body feels heavy and trapped when you wake up, like your mind is waking up before your limbs do. Crisp white lights, rhythmic beating, wires and tubes, the distant hum of conversations you couldn’t make any sense of.

You felt sick and hungry and tired and thirsty and yet felt nothing all at the same time. And you were alone.

“Alright alright shhhhhh.”

You’d know that voice anywhere.

“She needs to-“ It cuts off instantly as soon as he sees you, “Wait she’s awake!”

“She?” You croak out, your words hoarse and painful.

“(Y/n),” Ant half-laughs, breathing out a sigh of relief into the sound of your name.

Like the sight of you had made half of his worries float away almost instantly. Your eyes, now semi-adjusted to the light, catch the sight of all three boys making their way back into the room. Dusty’s carrying food bundled into his arms and Spider’s got a balloon and Ant’s carrying the biggest teddy bear he could manage.

“This was the only balloon they had,” Spider grimaces, tying the string to the barrier on one side of the hospital bed.

You catch a glimpse of it, a pink foil heart shaped helium balloon covered in the words ‘it’s a girl’.

“And we got you your favourite snacks, or at least everything that the hospital shop had,” Dusty explains, dumping them down onto the tray table at your bedside.

Ant still hasn’t spoken, like he just needed to see you to make himself feel okay. Like he just needed to know you were here.

“Wh-“ You cough out, pushing yourself up to sit up a bit more in the bed, “What happened?”

“You-“ The boys all look between each other, like a silent conversation, before they all take up spots on either side of the bed.

Spider and Dusty on one side and Ant on the other. Ant takes your hand in his.

“You were-“ Ant takes a deep breath, “We think you were spiked last night, at the party.”

You feel your body freeze like the words have invoked a shock response, trying to rack your tired brain for any sign of memory from the night before. Nothing.

“The girls were with you, Am and Harper,” Spider mentions, “They think it might’ve happened before you went to the toilet.”

“You just got very bad very quickly, and they knew something was wrong. You fell over and cut yourself up a bit and they took you outside and that’s when they came to find us,” Dusty continues, his brows furrowing in their concern.

“You couldn’t really talk, you couldn’t stand, so we called the ambulance and they decided to bring you in,” Spider adds, “We all got questioned last night but we couldn’t really help, we just kept telling them we didn’t know what had happened to you.”

“I don’t-“ Your voice is shaky this time, and you realise how quickly your heart was beating, “I don’t remember any-“

Your bottom lip quivers, your hands starting to tremble.

“I don’t remember anything.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Ant speaks so softly, his arm wrapping around you to pull you into his side, “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

“The doctor told us that you might not remember a lot of it. It’s one of the side effects, she told us it’s like being the most drunk you’ve been, but just a lot worse,” Spider explains, reaching out a hand to squeeze your knee.

You look around at the three of them, faces all full of worry. They were all sleep deprived, dark circles under their eyes, same clothes as last night, surviving off of the adrenaline and worry they’d had since the moment they’d seen you outside. You knew you were okay, the girls had stayed with you, the boys had found you, the boys were here now. And yet a thousand thoughts circled through your brain of what could have been. Of what happened without you knowing. Of what would have happened had you been alone.

You feel the sickness boil in your stomach, churning over with every fearful thought.

“(Y/n)?” It’s Spider’s voice, “You with us?”

You blink away the blur from your eyes and force a small smile, “Yeah, yeah.”

———

You’re back at school the following week. And everybody is already talking about the weekend. Ant holds your hand as you walk into school, his fingers laced with yours and his shoulder bumping yours with every step he takes. You can see people looking at you, people pointing out the cut on your cheek or weighing up how bad they thought you looked.

“Hey, the guys are already in class,” He mentions, nudging your shoulder as the two of you divert towards class.

You’d been with him all weekend, he’d stayed at yours and done everything for you. He’d made you food, brought you tea, checked on you every ten minutes, let you watch your favourite films. He was determined to make sure you were okay and, on surface level, you were. You weren’t feeling sick anymore, your headache had eased, your muscles didn’t feel as weak, even the injuries from that night had started to heal. But you couldn’t stop thinking about it. And for every time you told Ant you were okay, you felt like you were lying to him just a little bit.

“Thank god you’re here!” Dusty exclaims as soon as the two of you walk in, “I need you to back me up on this one.”

“What’s going on?” Ant frowns, setting his and your books down onto the desk beside the boys.

