[1/2] I suspect I have AVPD & dysthymia, which is swiftly overtaking into a proper depressive episode. I have ignored a lottt of mental health issues over the years, to the point where I'm beginning to break. I KNOW, intellectually, that I need help, but at the moment my brain is also like "Why bother with therapy? You won't be honest, or open, and you don't even want to dive into those uncomfortable feelings and deal with them so why bother?" I don't even know if I want to work on myself.
[2/2] I look at all the online resources & worksheets etc, and give up quickly as soon as it asks what I want out of treatment, or what my goals are (I have none). I saw a GP a few weeks ago about sleeping problems, she immediately saw through me & asked me to come back if I wasn't feeling better to put together a mental health care plan (I'm in Australia). But the idea of going through things with the GP, and then again with psychologist is such an unpleasant thought. IDK what I want or need.
Hey there. I’m so sorry for the delay in getting to your message, we are working through this now. I hope things have gotten better for you since you sent in this message. It sounds like you were having a really rough time.
I know that feeling of being torn between doing what you know you should do and what you actually want to do is so so difficult and I can completely understand where you’re coming from. It is one thing to know what you need, and another to actually go do it. One thing that often holds us back from doing what we should do is the feeling that we aren’t ready for it, like you said. You know what though, most people aren’t ready for big change. Change is hard. Confrontation is hard, Admitting you have an issue is hard. But they say nothing worth doing is easy.
Go back and talk to your GP, they have given you this opportunity to talk to them and you should take advantage of that. Don’t think about it too much or worry about what it means for the future- just take it one step at a time. Cross each hurdle when you get to it. You don’t have to do everything right now. Working through mental health issues takes time.
Here are a few links that might help you out:
How do I make myself want to get better?
What if I don’t want to recover at all?
How do I get professional help when I’m afraid of it?
Is there a way to ease avoidance of medical appointments?
I’m afraid of bringing up AvPD, but I still want help?
Take care. - Jay.