“Okay if you had to live in a movie, the right option is Avengers, right?” Dusty explains, “Like why wouldn’t you want that?”

“It’s Jurassic Park!” Spider defends, “Who gives a shit about superheroes when you could just walk around with dinosaurs?”

“Did you… watch Jurassic Park?” Ant frowns, sitting down on the edge of the table and wrapping his arms around you so that you can perch between his legs.

“Shit goes wrong in Avengers all the time! And if you weren’t a superhero then you’re just one of those boring people in the street that has to run away from the bad guy,” Spider shakes his head, “What do you think (Y/n)? What film would you live in? Marvel or Jurassic Park?”

“Urm,” You clear your throat, “Surf’s Up.”

“Oooooh, and (Y/n) wins,” Dusty smiles, “Well played.”

They carry on their conversation about films and bring up all of the worst options they can think of. Spider gets Dusty into a headlock when he persists that Jurassic Park is one of the worst options. The two of them go tumbling into one of the desks.

“Hey, you okay?” Ant says softly into your ear.

You turn around and offer him a smile, “I’m okay.”

He kisses your cheek and you stand up from the desk, settling into your own seat with Ant beside you. He puts an arm around the back of your chair, swirling patterns on your shoulder like he always did. He was an affectionate boy, with nobody but you.

“Hey, (Y/n).”

You look up to see Amerie and Harper walking over towards you as Spider and Dusty take the seats adjacent to you and Ant.

“We just wanted to check you were okay,” Amerie says, “Im so sorry that happened to you.”

“Oh, um,” You shake your head, “You don’t need to say sorry. It could’ve happened to anyone.”

“We should’ve been watching more,” Harper encourages, “I mean seriously that’s so scary what happened.”

“Yeah I can’t believe how quick it all went,” Amerie adds on, shaking her head, “It’s seriously fucked up.”

“But we’re glad you’re okay.”

“Thanks girls,” You nod, “And thank you for… you know… helping.”

They both offer you that sympathetic smile you’d been seeing a little too often in the past few days. You appreciated the concern from everyone, it was nice. But you weren’t sure you could deal with another person checking up on you. They cared too much, right? You were fine. You were totally and utterly fine.

But there was a tightness in your chest that wouldn’t let up. It remained sat there, heavy and clenching. And the more you thought about that night, the tighter it got.

“Alright everybody settle down!” The teacher calls from the front of the class and everyone seems to settle into their spaces.

Ant keeps an arm over the back of your chair, as close to you as you can get. And you try to take a deep breath to ease the tightness in your chest. It doesn’t seem to go.

———

You’ve got sport next, and the boys are doing basketball on one side whilst the girls are on the other. The sports hall feels warm and stuffy and you’re certain the tightness in your chest has only got worse.

“(Y/N)?” It’s Harper’s voice that cuts through to you, flinching you from your thoughts, “You good?”

“I-“ You clear your throat, blinking, “I’m good.”

Just then, one of the boys yells something from the other side of the hall - you don’t know what, but the volume seems to cut through you. You feel yourself flinch again, your chest seemingly tightening even more. You feel like you’re trying to take a step forward and yet your feet are stuck in their exact spot. Like you’re sinking. Your body feels heavy and weak all at once and you’re completely out of control. Your vision starts to blur and your ears are pounding and all attempts at breathing seem to be escaping you. Like your body is fighting against itself.

“(Y/N)?”

It’s one of the girls again, coming over towards you in the sports hall.

But you’re not there. You’re back at the party and they’re coming over to you again, and you’re just as out of control as you were that night. You can make out the faint silhouettes of the boys - too far from you. And you can’t get to them, your mind and your body and your brain won’t allow you.

And then it all just seems to go dark.

———

When you next wake up, you’re in the uncertain surroundings of the nurse’s office. It smells of cleaning products and linen and the bed is rock solid beneath you.

“(Y/n),” The nurse smiles at you from over the room, “How are you feeling?”

Your throat is dry and your head is pounding, “What happened?”

“Well, you had a panic attack,” She says softly, “You didn’t pass out but it seemed you were very close to, your friends brought you here and you fell asleep not long after.”

You nod, “I don’t really remember much of it.”

“That’s okay, that’s completely normal,” She assures you, “There’s somebody that’s been waiting outside if you’re feeling up for having a visitor.”

You nod and sit on the side of the bed, your legs crossed beneath you. When she opens the door and steps outside, it’s Ant that comes in to keep you company.

“There she is!” He smiles softly, speaking so gently it almost doesn’t sound like him, “I thought you might be cold.”

He hands over his black hoodie to you and you pull it on, breathing in the lingering scent of his aftershave.

“How are you feeling?” Ant asks, taking his spot on the bed beside you, facing you.

“I’m okay, I’ve never had that happen before with a panic attack,” You shake your head, “I just couldn’t move or anything it was so scary.”

“Hey,” He reaches out and takes your hand, “You’ve also never been through anything like what happened to you at the weekend, and you’re allowed to be struggling with that.”

“I just-“ You shake your head, “People keep asking me if I’m okay and I keep saying I am but… I just keep thinking what would have happened if…”

Your bottom lip quivers and Ant wraps his arm around you, pulling you into his chest.

“Im never going to let that happen, (Y/n), I promise you,” He mumbles into you, “And I’ll be as patient as you need to help you deal with all of this.”

You pull away from him just enough to look into his eyes, letting them inject into you the warmth that he seemed to ooze.

“We can talk about it, we can find a therapist if you feel like that would help, we can speak to the police again, we can do anything,” He encourages, brushing your hair away from your face and cupping your cheek, “But I need you to know that I’m here, okay?”

You nod and lean into his touch as he smooths his thumb over your skin.

You sniff, “Thats the most serious I’ve ever seen you, Ant.”

He laughs, “Yeah I can be serious when I want to be.”

You smile and he leans in to kiss you as if he wants to seal the smile there. Seal the small fraction of yourself that he could see coming through. And he meant it, he’d do whatever he could to get all of those fractions back.

———————

Helpful Links

Stamp Out Spiking

Alcohol Think Again (AU)

"Anthony, sit up straight," his mother nagged, pinching him lightly on his arm.

It was the third time she had done so, causing Ant to groan quietly as he readjusted himself. The church pews were hard and unforgiving, digging into every bone on his lanky body. His mother and grandmother were sitting straight as nails on either side of him, listening intently to what the priest was saying. The calming voice, the sweet-smelling candles, and the dim lighting in the church had been slowly lulling him to sleep, not including the early hours of a Sunday morning they were there for. His eyes wandered across the many familiar old faces - Ms. Mackenzie, Albert, Jonah... and one unfamiliar one.

A girl. A possibly teenage girl.

The back of her head was pretty. And her profile. She was wearing a pretty nice sweater too. Purple, with tiny flowers sewn into the pattern. It looked like something his grandma would make, and maybe her own grandma had made it for her. There was an old lady sitting on one side of her. He envied her spot on the end of the pew, as she was able to learn out into the aisle and stretch her legs. As she shifted her body, her crossed leg dipped out into his view. Ant finally found a reason to sit up straight as her leg came into view. Black tights led down her leg, only stopping at her big black boots. As Ant's eyes trailed back up to the back of her head, he was shocked to find a pair of eyes staring back at him. A bright, mischievous smile spread on her face, and Ant found himself smiling dopily back.

Just as he thought she'd turn back around and become reimmersed in the service, she was suddenly raising to her feet, and making her way down the aisle past where Ant and his family were sitting. The mischievous smile followed her.

"I... I gotta pee," Ant whispered to his mom and grandma, who were both too enraptured to care for the moment.

Ant quietly made his way down the hall, following the mystery girl and her smile. As he pushed through the doors of the church, he screeched to a halt, not expecting the girl to be standing right in front of him.

"Hi," she spoke.

"Oh... hi," Ant choked out.

"You come here often?" the girl spoke, smirking as she did so.

Ant snickered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I guess," Ant sighed, "I, uh, I haven't seen you around here, uh, often."

That mischievous smile returned.

"I'm new to Sydney, and to the church," she explained, "I'm Y/N."

A hand was extended to Ant that was quickly, albeit too quickly, accepted.

"Ant," he responded, shaking her hand.

She cocked an eyebrow at this, giggling slightly.

"It's uh, it's a nickname," Ant said softly, taking his hand back, "Anthony."

"Nice to meet you... Ant," Y/N greeted.

Ant shyly laughed. An awkward silence passed over the two of them as they waited for something to come up.

"You... you wanna see something cool?" Ant asked.

"Of course," Y/N smiled.

---

"How the hell did you find this place?"

They had somehow found themselves in the church basement, looking through the floorboards into the main chamber above them. Ant was ecstatic that he was seemingly making a pretty good impression.

"Lots of hours spent in this church," Ant explained.

"You're quite devout," Y/N joked, stepping over a box and closer to him, the semi-darkness blurring lines between the two of them.

"I guess," Ant snickered, "My mom makes me go more often now because of... never mind."

"What?" Y/N pressured.

"Just this stupid map thing at my high school," Ant brushed off.

"Wait you go to Hartley?" Y/N inquired, "I'm starting there tomorrow."

"No way!" Ant shouted, before slapping a hand over his mouth and speaking quieter, "No way, I guess I'll be seeing more of you."

Y/N giggled as Ant rubbed the back of his neck again - a nervous habit.

"So... you bring many girls down here?" Y/N questioned.

"Just you," Ant hummed.

"Hmm, I guess I'll believe you," she giggled, smiling brightly.

Ant smiled back, feeling that pull between two people in close proximity, that slight tension. Ant felt his upper body moving forwards slightly, prompting another mischievous smile from Y/N.

"Are you about to kiss me, Anthony?" she asked quietly.

"Oh, um, I was going to... but if you don't want it, and you know..." Ant began to backtrack.

In cliche fashion, a pair of lips cut his words off, the two intertwining. Their lips moved in sync as she moved in closer, coming to wrap her arms around his neck and allowing him to put his arms around her waist. It only lasted for a few moments, Y/N pulling away first, smiling against the kiss. Murmurs began to be heard from upstairs.

"I think the service is done... see you around?" Y/N whispered.

"Yeah... definitely," Ant answered, head spinning.

“hey um, where were you guys on Friday?” You asked them after the two girls had gone to look at the board with clubs and activities in the quad. They were probably nursing a hangover and Saturday at least, so the groupchat had been kinda dead, until Sunday evening and by then everything had moved on. The only reply you got were thumbs up and Quinni saying how sorry she was for not seeing you at the party. “Oh, we were at the party, where were you?” Darren looked at you questioningly. “I was at the party! I tried finding you guys but you were nowhere to be found, well I saw Amerie just once when she stormed out, but other than that nothing.” You explained, pouting. Darren explained, “Quinni wasn’t feeling well after her date with Sasha so we bunked out in the bathroom for a while, but actually, Quinni went and confronted Sasha afterwards.” “ooooh, good for her!” You interjected. “Yeah and then they just started making out.” Darren raised their eyebrows, snorting. “Good for her! Damn, I wish I could’ve been there to witness that.” You exhaled, somewhere between a sigh and a groan. “Busy with Ant?” Darren wiggled their eyebrows suggestively. You just rolled your eyes, grinning.

You didn’t see much of the others, until SLUTS rolled around, Amerie was busy trying all sorts of clubs and you were eating lunch in the library, trying to not fall too far behind on classes. You were the first of your group to arrive, and struggled for a second to find a place to sit, most tables already decently filled. Ant and Spider were already there, and so was Dusty, leaving only one open seat at their table. You really, really did not want to sit at the same table as Spider, but I guess sacrifices had to be made. You grit your teeth while walking over. “Hey babe.” You mumbled out, loud enough for the others at the table to hear, and leaned down to give Ant a kiss on his cheek, before rounding the table and sitting down opposite him and Spider. “Wow! The famous y/n, gracing our table with her presence, whatever did we do to deserve that honor? I think that was the first time I ever heard you say something.” Spider theatrically exclaimed. Being a dick as usual. “Well for whatever reason my boyfriend seems to like you, so lets make me trying to be a good girlfriend not too hard, yea?” You gave him the best ‘done with his shit’ stare you could muster, before turning to Ant and smiling at him, “How was basket?” Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Spider rolling his eyes before turning to Dusty and whispering something to him. Ant seemed not to mind your little conflict, bragging about how many hoops he scored. “You should totally come watch practice sometime! You don’t have anything else to do, do you?” He asked. “Not usually no, I’d like to come and watch.” “Yeah I bet you would.” Spider smirked. You ignored him and continued. “Maybe on one of the days where Spencer is skipping school.” The grimace on his face at the mention of his real name was totally worth it.

Miss Obah started the lesson, thankfully after not too many more comments from Spider. She was going on about consent and how to like, talk about what you want. Giving an example, “Show me where you want me to touch you.” But before she could continue Ant called out. “Here!” He pointed between his legs, giving you a wink before turning to Miss Obah. Your eyes widened, your face reddened, and right now you wished the earth would swallow you. “oh jesus.” You mumbled, hiding your face in your hands. Thankfully Miss Obah quickly went on to split you up into your usual groups to work on some exercises. At least you were sitting outside. Quinni had told you on the way outside how Sasha had asked to move outside as accommodation for her, grabbing your arms and smiling ear to ear about how she was so considerate, before adding how she didn’t really feel it was necessary, but it was the thought that counts, right? You just nodded.

By the time the bell rang, none of you were doing what you were supposed to. Cash had just up and disappeared not even five minutes into it, and after Darren threw shade at Harper the mood was kinda weird anyway. You were scrolling on your phone, in no hurry to leave, since you were going to meet up at Darrens’ diner later anyway. Someone slid onto the bench next to you. “Hey.” Ant grinned at you. “Hey!” It was sort of embarrassing how much your face lit upon seeing him. You put down your phone to give him your undivided attention. “So, my mom wants to meet you.” Oh right. That was a thing. That was the thing. The reason you were even ‘dating’. An “Ah” escaped your mouth, before he continued. “She invited you to dinner on Thursday. Is that good?” You blinked, trying to think of your schedule for the week. “Uh, no it should be fine. What time?” Your stomach was bubbling with nervous energy. Ant seemed to notice and smiled at you reassuringly, throwing an arm around your shoulders. “Seven. Hey, are you free today?” Intrigued, you turned to sit facing him, crossing your legs. “What did you have in mind?”

Relief flooded his face at your positive response. “Maybe we could watch some more movies? That was pretty chill.” He tried his best at nonchalance. His brown eyes were locked onto yours. Gnawing at your lip you contemplated whether or not to cancel on your friends for this. Your hesitation seemed to make him fidget nervously, so you opted to explain your predicament. “well, I was supposed to meet Darren at their job, together with Quinn’ and Amerie, but I’d rather watch movies with you to be honest.” You were surprised at the confession that seemed to tumble out of your mout. Openly saying you’d rather spend time with him instead of your friends, felt like it put you in a scarily vulnerable position. “Oh, well, if you alr-“ Ant started saying. “No, no, you know what, I’m gonna cancel.” You were already moving to get up, throwing your things in your backpack. “Let’s go watch some movies.” You grabbed your phone and put it in the back pocket of your jeans before extending your hand to help Ant up.

The smile that broke out on his face made your heart feel weirdly light. He grabbed your hand and got up, not letting go once he stood. You were booed in the groupchat when you told them that you were ditching them for a guy. Even if it was ‘your guy’. But you knew they’d get over it, so you didn’t worry, putting your phone on your nightstand as you settled into your bed with Ant already sitting comfortably next to you, pillow on his lap and a bowl of chips between you. Fluttery feelings of nervousness and excitement rested somewhere between your stomach and your heart. Your arms were close enough to feel each others presence without touching and it almost drove you crazy, being stuck in this in-between of contact and not. Movie after movie titlecard flickered across the screen of your tv as you scrolled through all the available genres and streaming services, before you gave up with a sigh and handed the remote to Ant, “you choose… Just no horror!” He raised an eyebrow, “well now I really want to choose horror”. You squinted your eyes in mock-challenge, “you can do that if you want me to leave.” He only grinned, before he turned towards the tv, clicking a few buttons until he settled on a romcom. “Hm, actually, you do seem like the romcom type.”, you contemplated aloud, “I’m not surprised.”. “Is that a compliment, orrr?” Ant asked confused. “Yeah, I think it is haha.” You grinned.

If you had timed yourself, you would have found out that it took you 13 minutes and 19 seconds of self-restraint before you tentatively moved closer and put your head on Ants shoulder. Thirteen very excruciating minutes, and 19 even more excruciating seconds in which you tried to hype yourself up. “Is this okay?” You asked so softly you were worried Ant wouldn’t hear you over the movie and moved your head back a bit to be able to look at him, only to find he was already looking at you. His face bearing an expression you have never seen him make before, inexplicably soft and a little bit aching doubt. He didn’t move to look away, but he didn’t respond either, and you felt yourself stuck like this. You opened your mouth to say something but no words came to mind, it was like your brain had turned off and the only thing you could do was stay like this. And close your mouth. Becoming acutely aware of how close you were, the fact that you could feel his breath on your cheek, and it would only take so little to have your lips touch. He seemed to notice the same thing, judging by the way his eyes flickered down to your lips. You couldn’t help but follow suit, noticing the way his lips were ever so slightly parted, as if it was him about to say something but missing the words.

A loud noise from the movie startled the both of you out of your trance and resulted in you moving out of your positions to look at the tv. Ant cleared his throat, and you shuffled to put your back against the headboard instead of leaning on him. Your mind was racing, you hadn’t been able to focus on the movie before, but you certainly couldn’t now. A soft sigh escaped your mouth as you tilted your head back, looking up at the ceiling. You felt Ants eyes on you, barely making out the movement of his head turning from the corner of your eye. Debating whether or not to act as if you didn’t notice, you caught yourself returning his gaze before you had reached a conclusion. You both started talking at the same time, a mixture of  noise - “Sorry” “I’m sorry”. Your nose crinkled in amusement, and he seemed to visibly relax as the tension broke. Clearing his throat before he spoke, Ant fidgeted with the strings on his sweatpants, “I, uh, you can put your head back. Sorry for making it weird.”

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I don’t have to put my head on your shoulder, it’s fine!” You quickly exclaimed. He rolled his eyes playfully and nudged your head towards his shoulder. “’s fine, y/n.” Biting your lip, you eventually gave in with a quiet “okay.” and continued resting your head on his shoulder. It was comfortable and his smell strangely soothing, and with you not having caught most of the movie anyway you felt your mind drifting and eyes getting heavier. A yawn broke out here and there, and you caught your head falling forward several times, before Ant intervened and positioned you into a more comfortable sleeping position.

Without warning, loud sounds were coming from loudspeakers all around the house, and as you looked up from where you were standing you saw the guys getting ready, Spider yelling into the microphone and crashing a can on his head. No wonder he was stupid. You looked around but still couldn’t spot Darren, Quinni or even Amerie – if she had even succeeded in sneaking in. After a second and third pass of the room you spotted Ant, standing together with the new guy though. Which was around the same time Dusty announced a special someone. And then Harper. Ouch. You really hoped Amerie hadn’t managed to sneak in. You pushed off the wall, maybe it would be easier to spot your friends from where Ant was, and then you also wouldn’t have to stand creepily in the corner pretending to be busy. Right as you were making your way over however, you noticed new guy storming off, and following the direction in which he left you saw him chasing after… Amerie? Maybe?

“Yo, what the hell was that all about?” You asked loudly over the music as you arrived next to Ant. You were conflicted on whether to follow Amerie or not, but maybe new guy was handling it. He just shrugged, kinda clumsily, and grinned. “Dude, you already tipsy?” You laughed as you asked him, giving him a light slap on his arm. “Nahhh, nahh, I would never, my beautiful y/n” he slurred, still grinning. Your cheeks heated up. “you’re not very good at lying.” You mumbled, rolling your eyes playfully, as you turned to watch the performance, worried that if you looked at him even a second longer you would spontaneously combust and leave behind only a pile of ash. He didn’t seem to notice, though, busy cheering on his friends on the stage. “Come on y/n!! Dance with me!” Oh, he wasn’t cheering anymore. Tugging at your arms he tried to pull your hands free from where you had them crossed over your chest. “What??” You were completely bewildered. “Dance!!” He repeated, excitedly as he managed to free your hands and take them in his. “I don’t dance!” You yelled back at him, stumbling as he dragged you to the middle of the room. “What do you mean you don’t dance? Everyone dances!” Now it was his turn to look at you bewildered. “Not in front of people!” His hands were still holding mine, while we just stood and argued. “Come on, everyone here is drunk or high or both, they won’t remember if you dance weird.” He tugged you along a bit further, closer to the stage where the music was loudest. “Gee, way to hype a girl up.” You grimaced. He let one of your hands go, only to spin you around. You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your mouth as you landed with your back against his chest. “See? That wasn’t half-bad. You’re basically a pro”, Ant exclaimed into your ear, and your neck formed goosebumps at the close contact.

He twirled you away from him again, only to lift your connected hands up over his head and turn, just as you had moments earlier. He stumbled towards the end, perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to spin while drunk, but he didn’t seem to mind and only laughed as he caught himself. Your other hand reaching out to steady him. “Okay, no more spins for you pretty boy.” You laugh out. Instead he pulled you closer and rocked from side to side, pushing you away at times only to pull you closer again. “Is this even dancing?” You asked after a while and scrunched your nose. “What, you wanna twerk?” He asked before dropping your hands and turning around, trying a very bad execution of a twerk. “No, no – Okay stop! I got it!” You laughed, hitting him to get him to stop and turn around again. “Perhaps you were thinking more in the direction of waltz?” His voice has taken on a mocking sophisticated tone, as he grabbed your hands and, one set of arms extended, marched you across the room. “Dude this isn’t even a waltz!” You laughed, barely keeping it together. “I see, I see. The lady is impossible to please.” His fake sophisticated tone was accentuated by an upturned nose this time, playing the offended gentleman. Smiling playfully, you shook your head, “come on, let’s get something to drink.” You pulled Ant along to the kitchen.

“Yeah! I’m in! I only see positives honestly. I get to pretend to date the coolest girl I know and get my mom off my back.” Wait, what did he say? The coolest girl he knows? Huh? You blinked in confusion as he left you standing in front of the open door to go to his seat. Autopilot activated you went to your seat, in between Darren and Quinni. Completely zoned out your eyes trained on Ant who was sitting a couple rows ahead and to your right. “Earth to y/n, repeat Earth to y/n.” A hand was waving in front of your face and you blinked as you turned to Darren. “huh?”. “What’s wrong with you today, space girl?” They asked. “What?” Your brain hadn’t completely caught up yet. “Why were you talking to Ant?” Quinni asked excitedly. Why was she excited? “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you talk to him before.” She mused. Uh. What were you supposed to tell them? Both of them looked at you expectantly. Completely frozen, your brain refused to cooperate. “I.. uh. Amerie. Party. Slapband. You know?” The words were more stuttered out than said, and they did in fact not know what you meant.  Your saviour came in the form of a very out-of-breath Amerie, who was almost late to class, but just almost. She fell into her seat next to Quinni and immediately started babbling about whatever it was she was up to after she had left you and Ant, taking all attention off of you. And if they saw you staring at Ant the whole class, they didn’t say anything. Yet.

By the end of the school day you had bounced back, the whole Ant thing still nagging at a corner of your brain but not at the front anymore. Until you were walking out the school gate with Darren, Quinni and Amerie, that is. “Hey, y/n, Wait up!.” This caught the attention of your more than nosy friends. You stopped and turned around to see Ant jogging up with a stupidly cute grin on his face. “Um, hi, what’s up?” Your face felt unusually flushed. Your friends looked at you like they were vultures and you, and the ensuing gossip that would come from this, their prey. You didn’t need to look at them to know that. “Here.” He held out a slapband. “You don’t have one yet, do you?” “No, I don’t, actually.” You were about to tell him that you were not interested. Partys? Not your thing. But the way he looked at you, and the fact that he got you one and went out of his way to give it to you, rendered you incapable of rejecting it. He was waiting for you to take it, or do something to accept it, so you lifted your arm and held it out in front of him. He slapped it on your arm and you mumbled out a thank you. “No worries, babe.” He leaned in and gave you quick peck on the cheek before he proceeded to wink at you and then leave with a wave and a “See you later!”. You almost dropped to your knees. What the hell just happened. Wide-eyed you looked after him, hand lifting to touch the cheek he had just kissed, legs still awfully wobbly. “BABE?!?!?!” A chorus of awestruck half-yells ripped you out of your moment, seconds before your friends came into view in front of you and crowded you. This was… too much. You gave up trying to keep your legs steady and dropped down to the ground, sitting on your knees, before shifting to sit criss-cross applesauce. “Whoa, shit girl, you okay?” Amerie dropped down next to you. Not trusting your voice you simply nodded yes. “Oh my god, you and Anthony Vaughn?” Darren crouched down next, almost scandalized by what they had just witnessed. “Oh, are we sitting now?” Quinni, bless her, sat down next to you. “Yeah…” You just said, to no one in particular, nodding. “Oh my god, you’re like, a total goner.” Amerie laughed. “I am?” You turned to look at her with puppy-dog eyes. Before this day started, you had never talked to Anthony Vaughn before, and now, before it ended, you were apparently head over heels for him. You blamed it on hormones, or some kind of chemical inbalance in your brain. Because… there was no way, right?

When he finally did, after class ended, you couldn’t suppress your pout. Logically, you understood it was so both of you could pack your things, but this whole thing didn’t feel very logical, no matter how hard you tried. So instead, once both of you had finished, you grabbed his hand and threaded your fingers with his. Still slightly pouting. He looked down at you and laughed, “What now?” “I think she’s upset you took your arm off of her.” Darren, eagle-eyed gossip lover they are, supplied. “Oh, really?” Ant seemed surprised and looked at you for confirmation. “Yeah, kinda.” You mumbled embarrassed, avoiding his gaze. He chuckled before leaning in close and whispering in your ear. “I’ll touch you all you want at the party later.” Your face was beet red. “Ant!” You whisper shouted, scandalized and wide-eyed. He just tugged you along with him, towards the school exit. “They’re so cute together.” You overheard Quinni say to Amerie and Darren behind you. “Something’s fishy.” Both of them replied in unison. You ignored it, keeping going with Ant. “What now?” You asked once outside the school gate, still holding his hand. Refusing to be the one to let go, actually. “Well, I have some time before the party starts, which, you totally are going to right?” He asked in such a way that you felt a no would break his heart, so you just nodded. How come you are immune to peer-pressure when it was your friends but not when it was the guy you’ve been fake-dating for less than a week. “Great! Well, wanna hang out until then?” You smiled. “Sure!! Oh, we can talk about the logistics of it all, like when did we even start dating and what church do I go to? Or is that even something that’s important to your mother?” You dragged him along, totally rambling at this point about all the different things you had to decide on for the story to be foolproof. When you turned to look at him, waiting for him to say something, you noticed the way he was smiling at you. “Oh, what? Am I overthinking?” You questioned out loud. “No, no, it’s fine. I just don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk that much.” He still looked at you in a way you had trouble deciphering. “Oh. Well, I guess I don’t talk a lot. Usually. But also we haven’t really spoken before this week so…” You trailed off. “Hmmh, yeah, but we’ve been in the same year for a while now.” He said, before turning back to look at the way ahead. “You usually only talk when spoken to.” Oh. He had noticed that? He had noticed you? Before you ever talked to him? “Oh, um. I guess that’s right.” You squeezed his hand subconsciously. “I like hearing you talk.” He squeezed your hand back. “Plus, you’re so smart, I wouldn’t have thought about half of the things you mentioned. Maybe we should write it all down.” You nodded. “Yeah, good idea.”

“Woah, your room is awesome.”  Ant was currently walking through your room looking at all the little trinkets that were… everywhere frankly. Picking them up and putting them down again. “Haha, thanks.” You sat on the edge of your bed, not knowing what to do with yourself as you watched him. “Woah, you like Marvel?” He seemed genuinely surprised. “Uh yeah, I love it.” You laughed. He put the action figure down and turned around, very serious all of a sudden. “This calls for a movie night.” He explained. You grinned. “Sure, I’m always up for a movie.. But let’s talk business first.” You scooched to the side and patted the spot next to you. He groaned dramatically and walked over before sitting down. “Why does this feel like homework all of a sudden.” Your face scrunched up at that. “Sorry. But this is just so our story doesn’t fall apart.” He turned to look at you, head hanging to the side. “You really think it’s necessary?” “Well. Yeah.” You reply. “What if your mom asks us how we met, our what our first date was, and we say different things. Better to be prepared.” He pouts playfully, “Well, fine I guess.” In the end you agree on simple things, you met at school, duh, and worked a project together, after which you became friends, before Ant asked you on a date to the diner, and then a second date to the movies, before asking you to be his girlfriend. Easy enough. He said it was okay not to go to church as long as you were still acting Christian enough in front of his mom. Whatever that means. The reason he was only introducing you now was because you could disprove what was written on the map. You were scared of meeting his parents, so it had taken you a while to gather the courage, and he wanted to be sure before bringing a girlfriend home. Easy. Plausible. Good story. Boring, but believable. In the end you wrote it all down, twice, one copy for you and one for him, just in case you needed it. “Can we finally watch a movie?” He whined as you gave him his paper. “I don’t know, the party is soon, and I don’t know about you, but I definitely have to get ready. You think we can manage to squeeze a movie in?” He nodded, completely convinced. “How long can it take to get ready.” Not believing this was an issue. “Oh buddy…If only you knew.” You patted his shoulder before getting your remote and turning on the tv. It was difficult, at first, to concentrate on the movie, when he was so close and warm, shoulder against shoulder, and legs touching. Your body felt on fire. After a while he wrapped his arm around you too, pulling you ever so slightly closer, if that was even possible.